17 year old curfew

[guy n. cognito]

Now, one thing unmentioned so far is the fact that this is a 17 year old man, not a 7 year old girl. If I have girls I will want them locked and chained in their rooms till they are 25, at least...

Seriously though, someone mentioned school dances. The fun doesn't even start till the dance is over. And the parents are pretty much there for it anyways (pick up, drop off).

(One of) The most important things someone could do at this point is grow and bolster confidence. Be the cool guy on the floor in college. The guy other guys want to be, and women want.

Personally, I believe a curfew is like saying, "I really don't trust you. I mean, I'll tell you its your friends I don't trust. But really its your choice who your friends with, so I don't trust your choices. You make them wrong. You should be home before the moon reaches the top the sky, because you are untrustworthy and will hurt yourself. In fact, if you leave my field of vision for too long you're bound to fail in life."

Thats a little over the top, but, really not by that far IMO. And I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult anyone's views. But the world is much smaller now, the reason I could see for curfews being created is no longer applicable; its so so easy to call.

Now, howabout this: you let him stay out for whatever he wants, but, he has to realize at any second you may call. This'll let you see whats he's doing, his... state of mind, and give you you're reassuring feeling. And its more like saying, "I love you, let me make sure you're doing okay."
================================================

Of course, I'm not a parent. I couldn't imagine to guess the connections between a parent and child. I really bet you are a terrific father and family, and obviously this is all out of love. I'm just sharing my slanted opinion.

Even with a curfew, a parent is still allowing the child to leave the house alone and make the same choices. They are simply limiting the amount of time a child will have to make their choices on their own and the time of day they will have to make those choices outside of the home. It sets a reasonable time at which the parents should expect the child home, and lets them know pretty quickly if something is wrong. It establishes that there a level of trust, but it still gives the parents some control. Let's face it: if you didn't trust your kids, they'd never leave the house unattended.

In order to show your kids you trust them, you don't have to let them run wild into all hours of the day and night. They are young and still learning right from wrong. A little guidance and control is still beneficial.

 

[jkritchey]

Of course, I'm not a parent. .... I'm just sharing my slanted opinion.

Well, this part made sense....(edit to add a smiley. No offense. )

I'll say it again, having an agreed upon time to be home barring circumstances is hardly prison, nor is it "sending message" that someone can't be trusted.

What do you think parents do while their kids are out? I won't be in bed until my kids are home, and that has nothing, NOTHING to do with trust. Talk to me after your son calls you from the site of his car accident.

I'd also like to point out that a lot of states have Driver curfews for teens, often midnight.

Some of the teen posts here show very little understanding of the humanity of parents in general. Sorry, kids, parents worry.

 

[morf]

Well, this part made sense....(edit to add a smiley. No offense. )

I'll say it again, having an agreed upon time to be home barring circumstances is hardly prison, nor is it "sending message" that someone can't be trusted.

What do you think parents do while their kids are out? I won't be in bed until my kids are home, and that has nothing, NOTHING to do with trust. Talk to me after your son calls you from the site of his car accident.

I'd also like to point out that a lot of states have Driver curfews for teens, often midnight.

Some of the teen posts here show very little understanding of the humanity of parents in general. Sorry, kids, parents worry.

Sorry parents, you worrying is 95% of the time unnecessary.

What I implied in my post wasnt that by putting a curfew you show no trust. I only said that pushing back the curfew, or not having one, is a show of trust, which does not imply in the least that if you do have a curfew, you're lacking a show of trust. It all depends on the context.

You're welcome to worry. If you really think putting a curfew on a 17 yr old kid is going to prevent him from getting into a car accident, and this is what it means to understand the "humanity of parents", then I sure am glad I dont get it

 

[jucas]

So, coming in late here but here's my take...

I had a ten ish curfew for average weeknights, but that was movable depending on events (concerts/etc). Weekends, I told the parents where I was expecting to go... a vague idea which group of friends I was going with (ie... the band, the rednecks... not specific), and about when I thought I'd be home. If I was drinking, I couldn't use a car, and had to assure them that I had a sober ride home or I'd call them if it fell through (with the guarantee of no anger).

You sound like you've already done a great job raising the kid, and are pretty reasonable when it comes to rules. If you want a curfew, 11 does seem a little early. But, don't make it unconditional... I could pretty much do what I want because I was going to university, and had high enough grades that it wasn't a reasonble argument my partying had a negative impact. If my grades had slipped, or I was a jerk about anything my life would've been really unpleasant really fast. Doesn't have to be grades, but as long as he's keeping on top of an important aspect of his life, let him have a break.

Having said that, if I was out late it often either meant women, chemical entertainment, or both. Although, there were exceptions of hanging out/etc without the above. I do agree with kserg about a small amount of liquor to show that it can be enjoyed responsibly rather than just getting hammered. In university, the kids that ended up the biggest dissasters (that I saw) had strict parents and were never allowed to drink (some even after they were legal). THe ones that could have a beer or some wine on a special occasion usually survived better... takes away some of the thrill of doing something wrong, and they learn about control in a safer setting

There may not be much open catering to youth later at night, but that doesn't show that being out after 11 equals running the streets and getting high... Friends houses, movies, and lots of other things are pretty common later at night... Besides, if I was going drinking, it'd often start pretty early in the afternon or evening, so 11 wouldn;t have prevented the bad stuff.

Good luck with it though... hopefully he doesn't have to learn the hard way if the girl is bad news.

 

[Edwcdc]

Sorry parents, you worrying is 95% of the time unnecessary.

That is correct. But it is 100% unavoidable.

I'm not pacing like a basket case when he's out but I can't shut down until I know my son is home safe.

 

[chaotick]

I was writing but then I saw that my thoughts mirror jucas, exactly.

Right on.

 

[jkritchey]

I wasn't responding to your post.

Sorry parents, you worrying is 95% of the time unnecessary.

Well, thanks! That's a load off!

What I implied in my post wasnt that by putting a curfew you show no trust. I only said that pushing back the curfew, or not having one, is a show of trust, which does not imply in the least that if you do have a curfew, you're lacking a show of trust. It all depends on the context.

I would agree. And you seem to have missed my context.

You're welcome to worry.

Thanks again.

I dont get it

Fixed your post.

 

[Kosko]

That is correct. But it is 100% unavoidable.

I'm not pacing like a basket case when he's out but I can't shut down until I know my son is home safe.

You sound like a great caring father; your son is a lucky guy.

That said, what will you do when he's not around anymore? You could be using this time to break yourself into the idea.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I never really mentioned my experience yet. Though I didn't have a curfew; one of the main reasons is I didn't really need one. I was hanging out at home, doing what I wanted with friends. But I always offered my place to be the house to go to. Its a huge factor in my life, as I still am the one throwing parties and offering people over nightly (which coincidentally may not be all that great [long long issue]). But either way, my parents were there. I've done plenty of stupid stuff, and I hope to do a ton more in the future.

 

[morf]

That is correct. But it is 100% unavoidable.

I'm not pacing like a basket case when he's out but I can't shut down until I know my son is home safe.

And thats understandable. But does it take priority over your son's social life is the question I'd ask myself would I be you. And obviously, you're asking yourself that question, since you've made this thread. I think if it came down to making a thread on the topic, you already know what the right decision is. Sure, you can ask on the internet, but noone knows your kid better than you and that makes you the most apt to judge wether or not he should have his curfew pushed back.

 

[morf]

I wasn't responding to your post.

Ok, I thought you were, my bad.
Since we're doing the "I quote every single line of your argumentation to reply to it" thing, I'll follow your lead

Well, thanks! That's a load off!

You're welcome and I'm glad I could ease your mind

I would agree. And you seem to have missed my context.

Indeed, as I thought you were replying to my earlier posts.

Thanks again.

Once again, glad to make it easier on you

Fixed your post.

You know, all fun put aside, I understand perfectly the "humanity of parents". It works just like women do: unpredictable, unfair and illogical. Youre blinded by your love for your kid and cannot make a rational decision. I'm glad we understand each other.

 

[jkritchey]

Please expand on the inability to make a rational decision...

 

[Edwcdc]

And thats understandable. But does it take priority over your son's social life is the question I'd ask myself would I be you. And obviously, you're asking yourself that question, since you've made this thread. I think if it came down to making a thread on the topic, you already know what the right decision is. Sure, you can ask on the internet, but noone knows your kid better than you and that makes you the most apt to judge wether or not he should have his curfew pushed back.

Thank you for your continued input on this matter. It really does help to get an outside view.

I think all along I wanted to extend his curfew. I guess the idea of the post was to get some insight. I figured if enough parents and young people put their two cents in I would be able to determine weather or not I was being a freak about it.
I am not a mean dad by any stretch, as a matter of fact my son and I get along great and I just want to be fair but at the same time I want to be responsible. As a parent the responsible thing usually overrides everything. If it didn't then it just wouldn't be...responsible.

 

[morf]

Please expand on the inability to make a rational decision...

Well, up to a point is what I mean, and in the right context of course. IMHO, if you trust your kid, you know hes a good kid and while he could get into trouble (hey, peer pressure is what it is) he would know where to draw the line (and yes! most kids do at 17!).

If in this context, you believe that a curfew until 11 or 11:30 is necessary to protect your child, that is IMHO of course an irrational decision based on your love for the kid. You love the kid so much you're scared at even the thought of anything happening to him/her, and I understand that, I have a little brother, and I often felt the same way, and though probably not as extreme as a parents' feelings for his/her kid, this is my lil bro we're talking about and I love him to death

I do believe that, for the good of the child, social interaction is necessary. Kids and people in general have to go through life to understand things, and by keeping him from making ANY mistake, the kid will likely not mature fast and not be ready to face the reality of the world when the time comes.

 

[vindy500]

remember guys that morf is french

 

[ric1312]

I'm not sure if this should be a poll or not but I have a question.
My son will be 17 in March. He currently has to be in the house on weekends by 11pm. At this age should he be allowed out later or am I doing right?

If you are around this age what time do you have to be in?

If you are the parent of a kid this age what is the latest you allow?

Well I don't have kids. But, I can tell you this... when I was 17 my father let me stay out about as late as I wanted as long as he had a general idea where I was. Big mistake. When I think back the things I got away with, I could have got into huge trouble.

Boys will be boys, even the ones who you think are little angels. I'd keep a tight reign on him if I were you. 11:00 is reasonable. Be a dad not a buddy. Anything a 17 year old kid does after 11 is bound to lead to trouble.

 

[morf]

Thank you for your continued input on this matter. It really does help to get an outside view.

I think all along I wanted to extend his curfew. I guess the idea of the post was to get some insight. I figured if enough parents and young people put their two cents in I would be able to determine weather or not I was being a freak about it.
I am not a mean dad by any stretch, as a matter of fact my son and I get along great and I just want to be fair but at the same time I want to be responsible. As a parent the responsible thing usually overrides everything. If it didn't then it just wouldn't be...responsible.

Yes, and I totally understand that. I also dont think you're a mean dad at all, you're doing this because you love the kid afterall, and you're worried about him. But theres a thin line between being responsible and making a rational decision, and only you can be the judge of how thin the line is and where to draw it.

I personally never had a curfew. I did stupid things, made silly mistakes, but I dont regret any of them. They taught me what I know now and made me the person I am today, and thats irreplaceable in my eyes. I've been living on my own since I've been 18, not because of a conflict with my parents but because we discussed it like adults and all agreed I was mature enough to have a life of my own. Granted, thats a young age, and not all kids are ready for that, it was tough on me at first too. But now, I'm 21, I pay my own bills, taxes, my own rent, my studies, write my own checks, go to my own doctor on my own, buy my own groceries...

I'm able to do this because my parents were so open minded and trusting, and that doesnt mean my mom didnt call me all the time when I was out because she was worried sick, because she sure took a liking to it Discussing things thoroughly, like adults, is the best way to deal with it. If you take the kid seriously and have a conversation with him when you have doubts about letting him stay out late, give him the benefit of the doubt and let HIM prove to YOU that he's mature enough to be granted the extra time, you'll realize your kid isn't as young as you would like him to be

 

[morf]

remember guys that morf is french

You're killing me here...


...




On a sidenote, I'm french but I was living in the US from 14-17 yrs old, in Texas and Arizona, and high school has no secrets for me

 

[jkritchey]

If you have read my posts carefully, I said nothing more than that some understanding of when my kids are coming home is all that's required.

I have responded to those that say no "curfew" is needed, that they can trusted. I attempted to point out that in the absence of having any idea of when Junior's coming home, parents are likely to worry. It's human nature.

To me, if a teen feels his or her social life is more important than his or her parent's peace of mind, then said teen is lacking the judgment required to maintain much of a trust level.

Again, all I have said is to have an agreed upon time, and meet it.

 

[vindy500]

Yes, and I totally understand that. I also dont think you're a mean dad at all, you're doing this because you love the kid afterall, and you're worried about him. But theres a thin line between being responsible and making a rational decision, and only you can be the judge of how thin the line is and where to draw it.

I personally never had a curfew. I did stupid things, made silly mistakes, but I dont regret any of them. They taught me what I know now and made me the person I am today, and thats irreplaceable in my eyes. I've been living on my own since I've been 18, not because of a conflict with my parents but because we discussed it like adults and all agreed I was mature enough to have a life of my own. Granted, thats a young age, and not all kids are ready for that, it was tough on me at first too. But now, I'm 21, I pay my own bills, taxes, my own rent, my studies, write my own checks, go to my own doctor on my own, buy my own groceries...

I'm able to do this because my parents were so open minded and trusting, and that doesnt mean my mom didnt call me all the time when I was out because she was worried sick, because she sure took a liking to it Discussing things thoroughly, like adults, is the best way to deal with it. If you take the kid seriously and have a conversation with him when you have doubts about letting him stay out late, give him the benefit of the doubt and let HIM prove to YOU that he's mature enough to be granted the extra time.

id just like to plus 1 this post in a way, i also had no curfew and while i didn't do many really bad things i did stay out quite late with my drummer friend often. i also moved out of home at 18(to the other side of the world even) and the fact that i was given a lot of freedom earlier i think has helped me when it came down to being really Dependant.

However do remember that neither I or Morf are American and come from different cultural background to the states where curfews seem alot more normal. i personally believe the best type of curfew is the one when you ask him what time he will be home and you decide on a time depending on the situation.

 

[guy n. cognito]

Yes, and I totally understand that. I also dont think you're a mean dad at all, you're doing this because you love the kid afterall, and you're worried about him. But theres a thin line between being responsible and making a rational decision, and only you can be the judge of how thin the line is and where to draw it.

I personally never had a curfew. I did stupid things, made silly mistakes, but I dont regret any of them. They taught me what I know now and made me the person I am today, and thats irreplaceable in my eyes. I've been living on my own since I've been 18, not because of a conflict with my parents but because we discussed it like adults and all agreed I was mature enough to have a life of my own. Granted, thats a young age, and not all kids are ready for that, it was tough on me at first too. But now, I'm 21, I pay my own bills, taxes, my own rent, my studies, write my own checks, go to my own doctor on my own, buy my own groceries...

I'm able to do this because my parents were so open minded and trusting, and that doesnt mean my mom didnt call me all the time when I was out because she was worried sick, because she sure took a liking to it Discussing things thoroughly, like adults, is the best way to deal with it. If you take the kid seriously and have a conversation with him when you have doubts about letting him stay out late, give him the benefit of the doubt and let HIM prove to YOU that he's mature enough to be granted the extra time.

To the contrary, I had a rather strict mother. I always had a curfew. At 21, I was paying my own bills, writing my own checks, paying my own rent, buying my own groceries. I was done with school, working a professional job and completely independent. Does that blow a hole in your theory? Are children with rules and boundries unable to take care of themselves? Of course not.