What's green and brown, has six holes and live in trees?
A pool table... I lied about the trees
A pool table... I lied about the trees
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
What's the funniest joke you know?
- Thread starter soulgeezer
- Start date
- Status
What's the difference between a dead baby and a bowling ball?
Dead baby goes soft after 2 frames.
Dead baby goes soft after 2 frames.
Why is doing the laundry better than having sex with your wife?
You don't have to hug the washing machine when you're done dropping a load in it.
You don't have to hug the washing machine when you're done dropping a load in it.
what's with all the dead baby jokes? must be an american thing... i've never heard any of them before. not that i'm disappointed. they're a bit ordinary.
What's the first thing you hear when you ship thousands of criminals off to an island?
G'Day
I'll somewhat agree with the dead baby jokes.....they get kinda old and take the level of tasteless down a notch or two.
Let's get more tasteful jokes going here....
So did you here the father of JonBenet Ramsey is under suspicion again?
Yeah, police think he might have disturbed the crime scene when he jacked off on her body.
Let's get more tasteful jokes going here....
So did you here the father of JonBenet Ramsey is under suspicion again?
Yeah, police think he might have disturbed the crime scene when he jacked off on her body.
LOL yeah, I guess that's true. But we, myself included, have to have some better jokes than dead babies and necropedophiles...
There's a guy at work, who has to make a presentation in front of a lot of higher-ups. Because of this, he's very nervous, he's sweating, he can't remember half of his presentation. His boss sees this, and decides to offer him some advice. He says "Whenever I have to make a big presentation, and I'm nervous, I go home, and nail my wife. After that, I'm relaxed, and I come back to work, and make the presentation without any problems. I think you should try it"
So the guy leaves, comes back later, and makes a great presentation. His boss walks up to him after the presentation and asks "So what'd you do?" and the guy replies "I took your advice, and it worked great. By the way, you got a nice bedroom"
So the guy leaves, comes back later, and makes a great presentation. His boss walks up to him after the presentation and asks "So what'd you do?" and the guy replies "I took your advice, and it worked great. By the way, you got a nice bedroom"
Two guys are telling stories.
One guy says "You know one time in Vietnam, I didn't eat for 3 weeks"
The other guy says "That's crazy, you can't go 3 weeks without eating"
The first guy says "Well I had a big meal before I was captured, and I trained myself to eat my own S***
The second guy says "No way I don't believe it. Nobody eats their own S*** Prove it"
The first guy pulls down his pants, pinches out a little, and he eats it. The other guy says "Oh my god, you're a freak. I think we could make a lot of money by taking bets, I know a lot of high rolling gamblers....you up for it?"
The first guy says "Sure why not"
The two guys get together with a group of gamblers and one of the gamblers says "Alright let's see this guy do this"
The first guy pulls down his pants, grunts out a big log of S***, puts it on a plate, and just as he's about to eat he looks down and pukes all over the gamblers. The gamblers beat the crap out of the guys, take the money, and leave.
The second guy says "Man what the hell is wrong with you!!! Why didn't you eat the S***???
The first guy says "There was a hair in it"
One guy says "You know one time in Vietnam, I didn't eat for 3 weeks"
The other guy says "That's crazy, you can't go 3 weeks without eating"
The first guy says "Well I had a big meal before I was captured, and I trained myself to eat my own S***
The second guy says "No way I don't believe it. Nobody eats their own S*** Prove it"
The first guy pulls down his pants, pinches out a little, and he eats it. The other guy says "Oh my god, you're a freak. I think we could make a lot of money by taking bets, I know a lot of high rolling gamblers....you up for it?"
The first guy says "Sure why not"
The two guys get together with a group of gamblers and one of the gamblers says "Alright let's see this guy do this"
The first guy pulls down his pants, grunts out a big log of S***, puts it on a plate, and just as he's about to eat he looks down and pukes all over the gamblers. The gamblers beat the crap out of the guys, take the money, and leave.
The second guy says "Man what the hell is wrong with you!!! Why didn't you eat the S***???
The first guy says "There was a hair in it"
- Status
