Seeing through eBay descriptions

[Jazzin']

I'm selling it because I need the money to support my family and my dog needs an operation = I don't like it anymore and I could always use some extra cash for stuff

 

[JansenW]

Want to sell to someone who will appreciate it as much as I did = My mistake will become your mistake.

 

[Synplicity]

Anyone got one for this - ''The microphones are fine, and they will give very interesting sound settings.''

 

[JansenW]

Anyone got one for this - ''The microphones are fine, and they will give very interesting sound settings.''

Interesting = Interesting to a masochist

 

[ebe9]

Great Beginner Bass = My kid wanted a guitar

Sold with New Strings on Bass = New in 1968

Unwanted Gift = The school for the blind said "No thank you"

Matching Headstock = Matches the odd fungal growth on the body of the bass

 

[JansenW]

Here’s some more…

Extremely versatile = better used for something else besides music
Never played a better bass = I never played bass
Remarkably clean = just steam-cleaned it

How about…

Current bid: US $0.99 = ?
Put in a lot of TLC = ?

 

[ebe9]

Here’s some more…

Extremely versatile = better used for something else besides music
Never played a better bass = I never played bass
Remarkably clean = just steam-cleaned it

How about…

Current bid: US $0.99 = ?
Put in a lot of TLC = ?

Put in a lot of TLC = Total Lack of Commitment

 

[Mark Wilson]

Anyone got one for this - ''The microphones are fine, and they will give very interesting sound settings.''

It looks fine, but has a natural distortion.

 

[TheButler]

current bid $0.99 = $300 shipping

 

[kydnav]

Killer bass = bridge not grounded

 

[bassman1185]

How about translations for the following?

Plays itself = ?
Never played = ?
Hardly touched the bass = ?
They don’t make it like this anymore = ?
Ridiculous quality = ?
No dead spots = ?
Unreal finish = ?
Plays like butter = ?
Killer bass = ?
Full instructions to be sent to the winner = ?

Plays itself = You can't play it
Never played = Nobody has ever been able to play it
Hardly touched the bass = I'm a big quitter who never actually learned to play
They don't make it like this anymore = The "Hacksaw and super-glue" method of lunierie is no longer widely practiced
Ridiculous quality = ridiculous quality
No Dead Spots = the whole neck is a dead spot
Unreal finish = spraypainted finish
Plays like butter = I have greasy skin and the strings are dead
Killer bass = the bass has a grounding problem and will kill you
Full instructions to be sent to the winner = a note taunting you for your stupid decision will be emailed to you from a non-trackable account.

 

[JansenW]

Just some new ones that came up today....

Vintage look = old looking
What a deal! = What a deal, not for you but for me!
Parts bass = Made from broken basses and parts
Check description for shipping = Hope you really don't bother and find the outrageous shipping charges
Super clean = cleaned in a tub with a Brillo pad
Bought from original owner = Can't blame me for anything on the bass
Hard to find in this condition = You probably won't find one this bad
Truss rod works = Truss rod is keeping the warped neck somewhat straight
Hardly ever played = Played ever hard

Anyone have eBay definitions for the following?

N.O.S. =
Closet classic =
Relic =

 

[VRT_RONBO]

Anyone have eBay definitions for the following?

N.O.S. =
Closet classic =
Relic =

N.O.S. = New Off Squire (I had some old upgraded Squire parts around and put them on your bass.)
Closet Classic = I found this in the closet so it MUST be a classic.
Relic = This bass has been beat to $h!t