Band break up - did I do the right thing?

[lhindrum]

Hi all,

This has been on my mind and I wanted to get some opinions...

I had been playing in a new cover band for a few months when things didn't work out with our original drummer. We managed to find a replacement but our singer left shortly after for personal reasons. This prompted our new drummer to call a band meeting in which he informed us that he didn't like our setlist and wanted to come up with his own setlist that we should play. Two days later he brought us a new list which had removed almost all of the thirty or so songs we had already learned.

The drummer also informed us that if we didn't want to play these new songs he wouldn't continue with us. We obliged his request and went along with the plan to begin with but had a few concerns/suggestions with the new setlist which we expressed. This seemed to frustrate him and he asked us to trust him and go along with the plan since he had been in a successful cover band 10 years prior. Even though he said we could choose other songs to add later, it became clear he wouldn't budge from his list of songs.

One of our two guitarists was all for this new plan, but myself and particularly our other guitarist had some reservations. At this point the drummer called me to see if I would continue without this original member to which I refused.

He then immediately posted a message in our group chat saying this wouldn't work and he left. Unfortunately our other guitarist decided to also leave shortly after leaving the band essentially destroyed.

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand. The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success. I can't stop thinking about this scenario and whether I did the right thing.

Thoughts? Sorry for long post!

 

[buldog5151bass]

Band leg lifting sucks. It doesn't sound like there was anything you could do to save that.

FWIW, being in a successful cover band a decade ago is not exactly sufficient reason to think you can take over a band. My suggestion, pick any of the musicians you think are worth playing with and try again.

 

[portpc]

I'm guessing the new drummer knew the new songlist that he proposed?.. It was everything that he had played in his previous act?..
Did he bother to investigate if whoever is singing had the range to cover the material? (That's kinda important.)

Sounds like the new drummer attempting a coup of the band?.. It seems best that it fell apart..
Keep playing! Be in it for the long haul, bands come & go & learn from the experience.

 

[lhindrum]

Band leg lifting sucks. It doesn't sound like there was anything you could do to save that.

FWIW, being in a successful cover band a decade ago is not exactly sufficient reason to think you can take over a band. My suggestion, pick any of the musicians you think are worth playing with and try again.

That was my thought too. I wasn't comfortable with totally relinquishing control to this guy. We actually were happy to try it out, but we still wanted to have an open discussion which he didnt seem too keen on.

The guitarist who remained and myself will hopefully try to get another band going.

 

[lhindrum]

I'm guessing the new drummer knew the new songlist that he proposed?.. It was everything that he had played in his previous act?..
Did he bother to investigate if whoever is singing had the range to cover the material? (That's kinda important.)

Sounds like the new drummer attempting a coup of the band?.. It seems best that it fell apart..
Keep playing! Be in it for the long haul, bands come & go & learn from the experience.

Thanks for the support. The songs he brought in were all ones he knew and said worked with his previous band. We didn't have a singer at the time since she had left the week prior, but we had just posted some ads before this all unfolded.

 

[crguti]

What kind of music was in his list?

 

[whatizitman]

That was my thought too. I wasn't comfortable with totally relinquishing control to this guy. We actually were happy to try it out, but we still wanted to have an open discussion which he didnt seem too keen on.

The guitarist who remained and myself will hopefully try to get another band going.

Did you like the other guitarist? That's where I would start.

 

[mellowinman]

A drummer who gets final say on a songlist? Not in any band I'm in.

 

[saabfender]

Another musician with 101 reasons not to learn new songs. Great. What do I hear on TB as much as “carrots”? “Fire the drummer.”

 

[bkbirge]

A drummer that fires himself is worth his weight in gold.

 

[BassAndReeds]

Can you tell us the list of songs he cut? And the list of songs he obligated everyone to play?

I’ll reserve judgement till knowing those details. 10 years is experience. But I take that with a grain of dalt.

 

[Kevorargh]

You did the right thing. No one likes a person who tries to totally take over and be a dictator - unless the money is really, really good.

 

[Bass Viking]

Did this drummer have anything going for him e.g. was he a good drummer, did he have connections? Regardless, I still think you're better off without him.

 

[QweziRider]

The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success.

Because, after all, he's still being a huge success in that other band with his formula.

Good ridence to him. You're good.

 

[Bodeanly]

Could I please see the original list and the drummer’s list? I’d really like to learn his formula for success so I can join a band and take it over. Thanks in advance.

 

[micguy]

The root of the problem is inflexible people. Once someone says "it's my way or the highway", you have two logical choices:

1) Fire them immediately
2) Tell they they're being inflexible, and need to change. If/when they refuse, then you fire them.

I play at churches. We have someone who plans the weekend setlist (songs, keys, arrangements, etc) and communicates it to us beforehand- usually well in advance. We come to Sunday prepared to play what has been set up for us. We don't have time to argue anything - we have a couple of services to do, with the first one a few hours after we get together. If you have a suggestion (that doesn't undo things horribly) you can offer it, but you have to be prepared for a polite yet firm no. If a singer comes in, and can't reach a few notes, you have to be able to switch keys and make that work. If the arrangement isn't what you had prepared, you have to be able to adapt. If (this happened recently) a news article changes the vibe of things, and you need to learn a whole new setlist a day or two from Sunday, you have to be able to do that. Taking the money and the potential for fame/notoriety out of the equation does wonders for the situation - one of the things you find in this context is people with egos don't last worth a darn - it's not about you, it's about doing something really well, making someone else's vision into an artistic reality. It's not about being a star, it's about being a good musician.

I realize that a bar/wedding/cover band is different, but playing in the church context has given me an understanding of how ineffective most band situations are. I was asked if I had interest in a wedding band recently. I'm too busy to consider it, but even if I had the time, I have zero interest in band drama at this point in my life - it'd have to be a very well adjusted group of musicians for me to consider joining a band.

 

[PaulJSmith]

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand.

Yes, he was being entirely unreasonable. However, that a new guy was able to come in and completely destroy an existing band in such a seemingly short period of time (you didn't specify the time frame, of course), is pretty solid evidence that your band was not, in fact, very solid at all. In the long run, he may have done you a favor by exposing that weakness before too much was committed to it.

Stop second-guessing yourself. It'll only make you hesitant to move forward.

 

[GBBSbassist]

He held the band hostage with demands that sated him and him only.

You did the right thing. Believe me. People who do selfish things like that have very few boundaries they won't cross.

 

[charlie monroe]

10 years is experience. But I take that with a grain of dalt.

Let me refine this for you.

He had some experience 10 years ago.
He does not have 10 years of experience.

 

[arbiterusa]

Most of this is on you guys, sadly. Let me show you where you went horribly wrong:

This prompted our new drummer to call a band meeting in which he informed us that he didn't like our setlist and wanted to come up with his own setlist that we should play.

You say "no"

Two days later he brought us a new list which had removed almost all of the thirty or so songs we had already learned.

You say "we're done here". Seriously. It's your band. It's not his band. He should be out the door at this point with a bootprint on the seat of his pants.

The drummer also informed us that if we didn't want to play these new songs he wouldn't continue with us.

You say "we're done here" as I said above and get a new drummer, preferably one without a Charlie Chaplin mustache and swastika armbands, and who is always talking about "conquering Poland".

We obliged his request and went along with the plan to begin with but had a few concerns/suggestions with the new setlist which we expressed.

THIS WAS YOUR BIG MISTAKE. What the hell? Drummer Adolf Hitler here says "it's my band now" and you guys just cave? At this point the result is on you, not him, because you let him use you like a baby uses a diaper and for the same purpose.

He totally hijacked your band and you let him. Don't do that again.