Should I bail?

[ThudThudThud]

Delusions of grandeur is an annoying trait in a bandmate. A drummer in one of my bands has it and it’s kind of exhausting but doesn’t go anywhere so it’s not a deal breaker

How much is said drummer doing for the promotion of the band? Bookings? Press kits? Press interviews? Distribution and sales of merch/music?
Have the venue bookings you are getting grown exponentially in size? Club to Theatre to Arena to Stadium?
I've dealt with this a lot in the past. Some people just know that a big name A&R guy will be passing by one day, and be blown away, and launch their careers into superstardom!

I've been in enough originals projects to know it's all for fun, or it's no fun.
When one person wants it all their way, they'd better have a plan, some amazing music, or I'm off.

 

[MobileHolmes]

How much is said drummer doing for the promotion of the band? Bookings? Press kits? Press interviews? Distribution and sales of merch/music?
Have the venue bookings you are getting grown exponentially in size? Club to Theatre to Arena to Stadium?
I've dealt with this a lot in the past. Some people just know that a big name A&R guy will be passing by one day, and be blown away, and launch their careers into superstardom!

I've been in enough originals projects to know it's all for fun, or it's no fun.
When one person wants it all their way, they'd better have a plan, some amazing music, or I'm off.

I didn't want to get into it to derail the OPs thread, but since you asked-
I play in two bands, with this drummer in a dad band (my other band is a semi pro thing that gigs regularly for good money). Both just covers, different genres. Dad band gigs once a month for bad money. 2 of the guys in that band don't want to do more. Drummer and I are more ambitious. I landed a solid second band. He wants me to start another band with him. When I protest that I don't have time for 3 bands, he says I should quit the other good gig I have because this thing he wants to do is totally going to take off and be huge. I actually did jam with him and some other guys for a while, but the new thing didn't have the potential to set the local scene on fire, then we sacked the guitar player, and it's been on the back burner for a long time. Every so often, he floats this new band with me and I mostly beg off. He's a great drummer, but just doesn't have a good sense of how good bands are (everything is AMAZING) or what the market looks like. It's not really a big deal. Mostly I like the guy and like playing with him, there's just some tension around this. Bottom line, one of the hard things about bands is managing expectations around how much you want to do. I'm middle aged and never going pro, but I've found a balance that works for me and is a pretty good side hustle for paying bills. I hope he can find something else that works for him

 

[DJ Bebop]

I've read what some think you should do roughly 3 ways. Run, send a text or email, or, face to face conversation with the whole band. I will say this. Send a text or email, simple, cowards way out. If you don't have the stones to do this in person, you just need to leave. Just run, OK, without a personal conversation, what does that tell the rest of the band? Not to mention you may be the only one gone? They will find another bass player. Is everyone on the same page about this? Do you know? If you chose to bail without an attempt to save your only project without possible resolution, isn't this cutting your nose off to spite your face?

If after a necessary face conversation its realized that nothing is going to change, or the conversation becomes confrontational, then it's time to leave.

Not necessarily true in today's world.

I'm a shouting at clouds guy but was working with some yutes in a band. I was to have some not planned surgery and I knew that, with the surgery and the unknown recovery time it would be best for me to bow out.

So I had arranged a face to face meeting with my young players and told them the news, how I enjoyed playing but this came up and a didn't want to hold them back, blah, blah, blah.

My response I got?
"Why didn't you just text us?"

 

[51PRI]

Not necessarily true in today's world.

I'm a shouting at clouds guy but was working with some yutes in a band. I was to have some not planned surgery and I knew that, with the surgery and the unknown recovery time it would be best for me to bow out.

So I had arranged a face to face meeting with my young players and told them the news, how I enjoyed playing but this came up and a didn't want to had them back, blah, blah, blah.

My response I got?
"Why didn't you just text us?"

 

[Bass Viking]

You're confused about what he means with too late in the year. Why didn't you ask him about that immediately?
.

Yeah, what the hell does that even mean? Is studio season almost over?

 

[DJ Bebop]

View attachment 4855180

Yes, yes, I did!

 

[LBS-bass]

Not necessarily true in today's world.

I'm a shouting at clouds guy but was working with some yutes in a band. I was to have some not planned surgery and I knew that, with the surgery and the unknown recovery time it would be best for me to bow out.

So I had arranged a face to face meeting with my young players and told them the news, how I enjoyed playing but this came up and a didn't want to had them back, blah, blah, blah.

My response I got?
"Why didn't you just text us?"

It's fashionable to call someone a coward when they make use of technology.

 

[DJ Bebop]

It's fashionable to call someone a coward when they make use of technology.

I'm a bit old school so the face-to-face thing is/was my jam that I utilized then.

Now I consider the age of the one I'm trying to communicate with and whether they are texting to someone while I'm trying to talk to them face-to-face

 

[gln1955]

It's fashionable to call someone a coward when they make use of technology.

It's also fashionable to call someone a coward using technology when you wouldn't dare say it to their face.

 

[LBS-bass]

I'm a bit old school so the face-to-face thing is/was my jam that I utilized then.

Now I consider the age of the one I'm trying to communicate with and whether they are texting to someone while I'm trying to talk to them

Yeah, there are lots of extenuating circumstances. I prefer not to drag someone out with his gear under false pretense of "the next rehearsal" just to do the face-to-face thing and make myself look and feel like I "did it right" when that puts the guy I'm firing out of his way and in an embarrassing situation with the entire band. That's really more about me being able to act magnanimous about it; it's not really considerate of the other guy.

But others would suggest that this is the only way to do it.

Younger people vastly prefer things be done via text where possible. I think situations vary and there's no one best way.

 

[LBS-bass]

It's also fashionable to call someone a coward using technology when you wouldn't dare say it to their face.

This is also true.

 

[DJ Bebop]

Yeah, there are lots of extenuating circumstances. I prefer not to drag someone out with his gear under false pretense of "the next rehearsal" just to do the face-to-face thing and make myself look and feel like I "did it right" when that puts the guy I'm firing out of his way and in an embarrassing situation with the entire band. That's really more about me being able to act magnanimous about it; it's not really considerate of the other guy.

But others would suggest that this is the only way to do it.

Younger people vastly prefer things be done via text where possible. I think situations vary and there's no one best way.

Yup, I leaned my lesson!

My thing was, I didn't call a practice as that wouldn't have made a difference, no need to drag gear, it was always there. I called a straight meet up to talk.

I thought it was the right thing to do, in person.
And it was, 20-30 years ago, not 3 years ago to some 30-somethings.

Now, I only do it to someone in my age bracket that remembers people doing that

 

[Shepsdad]

Not necessarily true in today's world.

I'm a shouting at clouds guy but was working with some yutes in a band. I was to have some not planned surgery and I knew that, with the surgery and the unknown recovery time it would be best for me to bow out.

So I had arranged a face to face meeting with my young players and told them the news, how I enjoyed playing but this came up and a didn't want to hold them back, blah, blah, blah.

My response I got?
"Why didn't you just text us?"

In defense of those yutes, I am an old guy that prefers texting to actually speaking to someone on the phone. About 15 years ago when I finally wrapped my head around the whole texting thing, I thought “this is perfect for me, why haven’t I been doing this all along”?

I absolutely LOATHE talking on the phone, always have, and the vast majority of my non face to face communication is via text.

 

[DJ Bebop]

In defense of those yutes, I am an old guy that prefers texting to actually speaking to someone on the phone. About 15 years ago when I finally wrapped my head around the whole texting thing, I thought “this is perfect for me, why haven’t I been doing this all along”?

I absolutely LOATHE talking on the phone, always have, and the vast majority of my non face to face communication is via text.

Oh don't get me wrong, I dig it now! It was just something that was kinda new to me, texting, at that time. Along with, not calling but texting as well...

 

[Wood and Wire]

He is almost certainly going to put it straight onto Spotify when its done being 'mixed'.

So why aren't you intervening now, and telling him to pump the brakes until the whole band has reached a consensus, and agreed on a course of action?


If anyone can't conduct these types of important conversations face to face, then they simply do not have the requisite mentality, and relationship skills needed for a band to be a sustainable, professional concern (the exception being if the band is to big to fail, and relationships have collapsed to the point of communicating via lawyers).