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Changing your real name

K2000

K2000

Nov 16, 2005
1,600
124
Brooklyn
#1
Anybody changed their name?

I'm wrestling with the idea of changing my last name. Partly because I want to make a symbolic break from my family... Also, my last name is a bit odd (the kind of name that requires slowly spelling it out, whenever I need to submit my name).

Sort of a leap for me, and I'm wondering what your experience might have been.
 
#3
Are you ashamed of your name? Why do you want to make a "symbolic break" from your family? That is more than symbolic, it's action and a real break, not symbolic.

If you were my family and changed your name, it would be incredibly hurtful to me. It would signal to me that you do not see yourself as part of the family any longer.
 
#4
I used a different name when I was a young musician because my name isn't very star like and that mattered when little else did so I can understand how people view names differently. To most it's super important to the few it's something else. I know one friend who did it hears ago and he was always glad he did even when his family flipped. He was still a tool so it didn't change much but his name.

If you have a reason and want to, go ahead as long as you are secure enough so when the repercussions and the litany of questions come your way you can make it through.

A great thing about social media is you can tell your story to the world before you have to run into most people you know personally yet see occasionally and have to tell your story to them.
 
#7
Social issues aside, as those are potentially more salient, but one thing needs to happen: you need to either run your new name past anonymous strangers (us; acceptable) or old friends you've had since childhood (better). The reason? If you are going to change your name from Gordon to Sting (or similar in last name), you need someone who will punch you in the arm and tell you you are being ridiculous and will regret your choice at 50. It would be a wise move to get the name old-neighborhood approved.

That aside, by the sound of it you are not in good stead with your family. Make sure that if you are changing your name, that you are doing it as a symbolic gesture to yourself to leave them behind (if you are doing so); do NOT do it, no matter what they've put you through, to throw something in their face. Don't do it to spite them, especially if you are still in contact. Won't see them ever again? Ok, then maybe change, but don't do it if it is some process of acting out against them. Again, you'll regret it when you are 50, and it isn't a healthy expression of your disappointment in your family.
 
#10
Angus said:
Social issues aside, as those are potentially more salient, but one thing needs to happen: you need to either run your new name past anonymous strangers (us; acceptable) or old friends you've had since childhood (better). The reason? If you are going to change your name from Gordon to Sting (or similar in last name), you need someone who will punch you in the arm and tell you you are being ridiculous and will regret your choice at 50. It would be a wise move to get the name old-neighborhood approved.

That aside, by the sound of it you are not in good stead with your family. Make sure that if you are changing your name, that you are doing it as a symbolic gesture to yourself to leave them behind (if you are doing so); do NOT do it, no matter what they've put you through, to throw something in their face. Don't do it to spite them, especially if you are still in contact. Won't see them ever again? Ok, then maybe change, but don't do it if it is some process of acting out against them. Again, you'll regret it when you are 50, and it isn't a healthy expression of your disappointment in your family.
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Nice post.

I would be changing my last name to something more conventional (so, Old Neighborhood approval should be a non-issue).

As far as your 2nd good point, that is why I'm still in the process of thinking it over. It will probably take a while to sort this through.

Thanks.
 
#12
Name changing happens all the time. Traditionally, women change their name after marriage. I've known a few people who changed their name just because it was something they felt strongly about (including separating themselves from their family). Later in life, if you decide it was a bad idea, change it back. All it takes is paperwork and paying the fees.

As for having to spell out your last name to people...My last name is only 5 letters, and people still have a hard time getting it right.
 
#13
I changed my last name about 20 years ago. I did it partly because my given last name was boring and didn't suit me; and partly because I had already "divorced myself" from that rotten side of my family and wanted no connection to them.

I'm still very glad of my choice, it was one of the best decisions I ever made!

The one minor regret I might have is that I chose a name that nobody knows how to spell. When I was younger I thought that was hilarious, but in recent years I decided the joke was on me, having to spell it out all the time.
 
#14
Angus said:
Social issues aside, as those are potentially more salient, but one thing needs to happen: you need to either run your new name past anonymous strangers (us; acceptable) or old friends you've had since childhood (better). The reason? If you are going to change your name from Gordon to Sting (or similar in last name), you need someone who will punch you in the arm and tell you you are being ridiculous and will regret your choice at 50. It would be a wise move to get the name old-neighborhood approved.
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+1

I have a friend from high school who has a pretty normal Christian name. Over the past couple of years, he's adopted a somewhat pretentious nickname. He wants me to call him by this nickname now. I honestly can't do it with a straight face.

P.s. I was in a relationship a few years ago that had serious marriage potential. I told my GF that if we got married, if she was going to take my last name, I was going to change my name so I had her name as well (perhaps in a hyphenated way with my current last name). I see relationships as partnerships, so it was a important symbolic gesture to me to do that.
 
#16
OP - I would guess that legally changing your name would probably be the easy part. The hard part would probably be having to change everything else to reflect it since it's your new legal name. Credit cards, legal documents, mortgage/rent documentation etc etc. I could be wrong of course.
 
#17
duff beer said:
If you choose you own nickname, it doesn't really count as it's not "official"... :D
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Well, it was given to him by a girl at a rave or something. The problem is trying to get people outside of the circle who know you by that nickname to use that nickname. LOL It just doesn't work. I had a nickname in my previous band and it would be totally strange for my current band to call me by that name.
 
#18
Obviously, I don't know the facts here, and I'm certainly not placing the blame on you....But I hope you get things worked out with your family, even if it's only to the point of civility. Family is for life, and no symbolic gesture truly changes that.
 
#19
Honestly, just because some people had sex and made a baby doesn't entitle them to anything. Any moron can make a baby, and they often do. Instead of "family is for life" it should be "any random pair of bozos that got pregnant... is for life".
 

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