I'm lucky that the drummer I'm in a band with is very good. His sense of timing is impeccable, he dynamics are good, and he's good at communicating with the other musicians, watching for cues, giving cues, etc. When we were younger (college age), he used to try to be a hot shot, throwing in a bunch of unnecessary fills, and always wanting to have a drum solo that would last several minutes. He was no Neal Peart, and the venues we were playing were not the arenas and amphitheaters Neal Peart plays in. Small bar crowds don't care about drum solos! He also used to have a crazy stripper girlfriend who made our practices / gigs drama tests.
Now we're in our 30s, married with kids, careers, mortgages, all that ********. He has really calmed down in his playing. He's great about playing in the pocket, playing to suit the song, not himself.