Working bassists who have quit drinking

[two fingers]

Have no expectations, they are never met. There is no 'gotta be this way', 'have to be that.....', 'supposed to be....', etc.
There is no good or bad, no normal, no crazy, all there is, is IS. Once you can come to terms with that, you are set.

I couldn't disagree more. There are standards. We all have them. Some higher than others. There are things I won't do. There are things I won't tolerate. There are lots of things (or used to be anyway) that are "supposed to be".

I not only have expectations, but dreams and aspirations too. Not shooting for something takes the purpose of life away (to me).

So, OP, find something to shoot for. Get healthier. Make your band work (if that is what you determine is what you want). If something about the band (or a relationship) is disruptive or (even worse) destructive, move on and find a positive project. Life is too short to put up with too much stress on the off chance of making it big.

Be good to yourself and those around you. Take care of yourself. Everything else should sort itself out. Best of luck with it.

To go back to answering your question more directly, there are risks involved with standing up for yourself and insisting on what works for you. You may lose some "friends". (I did.) You may even be ridiculed by grown men and women. Some may even act as though your decision to get healthy is (don't doubt me) immoral! "You ain't one of us no more." I have actually heard this from someone I played with for 8 years. Hell, I even got chastised for having children because that wasn't good for the band's goals.

Short version. Only you know what you need to do to make yourself happy and (both physically and mentally) healthy. The downside is you can't control how others will react to "the new you". Those who come along for the ride are your true friends. Those who don't are expendable.

Here's to hoping whatever your health issues are/were clear up for good.

 

[Dana R Gregory]

Congrats on your sobriety. You did a good thing. I have heard it said that you are not responsible for other people's happiness. You are not here to please them or live by their rules just to be "one of the crowd". You need to associate with sober musicians and friends because the non sober people will drag you back into the sewer. If you hang around the barbershop long enough you WILL get a haircut. As far as I am concerned alcohol and drugs only bring out the worst in people. They take everything and give nothing. Take care of your self first. If your "friends" don't like you being sober, then find new friends. who are sober. It will be worth the effort. Good luck.

 

[thmsjordan]

I have worked in the field of ETOH and heroin addiction and I had some problems myself earlier in life. It is not your main problem as you say but a player in the whole mix. Still, you seem to be seeing things differently which implies that you were altered enough of the time that it skewed your judgement on a more or less fulltime basis. I know when I made the change, I had to change the people I was with. Interestingly, if you are really solid in your decision to quit, it is kind of like things just sort of line up that way. Decisions become clear when you make the change. I saw it many times and experienced it myself. Only you can say where you are, and only you can say what you can or cannot deal with.

I encourage you to take care of yourself first and foremost. My best friend drank and drugged himself into serious heart problems. He has arrythmia and is constantly needing to go to the ER to have his sinus rythm set right (usually with elctrocardioversion) even after heart surgery, he isn't right. This was an athlete and PHD who was a cross country cyclist, and a leading professor in his field, well published and respected, in addition to being a fine Jazz sax player. Now he sits at home, too exhausted to do much of anything. It is sad because he was being told by everyone what would happen, and he kept going until now he is a shadow of his former self.

Not sure if any of this applies to you, but hope you make decisions that will make you well.

 

[Robroy]

Working bassists who have quit drinking... how many of you are out there? What changes have you made to your music lifestyle regarding the bands you play with or projects you get involved with? I had a health scare on tour in a foreign country a little over 2 months ago and I promptly quit drinking based on doctor's advice (it wasn't the main issue, but it never hurts to listen to the doc). Since then i've been taking a LONG look at my relationships in music and life and how the 2 co-exist. I can deal with people who drink, that's not the issue, it's more about seeing who people (i.e. some bandmembers and others I work with) really are without me being under the influence. In other words do I want to keep doing this with people who are not what i thought they were?

If you have been in this situation did you stay or go? If you stayed, what kind of personal concessions did you make to keep your sanity? Do you keep the gig for the obvious reasons and push through, or are you are better off not being there? I'm not at this point yet by any means, but if it comes up I was just curious how others are handling stuff like this.

There is an old phrase: Look at the people you hang around with. In three years you will be one of them.

I drink, but as in "Have a beer" or have ONE scotch, neat. I've slowly removed from my "regular" circle of friends those who imbibe a lot. My last band here had a leader that would down12+shots during a gig. But the third set he was making a lot of mistakes, by the fourth set you just hoped the crowd was as drunk as he was - which they usually were.

Which brings me to my solution: I play in a band that plays only non-alcohol (or private) events. It's easy because we are surrounded by dry or "moist" counties.

The downside is the gigs don't pay much, but they are a lot of fun.

 

[bassgrooves2]

I am sober and have been for several years now. I play with a few different groups around town and strangely the one that feels most unnatural to me no is the one group I've been with for 10 years. The problem there isn't as much drinking as it is herbal remedies. I have nothing against it, but when it causes performance issues, then I have a problem. The drummer, one of my best friends of about 20 years, simply will not play until he smokes. Claims he can't play without it. He is a talented drummer, but it seems he is more interested in feeling like a teenager again than providing a solid performance.

I am working hard at trying to have him realize the seriousness of the situation (being that if it doesn't change, I'm leaving after 10 years) and am hopeful that he will come around. It's not difficult for me to be around and get along with intoxicated people, but when the music suffers, I'm pissed.

 

[TripleDouble]

When I quit drinkin and druggin and being a wild jerk, I had to sever some ties, some with musicians and people I cared about. Some doors closed, and others opened. Basically, I changed from a guy who was hellbent on being popular/destroying myself, to a guy who gigs, does sessions, teaches lessons, and has a house and couple dogs. Both had/have their time and place, but I'm glad I'm here now, the lifestyle was going to kill me one way or another...I found a lot of clarity and increased productivity in my relationships with other musiciains once the dust settled.

 

[jertravis]

DUI?? I don't drink at gigs for this reason. Most of the gigs we play are in bars and somebody is always buying drinks for the band. Diving home at 2AM after the gig you might as well paint a target on your car for the police. I don't take any chances!!!

 

[Steve Dallman]

The City of Appleton police department was kind enough to convince me 32 years ago that it was a good time to quit drinking. I used to drink at least a 12 pack a day and over a case when I played. I did that for over 10 years.

The first gigs sober felt very stark. I felt a little on edge and exposed. But it only took a few gigs to adjust, and I not only played and sang better, but enjoyed playing more than ever. No more playing, looking forward to the break to get another beer. I listened to the other musicians more, payed attention to what I was playing while looking for ways to make everything sound better. The band sounded better, just because I quit drinking.

Quitting was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I regret the time, money and brain cells I wasted drinking. I dearly wish I could get those brain cells back as I've had to deal with a slowly progressing dementia for the past 10 years.

In the band I play in now, the drummer has two or three beers a gig, while the guitar player and I don't drink at all. I have more fun playing now than ever.

There is nothing I've done in my life that drinking made better. It was fun for a while but became a very bad habit that lowered the quality of my life for years. My drinking was just stupid. My story is too common here in WI where we have way too many people habitually abusing alcohol. (My youngest sister just successfully went through rehab a year ago.)

 

[engedi1]

In Nashville it is very tough to make it in the pro scene as the musicians here really expect you to party with them. Because there are so many great players, at some point it doesn't matter how good you are (another guy as good or better just moved to town last week and needs a gig), but it matters more of are you a cool guy to hang with? Do they like you? What is your rep on the gig and after the gig? And if the gig leader's idea of a cool hang is drinking until 3 am 4 nights a week, he is going to use the bass player who does that with him. You have to find like minded guys to gig with who aren't compulsive drinkers and it ain't always so easy. Now, REAL pros around here don't get wasted before or during the gig, they save that for the after party. I have played with some serious alcoholics who needed booze to function the same way I need coffee, but they were weren't wasted on the gig, they just needed a few shots to get stabilized and then they would get shitfaced after the gig maybe. I am known to have a shot or two before the big and maybe one during a break, but I am a big guy and three shots or 3 or 4 beers spread out over 3 hours doesn't effect me much. So in my case I will do a shot or beer with the guys before or during a break but NEVER, EVER do I over do it. I have a tough enough time remembering all the damn chord changes on whatever country tune came out last week as it is

 

[engedi1]

I also second the advice about having kids. If that doesn't sober you up, it means you have a serious, serious problem and need professional help. There is nothing sadder to me than seeing a friend pass before his time due to drugs and alcohol. I am grateful to God I have been spared from that.

 

[Ianhin]

I cant drink and play at all.

 

[Nephilymbass]

Working bassists who have quit drinking... how many of you are out there? What changes have you made to your music lifestyle regarding the bands you play with or projects you get involved with? I had a health scare on tour in a foreign country a little over 2 months ago and I promptly quit drinking based on doctor's advice (it wasn't the main issue, but it never hurts to listen to the doc). Since then i've been taking a LONG look at my relationships in music and life and how the 2 co-exist. I can deal with people who drink, that's not the issue, it's more about seeing who people (i.e. some bandmembers and others I work with) really are without me being under the influence. In other words do I want to keep doing this with people who are not what i thought they were?

If you have been in this situation did you stay or go? If you stayed, what kind of personal concessions did you make to keep your sanity? Do you keep the gig for the obvious reasons and push through, or are you are better off not being there? I'm not at this point yet by any means, but if it comes up I was just curious how others are handling stuff like this.

You definetly find out who your friends are when you make lifestyle changes. I never quit drinking entirely but I don't hang out at clubs/bars anymore unless my bands playing. I don't drink if i go to a big concert. Getting married and having kids changed all that stuff for me. Most of my drinking these days is at home after the kids are in bed. I'm also in the medical field Now and I'm on call most week nights so partially do to my job I don't drink like I used to. But really now that I've cut back a lot I can see that used to have a serious drinking issue. Even if it never landed me in the hospital it likely would have eventually not to mention when you realize how much money you literally pee away it's like what was I thinking.

In my band our ages range from 30-34. We have everything from the straight edge guy to an alcoholic we have to always be on about drinking so he's not drunk onstage. 3 of us, myself included, drink a little. If we ever get drunk it's at home. Most of the time when the three of us drink it's just a beer or two among friends or a margarita at dinner with friends. And we've all known each other so long we knew each before alcohol came along. So we never really had to deal with all that. I know when I stopped drinking so much it really made the rest of the band take a closer look at our one member who drinks a lot. I'm not a prude or a narcissistic "hey do you want to hear about the marathon I ran last weekend" type. But I'm to the point now where 3 of my 4 grandparents have passed, my dad passed, and even one of my cousins passed. I want to take better care of myself so I can live to see my grandkids, and hopefully the end of citizens United.

 

[holdfast]

…I felt disappointed that the band was not playing up to it's potential, and the silly behavior was not funny anymore.…

This. I'm the member of the band who does not drink at rehearsals or shows. I'm often disappointed that the originals band I am in is not living up to its' potential. The other members (one is the BL) are in drinking/party mode, and they do a lot of BIG talk about the band. But talk is cheap. As the sober guy, I can see that the band is really not a priority. It comes in third, after partay! and bragging rights.

 

[TripleDouble]

This. I'm the member of the band who does not drink at rehearsals or shows. I'm often disappointed that the originals band I am in is not living up to its' potential. The other members (one is the BL) are in drinking/party mode, and they do a lot of BIG talk about the band. But talk is cheap. As the sober guy, I can see that the band is really not a priority. It comes in third, after partay! and bragging rights.

I was in a band for years that was really pretty cool and had a ton of potential and was even small-time popular for a bit, but we all spent too much time partying and talking about how cool our band was instead of really getting out there and doing it in a dedicated, motivated manner.

 

[wrench45us]

There is nothing quite so eye opening as being sober around people you used to drink with.
Seeing more clearly how people act under the influence and how their behavior changes as they drink, well it often comes back to having to admit you were like that. I know it was unpleasant for me to see that in myself.
Other than that I can only control my own behavior.

Aside from the shared interest in drinking and in this case music, it can suddenly be more difficult to sort out why one hangs around with these guys or around a particular scene.
If there's not enough there and you can't put up with their behavior when you're sober, it's time to move on.
Believe me your being sober is a real buzzkill for them -- at least it was in my case.

It's all painful to be sure.

 

[gustobassman]

Thanks for the kind words everybody, I have to say if the doc hadn't told me to stop drinking this would be a heck of a lot harder. That said it's actually been pretty darn easy.

I'm going to keep my head up, not be the "sober guy", I'm going to be me. If the situations I'm not happy about persist, then I will make the decisions necessary to keep me smiling.

EDIT: Not all of the issues are because others are drunk or whatever. I've just been realizing that, like one guy posted above, big talk is nothing more than that. And being a d!#k to people is not going to get you anywhere.

 

[lfmn16]

I'm more concerned about the fact that some of the people I work with are straight looney #$%&'s (what musician isn't) and I never really noticed after a few beers before, LOL!!

Not trying to be a jerk, but if you didn't notice that someone you work with was straight looney, you probably were having more than a few beers.

 

[gustobassman]

Not trying to be a jerk, but if you didn't notice that someone you work with was straight looney, you probably were having more than a few beers.

Very true. But, in my case when it's a 6-8 person band (depending what the BL wants for that show/tour) and there is a revolving door of players, I got stuck in my little space and obviously got "too comfortable" in that messed up environment. But you are probably more right than wrong.

 

[Coolhandjjl]

There is nothing quite so eye opening as being sober around people you used to drink with.
Seeing more clearly how people act under the influence and how their behavior changes as they drink, well it often comes back to having to admit you were like that. I know it was unpleasant for me to see that in myself.
Other than that I can only control my own behavior.....

I have found that those behaviors were always there, regardless of the presence or absence of alcohol. But I agree with your general premise.



Not everyone who drinks, even a lot, is an alcoholic.
Not everyone who want to quit drinking is an alcoholic. Plenty of other reasons to quit drinking.
Not everyone who quits cold turkey is a white knuckle'n dry drunk.
I suggest to problem drinkers who want to quit to consider trying it for six months. I tell them they can always go back to drinking with a double-your-misery-back guarantee.

Friend of Bill's for going on 12 years now.

 

[holdfast]

…Think of the band as an interactive sitcom. …

I've actually had to adopt this mind-set over the past year. When it became apparent to me that the band was going to go nowhere, and that my creative, songwriting, people skills and music production abilities were not wanted, I gave up maintaining the band website, and I shut my mouth and committed to only one rehearsal per week. For that one night, I get out to play music and try to improve myself on bass, but I have to treat it like a sitcom because there is usually a partay going on around the rehearsal, involving drunk/high/crazy friends of one of the band members.