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The Heckler Thread - your best ones!

#41
So.. I play a ton of acopustic duo gigs.

Patron: "Why do you need 7 strings"

Me: "One for every inch .... how many do you have?"

Patron's Friends: High fiving and tipping the jar --

Me: "Never heard how many inches/strings you have sir --- you must be a guitar player"

Patron's Friends "yes - he sucks"

Me: I take out a uklele and play Crazy Train... then offer to let the patron play

Patron:" Leaves

Patron's friends ---stay and buy us drinks

Patron - apology note emailed.

Me CD Sent with Calendar
 
#44
I have a good one for any metal band people. By that I mean you should get what I mean.

Anyway, it was our old band so this would be about 5 or 6 years ago. We were playing a outdoor festival thing and we started our set. Back then we played Korn/Limp Bizkit type Nu-Metal stuff with a few really metal tunes all originals.

So we got about 5 songs into the set and a couple dudes kept saying "Slayer, play some Slayer!" I took it more of kind of a mock the metal band type stuff.

So we did a couple songs where we switched instruments. Our guitar player fronted a song called "Bake the Day" it was a reggae verse and metal chorus mix type song and you can figure out the topic of the song.

So right before we start the guys are just being idiots saying Slayer! Slayer!

So our guitar player says, "you guys will love the next song, it sounds just like slayer"

Well the song starts and right away into the reggae beats and riffs.

They turned and walked away and didn't come back. We laughed our butts off after the song. Its was classic.
 
#46
This doesn't exactly count as a heckler, but I tend to be a bit of a joker/prankster in the band, and it usually goes over very well. I wear dumb hats and make jokes all night - of my own ability, my bandmate's, sometimes even the quality of the crowd singers. I make a point of it all being harmless gags, though - I'm never mean about it, and as I said it usually goes over pretty well. People want to hear good music, and they like to laugh. My singer, talented though she is, can get up and sing her *** off in front of people, but actually engaging the audience in banter and whatnot between songs is definitely not her forte, so it sort of fell to me.

Anyway, this particular gig was quite a bit farther from us than is normal, and as a result, our normal crowd for the most part couldn't make it. We were playing to probably a couple dozen people by the middle of the second set, and my singer was getting a bit frustrated with the lack of crowd interest - we usually have the crowd dancing (some) and singing along (a lot - top 40 modern rock covers). Rather than doing something to amp up the show, she drank more than normal, and got pretty tanked.

She started forgetting the lyrics, so at some point I made a joke (off-mic, btw) that the reason people weren't singing along was because if she didn't know the words, how could she expect them to?

She sorta steps back, looks at me and says, "**** you, Tim!" into the microphone. The word rhymes with "duck".

:/

You could have heard a pin drop in the kitchen for about 10 seconds after that.

Needless to say, I don't poke fun at HER anymore.

:mad:
 
#47
There was this guy that would just yell stuff every gig at this one club we played.
The next time we were there I was ready for him, he started yelling stuff at us as usual , so I whipped out two cans of silly string and covered him head to toe.:D
That ,,,,,covered it.;)
 
#48
debassr said:
I was at a friend's gig one night and the opening band was getting heckled by some douche pretty badly. After the set the band was outside putting gear into their van and had one of their girlfriends tell the heckler his car was being towed, so he ran outside only to be met by a well-deserved beating. I'm still impressed by their planning and execution. :)
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An eye for an eye, a beating for some verbal abuse. :rolleyes:
Next time maybe they can use their cunning intelligence to plan verbal retribution for their hecklers, or can't they? :eyebrow:
 
#49
I remember in 2004-2005 I was bassing with an oldies cover band. So it's me at 24-25 years old and the other guys are more seasoned than I am.

So we're at a beach club in Ohio and there's a table of ladies that were clearly plowed beyond knowing what they were doing...

We had our own PA, lights and everything and all of us had really nice and also pricey gear.

So... One of the brave *and clumsy* ones decides she wants to talk into a mic while we're setting up and yells CHECK ONE TWO and knocks he sucker over... down she goes with it and one of the small light rigs... then my guitarists pedals go flying and I never saw him get so upset. He was first worried about the patron, then when he realized she was drunk and unhurt, he was upset with her.

They didn't get thrown out, because we asked security just to watch them and they stayed in decent control after that. We just got bum rushed by a few of them... they just wanted to be on the stage apparently.

Not really a heckle situation, but more of a mild disturbance that was quickly handled.

LOL
 
#51
"thanks for taking a break.. you guys suck" I was once told..

I replied back.."have I seen you before..? you look familiar..."

the guy replied, "Yes, I think so..."

My reply: "we play a lot of gay bars.. that's likely where we saw you.. "
 
#52
I can deal with being gay (I am not).. but it does not bother me to play gay bars.. but I figured someone stupid enough to heckle the band would not be so ... open-minded. the guy laughed, actually.
 
#53
Labor Day Weekend, we played 3 nights at this bar/restaurant at a resort, mostly full of wealthy older yachters and other assorted snobs.

The guitar player, drummer, and I walk into the eating area of the bar to get some food before we play. As we pass this table of some people who had been there the previous night, this guy leans out and says
Guy: "So you guys aren't gonna play so loud tonight right? 'Cause I'm an electrician, and I can make sure you don't."
Me: "We're probably gonna start off a bit quieter, then work it up like last night."
Guy:"We'll, you better not, 'cause I can turn you guys off."
Me: "Oh, you know how to flip a power switch? Congratulations"
Guy:"Uh, well, no, I meant I can cut the power to the entire restaurant!"
Me:"Oh, so you you know how to use cable cutters? And you're going to use them to turn of the power in a commercial business? I'll bet you'll seem super cool to the Police."

He didn't answer.

Another one, next night. We're playing Let's Get it On, and the dance floor is packed.This woman had been there the first night with her husband, but had only stayed a few minutes. She was back this night, and walked right up to the stage and says:

Her: "This is a really nice song, but you guys make it sound like ****"
We don't really know how to react to that, but a few minutes later the guitarist/singer says to the audience:
Him: "So how's everyone doing tonight?"
Audience cheers
Him:"How are we sounding out there?"
Audience cheers and the response is positive.
Him:"Okay, cool. Because that woman over at the bar just came up to us and told us we sounded like ****. Weird, huh?"
Audience boos loudly

Woman looks up horrified from the bar, quickly pays and leaves. We stare her down the entire way out.
 
#54
Geddyfleaharris said:
Our drummer though was ready to blow a gasket and thought that management should have tossed the girl out. I really think that one of the security people should have come and taken her away but they might not have been aware that she was touching my gear.
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I suggest that You should have called security immediately! What if she had fallen on your pedal or tripped on a cord and hurt herself? She would have included you in her law suit!

Why wouldn't you speak up? I know your a "laid back guy" but you have to protect yourself and not worry about other people sometimes. Instead you drummer "blowing a gasket", getting all worked up and doing nothing about it, why not be proactive and act in your band's best interest? Why wouldn't you do that? Waiting around for things to happen is not the definition of survival.

I suggest your band "man-up" and nip this $#!+ in the butt before something happens. After the fact blaming and commiserating when something goes wrong is not helpful!

Edit: Didn't realize this was a zombie. Here I am all serious and everything.....LOL :D
 
#55
Wasn't a band, but Jay Oakerson did a set at the Mayhem fest. This guy was looking all pissy while everyone else laughed their ***es off. Jay looks right at him and says "What the ****'s your problem?"
Heckler: You suck!
Jay: Really? There are 20,000 people here would beg to differ. On the count of three, everyone give him the finger and call him an ***hole!

In unison, 20,000 people call this guy and ***hole and he crawls away embarrassed.
 
#59
logicman69 said:
we were playing a rather upscale club in a ritzy part of town. At the time, We had a group of girls who would follow us to every show (semi-groupies... they were mainly following the guitar player who has that whole Jack Johnson, john mayer viibe going on). One of the more "well endowed" girls had a big thing for the singer, but he wouldn't give her the time of day. At this one particular gig she was yelling at the singer while we were playing and just as the song stops she yells out "TIM, WHY WON'T YOU F%&$ ME!!!" at the top of her lungs.

I had never laughed so hard in my life. We had to take a set break to compose ourselves.
Click to expand...

You and your singer have a hard life. Do you have a relief fund set up that I could donate to? Something like "Foundation to keep buxom women from craving us"?
 

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