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So... my Mom died...

wraub

wraub

Apr 9, 2004
7,761
10,630
ennui, az
#1
Hi. Some of you may know me from my various stupid questions and questionable musings around here, as well as most of the rest of TB. All good times. But this is more serious. Please indulge me.

My Mom died a little over a week ago. She had been in poor health for years, with numerous ailments and conditions, and had been living with my family and me.

She had been going through home hospice care for the last couple years, and that seemed to be helping her greatly.
Recently, she had a major downturn, and went to the hospice facility where had stayed before. Talked to her in the morning, she said she was tired and going to take a nap. The next day she was unresponsive, and remained so for the next week, until she died.

I keep telling myself that she's better off and her suffering is done, and I am positive that this is true.
But, we have been dealing with her things, and there are many memories there.
Some days are better than others, and the bad days can be pretty bad.
I know in my heart that this is better for her, after many years of constant pain, but, still, I miss my Mom.

One of my guitarists lost his mom last year, and he has been some help. And family has been very supportive. But, again, there are good days and bad.
Anyone have any advice to get through this that might help?

Sorry for the lengthy post, but this seems like a pretty good group, and I thought someone here might have some help to offer.

Thanks for reading.
Be well.
 
#2
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss my prayers go out to you and your family. I always considered myself a great father but there is nothing in this world like the love from a mother the vast majority of humans that have walked this earth have been nurtured by their undeniable love and devotion I can't think of any loss greater I'm here if you need anything.
 
#6
I'm sorry. I know it's hard but it's one of those things where you just have to keep going. At least that's been my experience with the loss of my Dad. Although loving somebody means always missing them to some degree, the pain of missing them will go away and be replaced by fondness and good memories.
Hope that helps somehow.
 
#12
I lost my little sister in January to cancer. I know it's hard. It's best to remember the good times and be grateful for them. I like to think that whatever thoughts you have after they pass will reach them wherever they are. That may may not be true, but it can't hurt.
 
#15
It's been almost a year since I've lost my dad. He is birthday is this Monday. It was unexpected. He was my best friend and I lived with him 5 years prior. The pain will subside a bit. Think of the good time. I replay memories on the way to work and back. Every day. It's tough. And I still breakdown sometimes. Try to be positive and remember the good times.
 
#16
Thanks to you all. Sincerely, I appreciate it.
Again, I know she's better off, now that her suffering has ended, and I hope/feel she's indeed in a better place.
Years of this ahead, huh? Maybe not quite the news I was hoping for , but I will deal with it.
As to the shouldering it alone part, that's part of my problem with this, I think. While I am not exactly alone, with wife, kid, aunts/uncles, friends all offering support, she was my mom, not theirs, and I feel that this pain is really my own, and I must deal with it and try to move on.
Trying that every day.
 
#17
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been through this, too. Lost my grandmother many years ago after caring for her at home with Alzheimer's. Last year I lost my dad in February and my mom in July. In all the cases, they had been dealing with failing health and my logical side recognized that they no longer are suffering. But the process of going through things still makes your heart hurt. That's natural. It will fade in time, but just remember the good stuff and understand that grief is normal. Everyone does it a little differently and there's no set time on how long it should take. It simply takes the time it takes.

In the interim, if you want to talk, feel free to PM.
 
#18
wraub said:
Hi. Some of you may know me from my various stupid questions and questionable musings around here, as well as most of the rest of TB. All good times. But this is more serious. Please indulge me.

My Mom died a little over a week ago. She had been in poor health for years, with numerous ailments and conditions, and had been living with my family and me.

She had been going through home hospice care for the last couple years, and that seemed to be helping her greatly.
Recently, she had a major downturn, and went to the hospice facility where had stayed before. Talked to her in the morning, she said she was tired and going to take a nap. The next day she was unresponsive, and remained so for the next week, until she died.

I keep telling myself that she's better off and her suffering is done, and I am positive that this is true.
But, we have been dealing with her things, and there are many memories there.
Some days are better than others, and the bad days can be pretty bad.
I know in my heart that this is better for her, after many years of constant pain, but, still, I miss my Mom.

One of my guitarists lost his mom last year, and he has been some help. And family has been very supportive. But, again, there are good days and bad.
Anyone have any advice to get through this that might help?

Sorry for the lengthy post, but this seems like a pretty good group, and I thought someone here might have some help to offer.

Thanks for reading.
Be well.
Click to expand...

Sorry to read this. You may want to take a long weekend away from home, to give yourselves a break. Caring for someone on a full-time basis has a lot of effects and having to deal with her belongings just adds to the load.

My brother came back for the estate sale after Dad passed and at one point, when a lot of things needed to be done, I found him gazing at the family photos on the wall in a hallway. I asked what he was doing and he said, "This is hard". I had been there full time for months and my response was "What do you think I've been dealing with?".

It is hard. Take care of yourselves.
 

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