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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#201
Two guys are talking to each other about their wives.

One guy says "Man, sex with my wife is getting really old and boring. Every night it's the same hole, the same hole, the same hole, the same hole. I can't take it anymore......the same hole, the same hole"

The other guy says "Why don't you just flip her over?"



















The guy replies "Are you crazy.......and have all those kids running around?"
 
#202
This is for Morf: :D


There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.

On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farmhand was and she repied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!
 
#203
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.

Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "Well, how did she look?" "Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?" "She was watching us through the window."
 
#204
A guy is driving down a deserted highway. He pulls up to an intersection, and rolls through the stop sign. From out of nowhere, a cop pulls him over.

COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
GUY: "Hey, I slowed down didn't I???"
COP: "You must come to a full stop at the sign."
GUY: "Stop. Slow down. What's the difference?"
The cop pulls out his baton and starts to beat the guy with-out mercy.
COP: "Well, do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?"
 
#206
A guy has been drinking all night and a cop pulls him over for driving recklessly.

The cop says "Sir I'm gonna have to give you a breathalyzer test"

The man says "You can't do that, I have asthma. If you give me a breathalyzer test I won't be able to stop coughing"

The cop says "Then I have to give you a blood test.

The man says "You can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac. If you give me a blood test, I won't stop bleeding"

The cop says "Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line"

The man says "I can't do that"

The cop asks "Why not?"
















The man says "Because I'm f****** drunk you idiot"
 
#207
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?



Matt.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mail box?



Bill.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?



Art.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under a car?



Jack.


What do you call a guy with no and no legs on a stage?



Mike.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?



Doug.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?



Bob.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing?



Skip.



What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at the bottom of the ocean?



Sandy.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who's been attacked by a lion?



Claude.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?



Russell.



(that's all i could remember for now)
 
#213
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I!

And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town"

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I!

And may I ask, to what school would you have been going?"


The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."



The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. I thought you looked familiar.

Tell me, what year did you graduate?"



The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me ownself."



About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.



Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,

"It's going to be a l o n g night tonight!!!!"



Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"



"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
 
#214
Two Irish guys are out on a boat fishing.

One of them snags something and pulls it up. It's a bottle. He rubs the bottle and a genie pops out.
The genie says "One wish, whatever you want"

The first guy says "Well turn the lake into beer"

The genie nods his head and turns the lake into beer.

The first guy looks at the second guy and says smiling "So whatdya think?"


















The second guy says "I think you're an ass**** Now we've got to piss in the boat"
 
#215
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

















The man says "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
 
#216
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a guy standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the guy said, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the guy to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"





























The guy replied, "Cause you're ugly."
 
#217
A lady goes to her doctor and explains that her husband can't get it up like he used to and their sex life is suffering.

The doctor asks, "Have you heard of a new drug named Zyban?"

The lady says yes, but adds that her husband refuses to take pills of any kind, and certainly won't take anything that "will make him feel like less of a man."

The doctor advises the woman to slip it into his morning coffee when he isn't looking.

The woman is nervous, but the doctor insists, "it will change your life within a day," so she decides to try it.

A week goes by and the lady shows back up at the doctor's office and the doctor asks her how it went.

The lady heaves a tremedous sigh and explains, "I snuck it into his coffee like you said. And, sure enough, within 15 minutes, he cleared off the table, threw me on it and we had the best sex we'd had in 20 years."

Perplexed, the doctor asks, "What's wrong with that?"
































The lady looks at him, shakes her head and says, "I don't think I'll be able to show my face at McDonalds again."
 
#219
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory.

One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?"

"For twenty years I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer," he explained, "and today I finally did it!"

The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done.

"You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to the pickle slicer?"




















"Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too."
 
#220
Do you know what the generic name for Viagra is?

Micoxaflopin.


And for the dead baby crowd:


How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other habd to the ground.



What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?

An erection.
 
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