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A gig tantrum, first ever

...Our drummer, also the band leader and a good friend, has the tendency to pick up tempo as the song builds....

What I'm not getting here, is why he is the band leader. Now for someone to be the band leader, I never thought they had to be the most talented or flashy player, but be a solid player, knowing their role and not needing to be roped back by the other bandmates while playing. Usually a band leader is the most organized individual, understanding that how the song as a whole comes out is most important...he is obviously not doing that.

He might have felt offended by the metronome gift, but its nothing to be ashamed of at all. Plenty of pro drummers use click tracks and metronomes to make sure they are keeping time accurately. If he looks at this as an insult and not as a free tool that can improve his playing, he's got other issues besides speeding up. Any other drummers that could talk to him about this, perhaps one that he is friends with or admires as a player?
 
Maybe my understanding of the term “band leader” is different. He is the guy that organises the rehearsals, gigs, money accommodation, transport, advertising and the like. To me it’s more of an admin role than a musical one. A manager that also plays.

yeah, that pretty much makes him the boss, in an admin sort of role. even if no one else thinks so it's almost certain he does.
 
You're a more patient man than I, and you have my sympathy. One can say that everyone on the stage is responsible for the time & I'll just roll my eyes, because IME the drummer has a unique ability to *** it up, typically by rushing, though a few drag. Though I can deal with that kind of drummer on a pick-up or occasional basis (many of them are nice folks), I could not be in the band or tolerate a steady diet of that. I know just how you feel, and it's exhausting. Talking about it with your drummer helps, but results are not easy or guaranteed. Good luck!
 
You call that a tantrum? Allow me to educate you on the depths of bad behavior...but first...visual metronomes? Don't believe in them. If you can't hear it or feel it, you just end up chasing a flashing light. See the beat,chase the beat. Just seems to me the link between visual stimulus and response isn't as quick as sound. After all music is sound ( and the ocassional abscence of).and to all you physics cats, yes I'm aware light travels faster than sound. I believe sound is a better....ah....nevermind :)
So I have a singer guitarist who forgets everything, encroaches on my zone, spits water,stomps my pedals, runs into me with his guitar, and a slew of other injustices. One night, after he insisted on "rocking out" with me, he bops me in the nose with his head....then gives me a tit twister before turning away. I punched him....felt good...punched him again.....then once for good measure. Bad form, yes, was the bandx mad at me? No.