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Thinking about walking away

#81
ThinCrappyTone said:
I personally feel like the universe has given me two choices when it comes to playing in a band:

a) deal with dysfunction and be in a band, or
b) don't deal with dysfunction and don't be in a band

I envy those who have found a situation that works great. I know they are out there. But every situation I have ever been in, over decades of playing, meant dealing with at least one key player who was majorly unprofessional in some way, and/or borderline psychotic.
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My setup now is my band is in orlando and i live in tampa. All i do is show up to play gigs. All i bring is my bass. Not a bad setup.
 
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#86
Look, it just comes down to this - it's like anything in life. If you want to find the right situation - partners, jobs, music, etc. sometimes you have to keep looking if it's something you really want. If you go out with a couple of bogus girls you don't just say you're becoming disenfranchised with women do you? You just move on. Every situation is not going to be the same. Sometimes this forward movement also starts with yourself and some adjustments and improvements that can be made within.

Like another poster said, perhaps it's time to start your own band and build it up slowly with the right people.
 
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#87
Wolfenstein666 said:
-Frustration-laden Rant Warning

I've posted a couple threads in the past about how my current band is a slow moving one, how frustrating it is etc, etc. But something happened today that really is making me reconsider moving forward with bands in general.

In an effort to alleviate some of the anxiety associated with a slow moving band, I put word out that I was looking to audition for a side project. I got hit up relatively quickly for a three piece band that had currently a guitarist / vocalist and a drummer, and were looking to flesh out the line up with a bassist. We arranged a date to get together, all was well.

Fast forward to the day of the audition (about a week after setting the date) and he texts me to tell me that the drummer can't make it because he's working OT. I thought, fine. No big deal, it happens. We set up a new date.

I saw the guitar player at a local gig that weekend and we talked for a few, and decided on today for the audition. Both parties expressed excitement at the potential for jamming with new people.

Messaged him today to make sure we were still on and he told me that a relative had just passed yesterday, but over the weekend (same weekend I saw him) that they tried out another bassist and "for the sake of time" were going with him instead.

I wished him condolences for his loss and deleted his number.

I mean, ***? I'm sorry he suffered a loss, but that has little to do with my audition as it happened after they tried someone else out. He went behind my back after telling me for two weeks we we're going to jam. I understand if after I auditioned they went with someone else, that's just the way the game works. But to do it the way he did it really left a bad taste in my mouth.

This, in conjunction with the fact that I'm having trouble even getting my current band mates to communicate on basic stuff and I'm pulling all the weight really has me considering packing it in. I'm going back to school in August for Industrial Engineering and I can make time for a band, but I'm really struggling to see the purpose right now. I'm sick of being tethered down and held back by other people's lack of ambition or drive to do something. I'm sick of having my time wasted. I'm sick of shouldering all the weight.

I feel like I need to pursue something that isn't so dependent on other people, because lately other people have been sources of immense frustration and let downs.

I don't really need advice, just needed a place to vent. It's all extremely discouraging.
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Dude, all I can tell you is welcome to the world of flaky musicians. You need to read up on Pro Musicians who run into exactly the same type of situations you are referring to in your story - but on a much bigger and pricier level. Big promises and changed minds at the last minute.

I know you were just venting but my advice is that it sounds like you are trying to justify to yourself why you shouldn't be in bands until you are done getting your degree. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Trust me, you have plenty of time left in your life to pack everything you want to do into it.
 
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#88
I've been playing with the same band for a year now. No gigs. Lots of songwriting. Lots of recording. Lots of development...but no gigs. We all have full time jobs. I have a family and I'm in the Army Reserves. Guitar player's wife is expecting their first. Drummer travels all the time and plays in another band. Singer just started a new job and he has a cover band.

You get the idea.

But:
The music is really good.
We get along.
We have a super rehearsal space.
We often have sessions missing one piece or another because we have about 20 good songs we are working on.

Sometimes we go for a month without getting together. We work on new ideas on our own. We practice and refine parts of existing songs. We share files on DropBox or email.

We also have promotional concepts we are working on.

Point is, there are a ton of things you could be doing with your "slow moving" band. But, you have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Gigging is fun. But I've done enough that it's also a hassle at times.

We are committed to getting good songs recorded and selecting only quality gigs and preparing a different experience that you get from a bar band.
 
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#89
Been there, done that. My old death metal band really sucked the music life out of me.

I quit that band, and focused on recording my own material. Ended up doing a solo bass powerviolence/grindcore project. It was insanely cool.

After 18 months or so of no playing, I decided to pick up a band again. Found peers who matched what I'm looking for in a band. And it helps that it's my favorite genre - skate punk.

Be patient and learn from this OP, and make sure your next band is willing to make the same commitments that you do.
Happy endeavors, and I dig the avatar. Vio-lence!
 
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#94
Wolfenstein666 said:
-Frustration-laden Rant Warning

I've posted a couple threads in the past about how my current band is a slow moving one, how frustrating it is etc, etc. But something happened today that really is making me reconsider moving forward with bands in general.

In an effort to alleviate some of the anxiety associated with a slow moving band, I put word out that I was looking to audition for a side project. I got hit up relatively quickly for a three piece band that had currently a guitarist / vocalist and a drummer, and were looking to flesh out the line up with a bassist. We arranged a date to get together, all was well.

Fast forward to the day of the audition (about a week after setting the date) and he texts me to tell me that the drummer can't make it because he's working OT. I thought, fine. No big deal, it happens. We set up a new date.

I saw the guitar player at a local gig that weekend and we talked for a few, and decided on today for the audition. Both parties expressed excitement at the potential for jamming with new people.

Messaged him today to make sure we were still on and he told me that a relative had just passed yesterday, but over the weekend (same weekend I saw him) that they tried out another bassist and "for the sake of time" were going with him instead.

I wished him condolences for his loss and deleted his number.

I mean, ***? I'm sorry he suffered a loss, but that has little to do with my audition as it happened after they tried someone else out. He went behind my back after telling me for two weeks we we're going to jam. I understand if after I auditioned they went with someone else, that's just the way the game works. But to do it the way he did it really left a bad taste in my mouth.

This, in conjunction with the fact that I'm having trouble even getting my current band mates to communicate on basic stuff and I'm pulling all the weight really has me considering packing it in. I'm going back to school in August for Industrial Engineering and I can make time for a band, but I'm really struggling to see the purpose right now. I'm sick of being tethered down and held back by other people's lack of ambition or drive to do something. I'm sick of having my time wasted. I'm sick of shouldering all the weight.

I feel like I need to pursue something that isn't so dependent on other people, because lately other people have been sources of immense frustration and let downs.

I don't really need advice, just needed a place to vent. It's all extremely discouraging.
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I understand how you feel. I have been playing for nearly 50 years now and I find it funny the way "the business" changes from one generation to the next. Hell, used to be that when a "band" started up - there were no "side projects" for anyone - in other words, once in, you stayed "faithful" for the duration of the band. I honestly think that it was supportive of the work ethic in those days. You know - "we built this ship and come hell or high water, we will float or drown together". That sort of thing.

But like everything else - times change. Today? musicians flitter about (myself included) from one "job" (and I use that term VERY loosely) to another. Hell, a friend of mine is currently in 6 different bands. How the hell he can keep it straight from one gig to another, is beyond me. :)

Another friend of mine is fond of telling anyone who will listen that "Free agency killed the NFL" and, in all honesty, he has a point. Allegiance is all but dead in both Sports AND in music. Hell in most facets of life. And frankly, I believe that we have all lost a little something as a result. Damned shame, but welcome to the 21st century.

Not giving advice here - just stating the idea that I know how you feel.
 
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#95
Buster Brown said:
I understand how you feel. I have been playing for nearly 50 years now and I find it funny the way "the business" changes from one generation to the next. Hell, used to be that when a "band" started up - there were no "side projects" for anyone - in other words, once in, you stayed "faithful" for the duration of the band. I honestly think that it was supportive of the work ethic in those days. You know - "we built this ship and come hell or high water, we will float or drown together". That sort of thing.

But like everything else - times change. Today? musicians flitter about (myself included) from one "job" (and I use that term VERY loosely) to another. Hell, a friend of mine is currently in 6 different bands. How the hell he can keep it straight from one gig to another, is beyond me. :)

Another friend of mine is fond of telling anyone who will listen that "Free agency killed the NFL" and, in all honesty, he has a point. Allegiance is all but dead in both Sports AND in music. Hell in most facets of life. And frankly, I believe that we have all lost a little something as a result. Damned shame, but welcome to the 21st century.

Not giving advice here - just stating the idea that I know how you feel.
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I find that the guys who are "in 6 bands" are the ones who are trying to survive doing 100% music - no day gig - they're teaching and accepting any recording session and / or live gigs they can get. That's a rough existence and I never really even tried to do it - always had a day gig and from what I read on here, I think 95% of TB members are in that boat. Folks with day gigs are typically in one band / maybe one other side project. My example - from about 1996 through 2008, I WAS juggling two bands - one made no money / all original of course - what else pays no money - original bands! It was a cool project though - think Sting meets Steeely meets Joni Mitchell - broke out the fretless and all that. Then my other band was a disco tribute type band - dressed up with afro wig, bell bottoms - the whole deal - and that band paid about $250 per man and we had private / corporate gigs almost every weekend = $1000 per month extra bread - nice while it lasted! Now I'm in one cover band as my main band and sub in another one - manageable and there are no wacko's in either one, so it's all good right now. No more original projects for me - that part of my gigging is over.
 
#99
Sometimes....when I'm all alone, and no one is watching.....and I'm pissed off at my band situation.....I grab my thumpiest, woodiest, flatwoundiest sounding Pbass ; and play along with the "Theme from Shaft Soundtrack" , for exactly 4 hours and 38 minutes, and all becomes right with the world.
#JamesAlexander!
 
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#100
I just went through this recently myself. Our lead guitar player was the sole cause of the problems we were having in the band. He never practiced. He couldn't keep his guitar in tune for even one song, and it took him 5 minutes or more to tune his guitar (which he did by using a tuner for one string and tuning the rest by ear, on full volume). He didn't listen to the other instruments, it was just him and his guitar in his own little world, just playing whatever the hell he wanted at whatever tempo he wanted. All of my attempts to set him straight failed.

On a few occasions our rhythm guitarist actually put his guitar down and walked out in the middle of a song with me not far behind. I was about ready to ask him to start something else with me because we were so frustrated with this dude. About a week ago our lead guitar guy quit; we all cheered.

But I know how you feel. I was ready to be done with the whole damn thing and record by myself. We're auditioning another guy next week and if he sucks I'm just going to speak my mind right then and there. It's supposed to be fun and make you feel good! But it's frustrating and it sucks! I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find a band that you can be happy with.
 
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