i think its a bit low, personally. Give the kid 1 am
+1
on non-schoolnights, though. schoolnights.. well.. just guilt him to not go out.
guilt, not rules, is the ultimate character builder.
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
17 year old curfew
- Thread starter Edwcdc
- Start date
+1
on non-schoolnights, though. schoolnights.. well.. just guilt him to not go out.
guilt, not rules, is the ultimate character builder.
I guess I don't follow the logic here. Since he'll be on his own in a year, just let him lose now? Trial by fire? Doesn't make alot of sense, does it.
I think many of you miss the point of curfew. You ARE allowing your child to have some freedom, but you are putting some restrictions on it. You allow him to leave the house alone, just so long as he is back at a reasonable, predetermined time. He is still left to his own devices, and kid can get into plenty of trouble before 11 if he wants to. With the curfew in place, you at least know that he will (or should) arrive home at a certain time, thereby limiting the fun (or trouble) for the evening. It's freedom, with controls, which is the point of parenting an older kid.
Another reason for some sort of curfew: What, exactly, is a kid under 18 going to do on the streets after 11:00? They can't get into clubs, and most places that cater to children are closed by then. So, are they hanging out in parking lots? Sleeping on beaches? It's my opinion that a 17 year old doesn't need to be doing those sorts of things.
I would say it depends on how much you trust your kid. My parents trust me explicitly and I have never had a curfew, except when I only had my drivers license that said you couldnt drive past 9. I would say that 11 is reasonable for most kids, unless they call and say "Im at a friends house watching a movie, playing pool, w/e...is it ok if Im home by 12 or 12:30?" I think thats reasonable too.
If your kid has never given you any trouble, or any reason to suspect that he would be out doing anything he shouldnt be, then I would say give him a 1 am curfew.
In reading the above quote from Kosko, I have to agree, to some extent. I have a close friend that was kept under tight leash while in high school and just exploded with partying and drinking right when he started college this year. In my opinion, kids are less likely to do that if they are given a little more freedom at least during their senior year of highschool.
If your kid has never given you any trouble, or any reason to suspect that he would be out doing anything he shouldnt be, then I would say give him a 1 am curfew.
In reading the above quote from Kosko, I have to agree, to some extent. I have a close friend that was kept under tight leash while in high school and just exploded with partying and drinking right when he started college this year. In my opinion, kids are less likely to do that if they are given a little more freedom at least during their senior year of highschool.
Geoff St. Germaine
Commercial User
- Aug 31, 2001
- 6,267
- 302
- Disclosures
- Owner - St. Germaine Guitars
I never had a curfew growing up. It was always negotiated for what I was doing. IIRC, by the time I was 17 I pretty much set when I would come home. I never got in any trouble when I was out on the weekends, so my parents' gave me quite a bit of leeway in setting my own curfew. Friday nights were typically pretty early since I worked every Saturday at 8am, I was probably never home past midnight. Saturday I'd stay out later... 2-3 am if there was something interesting going on.
I personally think that 11pm for a 17 year old is early, but like other's have said also, I don't know that much about the situation. I was given responsibility and freedom up until the point that I demonstrated that I couldn't handle it.
I personally think that 11pm for a 17 year old is early, but like other's have said also, I don't know that much about the situation. I was given responsibility and freedom up until the point that I demonstrated that I couldn't handle it.
um no curfews. don't be a frickin' nazi loser.
let your kid go out and smoke weed and hang with friends. don't be a loser parent. why do you want to hurt him?
you guys are talking about 17 and 18 year olds here... let them make their own decisions. they aren't your little babies anymore.
let your kid go out and smoke weed and hang with friends. don't be a loser parent. why do you want to hurt him?
you guys are talking about 17 and 18 year olds here... let them make their own decisions. they aren't your little babies anymore.
Geoff St. Germaine
Commercial User
- Aug 31, 2001
- 6,267
- 302
- Disclosures
- Owner - St. Germaine Guitars
I can't say that this is statistically true, but I've seen similar things. Usually after a year or two of going out every night people I knew who'd been under very strict control would settle down. I was up for going out for something good in college, but it was pretty much limited to weekends. Going out late and setting my own hours wasn't anything new and wasn't terribly exciting to me.
oh but if he were 20 that would be OK? ********, and you know it.
you just said a 17 year old is a child. a 17 year old is an adult and can make his/her own choices.
Let's not get overboard with the curfew = prison camp stuff. I think it's reasonable to have an agreed upon boundary that serves as the 'default' hour for being in, barring a discussion or a call.
It's just an expectation really. I need to know when they're coming home so I can either go to bed or not.
It's just an expectation really. I need to know when they're coming home so I can either go to bed or not.
You seem to have a very jaded look on this. Maybe you had bad experiences and wish you had no curfew, or maybe you did have no curfew and had a good time. Don't keep believing so whole-heartedly though that what works for you will for everyone else. For you to think that a curfew will hurt someone seems to be a little extreme. As long as the curfew is fair for everyone, it seems like it works very well. And I guess we all know your views on the legalization of pot as well 
I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but when I was growing up a lot of my friends had curfews. I never understood it - these were trustworthy kids living in a safe neighborhood.
My parents never felt the need to restrict my freedoms. It was just a given that I could stay out whenever I wanted as long as they had some idea about it beforehand.
it doesn't make sense to give your 17/18 year old a curfew. it's for your benefit, but it harms your child. guess you never thought about that? that's ok.
and no, you don't know my views on legalization of the herb. that's so ignorant.
For your information I am an 18 year old and I think I would know what "harms" me. It makes my mom worry less at night, and I have no problem with the curfew because we have set it together.
And I am sorry you thought my statement on pot was "ignorant", but considering you said "let your kid go out and smoke weed", I think you can see where I may or may not have been mistaken.
I am sorry to have offended you in some way. I hope it is resolved.
Legally in the US a 17 year old is NOT an adult and cannot legally make alot of his own choices (in most states.) He cannot sign a contract.
It's all about breaking them in slowly. That's why, as children get older, they are given longer and longer curfews. They get the chance, slowly, to deal with ever-increasing freedom. That way, they don't go crazy when they get their first taste of total freedom, and they do it at an older age.
Lemme guess.....you're 16-17 right?
There's plenty to do after 11pm. Movies, karaoke, bowling, restaurants/diners, shooting some pool, or maybe they're just hanging out at a friend's house. And that's just off the top of my head.
I say, it's ok but more important is to actually spend time with kid and his friends imo. If the kid and his friends hang out with you guys a lot you really don't have to worry about him being late... Thats what my parents did, and what few of my friends parents did, and it IMO is the best way as 1) you know who he hangs out with, 2) he'll be chillen at home more, 3) its more fun for you...
But then again, that matters of how much you care about seeing your kid drink a little and smoke a little... if he does...
Again, IMO its better if kids drink at home because well, you control if something bad happens and drinking for him is not such a big deal so he wont do it that often and when he does he'd be able to control himself... Again I am judging on how my parents raised me... And well... I turned out like this... It's sad really... Ok don't take my advise!
But then again, that matters of how much you care about seeing your kid drink a little and smoke a little... if he does...
Again, IMO its better if kids drink at home because well, you control if something bad happens and drinking for him is not such a big deal so he wont do it that often and when he does he'd be able to control himself... Again I am judging on how my parents raised me... And well... I turned out like this... It's sad really... Ok don't take my advise!OK you know what harms you. that's that. make your own decisions.
and your statement about weed is very ignorant. just because someone smokes it doesn't mean that they would want it legalized or that that would be a good thing.
My opinion as a 19 year old that never had a curfew, and never needed one. I think 11 is perfect during the week, then on the weekends you can give him some trust and responsibility. Ask him "What time will you be home tonight?" let him have some say, it's his weekend, this gives you perfect oportunity to find out what he's up to, a party or just hanging out, etc. You guys might need to compromise but it still helps give him some freedom and give you reassurance. Same with in a few years (or even now if you're cool about it) if he is going to a party and is drinking, you don't need to be all cranky, my parents are like "What did you get to drink tonight?" and make sure it's not too much and that I'm going to be safe about it. My parents are pretty darn lenient, but I never had a problem growing up with curfews and the likes.
17 over here. Dont think Ive had a curfew (such an American word!) for a few years now.
I just let the parents know where Ill be and what Im doing, any changes to that and I use my mobile (heh, cell phone).
So count me on the fence, Im sure your kid is grown up and respnsible, maybe try letting him having a bit more freedom?
EDIT - A few people typing as I was posting, but I really like this idea:
I just let the parents know where Ill be and what Im doing, any changes to that and I use my mobile (heh, cell phone).
So count me on the fence, Im sure your kid is grown up and respnsible, maybe try letting him having a bit more freedom?
EDIT - A few people typing as I was posting, but I really like this idea:
Todd Stanley said:
I say, it's ok but more important is to actually spend time with kid and his friends imo. If the kid and his friends hang out with you guys a lot you really don't have to worry about him being late... Thats what my parents did, and what few of my friends parents did, and it IMO is the best way as 1) you know who he hangs out with, 2) he'll be chillen at home more, 3) its more fun for you...
But then again, that matters of how much you care about seeing your kid drink a little and smoke a little... if he does...
^ Great advice on how to raise a cow bell loving, ex-patriate
liberal commie pinko Nazi fascist that wears Santa suits and smells like pickles, red cabbage, sardines and Vodka.
I love you, man
