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Stoner/Doom Bassists Thread, Part 90: Maxed Out

#31,481
Blank_0101 said:
turn the faucet on like the Japanese.

I can understand in most situations the not hearing me. Though there are these certain occasions where I'm in a public restroom like a target, I have to deuce and it's gonna be bad and there's someone in the stall nearby or around and no one else. I'm pretty fast so I'll just strain to the brink of prolapse and blow it out with much fanfare to the discomfort of the others around. Then wipe up and ditch out before they finish.
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My two cousins and I were dropped off at a local mall to hit the arcade up when we were like 12 or 13ish. Well we were in the bathroom and my one cousin is in the bathroom stall, the janitor walks in and he doesn't know the janitor is in there. He starts saying to us, oh dear lord this is terrible, oh I got the runs, I'm not touching the seat and this is going everywhere, what a mess. The moment he walked out of the stall and saw the janitor was in there, the look on his face was priceless.
 
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#31,482
Blank_0101 said:
turn the faucet on like the Japanese.

I can understand in most situations the not hearing me. Though there are these certain occasions where I'm in a public restroom like a target, I have to deuce and it's gonna be bad and there's someone in the stall nearby or around and no one else. I'm pretty fast so I'll just strain to the brink of prolapse and blow it out with much fanfare to the discomfort of the others around. Then wipe up and ditch out before they finish.
Click to expand...
"Blow and bail."
 
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#31,483
Squanch72 said:
My two cousins and I were dropped off at a local mall to hit the arcade up when we were like 12 or 13ish. Well we were in the bathroom and my one cousin is in the bathroom stall, the janitor walks in and he doesn't know the janitor is in there. He starts saying to us, oh dear lord this is terrible, oh I got the runs, I'm not touching the seat and this is going everywhere, what a mess. The moment he walked out of the stall and saw the janitor was in there, the look on his face was priceless.
Click to expand...

I worked at an Italian restaurant as a host and they made me a bus boy half the time after hiring me. I didn't want to be there, and really didn't want to be a busboy.

After the lunch shift I was supposed to clean the bathrooms prior to dinner then leave. I went in there saw a crowd of men all looking at the ground. It's a pair of tighty whiteys and jeans full o' the dook. I just turned around and clocked out and said it was all good. I wish I could have seen the guy try to leave. He was a stealthy dude. Got through the whole restaurant and bar unseen.

Similarly to your cousin someone once got the runs in the ladies room everywhere during rush hour. I hated the job and didn't sign on for it, so I told him as a child I had a traumatic poop experience and could hardly face my own let alone strangers poop. Got totally relieved of all duties outside the kitchen or hosting stand closer to what I wanted. Chopped a lot of tomatoes.
 
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#31,486
We had to put signs up in our office that say no public restrooms because we had a guy I refer to as the Mad Pooper, come in and talk gibberish(from the group home down the street) and go in and tear up the bathroom. He actually tore the grab handle loose. I think it might be his diet, we see him on main street with two liters of grape soda(I know what you are thinking but he isn't black) and a eating a whole pound cake.
 
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#31,487
At my previous job we had a truck driver that would destroy our bathroom immediately after arriving, twice a week like clockwork. The bosses thought that he was smoking in there, because it would smell strongly of cigarettes. They put up no smoking signs and eventually a smoke detector. He wasn't smoking in there, he just smoked so much while he was driving that his poop smelled like burning cigarettes (mixed with horrible poop odor).
 
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#31,490
I worked with a strange bird at my last job in PA before moving. He pretended he had stomach problems to smoke in the bathroom. He and another guy at work decided to quit smoking together for support well one did and he pretended he did. Instead of admitting defeat he just would smoke in the bathroom right next to my office. It was so pathetic because he would like flick the toilet paper roll like one time to pretend he was wiping. One wipe? And of course it reeked of cigarettes in there. I was training the gal who was replacing me and she said why does Jay use the bathroom so many times a day, I said because he is smoking and doesn't want to admit he never quit. I look out the window of my office to the garage bay and see the parts guy waving his hands in the air and making the international cut symbol. I looked down and noticed the intercom was on. Everyone in the garage heard that Jay was in there smoking and so did crazy Jay. He grumbled a little during his walk of shame past us.
 
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#31,492
The_Janitor said:
At my previous job we had a truck driver that would destroy our bathroom immediately after arriving, twice a week like clockwork. The bosses thought that he was smoking in there, because it would smell strongly of cigarettes. They put up no smoking signs and eventually a smoke detector. He wasn't smoking in there, he just smoked so much while he was driving that his poop smelled like burning cigarettes (mixed with horrible poop odor).
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We get a lot of truck drivers at our work and nothing that vile has ever happened.
 
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#31,495
Blank_0101 said:
...Chopped a lot of tomatoes.
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Please tell me that's a euphemism for something really delightfully nasty.

Squanch72 said:
...we see him on main street with two liters of grape soda(I know what you are thinking but he isn't black) and a eating a whole pound cake.
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Grape soda and pound cake. Well, the snacks for my next party are lined out anyway.
 
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#31,496
I used to work with a guy at Barnes and Noble who was unfortunate enough to have walked into the bathroom to discover a mentally handicapped man with his pants around his ankles, **** everywhere and this guy actively throwing and smearing his feces across the bathroom walls. My friend just turned around and walked out. He went to a manager, informed them of the situation and told them sternly that he didn't get paid enough to deal with that. The manager gave him a distraught look of understanding and slowly walked to the bathroom already filled with regret.
 
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#31,497
Turkeypills said:
I used to work with a guy at Barnes and Noble who was unfortunate enough to have walked into the bathroom to discover a mentally handicapped man with his pants around his ankles, **** everywhere and this guy actively throwing and smearing his feces across the bathroom walls. My friend just turned around and walked out. He went to a manager, informed them of the situation and told them sternly that he didn't get paid enough to deal with that. The manager gave him a distraught look of understanding and slowly walked to the bathroom already filled with regret.
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That's a real like issue some people have, kid did that at my old elementary school a bunch, after I left though.

At that same elementary school my mom taught there too so she verified this. A Handi-capable kid was in trouble and put in a suspension room. They checked on him and he was gone with a ceiling tile on the floor in the middle of the room. They can't find him and are in the office discussing it and hear a scream from the vice principals office. The kid had moved through the air ducts like in a movie and sprang down upon the VP and had a tissue holding a bunch of wiped up poopie in his hand he thrust it in her face.
 
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#31,498
Blank_0101 said:
That's a real like issue some people have, kid did that at my old elementary school a bunch, after I left though.

At that same elementary school my mom taught there too so she verified this. A Handi-capable kid was in trouble and put in a suspension room. They checked on him and he was gone with a ceiling tile on the floor in the middle of the room. They can't find him and are in the office discussing it and hear a scream from the vice principals office. The kid had moved through the air ducts like in a movie and sprang down upon the VP and had a tissue holding a bunch of wiped up poopie in his hand he thrust it in her face.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a better script than most movies involving air duct creeping.
 
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