For the record, I don't have any problem with bands that play super loud as long as they work in venues that actually want them to play super loud. I'm well past the age where I want to hear it.
Drums have a huge dynamic range, and the feel and tactile feedback changes significantly with the drummer’s playing.
I agree with this. But IME many drummers do not have a huge dynamic range. They pretty much beat the hell out of the set non-stop. Also many drummers (as well as other musicians) tend to get louder and louder as the gig progresses. Many drummers refuse to accept or admit that it's even possible to play at low volume. But, IME a good drummer can play surprisingly quietly. However doing it well requires dedicated practice and choosing the right equipment.
all acoustic instruments - by their nature sound different when you play them hard than when you play them soft. To play an acoustic drum kit quietly enough in a club room results in an untenable feel sacrifice.
I agree with pretty much all of your post except the claim that playing acoustic drums softly results in an untenable sacrifice. If keeping the volume down suits the patrons need, figuring out how to do it as well as possible is likely to get you more work.
The tone and dynamic envelope of a drum hit does change with how hard you strike it. However, this can be offset to some degree by selecting appropriate sticks, cymbals, drums, and drum heads, and then tuning the set for the intended purpose. Will it ever sound like a drum set played at the top of it's dynamic range, no but IMHO the result can be entirely fine.
Also, let's not assume all bashers have a kit that sounds great. Many of them have absolutely horrible tone because they never change their heads and won't or can't tune their set. Beating the hell of out of an awful sounding drum set still triggers the bodies automatic response to loud noise. If this is what you are after, you get the desired result even though it sounds awful.
My feeling is pro musicians are more like craftsman or service providers than artists. As a result they should aspire to providing value to their patron. If the club owner wants the band to play loud, then by all means play loud. However, my impression is a vast majority of patrons would prefer live music to be a bit quieter. A common response from musicians is to state that live music has to be loud, which IMHO is BS. Live music can definitely be dialed back to whatever level suits the situation. IME, a band that figures out how to play at a lower volume is likely to get more work; not less.
I will concede that not everyone who hears a band at a low volume will think it sounds great. Likewise not everyone who hears a band playing loud will think it sounds great. You can't make everyone happy. IMHO, the trick is to play at the volume that best meets the needs of the setting.
Of course there is also the rare musician who is an actual artists who can pretty much do whatever they want live because they have a huge adoring following. If this is you, do whatever you want as long as you can get away with it.