Seeing through eBay descriptions

[JansenW]

In reading the descriptions on the ‘bay, I have collected a list of ‘bay description phrases and their translations of what they can mean. ☺

For the paranoid, here's my list sales description phrases and what they can mean …

like new = not new
near mint = not mint
fixer upper = you need to fix it
needs work = doesn't work
what you see is what you get = I don’t want it back
has wear = worn down
small scratches = scratches
hardly noticeable scratches = scratches
scratches too small to photograph = scratches
appears original = can’t tell if it’s original
good condition for its age = pretty much old and worn
a dream = could be a nightmare
don’t know the details = don’t hold me responsible
selling for a friend = friend has no credibility
I was told = I don’t know
Certificate of authenticity = no one believes me
Repaired = was broken
Smoke free environment = can’t think of anything else to say about it so I’ll mention the environment
Please read = here’s why you can’t get a refund

I need help with translating the following phrases…

Vintage = ?
Never abused = ?
Amazing = ?
Work of art = ?
Plays unbelievably = ?
Congratulations = ?
Hand made = ?
A steal = ?

Does anyone else have other phrases and its translations to add? ☺

 

[Hyde]

Vintage = Overpriced
Never abused = It was consensual relicing
Amazing = You won't believe how ugly it is
Work of art = Abstract art, to be specific. In other words, I have no clue what this piece of crap is.
Plays unbelievably = I've never seen a neck twist like that before
Congratulations = You sucker
Hand made = Wishbass
A steal = Hot

 

[JansenW]

email me with any questions = there's something you need to know that I didn't tell you.

 

[TheDarkReaver]

haha good to cynicism is alive and well

 

[evan_phi]

email me with any questions = there's something you need to know that I didn't tell you.

yeah, like shipping.

 

[Big Al]

Action a little high=Neck like banana.

 

[JansenW]

A player's bass = definitely an eyesore bass

 

[jonathan_matos5]

played beautifully=it dose not work anymore that is why i am selling it on ebay

 

[JansenW]

A real looker = All you can do with it is look at it.

 

[Poop-Loops]

Vintage = ?
Never abused = ?
Amazing = ?
Work of art = ?
Plays unbelievably = ?
Congratulations = ?
Hand made = ?
A steal = ?

Does anyone else have other phrases and its translations to add? ☺

Never Abused: I banged it up a bit, but there aren't any visible marks.

Plays Unbelievably: I can't believe it sucks so much.

Hand made: it was made using only one hand!

A steal: I stole it.

 

[ctbass]

lol. great stuff guys!

 

[jeff_bass28]

Work of art = ?
Plays unbelievably = ?
Congratulations = ?
A steal = ?

work of art = if Picasso made a bass...
plays unbelievably = for a piece of driftwood
congratulations = now bend over and give me your wallet!
a steal = I stole this, so I don't care what I get for it

 

[Hyde]

A steal: I stole it.

a steal = I stole this, so I don't care what I get for it

Copycats!

A steal = Hot

 

[JansenW]

Ask all questions before bidding = You're not going to hear from me after you win!

 

[SüP]

Action is a little high = Better off playing the Golden Gate Bridge.

Fender bass = Fender style bass

It's da bomb!!!11!1 = IT'S A BOMB!!!

 

[JansenW]

Original = old
Not original = old
Completely original = completely old
Flawless condition except… = flawed condition
Virtually no blemishes = blemishes
Celebrity owned = people who play well didn’t want it
For a collector = not playable
Something you’ll always keep = You won’t be able to get rid of it
Will ship free = I’m going to make a mint on this
Good luck = good luck, you’ll need it

How about translations for the following?

Plays itself = ?
Never played = ?
Hardly touched the bass = ?
They don’t make it like this anymore = ?
Ridiculous quality = ?
No dead spots = ?
Unreal finish = ?
Plays like butter = ?
Killer bass = ?
Full instructions to be sent to the winner = ?

 

[Poop-Loops]

Copycats!

I didn't read your reply before I wrote mine. And I didn't realize what "hot" meant until a few minutes later.

 

[Munjibunga]

Plays itself = because you sure can't
Never played = too stinky to touch
Hardly touched the bass = once is enough ... I couldn't wash the smell off with Boraxo
They don’t make it like this anymore = praise god
Ridiculous quality = even Wish can't make 'em suck like this
No dead spots = no live spots to compare against
Unreal finish = put on with a four-coat brush
Plays like butter = sounds like a stick of it hitting the floor
Killer bass = bridge not grounded
Full instructions to be sent to the winner = 1. Bend over. 2. See #1.

 

[dlloyd]

Upgraded pickups = I did some recording and it sounded terrible... it can't be my playing 'cos I rule at bass, must be the bass... these are the most expensive pickups I could find... I installed them myself... I had to chip some wood away with a butter knife, but I got them in there... It took a few attempts to get it wired up, but now that I've used a whole roll of duck tape to reinforce my dodgy soldering it works fine! Hang on... it kind of sounds the same as it always did, except it makes this intermittent buzzing noise... This bass sucks... I'm putting it on ebay...

 

[JansenW]

To find these phrases, I just look at the top basses being offered on the bay.

Full instructions to be sent to the winner = Once I got you hooked, I’m gonna reel you in!

Bank/Wire transfers only = Boy, are you going to get it.
Bass is better than pictures show = pictures are better than the bass