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Band Member inviting other bass player

#81
Artman said:
Show up. Be nice. Just see how it goes. No need to be overly suspicious, but don’t be nieve either.
The only time a band I played in ever invited another bass player to rehearsal/practice, it turned out that they were secretly shopping for a new bass player.
A few weeks later, they let me go right after a big, well paid gig.
The same band asked me to come back two years later. I did. Then they did it again. Those guys had great songs or I never would have given them a second chance. Never again. Jerks.
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A leopard doesn't change it's spots, but I've played with people again after breakups. If the music is good, why not?
 
#85
chaak said:
Sounds weird and wrong on so many levels. I did ask assist with what and how but i got a simplistic answer that he can give his input into the song we are currently working on.
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You are right. That's pure disrespect on his part. It would be different if he discussed this with you on the front side, but, no this is not acceptable.

It seems from what you said you are all band members of equal standing.
This is something that a superior would decide unilaterally, if you were an employee.

Wouldn't fly with me, but I'm no bashful about confronting being left out of decisions that directly affect my options and sensibilities.

It's exactly the same as another band member asking a stranger to sit in on your gear without asking you first. Nope. No true friend should ever be that presumptuous or disrespectful, and should be called out.

If they are embarrassed by your standing up for yourself, it's on them, not you.
 
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#86
chaak said:
that guy coming raises all kinds of existential questions
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chaak said:
Any advice
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here's some: relax! it's in your head. (and apparently in a lot of heads on this thread!) that's how paranoia works = from the inside out.

i play with adults, so: not only would i enjoy hearing the input of others, i'd also feel rude (self-conscious) not inviting another bass player to check out my 'stuff' --- my ax, my rig, my ideas, yada yada. i'd be more interested in his/her thoughts about how to make the music better (it doesn't mean that i'd agree...but i'd be interested!).

i'm with the group who doesn't feel threatened by this situation. OP: good luck with your trust issues! :thumbsup:
 
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#87
chaak said:
Out of the blue the guitarist calls me up to tell me that he has invited a friend of his over to our first meeting this week. His friend is a bass player and according to the guitarist 'he will be there to assist'.
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Simply show up at the meeting and start packing up your gear. Tell your guitarist you are heading out to assist with another band and you need to be there in about an hour.
 
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#92
Copperhead said:
Are being condescending and patronizing adult traits ? Just askin' .
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that was pretty much my first thought.

JRA said:
here's some: relax! it's in your head. (and apparently in a lot of heads on this thread!) that's how paranoia works = from the inside out.

i play with adults, so: not only would i enjoy hearing the input of others, i'd also feel rude (self-conscious) not inviting another bass player to check out my 'stuff' --- my ax, my rig, my ideas, yada yada. i'd be more interested in his/her thoughts about how to make the music better (it doesn't mean that i'd agree...but i'd be interested!).

i'm with the group who doesn't feel threatened by this situation. OP: good luck with your trust issues! :thumbsup:
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what an arrogant and dismissive post.

the OP doesn't have trust issues. the guitarist, by not asking the rest of the band "hey, do you mind if i bring this other bass player to help us write our songs?" in advance is outside of how things happen in the norm inside music and out. and there's a chance the band would have said no; it should have been their perogative to do so. that is, among other things, common courtesy. instead he chose to take away their having a choice in the matter.

you'd feel rude not letting a stranger who you didn't invite to your rehearsal play your gear? i've had people damage my gear; not once did one of those people pay to fix it. boundaries are a healthy adult trait.

btw, if you had more experience with less-than-perfect people, you'd discover that in many cases, this sort of thing actually does lead to the bass player being fired or the band breaking up.
 
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#94
pcake said:
what an arrogant and dismissive post.

the OP doesn't have trust issues. the guitarist, by not asking the rest of the band "hey, do you mind if i bring this other bass player to help us write our songs?" in advance is outside of how things happen in the norm inside music and out. and there's a chance the band would have said no; it should have been their perogative to do so. that is, among other things, common courtesy.

you'd feel rude not letting a stranger who you didn't invite to your rehearsal play your gear? i've had people damage my gear; not once did one of those people pay to fix it. besides, boundaries are a healthy adult trait.

btw, if you had more life experience with less-than-perfect people, you'd discover that in many cases, this sort of thing actually does lead to the bass player being fired or the band breaking up.
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sorry you feel that way. and my apologies to those whose sensibilities i have offended by the wording i used or the 'attitude' which is being interpreted...i see clearly how that happened! :)

but yes: all of us have an impulse to regress to childlike insecurity if we feel threatened enough. i'll stick by what i said, or if you'll trust me on this: by what i meant. either way = it's an opinion. maybe only a few (or no one :laugh: ) would agree!

 
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#95
pcake said:
...

the OP doesn't have trust issues. the guitarist, by not asking the rest of the band "hey, do you mind if i bring this other bass player to help us write our songs?" in advance is outside of how things happen in the norm inside music and out. and there's a chance the band would have said no; it should have been their perogative to do so. that is, among other things, common courtesy. instead he chose to take away their having a choice in the matter.

....

btw, if you had more experience with less-than-perfect people, you'd discover that in many cases, this sort of thing actually does lead to the bass player being fired or the band breaking up.
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Exactly, how it should have went is that the guitar player should have called and said, "I'm thinking of bringing this guy to rehearsal to help with x, y and z. What would you think about that?"

The x, y and z part would indicate if the fact the guy is a bass player is relevant.
 
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#97
chaak said:
Hey all I have been part of a band the three original members ( myself included) are childhood best friends. We are an all original band that used to be fully instrumental but just a year ago added a singer who had some songs written (lyrics only). We have been extensively composing and working on these songs soon to be released as the first debut album under this new line up. We meet up twice weekly at the guitar player's house we have set up a really good soundproofed space that has become our studio as well.

Every now and then and when the drummer cannot make it to one of the two rehearsals the guitar player invites a drummer or a keyboards player to jam and stay fresh. This doesnt happen that often though cause we usually meet without the drummer to write songs and work on the passages . (the drummer myself and the guitar player compose everything including the vocal lines sometimes it is a collaborative effort, with sometimes either me or the guitarists writing entire songs) I digress. Out of the blue the guitarist calls me up to tell me that he has invited a friend of his over to our first meeting this week. His friend is a bass player and according to the guitarist 'he will be there to assist'.

Sounds weird and wrong on so many levels. I did ask assist with what and how but i got a simplistic answer that he can give his input into the song we are currently working on.

Mind you i am on great terms with my band mates they commend my professionalism and both my rhythmic and songwriting abilities and creating a very tight pocket with the drummer when needed and soloing and playing lead when needed. Only thing i dont do well is play with a plectrum.

I checked out this friend and he is into cover songs and played in cover bands and his thing happens to be metalcore/djent stuff.

I have classical training (classical piano for 10 years before switching to bass in 2000) and have been studying jazz.

I listen to a lot of metal bands as well as many different genres (Funk, inde rock, hip hop, electronica, jazz and its subgenres of course).

I felt offended that he didnt ask me before inviting him over and threatened that some guy will be there with his gear (maybe) or worse going to be using mine ( and i hate to give my stuff let alone my gear to anyone to play it) .

Any advice, did this ever happen to anyone ?
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Ask them directly what’s going on. And take it from there.
 
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