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Crossdressing and bandmates.

#21
Personally, I don't care at all and it doesn't bother me. If a bandmate wanted to crossdress on stage because it was something really crucial to their identity, their mental/emotional well being, their personal expression, I'd be all for it and supportive. If they just wanted to do it as a lark for fun, it would depend on the context. If it felt in keeping with the band/gig in general, cool. If it seemed really out of left field and just a "hey, look at me!" kind of thing or in poor taste (poking fun at someone or something in poor taste), I'd probably ask them not to. I've seen band sets where all members wore dresses and were cis and straight, there was no element of transgender or drag (in the performative sense) and it was just a tongue in cheek middle finger to machismo and that seems fine to me. I've seen Melvins wear mumus on stage and that seemed of no particular social or political statement and fine too. If it was just one member wanting to do something wacky for attention on stage and it had no personally held meaning to them or context in the stage presence of the band (even if just for that one gig) it would feel kind of weird to me.

Either way I hold no moral judgement about crossdressing in any context on its own terms. I don't have any desire to go out of my way to be confrontational on stage, but I'm not concerned about appealing to everyone or offending no one in every situation.
 
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#23
ZBirdV8 said:
What I'm asking is assuming somebody in your band was a crossdresser, how would you like them to break it to you? As in I desire to do so on stage.
Click to expand...

Doesn't matter how you break it to me, because the answer is going to be "no", not on stage. I might add my band is not a democracy but a dictatorship so that's solely my call - in a democratic-style band, I'd just call a band meeting, say my (your) piece, and ask everyone to let me know what they decide in 24 hours - give 'em a waiting period to let 'em think it over.

Offstage, hey. Life is an adventure, tear it up. I miss the days when I had legs that worked very well with a skirt, but those days are now about 40-50 pounds behind me and all I'd be mistaken for now is a pile of elephant-skin rugs.
 
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#24
Just earlier today you said you were working on a song for an audition today. If you indeed are, try telling them upfront at the audition you are a cross-dresser. Might save you the trouble of carrying your gear in. On the other hand, if they are fine with it, you are good to go.

We do seem to live in a "anything goes" "politically correct" society.
 
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#25
I don't have any problem with it if it is appropriate for the gig.
Like if we are playing at a intimate jazz club playing jazz standards, then you should wear something nice, like an evening gown with tasteful accessories. Not a mini-skirt and fishnets.

But if we are playing a bar gig, go for it!

You should tell the others in the band, just so they are not in shock when you show up.
 
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#27
I have a friend that once owned a bar. It was a real redneck sort of hang-out. He decided to hire a Karaoke DJ for the weekends. Everyone loved her and she brought in a pretty good crowd. Everyone had fun. About a month in he discovered she was a cross-dresser (she was older and had a deeper, but decidedly female voice). He fired her. It wasn't fair, but he and the customers could not get over the stigma.

IMHO it's not so much up to the bands, but up to the owners that hire them. It wouldn't work in my band because we play some pretty rough places where it wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. Me personally, I could care less if someone identifies one way or another, but we do have to work and me protesting the bars I play at is not a good move for the band as a whole.

Art
 
#30
I'm assuming the OP is referring to this as a "Serious" thing and not a joke or schtick gimmick at shows. I'd assume as long as people were fine with it and you told them ahead of time it's cool. Didn't Boy George crossdress and all that? Also it would depend on the venue, don't think a country bar would be too gung ho on crossdressers lol.

As a comical aside, when I was younger I wanted to be the first male bass player for heavy metal band Kittie. I figured they would make me dress in drag, I would have been fine with it if it meant being in the band.
 
#33
really it sort of depends where your playing, in large metro areas its much more accepted than playing some tavern in a rural area. as long as its cool with your bandmates than why not, whatever works for you
 
#35
You really need to do whatever feels right.
But, yes have a conversation about it. Don't just show up in drag and say, "Surprise, I'm a transvestite!"
If you are a transvestite and feel natural as another gender, then go for it. Be yourself.
But, If it's not part of the band's identity then you don't have a right to call undue attention to it. In other words, if you want to dress like a woman then dress like a woman, don't dress like a man in drag.
 
#36
Cross dressing completely creeps me out. If someone want to do it in the privacy of their own home, that's their business but don't make me a part of it by showing up at rehearsal or for a gig that way.
 
#37
the vocalist in my band is MtF transgender, so it's safe to say that it doesn't bother me so much. So long as it's not in poor taste it's alright IMO. But if I were in even a moderately serious band, I may feel differently about it given different situations.
 
#38
only YOU would know if your band and clubs would deal with it OK ..??

could be dangerous in a southern rock band playing biker bars ..!!??

i've done such things at Halloween ... but just about anything goes then .!

i would think it is something that would need to be discussed prior to any surprises ... we got enough strange looks in my highschool mid-70's rock band when we showed up with eye makeup , finger nail polish & high healed sparkle platforms ..!!
 

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