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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#161
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lmoh said:
An American tourist arrives in Europe and goes on a cruise of the Mediterranean. As the ship plows the azure billows of the Aegean Sea he's standing on deck, taking the air and enjoying the scenery. A fellow passenger comes up to him and points excitedly to the white-capped peaks looming on the distant horizon.

Fellow passenger: "See those mountains? That's Greece!"
American: "Yeah? Christ, and I thought it was snow!"

(Ba-dam, boom, crash)
Click to expand...

Gets my vote!
 
#162
A blonde a brunette and a redhead lined up on a wall with a gun pointed at them. The man holding the gun asked if anyone had any last words. The brunette said Tsunami!!! And everyone took cover and she ran out. The man, now pissed pointed his gun at the red head and asked if she had any last words. She yelled Tornado!!! And everyone ran to the underground shelter. The red head ran to the mall. The man with the gun now VERY VERY VERY pissed asked the blonde if she had any last words. She tried to be smart like the two before her. She yelled fire!!!...
 
#163
Jiggybass said:
A blonde a brunette and a redhead lined up on a wall with a gun pointed at them. The man holding the gun asked if anyone had any last words. The brunette said Tsunami!!! And everyone took cover and she ran out. The man, now pissed pointed his gun at the red head and asked if she had any last words. She yelled Tornado!!! And everyone ran to the underground shelter. The red head ran to the mall. The man with the gun now VERY VERY VERY pissed asked the blonde if she had any last words. She tried to be smart like the two before her. She yelled fire!!!...
Click to expand...

old




but good
 
#170
Oprah goes to the doctor with a sore throat.

He says, "Take off all of your clothes, lie on your back on my table, and spread your legs as wide as you can."

She says, "How will that help my sore throat?"








He says, "It won't, but I want to see how my house will look painted black with pink shutters."
 
#171
A blonde comes down to a river bank. She sees another blonde on the far side.
She shouts across, "Hey, how do you get on the other side?"
To which the other blonde replies, "Silly, you're already on the other side."

A blonde walks into a doctors office and says "Doc. I hurt everywhere on my body." She pokes her arm "Ow!", pokes her knee "Ouch!", touches her stomach "Yeowch!".
Doctor says, "Broken finger."

Irish guy trying to find a parking space in NYC. After a long while of searching says, "God, if you grant me a parking spot I promise I will quit drinking, gambling and I will attend church every Sunday from now on."
A parking space suddenly opens up and the Irishman says, "Oh -- nevermind."

Did you know diarrea is genetic? It runs in your jeans.
 
#172
A young boy and his father are walking through the park and see two dogs in the act. The son looks up to his father and asks "Daddy, what are they doing?" To which the father replies, "They're making a puppy."

Later that night the little boy wakes up, walks into his parent's room and catches them in the act. The boys looks at his father and asks, "Daddy what are you and mommy doing?" The father looks at his son and says, "We're making a baby."

The little boy looks at his father and says, "Well turn her over, I'd rather have a puppy."
 
#173
An elderly couple are looking to spice up their sex lives. The wife goes out to an Ann Summers shop and gets a sexy get up that's in the style of a superhero outfit, complete with cape.

When its time for bed, she puts on the outfit and hides on top of the wardrobe to wait for her husband coming in.

He walks into the bedroom, gets undressed and gets into bed.

The wife leaps off the wardrobe shouting "superfanny".

The husband looks up and says "I'll have the soup"


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A woman walks into a butchers shop -

"is that a sheep's head in the window?"

"no, its a mirror"


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Another woman walks into a butcher -

" a pound of bacon please"

"lean back?"

"no, smoked middle"

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In a basketball game, who would win between the Foo Fighters and U2?

The foo fighters are good but U2 have the Edge
 
#177
Two women are driving along in the country and they both have to pee really badly, so they pull off the road and climb over a fence into a graveyard.

The first woman pees behind a tombstone, finds nothing to wipe with, so she wipes with her panties and leaves them there.

The second woman pees behind a tombstone next to a fresh grave, and uses a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself.

The next day the husbands are talking on the phone.
The first husband says, "We gotta start keeping an eye on our wives. Yesterday my wife came home with no panties."




The second husband says, "That's nothing. Yesterday my wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that said "We're all really gonna miss you."
 
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