Band break up - did I do the right thing?

[sean_on_bass]

Hi all,

This has been on my mind and I wanted to get some opinions...

I had been playing in a new cover band for a few months when things didn't work out with our original drummer. We managed to find a replacement but our singer left shortly after for personal reasons. This prompted our new drummer to call a band meeting in which he informed us that he didn't like our setlist and wanted to come up with his own setlist that we should play. Two days later he brought us a new list which had removed almost all of the thirty or so songs we had already learned.

The drummer also informed us that if we didn't want to play these new songs he wouldn't continue with us. We obliged his request and went along with the plan to begin with but had a few concerns/suggestions with the new setlist which we expressed. This seemed to frustrate him and he asked us to trust him and go along with the plan since he had been in a successful cover band 10 years prior. Even though he said we could choose other songs to add later, it became clear he wouldn't budge from his list of songs.

One of our two guitarists was all for this new plan, but myself and particularly our other guitarist had some reservations. At this point the drummer called me to see if I would continue without this original member to which I refused.

He then immediately posted a message in our group chat saying this wouldn't work and he left. Unfortunately our other guitarist decided to also leave shortly after leaving the band essentially destroyed.

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand. The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success. I can't stop thinking about this scenario and whether I did the right thing.

Thoughts? Sorry for long post!

Well i don't really care for how the drummer got so aggressive pushing his ideas because he should had known what the band was up front, but maybe he saw a opportunity to take the lead and went for it. Although if you guys had a really bad setlist maybe he was right, who knows.

You did the right thing if you really did not want to play the new material. I also think you did right by standing by an original member. Take your guitarist buddy and recruit two more members to get back on track. Also make sure you spell out the rules of the road for the band before someone agrees to join to hopefully avoid these types of situations in the future.

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

Hi all,

This has been on my mind and I wanted to get some opinions...

I had been playing in a new cover band for a few months when things didn't work out with our original drummer. We managed to find a replacement but our singer left shortly after for personal reasons. This prompted our new drummer to call a band meeting in which he informed us that he didn't like our setlist and wanted to come up with his own setlist that we should play. Two days later he brought us a new list which had removed almost all of the thirty or so songs we had already learned.

The drummer also informed us that if we didn't want to play these new songs he wouldn't continue with us. We obliged his request and went along with the plan to begin with but had a few concerns/suggestions with the new setlist which we expressed. This seemed to frustrate him and he asked us to trust him and go along with the plan since he had been in a successful cover band 10 years prior. Even though he said we could choose other songs to add later, it became clear he wouldn't budge from his list of songs.

One of our two guitarists was all for this new plan, but myself and particularly our other guitarist had some reservations. At this point the drummer called me to see if I would continue without this original member to which I refused.

He then immediately posted a message in our group chat saying this wouldn't work and he left. Unfortunately our other guitarist decided to also leave shortly after leaving the band essentially destroyed.

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand. The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success. I can't stop thinking about this scenario and whether I did the right thing.

Thoughts? Sorry for long post!

Lets see...
New drummer tries to take over.
New drummer is unwavering on the set list replacements.
New drummer was in a successful cover band 10 years ago... what’s he been doing for the last ten years?
Original members let new drummer who hasn’t been in a successful band for a decade take over.
You didn’t fire... do I need to say it?
How did you think think this was going to end?
Or am I seeing it wrong?

 

[Munjibunga]

Thanks for the support. The songs he brought in were all ones he knew and said worked with his previous band. We didn't have a singer at the time since she had left the week prior, but we had just posted some ads before this all unfolded.

If you want valid opinions, we're going to have to see both lists.

 

[Nevada Pete]

Your new drummer's qualifications for being absolute dictator are that he was in a successful cover band ten years ago? Wait! If he has such a great plan for success, then what was he doing for the last 10 years? Maybe trying to relive past glories by attempting to duplicate his former (successful according to him) cover band? And failing each time? I wonder why?

FWIW, I would have no problem playing for an absolute musical dictator. In fact, those are often the best situations financially, if you can get in. But in that case, the MD (music director) better have their act together such that I respect him / her enough to want to sustain their vision. Otherwise, forget about it.

In this case, your guy in my estimation is going nowhere fast. I'd forget about it. Nothing says you can't regroup or partially regroup, you know. Bands are like nitroglycerin. They tend to blow up easily. As you go forward, you'll get better at seeing these kinds of things coming. No problem. Keep going. Good luck!

 

[lhindrum]

Can you tell us the list of songs he cut? And the list of songs he obligated everyone to play?

I’ll reserve judgement till knowing those details. 10 years is experience. But I take that with a grain of dalt.

Some songs he cut:

One way or another
Zombie
Hit me with your best shot
Just a girl

Some songs from the same artist he wanted to switch:

Foo Fighters - The pretender to The best of you
Green Day - Holiday to Good Riddance (Time of your life
Guns n Roses - Welcome to the Jungle to Sweet Child

Songs he brought in:

Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit
Oasis - Wonderwall
Metallica - Enter Sandman

 

[electracoyote]

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand. The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success.

First impressions:

This drummer may have had a great game plan, but one (or both) of two things went wrong--

First, he was the new guy and completely overestimated the strength of his plan, his salesmanship, and whether the rest would go for it. Playlist is a big deal in an established band, and maybe he had a different target audience and client in mind that he's had success with in the past. Maybe he takes it far more serious and is more willing to make sacrifices than the rest of you. Often, one musician thinking about music as a business with a product and end user finds himself at odds with several others who simply don't think of being in a band in those terms.

Secondly, I get the feeling he was pretty hamfisted about it and didn't try to work himself into the clique and finesse the situation, take a little time building trust and winning the hearts and minds of his new bandmates. He seems to have simply jumped in with two feet, make a lot of assumptions (including his right to be defacto band leader), and stomp the life out of it in the process. It was pretty arrogant; if the dude wants to start a band on his terms, he should start from scratch rather than join an existing project and try to transform people overnight. That almost never works.

Either way, it is what it is, it's over, and you should walk away with both a clear conscience and wiser for the experience. I can't see anything you did wrong, but it should give you new insight into the various dynamics and what happens when people aren't on the same page with the fundamentals right out of the gate.

 

[lhindrum]

I can send through more complete lists later.

For the record, we never immediately agreed to play his new setlist, we said we would take a look. We felt we could have kept some of the old songs and incorporated some new ones without ditching everything entirely. On his part it was a take it or leave it type deal though

 

[lhindrum]

I've also just found out the he is starting a new band with one of our guitarists (the one who was on board with this guy's plans from the start)

 

[TheReceder]

I'd smile... and find musicians that would want to play more than they'd want to rule the world. When you see the guitar player, just wish him well. You never know how long it will take before he comes back. One thing to keep in mind... the guitar player and the drummer may have been talking about all this behind everyone's back... Most world leaders have their henchman cheering them on in the background

Be happy, let them take over Yugoslavia.

 

[ashtray]

You did the right thing. You can’t control other’s actions. In the end you gotta be able to sleep at night.

I was in a band that the singer (self nominated BL?!) fired the drummer. I quit same day, and started a new band with the drummer. The guitarist felt guilty the next day (he was in cahoots with singer), and offered to start a band with the drummer - but we had already set things in motion. 24 hours is a long time to wait to clear your conscious when other people are hurt by your decisions.

Was in another band where the drummer and vox asked me to leave with them to form a new band - essentially kicking the BL guitarist out of his own band! I was friends with all the guys (hey, I’m a bassist, we just get along with others!) but I put my loyalty with the BL. That was a tough choice. We formed a new band that was even better (but self destructed a year later).

Bands come and go. Measurements of success don’t really mean much compared to measurements of enjoyment.

 

[2112]

 

[DWBass]

Please post the songlists.

 

[gln1955]

Some songs he cut:

One way or another
Zombie
Hit me with your best shot
Just a girl

He cut songs with female lead vocals. You lost your female singer? Or was the singer male? Were you planning to get another female lead?

 

[oldrocker]

...

Some songs from the same artist he wanted to switch:

Foo Fighters - The pretender to The best of you
Green Day - Holiday to Good Riddance (Time of your life
Guns n Roses - Welcome to the Jungle to Sweet Child

Songs he brought in:

Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit
Oasis - Wonderwall
Metallica - Enter Sandman

Oh, my.

 

[MattZilla]

Some songs he cut:

One way or another keep
Zombie reinterpret or cut
Hit me with your best shot keep
Just a girl ehhh

Some songs from the same artist he wanted to switch:

Foo Fighters - The pretender to The best of you bad switch
Green Day - Holiday to Good Riddance (Time of your life both poor compared to other gd songs
Guns n Roses - Welcome to the Jungle to Sweet Child bad switch

Songs he brought in:

Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit nope.
Oasis - Wonderwall yes!
Metallica - Enter Sandman eh.

Really want to see the whole lists

 

[Sav'nBass]

Sounds to me like you didn't have much of a core group to begin with if it fell apart so easily.

For a band to be successful it has to be more than just a group of people getting together to jam...

 

[Wolford]

The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success.

End thread. haha You mean he had the recipe this whole time and chose you guys to be famous with? Wow. Missed opportunity. ;-)

If you guys were bumbling idiots and he was the sane one, maybe do what he suggests, but I doubt that was the case. The shame is the damage is done. It's hard to create/maintain a band.

 

[Ekulati]

Very simple. Who's the band leader? Who sings lead? These people determine the repertoire. If drummer sings his butt off as a lead guy, which does happen, then he has say. But if there was already a BL then they work together. If you're not either a BL and you sing no lead vocals, you simply show up and play. If you don't like the rep, you choose another band.

 

[retslock]

Hi all,

This has been on my mind and I wanted to get some opinions...

I had been playing in a new cover band for a few months when things didn't work out with our original drummer. We managed to find a replacement but our singer left shortly after for personal reasons. This prompted our new drummer to call a band meeting in which he informed us that he didn't like our setlist and wanted to come up with his own setlist that we should play. Two days later he brought us a new list which had removed almost all of the thirty or so songs we had already learned.

The drummer also informed us that if we didn't want to play these new songs he wouldn't continue with us. We obliged his request and went along with the plan to begin with but had a few concerns/suggestions with the new setlist which we expressed. This seemed to frustrate him and he asked us to trust him and go along with the plan since he had been in a successful cover band 10 years prior. Even though he said we could choose other songs to add later, it became clear he wouldn't budge from his list of songs.

One of our two guitarists was all for this new plan, but myself and particularly our other guitarist had some reservations. At this point the drummer called me to see if I would continue without this original member to which I refused.

He then immediately posted a message in our group chat saying this wouldn't work and he left. Unfortunately our other guitarist decided to also leave shortly after leaving the band essentially destroyed.

I feel this drummer was being unreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his actions seemed to break up our core group which felt solid beforehand. The drummer claimed we wouldn't go anywhere without following his plan and believed he had the recipe for success. I can't stop thinking about this scenario and whether I did the right thing.

Thoughts? Sorry for long post!

Seems to be a power play for control of the band. Who needs it. If he’s not willing to work in a reasonable way with the other band members it’s never going to be an easy relationship. You’re better off starting again without him.

 

[BassAndReeds]

Some songs he cut:

One way or another
Zombie
Hit me with your best shot
Just a girl

Some songs from the same artist he wanted to switch:

Foo Fighters - The pretender to The best of you
Green Day - Holiday to Good Riddance (Time of your life
Guns n Roses - Welcome to the Jungle to Sweet Child

Songs he brought in:

Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit
Oasis - Wonderwall
Metallica - Enter Sandman

Sounds like this guy just needs his own band. Kinda sucks it led to the band breakup. I’d just move on and find a new band/project. Unfortunately the music business is filled with stories like this. Keep plugging away.