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The Heckler Thread - your best ones!

#21
we were playing a rather upscale club in a ritzy part of town. At the time, We had a group of girls who would follow us to every show (semi-groupies... they were mainly following the guitar player who has that whole Jack Johnson, john mayer viibe going on). One of the more "well endowed" girls had a big thing for the singer, but he wouldn't give her the time of day. At this one particular gig she was yelling at the singer while we were playing and just as the song stops she yells out "TIM, WHY WON'T YOU F%&$ ME!!!" at the top of her lungs.

I had never laughed so hard in my life. We had to take a set break to compose ourselves.
 
#22
I don't have any good heckler stories, but perhaps there's a reason for it.

I played a sub gig with an indie band once. There was no heckling, and I was offered a permanent spot in the band because the singer really hates being heckled and thought I'm "a scary guy and could make them shut up". The funniest part is that I weighed less than 140 pounds at the time.
 
#23
Good response to a Heckling redneck:

... I realise that this is all a bit much for you - Electric lights and Carpets!!.

For a female heckler:

... weren't you here last time we played here - I'm terrible on faces, but I never forget a dress!.

The ultimate Heckler stopper, if all else fails:

..stand up so I can get a good look at you... Ok, so that's what they look like!!. You see, I've felt plenty of them in the dark, but I've never actually seen one before.
 
#24
drunken hecklers.............it was many laps around the sun ago and we were playing a VFW new years show. Some burned up old bastard wanted to hear "Midnight Special" because his baby brothers country band played it.........I was polite and told him that it wasnt on the agreed upon set list. Big mistake..........he chose me as the person to hate for the evening. Somewhat distracting for me, he and his dance partner/girlfriend/victim making big drunken country loops around the dance floor whilst shooting me the bird at the end of each wobbly lap......LOL......It still makes me laugh. I guess he just didnt enjoy himself unless he had an ugly woman in a half nelson while drunk on a half gallon driving half conscious and only making it half way home then spending half the night in jail. Oh well........when you play in a club in a town whose primary industry is welfare.............. and many family trees are more shrublike...............
Note to self............always check the business/industry website for per capita statistics of various towns, cities, and businesses..............before..........
 
#26
"Sir, I realize sexual frustration can make a person a little testy but perhaps if you got a more realistic looking hair peice, it wouldn't be such a problem for you."

"Look lady, we don't show up while you're trying to work and bounce on the mattress so give it a rest will ya?"
 
#27
billhilly66 said:
"Sir, I realize sexual frustration can make a person a little testy but perhaps if you got a more realistic looking hair peice, it wouldn't be such a problem for you."

"Look lady, we don't show up while you're trying to work and bounce on the mattress so give it a rest will ya?"
Click to expand...
if the bass guy plays that baaaaadoop a doop a doop ahhhh doop a doop,softly when the guy gets up to walk somewhere your band can have a good laugh at his expense,and he'll never get the gag
 
#29
Not musically related but...

A friend of mine was doing standup comedy at some small club and a drunken guy at the front of the audience wouldn't stop heckling him. The man looked pretty mean with some battle scars on his face. After a while my friend on stage points at said heckler and says:

"Did you get those scars from being a hard b****** or couldn't your mother shove the coat hanger up far enough?"

Within about five seconds the heckler dove for the stage, at which point a pair of bouncers jumped on top of him and threw him out. Kind of an awkward evening :eyebrow:
 
#30
logicman69 said:
we were playing a rather upscale club in a ritzy part of town. At the time, We had a group of girls who would follow us to every show (semi-groupies... they were mainly following the guitar player who has that whole Jack Johnson, john mayer viibe going on). One of the more "well endowed" girls had a big thing for the singer, but he wouldn't give her the time of day. At this one particular gig she was yelling at the singer while we were playing and just as the song stops she yells out "TIM, WHY WON'T YOU F%&$ ME!!!" at the top of her lungs.

I had never laughed so hard in my life. We had to take a set break to compose ourselves.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, been there. Had a local groupie not only do that at the gig, the crazy beeeach followed me to the after bar party and followed my every step. Even tried to force herself on me. Woof. Had to brush her off, literally. :spit:
 
#31
Not sure if it's a bonafide heckler story, but we played a gig in a real classy joint once. It was a mile or two from a college campus and they had $2.50 pitchers of PBR. Between the second and third set, the singer and his GF went outside on break. When they were walking back in, some drunk football player type says something inappropriate about the singers girlfriend.

I was onstage all ready to start the third set and kinda caught what was going on, but really thought nothing of it.

So, they exchanged a few words, and the singer turns my way to head back up to the stage. At this point, the genius says something like "Yeah, I thought so, you're just a little *****." Now, the exchange they had previously included lots and lots of profanity, but for some reason, this was the word that started it all. The singer turns back towards the guy and says "I'm a *****? You're a *****."

And it was on. Big drunken dude gets up, lets loose a war whoop and charges the singer with his head down and his arms spread wide. My singer doesn't ever drink, and his reaction time was better than the drunk dude. He kinda pivoted like a bullfighter, grabbed the guy around the neck as he came by, and ran him headfirst into a support post that was to the outside of some tables.

Then he walked up onstage and we started the third set.

It was FREAKY!! I expected that guy and his buddies to be outside waiting for us when the night was through. No one was waiting when we got outside though, so I expect he may have been in the emergency room.
 
#32
I've often heckled the crowd...lame i know but sometimes you gotta call them out..

Also once I was at a GWAR show in Cincy Ohio and the opening band was getting heckled pretty bad...and not once but twice most of the band jumped off the stage to fight these guys heckling....then after gwar was done playing the opening band pretty much all were fighting eith the same guys by the bar and cleared the area out...fun night..

There an old guy (AKA Local Drunk) at the bar we play at alot who tells every band they suck so we try and cheer him on all night...


the only bad thing i've had was a guy telling me I was playing brick house too fast and was tryiing to come onstage to show me how..I told him we were just goofing till the rest of the band got up there and he proceeded to tell how he could do it better I asked him who was getting payed to play that night....he bought me a beer later
 
#33
Phalex said:
Not sure if it's a bonafide heckler story, but we played a gig in a real classy joint once. It was a mile or two from a college campus and they had $2.50 pitchers of PBR. Between the second and third set, the singer and his GF went outside on break. When they were walking back in, some drunk football player type says something inappropriate about the singers girlfriend.

I was onstage all ready to start the third set and kinda caught what was going on, but really thought nothing of it.

So, they exchanged a few words, and the singer turns my way to head back up to the stage. At this point, the genius says something like "Yeah, I thought so, you're just a little *****." Now, the exchange they had previously included lots and lots of profanity, but for some reason, this was the word that started it all. The singer turns back towards the guy and says "I'm a *****? You're a *****."

And it was on. Big drunken dude gets up, lets loose a war whoop and charges the singer with his head down and his arms spread wide. My singer doesn't ever drink, and his reaction time was better than the drunk dude. He kinda pivoted like a bullfighter, grabbed the guy around the neck as he came by, and ran him headfirst into a support post that was to the outside of some tables.

Then he walked up onstage and we started the third set.

It was FREAKY!! I expected that guy and his buddies to be outside waiting for us when the night was through. No one was waiting when we got outside though, so I expect he may have been in the emergency room.
Click to expand...

Wow, just wow.
 
#35
My old band was playing in a bar where there was a group of guys that were on the floor hammered. No biggie. We played a few songs, and then we busted into Althea (a Dead song) and this dude comes up and starts whooping and hollering. We were stoked. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Then, of course, he comes over to me and see's me playing my bass. With a wobbly drunken hand he reaches out to touch my bass. I move and avoid him. Then he does it again. Trying to touch my fret board. I managed to yell to him "Don't touch my bass." He didn't listen. He reached out again. I smacked him in the face with my head. He fell over backwards. Stumbling over some chairs, looking like a albatross landing backwards and upside down. The whole bar stops dancing. Looks at him. He stands up, takes a bow, and then leaves. Hilarious.
 
#38
Supposedly, in the early 1960's Gene Quill (a NYC studio and jazz sax player) is holding forth at a club in New Jersey, where a heckler tells him that he's nothing, and that all he's doing is playing Bird (Charlie Parker) licks.

Quill reportedly approached the heckler, offered him his alto and said "hey, if it's so easy, then why don't YOU do it?"

If true, then that has to be the best heckler story of all time!
 
#39
My old band was playing an acoustic show at a bar/restaurant, so of course you get the drunk butt end of the dinner crowd. (the people who come in 5 minutes before the doors close and take an hour and a half to eat.)

We finish the first song and from the back we hear

Heckler: "You guys suck!"

Hecklers wife: "He didn't mean that."

Heckler: "Shut up b****, I did mean mean it!"

Everyone in the place fell out laughing. A priceless moment. Funny thing is we were pretty good.
 
#40
I only have one heckler story - we were playing a small place where we play very often. The place was packed and the gig was going really great - the place was heaving. One drunk dude kept pestering us between songs yelling that we sucked because we would not play Mustang Sally.

Eventually he became a real pain, so at one point between songs, I stopped everything, pointed him out to the crowd (he was standing right in front of the stage) and said "This gentleman has something to say to everyone" and I brought the mic down to him. He didn't know what to do. Everyone in the place was staring at this dude and he shrunk away.
 

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