Yes, as I meant in my post, sometimes women like more expensive and better made things.
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In my early days of practice, I handled quite a number of divorces. The comments about selfishness being the root of divorce are spot on in my experience. That selfishness may manifest itself in a number of ways...seeking gratification outside the marriage, being insensitive to the needs of the other spouse, etc.
There are the odd cases where one spouse becomes mentally ill, physically abusive, etc., but the majority are that they let themselves drift apart or be wedged apart over some issue (usually related to selfishness of one or the other) and they couldn't communicate well enough to work it out.
I always required an attempt to reconcile before filing, which cost me some cases, but sometimes it worked.
Divorce, even under the best of circumstances, is a hard, hard thing.
There are the odd cases where one spouse becomes mentally ill, physically abusive, etc., but the majority are that they let themselves drift apart or be wedged apart over some issue (usually related to selfishness of one or the other) and they couldn't communicate well enough to work it out.
I always required an attempt to reconcile before filing, which cost me some cases, but sometimes it worked.
Divorce, even under the best of circumstances, is a hard, hard thing.
The word "selfish" carries huge negative connotations for a reason. And the rest of your post?? Rolling my eyes here.
A friend of mine dated his girlfriend for 5 years and they lived together for 3 years before they got married. They discussed marriage many times in those 3 years and he always insisted that he didn't want children and he would never change his mind. They were both in their mid 30's and he was happy pursuing his career and hobbies and didn't want to have to deal with kids. She said she was okay with that (I'm sure you can see where this is headed 
) because as long as they could be together she would be happy.
Less than 6 months after they were married she left and he filed for divorce. She had spent their entire marriage, from the honeymoon on, trying to change his mind and have kids.
Men and women tend to think a bit differently about relationships and this is an example of a particular kind of female thinking that results in divorce - by encouraging a marriage that should never have happened in the first place.
Some women erroneously think that marriage is the magic trick that will transform the man they love into the ideal husband.
Of course, men have their own unique ways of buggering up marriages and maybe we could get some women to post in this thread with their thoughts on that subject.
) because as long as they could be together she would be happy. Less than 6 months after they were married she left and he filed for divorce. She had spent their entire marriage, from the honeymoon on, trying to change his mind and have kids.
Men and women tend to think a bit differently about relationships and this is an example of a particular kind of female thinking that results in divorce - by encouraging a marriage that should never have happened in the first place.
Some women erroneously think that marriage is the magic trick that will transform the man they love into the ideal husband.
Of course, men have their own unique ways of buggering up marriages and maybe we could get some women to post in this thread with their thoughts on that subject.
Having kids many times leads to divorce. NOBODY can have a clue of how stressful and strenuous job it is before they actually have one. People get stressed out for not sleeping or having time for themselves and fight all the time. Also, instincts keep telling us that the job is done and you need to find another partner. And there's the hormonal changes that drive women crazy. I don't think anyone should have a kid before the first half-million dollars.
Some women erroneously think that marriage is the magic trick that will transform the man they love into the ideal husband.
Of course, men have their own unique ways of buggering up marriages and maybe we could get some women to post in this thread with their thoughts on that subject.
The old saying goes that women get married thinking they can change their man and men get married thinking their woman won't change. Both are usually disappointed.
I was married at 22 and my wife was 19. We had known each other for a total of 8 weeks on the day we were married. We somehow managed to last 10 years before we divorced though it was inevitable right from the start. We simply didn't know a thing about each other and the differences between us were too great. She ended up leaving me for someone else who was more compatible (ie, wealthier) and I don't blame her. Both of us are equally to blame because we both stupidly thought that getting married based on nothing but young lust is actually a good idea. It never is.
I have been a bachelor for life, despite being heterosexual, educated with a doctorate, not overtly ugly, financially viable (stable ?, never felt stable financially even in good times). And you know, chicks dig the bass, so that part of me didn't hurt my chances.
I really think that it comes down to the cultural changes we have grown with in the western world over the past few decades. My parents were married stably for 44 years, only ended by my Mom's death. Their marriage, hypothetically could have lasted for eternity. But in the days of their wedding in 1957, the world was smaller. It was very satisfying to marry a local girl/boy and to socialize with other couples in a very local simple agenda. My parents were in local organizations, and social clubs/cliques in a very typical way for the time. They were not bombarded through TV when they grew up, so there was less of a sense of the world away. They were also less traveled, compared with my generation, so again the world was only as big as National Geographic magazine. My parents were seldom looking for the greener grass on the other side of the fence. In the western world today we are looking at that grass all the time, told what, how and why we should be, by media and instant communication in a wired world. There's so much more seemingly greener grass to look at, it's no wonder we are never satisfied.
It may sound self-righteous, but I have not sought marriage, because I knew all along that there was no way for me to accept the sort of small world existence and mentality that my parents exhibited. I was raised in a time where individuality was encouraged and celebrated. Conformity was out. It was, "do your own thing". So what is criticized as selfishness, is really just a natural part of being part of contemporary western society. I respect marriage too much, to not commit to it as completely as my parents did. And I find that to be absolutely impossible for me in this world, at this time.
I have several long-known, male friends who are either divorced or currently struggling and on the verge of it, in their second or third marriages. I could easily have been one of them, but I feel better that I am not. I joke with friends that I was born an ex-husband.
I really think that it comes down to the cultural changes we have grown with in the western world over the past few decades. My parents were married stably for 44 years, only ended by my Mom's death. Their marriage, hypothetically could have lasted for eternity. But in the days of their wedding in 1957, the world was smaller. It was very satisfying to marry a local girl/boy and to socialize with other couples in a very local simple agenda. My parents were in local organizations, and social clubs/cliques in a very typical way for the time. They were not bombarded through TV when they grew up, so there was less of a sense of the world away. They were also less traveled, compared with my generation, so again the world was only as big as National Geographic magazine. My parents were seldom looking for the greener grass on the other side of the fence. In the western world today we are looking at that grass all the time, told what, how and why we should be, by media and instant communication in a wired world. There's so much more seemingly greener grass to look at, it's no wonder we are never satisfied.
It may sound self-righteous, but I have not sought marriage, because I knew all along that there was no way for me to accept the sort of small world existence and mentality that my parents exhibited. I was raised in a time where individuality was encouraged and celebrated. Conformity was out. It was, "do your own thing". So what is criticized as selfishness, is really just a natural part of being part of contemporary western society. I respect marriage too much, to not commit to it as completely as my parents did. And I find that to be absolutely impossible for me in this world, at this time.
I have several long-known, male friends who are either divorced or currently struggling and on the verge of it, in their second or third marriages. I could easily have been one of them, but I feel better that I am not. I joke with friends that I was born an ex-husband.
No experience here, but I wonder why people get married at all. Is your word not enough when you want to make the commitment? Also, what do you all think about humans naturally not supposed to be together that long? I've heard some people say that love is stupid, naturally humans just have lust. That I don't understand at all and think it is stupid. Please excuse my naive-ness on the subject, I'm curious to hear what you all think!
Wearing clothes isn't natural either.
I laugh at people who say such things, that there's no such thing as love, or that humans aren't supposed to have long lasting relationships. My grandparents on my mom's side made 50 years before my grandfather died a couple years later. They'd argue all the time, yet it was still clear how much they loved each other. My grandparents on my dad's side are still married and will be celebrating 60 years together pretty soon.
My parents were married almost 25 years before my dad died. My mom still wears her wedding and engagement rings.
Marriage can last if the people who are married are compatible with each other and also willing to put in the huge amount of effort it takes to keep a relationship going.
I'm not married, but I've been together with my girlfriend for four years, five this December. Relationships take a lot of work on the part of both people. It hasn't always been easy, and I'm sure that we'll see more hard times in the future.
A lot of people are just unrealistic about this, I think. Marriage isn't a cure-all for relationship problems, and in some ways could make them worse because you can't simply break up, you have to go through divorce.
My parents were married for 18 years, then I was born. So my guess is that I was the cause for my parents going different paths.
I'm two weeks away from finalizing the divorvce on my third marriage. For the record marriage # 1 lasted 4 years and marriages #2 and 3 lasted exactly 10 years each. My analysis of the root cause of failure for marriages #1 and 2 were the Army. Especially in marriage #2. No one comes back from two combat tours the same, and I respect that my partner was uncomfortable that I wasn't the person I had been before those tours.
As for marriage #3 I suppose it was change on both of our parts. I changed into a 46 year old and in response my soon to be ex changed to a 24 year old. I hope she likes her "prize", they deserve each other.
As for marriage #3 I suppose it was change on both of our parts. I changed into a 46 year old and in response my soon to be ex changed to a 24 year old. I hope she likes her "prize", they deserve each other.
