Am I the jerk?

[51PRI]

unless it was some special venue or a once a year charity thingy, I would never EVER play a gig even IN town for "$300 split 8 ways" let alone 4 hours ways. $50 won't even cover your gas.
This is beyond chump-change. it's insulting

I agree. I would bow of of any gig my BL came up with that involved a 4 hour drive and $300 split 8 ways. That IS insulting!

 

[RustyAxe]

Do what you have to do. I was in a very active trio in 2019, but gave it up when the guys wanted to take a lot of Sunday afternoon gigs (wineries, breweries and such). My country band had me working two Sundays a month already. I had to turn down those gigs, they found a "sub" who eventually got the spot I didn't want or need. No problem, no hard feelings.

 

[blue4]

He's absolutely a friend, but one best in smaller doses. I've heard about all his jokes and stories and him mine.

If I were on your shoes I would assume that he's having a bit of a struggle adapting to retirement. Some people aren't good at retirement. They can't let go of the drive.

Or, he's actually being paid much more then he's doling out and wants to keep making.

In my experience each is equally likely.

 

[51PRI]

If I were on your shoes I would assume that he's having a bit of a struggle adapting to retirement. Some people aren't good at retirement. They can't let go of the drive.

Or, he's actually being paid much more then he's doling out and wants to keep making.

In my experience each is equally likely.

I know of one local very successful BL who paid his sidemen $100 per gig no matter what the gig paid.

 

[Rabidhamster]

"The part where you have to drive 4 hours to do a show that you don't even cover gas for (charity or not) would make me quit immediately. Run away. Fast."

This seems to be a predominant though in the first page of this post. Such selfish and moronic thoughts to display publicly.
After more than a year of death, mayhem, and destruction with no end in sight at the moment and a nearly total shut down of live music, people seem to easily forget how are many are still suffering and how much fun was lost. People still and will need help.
Dump the band because their itinerary doesn't fit your life style, not because of the charity work. I know its not just because of that.

Man if you’re trying to do some charity work there’s a soup kitchen right in town. If you like driving there’s meals on wheels. I bet habitat for humanity could use some help too.
But really I didn’t catch OP mention it is “charity” at all, what charity is it specifically?

He’ll drive 8 hours and it will cost him at least $50 over pay in gas for the privilege. Plus setup and tear down, time to play the gig...

I agree that moving is a lot more stressful than people prefer to admit, especially if you don’t move constantly, so that’s likely playing a big role in making this proposed time expenditure appear to be a time-squanderer.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

I’ve move moved 12 times over the past 13 years, and it has never been a fun or simple process despite me becoming very good at living a minimalist lifestyle. It’s not unreasonable to need to say “no” to these band situations because they are genuinely less than ideal given what’s going on.

As I’ve gotten older, more and more things have started asking me for my time. I’ve gotten good at prioritizing what’s important to the top of my to-do list, but this has also forced me to become super efficient and critical of anything towards the bottom of the list. If the lift becomes too heavy or the ROI not exceptional then it quickly gets removed. You might be at the point of determining if this band is becoming too big a burden to keep on your list.

 

[The Bass Clef]

$300 split 8 ways for a gig 4 hours away? I would have laughed at that 25 years ago. Then booking a recording session the next day without getting a clear ok from the band? And threatening to get a sub to record for you if you can’t make it? No, you’re not the jerk. Do you play covers or originals?

 

[nutdog]

I know people that will drive 4 hours and pay $300 to hit a little ball in a hole with a stick.

 

[QORC]

I know of one local very successful BL who paid his sidemen $100 per gig no matter what the gig paid.

that's been typical here too. Some hotshot front man who pays $100 to his band members, even if the gig is $5000. I was involved in one of those situations. very briefly. I was like, F this. I'm not your employee - I'm a partner

 

[QORC]

bands that purposely sell themselves on the cheap just to get shows...I see it a lot around here now. sad because it tends to dampen or reduce the pay in general for everyone.

 

[DJS]

Updates:

BL did decide to go through with a sub for the Sunday recording. I feel neutral about it. Probably not the first time a band's guitar player/musical director has played the bass parts. At least he won't be stressing about my performance. He's an amazing bass player also.

BL also shelled out $500 from his own pocket for this $300 Saturday show, which didn't even have any sound support provided! He feels strongly it might get us in front of the right people, I guess.

I've decided to play all scheduled shows through the big one in September and to make them my best performances ever. Then it's decision time.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful responses. What a fine, supportive community!

 

[DJS]

$300 split 8 ways for a gig 4 hours away? I would have laughed at that 25 years ago. Then booking a recording session the next day without getting a clear ok from the band? And threatening to get a sub to record for you if you can’t make it? No, you’re not the jerk. Do you play covers or originals?

Yeah, like I say it's ska... so nobody's in it for the money. In a typical show we get the normal market rate locally and don't give it away. This is a real outlier. We do originals and some covers.

 

[31HZ]

This is a solid plan -- especially the "make them my best performances ever" part.

Good luck, and check back in with updates if you think of it.

 

[51PRI]

that's been typical here too. Some hotshot front man who pays $100 to his band members, even if the gig is $5000. I was involved in one of those situations. very briefly. I was like, F this. I'm not your employee - I'm a partner

Well, that depends on the band. In the particular case that I mentioned the BL is the draw and it really doesn't matter who else is on stage as long as he is. With that kind of status its really NOT a partnership. It's a single "star" with backup musicians.

 

[DJS]

This is a solid plan -- especially the "make them my best performances ever" part.

Good luck, and check back in with updates if you think of it.

Thanks! Will definitely provide some updates.

 

[marmadaddy]

Thanks! Will definitely provide some updates.

Honestly the part that bothers me the most about this is the giving up cycling.

I’ve had to scale mine back too, it’s just that we wait so long for good cycling weather here and then we leave our bikes in the garage to go play a gig.

 

[Aceman]

I've decided to play all scheduled shows through the big one in September and to make them my best performances ever. Then it's decision time.

You know what I DON'T see here? Communication. My god - you people are in your 50's at least!

Sit down and get clear on stuff;
- Why this band was formed
- Where it is now headed
- Why you like/dislike it
- Where you want to get back to
- What is/is not acceptable

And see if you can find some middle ground. If not tell him you are done, give him 30 days or 6 gigs or whatever and hit the road...

But yeah...Call outs on unrehearsed songs; Either doing that or not. If everyone is NOT on board we are not doing that! If everyone is, then fine. If you are not but they are...well....I bet others hate it too.

 

[DJS]

Honestly the part that bothers me the most about this is the giving up cycling.

I’ve had to scale mine back too, it’s just that we wait so long for good cycling weather here and then we leave our bikes in the garage to go play a gig.

I'll be back on the road soon! And if takes me to January, so be it.