Regardless if the daughter told her Dad or not about the boyfriend, it's his house - his rules. The boyfriend is lucky he's alive. Not sure what I would do but this is probably why I don't own any guns.
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When she is 18 she can do what she wants and if I have done my job right as her father, I can then trust her to have the necessary maturity to carry herself in a responsible manner for the rest of her life without my interference.
I have a 15 year old daughter who lives with me (instead of with her mom) and I have been very explicit in explaining (from very early in her life) about all the harsh realities of life that I feel competent to talk about... including the hazards of sex when you are still a sophmore in high school. She has a pretty good head on her shoulders but of course she doesn't have the self discipline and emotional control that we expect of adults and I'm well aware that she wants very much to hang out with her girl and guy friends with no supervision so they can egg each other on to indulge their passion to party without thought to the consequences. I know I was the same way when I was her age and the only thing that kept me from doing some REALLY stupid things was the thought of being caught by my parents and the punishment I would receive.
Last week I came home from work and she was in her bedroom with the door closed with two of her guy friends from school. I opened the door and they were all sitting on seperate chairs and watching a DVD. Fine. I paused the DVD and asked who her friends were and was impressed that they each shook my hand and called me Mr. ---- and were very respectful. I then reminded my daughter that having friends over who are not pre-approved by me when I'm not there is against my rules and they have to leave.... but they could come back when I know ahead of time - and she always has to leave the door to her room open when any guy in is there with her NO exceptions. My daughter, like most teenagers, will constantly test the rules to see if the limits have changed or to see if I still care enough to enforce them. She respects me and trusts me because I am consistent and fair with her and she knows that I will never lose control of my emotions (like the fool in the OP story).
But suppose that I had come home and discovered that my daughter was indeed having sex with one of her 15 year old school friends. I would have grabbed him and frog marched him out of my house (without hurting him) throwing his clothes after him and then worked very hard to try to persuade my daughter that the consequences of HER risky behavior could easily change her life for the worse. Someone wrote that a father should trust his 15 year old daughter and accept her having sex with guys if that is what she wants to do. Baloney. I am legally (and morally) responsible for cleaning up any messes my daughter makes with any risky behavior she chooses to engage in which is why I also don't allow her to drink booze, take drugs, go to unsupervised parties or participate in any other activities that are inherently hazardous to herself or others.
When she is 18 she can do what she wants and if I have done my job right as her father, I can then trust her to have the necessary maturity to carry herself in a responsible manner for the rest of her life without my interference.
When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.
Double standard. What if it was a son with a naked chick in his bed? The father would probably cheer his son on.
Great post from hbarcat, and an equally sensible qualification from Pacman.This is a great answer. As the father of a daughter I must concur. With the following exception:
When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.
But yeah, great post.
As a father with two daughters, I would. Strange naked dude in my house? He'd be lucky if the hospital was able to staple his ass back together. I don't mean that as an internet threat. I'm serious. I have a small collection of little league bats that are great for swinging in close quaters. He'd be carried out of my house.
Mike
Double standard. What if it was a son with a naked chick in his bed? The father would probably cheer his son on.


I wouldn't say they are more valid, but my entire view on a lot of things changed when I began having little people who relied on my for everything. Yours probably will too, I don't know.p.s. Mike, I do respect your opinions and as a father I think yours are more valid than mine.
Another good post. Well put.The moment he picked up the pipe, it was no longer protecting a daughter, but giving in to a lust for punishment and vengeance.
As I dad, I have an obligation to keep overheated monkeys off my daughter and an obligation to keep my sons from turning into overheated monkeys. That's called protecting my neighbors' daughter. (Remember neighbors?) I don't have the right to pound people into the hospital with a lead pipe after they've stopped being a threat. As far as the respect-kids-choice thing: It's not about distrusting the children's integrity, it's about distrusting their judgement, and the only reason for that is that their judgement isn't fully formed yet.
This is a great answer. As the father of a daughter I must concur. With the following exception:
When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.
But yeah, great post.
Key phrase:
> When she's 18 and not living under my roof she
> can do as she wishes.
Something I'm struggling with Right Now with my 19
year old daughter. A daughter who now thinks that since
she lived out of the house for the past year on a dance tour,
she can do as she pleases now that she's home.