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Stick around? Walk Away? or Say Something?

Z

zeppfan90

Guest
Mar 27, 2013
169
10
#1
So I've been jamming with this dude recently. Good songwriter, sings, good guitarist and we get along pretty well. Of course there is the catch. He has a friend that "plays." Every time I am there to jam he is there and because I'm a super nice dude/non-confrontational shy guy, I let him play my bass with my gear that I worked for. He does not even own his own instrument. First time it didn't really bug me but it's an every time thing now. He's not really that great either. I mean he's not a total noob but he is honestly better as a lead guitarist because I've heard him play and all he can do is just solo the ENTIRE time. No taste, just solo for a whole song on guitar and bass. Holds no groove on bass. Emphasis on HOLDS NO GROOVE. And his soloing isn't always mind blowing either. To make it worse, I think there is some sort of secret competition with me going on behind my back because now since I've been coming around he is thinking about going straight from owning no bass to buying a 6 string bass. And the guitarist is always saying things like "yeah you're good but he's just a bass phenomenon." "He just has natural talent." I just nod and don't say anything. If he is such a phenomenon then why am I asked to keep coming and jamming?

Me and the guitarist both have mutual feelings about getting some of his songs recorded, but I have this gut feeling that if we were to be able to get something going, I'd get kicked to the curb at some point because he said his friend wont play unless he pays him?(trust me it wouldn't be worth it). Yet this guy doesn't own any of his own instruments or gear and only played in front of people once. I think me and the guitarist could be a really great fit together in a band but this situation is becoming an annoying drag. I've thought about bringing up my feelings as nicely as possible but I don't see it turning out well. This guy is a long time friend and I'm the new guy in the picture. I'd hate to lose the opportunity to see where this can go but then again there are a lot of other people out there.
 
#2
zeppfan90 said:
And the guitarist is always saying things like "yeah you're good but he's just a bass phenomenon." "He just has natural talent." I just nod and don't say anything.
Click to expand...
I'd be gone - your guitarist is obviously a wanker and wants to play with other wankers. Nothing good ever comes out of that :( .
 
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#5
So, if I have this straight... Your guitarist friend thinks this other dude is a better bassist than you because he plays bass like a guitarist. He doesn't mind telling you this even though it obviously could be taken as an insult by you. And now you feel insecure about your position between the two of you.?

Walk and let him have the gearless bass player. You deserve to be treated with more respect than that and believe it or not there are guitarists out there who will appreciate and take care not to insult you with such stupidity.
 
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#7
Nev375 said:
So, if I have this straight... Your guitarist friend thinks this other dude is a better bassist than you because he plays bass like a guitarist. He doesn't mind telling you this even though it obviously could be taken as an insult by you. And now you feel insecure about your position between the two of you.?

Walk and let him have the gearless bass player. You deserve to be treated with more respect than that and believe it or not there are guitarists out there who will appreciate and take care not to insult you with such stupidity.
Click to expand...
I'm actually not insulted I'd only feel insulted if it were actually true lol I'm confused about it, not insulted haha
 
#9
No competition. I think he has you there til his friend gets a bass and amp. You have three choices:

1 Keep going and being used.
2 politely bow out of the music, since he prefers to play with the other "bassist" (my choice)
3 Politely give him one chance, that if you are co.ing to play, then you are the onlybassist.
 
#11
Let me first say that I don't believe in quitting, and that I try to consider all possibilities before departing... This would only apply to something that I feel is of true worth. That being said, since you stated that "You're a super nice dude/non-confrontational shy guy" then I don't see you bringing up your feelings being a good idea considering the songwriter/guitarist thinks this other guy is a phenomenon, it sounds like this situation is steeped in poor judgment. If your gut feelings are that you'd be kicked to the curb then I think you answered your own question, also trying to work this out would be futile IMHO... Though this may seem to suck right now, it's really a great learning experience.

Consider the words of George Carlin — 'Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.'
 
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#12
zeppfan90 said:
So I've been jamming with this dude recently. Good songwriter, sings, good guitarist and we get along pretty well. Of course there is the catch. He has a friend that "plays." Every time I am there to jam he is there and because I'm a super nice dude/non-confrontational shy guy, I let him play my bass with my gear that I worked for. He does not even own his own instrument. First time it didn't really bug me but it's an every time thing now. He's not really that great either. I mean he's not a total noob but he is honestly better as a lead guitarist because I've heard him play and all he can do is just solo the ENTIRE time. No taste, just solo for a whole song on guitar and bass. Holds no groove on bass. Emphasis on HOLDS NO GROOVE. And his soloing isn't always mind blowing either. To make it worse, I think there is some sort of secret competition with me going on behind my back because now since I've been coming around he is thinking about going straight from owning no bass to buying a 6 string bass. And the guitarist is always saying things like "yeah you're good but he's just a bass phenomenon." "He just has natural talent." I just nod and don't say anything. If he is such a phenomenon then why am I asked to keep coming and jamming?

Me and the guitarist both have mutual feelings about getting some of his songs recorded, but I have this gut feeling that if we were to be able to get something going, I'd get kicked to the curb at some point because he said his friend wont play unless he pays him?(trust me it wouldn't be worth it). Yet this guy doesn't own any of his own instruments or gear and only played in front of people once. I think me and the guitarist could be a really great fit together in a band but this situation is becoming an annoying drag. I've thought about bringing up my feelings as nicely as possible but I don't see it turning out well. This guy is a long time friend and I'm the new guy in the picture. I'd hate to lose the opportunity to see where this can go but then again there are a lot of other people out there.
Click to expand...
Not speaking up is the best way to not get what you want in life in general. :(
 
#15
zeppfan90 said:
And the guitarist is always saying things like "yeah you're good but he's just a bass phenomenon." "He just has natural talent." I just nod and don't say anything.
Click to expand...

He's a douche. Find a new guy to jam with. I wouldn't have come back after the first time he tried to get someone else playing on my gear or started comparing me to someone who doesn't even own a freaking instrument. Let them wank with each other while you do something else that is actually fulfilling and worth listening to.
 
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#17
I had the opposite happen. Buddy of mine and I discovered we jammed pretty well together. Another buddy of mine said he can sing and play guitar. So buddy1 and I bring in buddy2. Buddy2 had no skills and was deliberately ruining every song we had written. Buddy2 was quietly dismissed. He and I are still friends, but not bandmates.
 
#18
My situation is somewhat the opposite to yours. I don't currently own any gears or some sort as my previous bass guitar was seriously damaged several years ago. So I was idle. However, my guitarist often invites me to be a session bassist on his band since his bassist is sometimes not available for gigs. Since I don't own any, my guitarist usually is the one looking for at least a bass guitar for me to play. I also help but he has many, as in many connections than I do since he has been playing constantly and I/previous band stopped due to work-related issues. The gears I often used is owned by his bassist (one I subbed most of the time). We (me and the bassist) are really good and close friends. He has no problem with me using his bass guitar. My guitarist is now in a dilemma since I am more of a good player than his current. I am consistent and locked well with the drummer compare to our friend. I have groove which fits perfectly to what he wants with a bassist. And our friend is a little bit similar but far better than the phenomenon you described. LOL. He wanted me to be the permanent bassist and replace our friend. LOL. I do have an upcoming bass guitar (will arrive next week) and is canvassing for amps and pedals to use. I should be good to go by next month. The guitarist is the BL of the band I am referring to. He does not know how to confront his current bassist and I to am worried since the current bassist is also our close friend and had been using his bass guitar most of the time. LOL.
 

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