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Venting - LS can't handle playing in a bar that serves shots.

#281
the yeti said:
so now you're back pedaling. deflecting. what a surprise.

"Alcoholism has a cure - quit "

that's you- own it.
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I own the above - why - because it's true - for those who are close to the alcoholic.

Also what is also true is whether the LS is an alcoholic or not is irrelevant to the OP decision on how to move forward.

Did you have a point?
 
#283
lat said:
So, one of the bands I'm in is made of up older guys, two of which are in the health care industry (so are all about taking care of their bodies) and the other three of us are retired. I'm the youngest, at 56. Needless to say, we've all experienced enough of life that I thought we all would be mature enough to know that when we are gigging, we are working, and keeping your alcohol consumption at a manageable level is required. We have played at other venues where this has never been a noticeable issue.

Apparently I was mistaken.

We had a gig last Saturday at a small bar, which can comfortably seat about 80 people. I had previously booked a gig with my other band that went well, so I booked a gig for this band, expecting things to be even better, since the musicianship in this one is of a higher calibre.

LS has a table of family members at the gig. First set went off well. A little bit of weirdness where the LS called some audibles to the set list, but, if his voice can't handle a song that night, then that's cool, nothing we haven't done several times in the past. But, the way he was acting seemed a bit strange...

Second set is getting a bit loose. Unbeknownst to me at the time, LS's family table is starting into the shots. In hindsight, he has probably partaken before the start of the second set. He's rambling into the mic, getting in my face when I'm trying to focus on my playing, missing his queues, etc... I am getting a bit frustrated, but oh well, things are still basically OK. After the second set, the bar owner gave us the max bonus for the night, since we essentially sold out the place. Everybody's happy.

Second break sees the shots come fast and furious. One of LS's family members is INSISTING on EVERYONE at their table having shots.

LS obliges.

Third set is a bit of a trainwreck. LS is stumbling around on stage, slurring his words, making incoherent statements into the mic, totally f'ing up his lines and missing his queues all over the place. He now thinks that he's the star of the show and everyone in the room is there solely to see him, and we are just supporting his wanking. To top it off, his drunk wife yells out that she wants to hear the song that he didn't want to sing in the first set, so of course now he wants to do it. We shut that down quick, thankfully. All of this has the LG and I (just one guitar and me on bass, plus drummer and keys) trying to compensate, sometimes more successfully than others. I thought I had my frustration in check, but I was gobsmacked by his behaviour. What are we, 19 year olds? I spend the rest of the set just trying to hang on, stay focused and get through it. We hit midnight, our time commitment for playing, and I was off the stage as soon I could. Managed to hold my tongue that night, since telling a drunk guy that he's drunk rarely ends well.

So far, this situation is a one off. Up until now we have just played venues where only beer / wine were served. Seems that LS needs to stay away from venues that serve hard liquor. It may be the charitable thing to give him another chance, but I really didn't like having to compensate for his unprofessionalism. In my books, if you can't tow your own weight, then I'm not going to carry you... Will be making a general statement at some point about the fact that we need to treat gigs like work, and not cross the line with alcohol consumption.

Not sure how to word it so that LS doesn't get his back up. Will word it so that it's in keeping with my signature here, but also want to make sure the message gets through...

How would you all handle it? Or, how have you handled similar situations in the past?

grr... senior citizens acting like teenagers... WTAF?!?
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Just let him have this one. His family was there, they were doing shots, things were bound to get rowdy. You got paid so it could have been a lot worse!

I think just a gentle reminder, to everyone in the band, that if we want to get paid we need to keep our drinking in check. That way you're not putting all the blame on him.
 
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#284
Stan_da_man said:
Just let him have this one. His family was there, they were doing shots, things were bound to get rowdy. You got paid so it could have been a lot worse!

I think just a gentle reminder, to everyone in the band, that if we want to get paid we need to keep our drinking in check. That way you're not putting all the blame on him.
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They got a bonus from the bar. There was no issue here save for the one the op is making up in his head. Frankly the op is the only problem here
 
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#285
7615 said:
I own the above - why - because it's true - for those who are close to the alcoholic.

Also what is also true is whether the LS is an alcoholic or not is irrelevant to the OP decision on how to move forward.

Did you have a point?
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yeah i have a point. not drinking doesn't make a person not an alcoholic. your casual ignorance is amazing. are you bluewine returned?

regardless- good day to you sir.
 
#287
the yeti said:
yeah i have a point. not drinking doesn't make a person not an alcoholic. your casual ignorance is amazing. are you bluewine returned?

regardless- good day to you sir.
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Dragging me off topic. Look through the lens of someone affected by a drinkers behavior. That is the topic here.

The cure for the people who associates with drinkers. If the drinker quits then the problem for the associates is cured. Through the lens of Al-Anon.

As stated, and you so astutely observed, I am insensitive to drunks at work. Not drinking certainly puts them into remission and those around them can reap the benefits. The alcoholic probably will also reap the benefit but that is off topic.
 
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#288
7615 said:
Dragging me off topic. Look through the lens of someone affected by a drinkers behavior. That is the topic here.

The cure for the people who associates with drinkers. If the drinker quits then the problem for the associates is cured. Through the lens of Al-Anon.

As stated, and you so astutely observed, I am insensitive to drunks at work. Not drinking certainly puts them into remission and those around them can reap the benefits. The alcoholic probably will also reap the benefit but that is off topic.
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i believe i said good day sir.
 
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#289
DwaynieAD said:
They got a bonus from the bar. There was no issue here save for the one the op is making up in his head. Frankly the op is the only problem here
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Only problem with this is that there is zero connection between getting a bonus from the bar for packing the place, and the fact that we had issues in the 3rd set. We got our pay after the 2nd set. Doing the best job we can is important to me. Apparently more important to me than to others on this forum... ;)
 
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#290
lat said:
Only problem with this is that there is zero connection between getting a bonus from the bar for packing the place, and the fact that we had issues in the 3rd set. We got our pay after the 2nd set. Doing the best job we can is important to me. Apparently more important to me than to others on this forum... ;)
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holy cow. you got paid BEFORE the gig was done? at a bar? lol this thread. i like your smug superiority though, nice touch!
 
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#293
lat said:
Only problem with this is that there is zero connection between getting a bonus from the bar for packing the place, and the fact that we had issues in the 3rd set. We got our pay after the 2nd set. Doing the best job we can is important to me. Apparently more important to me than to others on this forum... ;)
Click to expand...

the yeti said:
holy cow. you got paid BEFORE the gig was done? at a bar? lol this thread. i like your smug superiority though, nice touch!
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Interesting that wanting to do a good job, a professional job, is now smugness. Drinking is a part of being in bands and it confronts those of us who want to do a good job on a regular basis. IME it is very much part of being a musician and something one must learn to deal with.

This thread irritates many, but as a band question this issue has raised its ugly head more often for me than string changes or effects pedals or new amps. A problem some young musicians might think is normal and apparently many older musicians also believe is normal.

Not drinking at work is normal. Doing a crap job you can get away with when you know you could do better is not normal. Or if it is smug superiority - count me in.
 
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#294
lat said:
Only problem with this is that there is zero connection between getting a bonus from the bar for packing the place, and the fact that we had issues in the 3rd set. We got our pay after the 2nd set. Doing the best job we can is important to me. Apparently more important to me than to others on this forum... ;)
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I don't think that's the only problem. His behavior ruined your experience at the least. I don't think that is trivial. Beyond that, I think Stan had the best advice: let him have this one and take some gentle, non-judgemental steps to minimize the chances of it happening again.
 
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#295
Mike Whitfield said:
I don't think that's the only problem. His behavior ruined your experience at the least. I don't think that is trivial. Beyond that, I think Stan had the best advice: let him have this one and take some gentle, non-judgemental steps to minimize the chances of it happening again.
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Yeah, that's what I've settled on as a course of action too... Will make comments at the appropriate time noting that we should watch our C2H5OH intake...
 
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#296
Update, for those that care... I'm leaving this band. Last gig is March 13th. The drinking wasn't the kicker, it was his attitude. Since he has been taking vocal lessons, he now figures he is the most important part of the band (Since he "found his range") and we all should basically just play songs that he wants to sing, so, I'm out. The drinking thing will likely raise its head again, but I can't take his prima donna BS in the meantime, so bye bye... Will miss the LG, could've learned more from him, but oh well, onwards and upwards. Will give me time to work on my theory...
 
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#297
lat said:
Update, for those that care... I'm leaving this band. Last gig is March 13th. The drinking wasn't the kicker, it was his attitude. Since he has been taking vocal lessons, he now figures he is the most important part of the band (Since he "found his range") and we all should basically just play songs that he wants to sing, so, I'm out. The drinking thing will likely raise its head again, but I can't take his prima donna BS in the meantime, so bye bye... Will miss the LG, could've learned more from him, but oh well, onwards and upwards. Will give me time to work on my theory...
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Good luck! Be sure to keep in touch with the other members. :thumbsup:
 
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#299
All the best on whatever comes next. I have no doubt you are correct in thinking that the drinking issues will surface again.

Thanks for the update. I -and I suspect many others- like hearing how stories shared on TB come out in the long run.
 
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#300
Eilif said:
All the best on whatever comes next. I have no doubt you are correct in thinking that the drinking issues will surface again.

Thanks for the update. I -and I suspect many others- like hearing how stories shared on TB come out in the long run.
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I'm thinking the same as you, Eilif.

Good luck to you, lat for leaving the band. I think you're doing the right thing. :thumbsup:

And sadly, the drinking issues almost never seem to go away. :rollno:

Mike
 
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