• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

17 year old curfew

#122
Matthew Bryson said:
Obeying a curfew is a matter of common courtesy. A few years back, for reasons I won't get into, I had to stay with some friends for awhile. I realized then, that even though I was in my early 30's and staying at a friends house - it was common courtesy to let him know when I expected to be home or if I wasn't coming home at all on any given night.

If I came in by around 8:00 on a work night several nights in a row, and then suddenly one night didn't make it until 2:00 or maybe not at all - He would worry that maybe I'd been in a car accident or something.
As a matter of common courtesy I would let him know when I could be expected and if I was running very late, I'd call.

This was my friend. We were 30. This didn't make him a controlling Nazi or hurt me in any way. It's how people who care about each other behave.
Click to expand...
That's not a curfew - a curfew is a rule, not a matter of common courtesy.

I do understand that curfews are sometimes put in place so the parents won't get worried when their kid doesn't come home at the usual time. But in this age of cell phones, when it's easy to make a call from anywhere, there's no reason to have a curfew when they could just call. In keeping with this, when I have kids, there will be no curfew, but depending on the situation I might ask for a call at midnight or thereabouts.
 
#123
flawop said:
um no curfews. don't be a frickin' nazi loser.

let your kid go out and smoke weed and hang with friends. don't be a loser parent. why do you want to hurt him?

you guys are talking about 17 and 18 year olds here... let them make their own decisions. they aren't your little babies anymore.
Click to expand...

If you were my child I wouldn't let you outside...ever.
 
#124
Eli Maniscalco said:
That's not a curfew - a curfew is a rule, not a matter of common courtesy.
Click to expand...

A curfew discussed upon and agreed to by both parent and child can be both. As many have stated above, there is no reason why you can't have an established curfew, that can be extended after discussion between the parents and the kids.

Giving kids rules isn't a bad thing, you know. Even as adults, we have to live by rules. Teaching them that rules exist and that they may not violate them at will without repercussions is a valuable life lesson.
 
#126
guy n. cognito said:
A curfew discussed upon and agreed to by both parent and child can be both. As many have stated above, there is no reason why you can't have an established curfew, that can be extended after discussion between the parents and the kids.

Giving kids rules isn't a bad thing, you know. Even as adults, we have to live by rules. Teaching them that rules exist and that they may not violate them at will without repercussions is a valuable life lesson.
Click to expand...
I agree with most of what you said; I think it was just a matter of semantics that I was picking on Matthew Bryson's post. :)
 
#127
I never really had a curfew, I was always told to "be either home, or be 'in' after the bars close (2)"

Basically, they knew that it's just as easy to go get drunk or high or whatever at 3 in the afternoon as it was at 12 at night, so they just told me to be safe, don't get in a car with someone under the influence, and that I could always call them for a ride, no matter what time, no questions asked. That and I had to check in with them at appropriate times via a call.

(obviously they told me to not drink and smoke and etc. but they also knew the pitfalls of not covering all the bases.)

~K
 
#129
Edwcdc said:
I guess I just have a hard time with just letting him run the streets at all hours of the night. I'm not ready to go without a curfew but I am considering making it later.

I would like to think that maybe I had at least a little to do with him being a good kid. Maybe my stupid rules and that I make him accountable for his actions has helped a little. I also don't drink, smoke, or do drugs and that has rubbed off on him. Heck I don't even cuss around him.
It is the greatest feeling knowing that your child loves you and that he looks up to you and is proud of you.
I hope that telling him that I love him and that I'm proud of him makes him feel good as well. I think he is proud of himself that he is not into drugs and such. He hates when his friends drink but I told him that he shouldn't expect them to just because he doesn't.
Click to expand...

Ed,

I just want to say the following.

I know you a bit better from our conversations together,
and I have enormous respect for you.

You have been a kind of a 'go to guy' when the going
got rough, and I know that no matter how it all works out,
it's gonna be all right.

You are the kind of person that I would have always wanted
to have for a father in my life, someone who cared for me
and wanted to be with me. And had my back when I screwed it all up.

I consider your son to be one of the luckiest men on the
planet.

Ain't many guys like you out there bro.

Peace

O
 
#130
I never understood set curfews......I'm a teenager and my parents are very responsible, yet I've never had a set curfew. On the weekend, I am told when I should be home by depending on where I am going. If I'm going to my friend's house up the street, my rents are fine if I come home at 12 or 1. If I'm going into Boston, they usually like me home earlier, which means I should be in before they go to bed so they know I got home safely.
Having one set time for your son to come home EVERY weekend night seems a little unnecessary--if anything it seems like it would only make him less willing to follow other rules (we all know most teenagers want to stay out past 11, if they are allowed to some nights but not others, they would probably be happier about it, right?)
-Alex
 
#131
I'm 16 and on the weekends I need to be home by 1:30.

I don't get into trouble and personally even things like going to a show that starts at 8 wont get out until about midnight. Bring in trips to Dennies and Village Inn and the ocational movie night at a friends house 1:30 seams reasonable to me.

Also being in by 11 won't nessesarily keep him from doing drugs or having sex or partying as if he really wants to do drugs or have sex or party...he will find the time.

Just by 2 cents
 
#132
I'm currently 19 and attending college and living at home. Ever since I started driving and spending most weekend nights out of the house my parents made my curfew 11:00 on school nights and 12:00 weekends. Granted I was very good at calling them and letting them know where I was, where I was going, who I was with and I never got too big on the partying scene so if I called and told them that something was going on and asked if I could stay out later they would usually let me. I say that if he's a good, sensible, responsible kid, he'd probably appreciate an extra hour out and you probably wouldn't have to worry about what he was doing. Just my $.02
 
#134
It all depends on your kid.... If your kid is the trouble-maker, crowd-follower do, I repeat DO NOT increase his curfew. However, if your child is a responsible, knows right from wrong, isn't easily swayed then do whatever. But yeah, if you go out after midnight your just looking for trouble.
 
#137
I think 11 is perfectly reasonable. That's when I was supposed to be home "around", and if I was going to be later (for a good reason) all I had to do was call my parents and let them know what's up. I never got into drinking, or smoking, and I don't really do anything stupid, so my parents always trusted me.

I definitely do NOT think a 17 year old is an adult. If it's a really good kid I think they could be considered a "young man" at best. That implies that they've got a pretty good head on their shoulders, and there's a mutual respect and understanding between the kid and the parents. It's not a bad thing to TREAT them like an adult, because that trust and respect usually makes a good kid want to be even better. Well, that's how it was for me anyways.

Then again, I'm only 19, what do I know? :D
 
#138
Thor said:
Ed,

I just want to say the following.

I know you a bit better from our conversations together,
and I have enormous respect for you.

You have been a kind of a 'go to guy' when the going
got rough, and I know that no matter how it all works out,
it's gonna be all right.

You are the kind of person that I would have always wanted
to have for a father in my life, someone who cared for me
and wanted to be with me. And had my back when I screwed it all up.

I consider your son to be one of the luckiest men on the
planet.

Ain't many guys like you out there bro.

Peace

O
Click to expand...

I told myself I wouldn't do this...:crying:

Thanks man, that means a lot.:)
 
#140
Now, one thing unmentioned so far is the fact that this is a 17 year old man, not a 7 year old girl. If I have girls I will want them locked and chained in their rooms till they are 25, at least...

Seriously though, someone mentioned school dances. The fun doesn't even start till the dance is over. And the parents are pretty much there for it anyways (pick up, drop off).

(One of) The most important things someone could do at this point is grow and bolster confidence. Be the cool guy on the floor in college. The guy other guys want to be, and women want.

Personally, I believe a curfew is like saying, "I really don't trust you. I mean, I'll tell you its your friends I don't trust. But really its your choice who your friends with, so I don't trust your choices. You make them wrong. You should be home before the moon reaches the top the sky, because you are untrustworthy and will hurt yourself. In fact, if you leave my field of vision for too long you're bound to fail in life."

Thats a little over the top, but, really not by that far IMO. And I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult anyone's views. But the world is much smaller now, the reason I could see for curfews being created is no longer applicable; its so so easy to call.

Now, howabout this: you let him stay out for whatever he wants, but, he has to realize at any second you may call. This'll let you see whats he's doing, his... state of mind, and give you you're reassuring feeling. And its more like saying, "I love you, let me make sure you're doing okay."
================================================

Of course, I'm not a parent. I couldn't imagine to guess the connections between a parent and child. I really bet you are a terrific father and family, and obviously this is all out of love. I'm just sharing my slanted opinion.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back