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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#141
So an Asian businessman goes into a bank to exchange some currency. The line is short, only one person ahead of him. He reaches the window and holds out a wad of Asian currency. The teller takes it, counts it out, then hands the man $203 in American greenbacks. The businessman bows, turns around, and hurries out of the bank.

The next day, he shows up again, hands the teller another wad of Asian currency, she counts it, hands him $180. The Asian businessman gets quite upset, and starts to argue with the teller.

"Yesterday I come in, give you my money, you give me $203 in American dollars! Today, I give you same amount of money, you give me only $180!!! Why you only give me $180??"

The teller looks at him patiently, then shrugs and says "Fluctuations", turns and goes over to the table behind her to do some paperwork.

The businessman screams at her "Oh yeah? Well, FLUCSHOOAMELICANS TOO!!"
 
#142
Bassic83 said:
So an Asian businessman goes into a bank to exchange some currency. The line is short, only one person ahead of him. He reaches the window and holds out a wad of Asian currency. The teller takes it, counts it out, then hands the man $203 in American greenbacks. The businessman bows, turns around, and hurries out of the bank.

The next day, he shows up again, hands the teller another wad of Asian currency, she counts it, hands him $180. The Asian businessman gets quite upset, and starts to argue with the teller.

"Yesterday I come in, give you my money, you give me $203 in American dollars! Today, I give you same amount of money, you give me only $180!!! Why you only give me $180??"

The teller looks at him patiently, then shrugs and says "Fluctuations", turns and goes over to the table behind her to do some paperwork.

The businessman screams at her "Oh yeah? Well, FLUCSHOOAMELICANS TOO!!"
Click to expand...

:D
 
#145
soulgeezer said:
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. What team, do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Click to expand...

:D :D i like this one!!
... wait!!! i'm from montreal!! IT ISN'T FUNNY!!
lol.:p
 
#146
A guy walks into his doctors office with a piece of paper and hands it to his doctor. The note reads "Dear doc, I have totally lost the ability to speak. Can you help me?"

The doctor says "Ok, take out your penis and put it on the table"

The guy takes out his penis and lays it on the table. The doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits the mans penis as hard as he can.

The guy screams "AAAAAAAAAAAA"


The doctor says "Excellent! Come back tomorrow and we'll start on the B's"
 
#148
A guy walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist "I need condoms for my eleven year old daughter"

The pharmacist says "Your daughter is sexually active at eleven?"





The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother"
 
#149
excane said:
A guy walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist "I need condoms for my eleven year old daughter"

The pharmacist says "Your daughter is sexually active at eleven?"





The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother"
Click to expand...

Ok...you just lowered the bar buddy. :ninja:

A twenty year old guy's girlfriend asked him if he was a pedophile. He said, "that's an awfully big word for an eight year old, isn't it."
 
#151
A twelve year old girl comes home from school and says "Mommy, is it true that babies come out from where boys put their penises in?

The mother hesitates then says "Yes dear, that's true"





The little girl says "Won't that break my teeth?"
 
#155
An 80-year-old couple is having trouble remembering things, so they go to see their doctor to make sure there's nothing wrong.
After an exam, the doctor says, "You're physically okay, but you guys might want to start writing notes to help you remember things."

That night they're watching TV when the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife says, "Where are you going?"
He says, "To the kitchen."
She says, "Will you get me some vanilla ice cream?"
He says, "All right."

She says, "Don't you think you should write it down?"
He says, "I don't have to write it down...vanilla ice cream."
She says, "Could I have strawberries and whip cream?"
He says, "All right."

She says, "Don't you think you should write it down?"
He says, "I don't have to write it down...vanilla ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

Twenty minutes later he walks in and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.




She says, "You forgot my F***ing toast."
 
#156
An American tourist arrives in Europe and goes on a cruise of the Mediterranean. As the ship plows the azure billows of the Aegean Sea he's standing on deck, taking the air and enjoying the scenery. A fellow passenger comes up to him and points excitedly to the white-capped peaks looming on the distant horizon.

Fellow passenger: "See those mountains? That's Greece!"
American: "Yeah? Christ, and I thought it was snow!"

(Ba-dam, boom, crash)
 
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