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A Bad Joke
- Thread starter brlottermann
- Start date
(during tuning) "It was in tune when I bought it!"
(especially during soundcheck)
Q: How many sound guys does it take to check a microphone?
A: Twoooo, twoooo, twoooo, twoooo, twoooo
^All thanks to Reel Big Fish
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick
Q: Do you know why, when geese form a V formation to fly south for a winter, one side of the V is longer than the other?
A: There are more geese on that side.
(This is a shaggy dog joke where the goal is to waste as much of your listeners' time as possible. Feel free to elaborate on any part of the story so it wastes a lot of time. The punchline may only be funny to old people. Here's the abridged version...)
Man goes to pet store to buy a cute family pet. Pet shop owner announces that he secretly has a stash of newly made genetically-modified animals which pool all the cutest traits of the cutest animals known to man. They're called "Raries." (pronounced rare-ees). Pet shop owner explicitly warns man to only feed it one small meal per day no matter how much it begs. By the by, as the cute animal becomes more and more of a family member, everyone feeds it scraps, etc etc until the animal grows to weigh 400 lbs and ends up trashing the entire house. Man gets so fed up with the Rarey that he drives it to the cliff on the edge of town. Cop stops him right as he and the Rarey are both at the edge of the cliff. Cop asks what's going on, man recants abridged story above and announces his intentions to throw it off the edge of the cliff.
Cop looks over the edge of the cliff and says "Boy, I dunno. That's a long way to tip a Rarey."
(especially during soundcheck)
Q: How many sound guys does it take to check a microphone?
A: Twoooo, twoooo, twoooo, twoooo, twoooo
^All thanks to Reel Big Fish
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick
Q: Do you know why, when geese form a V formation to fly south for a winter, one side of the V is longer than the other?
A: There are more geese on that side.
(This is a shaggy dog joke where the goal is to waste as much of your listeners' time as possible. Feel free to elaborate on any part of the story so it wastes a lot of time. The punchline may only be funny to old people. Here's the abridged version...)
Man goes to pet store to buy a cute family pet. Pet shop owner announces that he secretly has a stash of newly made genetically-modified animals which pool all the cutest traits of the cutest animals known to man. They're called "Raries." (pronounced rare-ees). Pet shop owner explicitly warns man to only feed it one small meal per day no matter how much it begs. By the by, as the cute animal becomes more and more of a family member, everyone feeds it scraps, etc etc until the animal grows to weigh 400 lbs and ends up trashing the entire house. Man gets so fed up with the Rarey that he drives it to the cliff on the edge of town. Cop stops him right as he and the Rarey are both at the edge of the cliff. Cop asks what's going on, man recants abridged story above and announces his intentions to throw it off the edge of the cliff.
Cop looks over the edge of the cliff and says "Boy, I dunno. That's a long way to tip a Rarey."
Following on that last post.
Kermit the Frog goes to his bank to get a mortgage for a new pad (house). The Teller tells him that he needs to talk to their loan officer, Patricia Black. He sits down with her and fills out all of the paper work for the mortgage When she asks how much he has for a down payment, he tells her that all he has of value is a small statue which his father had given him. Patricia asks Kermit who his father is and Kermit tells her his father is Mick Jagger. He then show her the statue and it doesn't look very valuable to her. So she tells Kermit that this is highly unusual and she will have to talk to her manager. She goes to her manager and tells him the whole story. Her manager asks her to show him the statue. She shows him the statue and says she doesn't know what it is. . The manager looks at the statue and them looks at Patricia and says..............
It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.
Kermit the Frog goes to his bank to get a mortgage for a new pad (house). The Teller tells him that he needs to talk to their loan officer, Patricia Black. He sits down with her and fills out all of the paper work for the mortgage When she asks how much he has for a down payment, he tells her that all he has of value is a small statue which his father had given him. Patricia asks Kermit who his father is and Kermit tells her his father is Mick Jagger. He then show her the statue and it doesn't look very valuable to her. So she tells Kermit that this is highly unusual and she will have to talk to her manager. She goes to her manager and tells him the whole story. Her manager asks her to show him the statue. She shows him the statue and says she doesn't know what it is. . The manager looks at the statue and them looks at Patricia and says..............
It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.
bassman314
I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...
Mike gets a new job driving for the Sesame Street Bus Company. They provide transit to and from school for local kids.
At the first stop, a mother stands there with 2 of the fattest girls he has ever seen. "Hello, This is my daughter Patty and her best friend Patty." They board the bus and sit together.
At the second stop, he sees another woman with a boy who looks quite withdrawn and shy. "Hello, this is my special litle boy, Josh. He is the most special in the whole world. In fact, he has a special seat right in the front of the bus." She helps him board, and makes sure that he is comfortable in his special seat.
At the third stop, he sees a woman and a boy in sandals. He has the worst bunions he has ever seen. "This is Lester. He has problems with bunions, so he has to wear sandals." He limps aboard the bus and finds a seat.
On the wat to school, Mike looks back and sees Lester hunched over picking at his bunions.
The rest of the stops are uneventful, so he drops the kids off at school and drives back to the Bus Garage. His supervisor asks him how the day was?
Mike replies: Well... It was fine, consdering I had to deal with 2 obese Patties, Special Josh, Lester picking bunions all on a Sesame Street Bus!
At the first stop, a mother stands there with 2 of the fattest girls he has ever seen. "Hello, This is my daughter Patty and her best friend Patty." They board the bus and sit together.
At the second stop, he sees another woman with a boy who looks quite withdrawn and shy. "Hello, this is my special litle boy, Josh. He is the most special in the whole world. In fact, he has a special seat right in the front of the bus." She helps him board, and makes sure that he is comfortable in his special seat.
At the third stop, he sees a woman and a boy in sandals. He has the worst bunions he has ever seen. "This is Lester. He has problems with bunions, so he has to wear sandals." He limps aboard the bus and finds a seat.
On the wat to school, Mike looks back and sees Lester hunched over picking at his bunions.
The rest of the stops are uneventful, so he drops the kids off at school and drives back to the Bus Garage. His supervisor asks him how the day was?
Mike replies: Well... It was fine, consdering I had to deal with 2 obese Patties, Special Josh, Lester picking bunions all on a Sesame Street Bus!
