Bad attitude, or am I overthinking this?

[Forty-Thirty]

More importantly... it's going to be a tough ride as a musician if you continue to take things to heart that quickly. I know it's not an overnight, "I'll just stop doing that now," sort of thing to desensitize ourselves to the things people say, but I really do think it's important to learn how to let things like this go. There's going to be a lot tougher criticism coming down the road, and if one doesn't learn how to accept it all and use it to their advantage, me thinks they're going to sink rather quickly. Or just become really miserable.

I am generally rather good at taking criticism (I'm an academic--that's part of the nature of the job, including student evals), but the reason I thought I might be overthinking this is that I'm terribly stressed about work right now. We are almost to finals week and I'm overwhelmed and not sleeping well. It's highly likely that I'm overly sensitive about everything right now, and I'm aware of that. That's why I trust the good people at TB to tell me if I'm off base--I need another set of eyes, preferably eyes belonging to someone who hasn't practically had an IV drip of coffee going for the last two weeks.

 

[Forty-Thirty]

I'd give it a shot, assuming you really were okay with the "folksier" type of tunes you heard.
Play along with them a few times and then decide.

How else is a person with two basses going to get them out of the house?

Are they both still red?

Still both red! This summer, one of them will not be.

 

[mellowinman]

He already admits he's crazy. Honestly, I'd pass on this guy.

Here's what you do: record some stuff of your playing now.
Stop making excuses for yourself when talking to potential players. Although it's bad to be full of oneself, it's also bad to be underconfident.
Keep looking for people to jam with, and maybe take the plunge and hit an open jam or two.
You are better off learning some various styles than getting involved with some wannabe singer/songwriter. Just my opinion. I am often wrong.

 

[BassBrass]

Too much Summary Judgment going on from email these days, so it gets more and more brief in case Anything can be construed as other than intended. It's crazy! That said I would expect the "songs that drive him crazy" to be some kind of romantic jive he's gotten positive feedback by saying, even though it suggests an idiot to be avoided, but that's a chance like every potential work mate you interview ever...

 

[Joe Nerve]

I am generally rather good at taking criticism (I'm an academic--that's part of the nature of the job, including student evals), but the reason I thought I might be overthinking this is that I'm terribly stressed about work right now. We are almost to finals week and I'm overwhelmed no not sleeping well. It's highly likely that I'm overly sensitive about everything right now, and I'm aware of that. That's why I trust the good people at TB to tell me if I'm off base--I need another set of eyes, preferably eyes belonging to someone who hasn't practically had an IV drip of coffee going for the last two weeks.

I get that too .

 

[trackskinz]

When I was 6 months in, I would play with anyone that would have me. Open jams, auditions I wasnt good enough for, anything. It made me diverse and flexible, taught me what to look for and what to avoid. And I have somne great stories

 

[Ewo]

Hey, OP--yeah, the end-of-the-semester crazy time is upon us... I can relate.

My .02 is along the lines of some of the earlier comments:

If you want to get out there on the scene, meeting people and playing with people, just go do it. Let your default response be _yes_ unless there's a concrete reason to blow a particular opportunity off. Don't overthink someone's email; a lot of people aren't so good at conveying connotative meanings in their texts and emails, and hence too close a reading of their words actually misleads you as to their mindset. (Yeah, a shortcoming in their secondary orality skills.) You have nothing more to lose in getting together with this person than a few hours, and possibly a good deal to gain, in your musical development.

 

[3Liter]

Yes overthinking.
I see many people put a lot of "yakking" in email. That's how this comes across.

As a writer/solo guy he migh also be a diva. Who cares? Go meet and see what developes. At least you'll learn something. You're not marrying the guy I suspect.

I play guitar and bass. I have played with all sorts of amateurs that don't undertand music at all let alone what the various instruments do. If you're a seasoned pro looking to make money my answer would be different.

 

[ThatGingerMojo]

That's when you hand him the bass and say, "you do it then"

 

[azureblue]

Two words: Lee Sklar

 

[INTP]

My impression is that this is closer to a typical line of thought for a singer/songwriter than an outlier. For good or bad, I think that you're better off getting the experience than not. I don't see much of a commitment in time, and you're going to gain insight about yourself, if nothing else.

Sometimes there are flags that we will recognize that will help us avoid really unpleasant situations. But most of the time, filtering out opportunities because you see something that MIGHT be a problem will mostly mean missing out on some good experiences.

 

[Tom Howland]

Nothing to lose......everything to gain. Meet with him. See what he is like in person. A big problem with the internet, is people don't look people in the eye, and size them up anymore.
He maybe different than what you think, you could hit it off ?

 

[brianrost]

He's right...bass is something you shouldn't notice unless it's wrong. He didn't say it wasn't important.

 

[electracoyote]

FWIW, here are the gut reactions of a singer-songwriter guitarist/keyboardist/bass player with 38 years experience rehearsing and performing with other musicians:

He wrote back and said a few things that concern me a little, and I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive or if I should be a little wary. He said, "I listened to your jam with your dad. He's really good! I'm not saying you're not, but it was more of a keyboard showpiece. For me, bass is something I don't really notice unless it's just all wrong. But you obviously got a little swing in you!"

Um. Ok. There's a bit of a compliment at the end, but it's also kind of a dig at bass in general and maybe at me personally. Anyway, it was really off-putting to me.

This statement doesn't worry me too much. A LOT of guitar players, singers, songwriters, etc., don't understand the role and importance of bass very well. It's actually a bit of a compliment when he admitted that you didn't stomp all over the recording, so you must be doing something right, and he pretty much acknowledges that.

He also said, "I'm definitely interested in talking some more and/or just getting together to see what happens music-wise. Sounds like we have the same aims-- just to get better and for me, to flesh out all these songs that are driving me crazy."

And it's the "all these songs that are driving me crazy" line that gives me pause, too--he doesn't seem to think bass is all that interesting/important, and he's also got his own stuff swirling around in his head, so I wonder how much of this would be collaborative and how much would be just him trying to get his own stuff done.

As a bass player, it would be foolhardy to enter any relationship with a singer-songwriter thinking it will be "collaborative" unless that has been clearly established up front. Just assume, until it is revealed otherwise, that you are his bass player and you are there to serve his songs and help him advance his agenda. Your weight and influence ends with good solid appropriate bass lines that make him happy, and being flexible and adjusting if he's not happy with your lines. Now, I may be wrong about that, but this is the case the vast majority of the time. You may find out later that he wants more input from you than that, but I'd go in assuming I was his backing band's bass player and nothing more.

He must know at some gut level that bass is important, or he wouldn't be soliciting for a bass player. Go for it, even if you're his backing band's bass player. You will learn a lot and it may become very rewarding.

 

[Scott Lynch]

I agree with what's been said so far - go for it.

One thing I couldn't help but notice in the OPs post - the response you got from the guy sounded like he was really speaking his mind. He did not BS you, which I think is a rarer thing nowadays than it used to be. It sounds to me like, if he's being up front with you like that from the get go, you can expect him to always be like that, and hold you to a standard.

He also said he's open to getting together to play. If it works out it sounds like a fantastic growth opportunity.

 

[Helaskold]

I think the general mindset on TB is to try to be offended when they read things like this, but honestly what he said really doesn't seem that bad. For many styles of music, the "ideal" (obviously this is a relative term) bass player is one who sits perfectly in the mix and doesn't bring too much attention to his parts. This dude complimented you and make it clear what type of player he's looking for, nothing really condescending. I actually kind of like the guy's attitude and would totally jam with him if that were my style of music.

Perhaps this exchange is worth a re-evaluation?

 

[Mantis Tobaggan]

Give it a chance Daria.

 

[acmeseed]

Go for it, not much to lose, if it does not work out walk away.

Bass not important? Here's the fix, in the middle of the song stop playing; he'll come around ;~)

When I was in my teens we used to bust each other's chops constantly, they would bug me about the bass not being important, in rehearsal I would stop playing and they would go haywire. I used to threaten to do this while playing live and they would leave me alone, works all the time!

Please let us know how you make out.

 

[KickingBass]

He seems to think of bass the way most people do, especially inexperienced people. There is something to be learned there however, bass is a "background instrument" by nature. The bass sets the foundation, it gives the song kick and makes you want to dance but it's still not usually the main attraction. For the style of music he's playing I would say that the vocals will probably be most important. And that's okay. When you get really good you can start putting in some really cool basslines and then he'll see how awesome bass really is.

 

[friendlybass]

Give it a shot, it sounds like it'll be more his project than a collaborative effort to write but that can give you a lot of freedom to experiment. The worst that happens is he's a diva and you spend a few hours not having fun instead of chilling at home.
Actually the worst that happens is he's a serial killer, but id say risk of that is low.