Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
It's BPD and other personality disorders. All the shrinks know it but they keep it quiet, cause it's too hard to handle.
like many above stated, theres no one cause. But communication...TRUE communication or lackthereof, can be a major factor.
Really? My parents have been married 38 years and I dont think Ive ever seen them in the same room.
Ok, well my example wasnt necessarily real, my parents spend a lot of time together, but I have witnessed some couples who are rarely in the same room together, like my next door neighbors.
Do you really think that's all love is? Just happy memories of someone or something? Where's the sacrifice? Where's the endurance? Where's the substance? How does that explain a mother's love for her newborn child who hasn't even been in the world long enough to create a sequence of good memories with the mother--and yet, more often than not, she would give her OWN LIFE up for that child? Love's more than simply more positives than negatives. I think love is the force that causes someone who sees ONLY the negatives to still make a GREAT effort and maintain hope and to force themselves to see things differently and to act differently.
I'm not totally ignorant of reality (although given some folks' opinions of my "religious" views, they would think that I am). I know that a love relationship takes TWO participants. Unreturned love is painful and unfulfilling. It's disappointing and that disappointment can be very profound...even crippling. Love SHOULD be returned and we know that and feel that. To love someone and not be loved in return is unjust. It feels wrong; it feels like they've done evil to us. I know that is reality.
You cannot force someone to love you; you can only force yourself to love someone else (even in the face of rejection). Love is not a feeling...it's a decision. Love is not an act of the emotions; that's romance. Love is an act of the WILL. Sometimes people are hard to love, sometimes people don't deserve to be loved by us, sometimes people reject love...that "sin" is on their heads. It's our responsibility and priviledge to love them anyway. True love (which is hard to live but should be our goal) is NOT selfish. In other words, love doesn't seek reward or recognition or anything in return. Love is something we give for the benefit of someone else. Once we start focusing on what we hope to get, what we are "waiting for" in return our focus in on US again (selfishness) and not on the other person (love).
I know this is a very hard thing to read and even harder to live. I'm not saying that I'm living this perfectly either. I have a good, healthy marriage and it's still a daily struggle to love this way. I'm saying that this is what our goal should be. The question that comes is: If I put myself out there to love someone who doesn't return that love, who will protect ME?...and THAT is where it gets "religious". It requires faith in God that God will take care of you in all circumstances to be able to make yourself vulnerable enough to love someone else like that. Without faith in God, we just can't do it. If anyone knows of another way we can, let's hear it.
I know many people here don't share my religious views on marriage (and that's cool with me), but if you know of another way to achieve true, selfless love--I'd like to know about it. I believe that we are paralyzed from making ourselves that vulnerable and selfless unless we can trust someone (or something) to protect us (since true love doesn't protect itself since it is not self-centered)...cuz no one wants to die--even if it's just emotionally.
...and here come the flames (3...2...1)
I read an article lately that indicated many women, and men, felt different about each other's "scent" after the women went on or off "the pill". Is it possible the pill has influenced divorce rates in some odd fashion?
