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Did this dad overreact??

Hmm..seems kinda harsh in my book. Were you living in your parent's house at the time? My hope is that by the time by (now 7) daughter is 18 she'll be able to make her own wise decisions which will be based on my instructing her now through her early and adolescent childhood. That's what a parent (and especially a Dad) is for.
 
I have a 15 year old daughter who lives with me (instead of with her mom) and I have been very explicit in explaining (from very early in her life) about all the harsh realities of life that I feel competent to talk about... including the hazards of sex when you are still a sophmore in high school. She has a pretty good head on her shoulders but of course she doesn't have the self discipline and emotional control that we expect of adults and I'm well aware that she wants very much to hang out with her girl and guy friends with no supervision so they can egg each other on to indulge their passion to party without thought to the consequences. I know I was the same way when I was her age and the only thing that kept me from doing some REALLY stupid things was the thought of being caught by my parents and the punishment I would receive.

Last week I came home from work and she was in her bedroom with the door closed with two of her guy friends from school. I opened the door and they were all sitting on seperate chairs and watching a DVD. Fine. I paused the DVD and asked who her friends were and was impressed that they each shook my hand and called me Mr. ---- and were very respectful. I then reminded my daughter that having friends over who are not pre-approved by me when I'm not there is against my rules and they have to leave.... but they could come back when I know ahead of time - and she always has to leave the door to her room open when any guy in is there with her NO exceptions. My daughter, like most teenagers, will constantly test the rules to see if the limits have changed or to see if I still care enough to enforce them. She respects me and trusts me because I am consistent and fair with her and she knows that I will never lose control of my emotions (like the fool in the OP story).

But suppose that I had come home and discovered that my daughter was indeed having sex with one of her 15 year old school friends. I would have grabbed him and frog marched him out of my house (without hurting him) throwing his clothes after him and then worked very hard to try to persuade my daughter that the consequences of HER risky behavior could easily change her life for the worse. Someone wrote that a father should trust his 15 year old daughter and accept her having sex with guys if that is what she wants to do. Baloney. I am legally (and morally) responsible for cleaning up any messes my daughter makes with any risky behavior she chooses to engage in which is why I also don't allow her to drink booze, take drugs, go to unsupervised parties or participate in any other activities that are inherently hazardous to herself or others.

When she is 18 she can do what she wants and if I have done my job right as her father, I can then trust her to have the necessary maturity to carry herself in a responsible manner for the rest of her life without my interference.


This is a great answer. As the father of a daughter I must concur. With the following exception:

When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.

But yeah, great post.
 
When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.

I think few people are arguing that he should let her have sex freely..

I just think that beating the poor kid with a pipe, which could kill him, is completely frickin losing control of yourself, and much more punishment than necessary for a dumb teenager being a dumb teenager.

The fact that she was able to hide this guy for a year seems to indicate her dad really isn't that in touch with his daughter.

While you can make up all the off-chance possibilities for why she hid the kid, most of them still come down to blaming the father.. "the boyfriend had a stutter".. If she doesn't want to tell her parents about her boyfriend because he has a stutter, well they have instilled entirely incorrect values in their child..
 
This is a great answer. As the father of a daughter I must concur. With the following exception:

When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.

But yeah, great post.
Great post from hbarcat, and an equally sensible qualification from Pacman.
 
As a father with two daughters, I would. Strange naked dude in my house? He'd be lucky if the hospital was able to staple his ass back together. I don't mean that as an internet threat. I'm serious. I have a small collection of little league bats that are great for swinging in close quaters. He'd be carried out of my house.

Mike

^^^That.


Double standard. What if it was a son with a naked chick in his bed? The father would probably cheer his son on.

How many stories have you heard of a woman trespassing into a home and raping people?:eyebrow:
 
I'm sorry, whilst I do think he has an "excuse" for his actions, and multiple reasons to be angry, I don't think I lead pipe beating was right. It's not right under any circumstances. You suggest that he could have been raping her, yet he wasn't. Had the father taken about 5 more seconds to assess the situation (in which time the daughter could have said: he's my boyfriend) he could have dealt with the situation better. He could eject the male from the house, verbally abuse him or whatever he wanted. In this situation I think that 5 seconds was the difference between a non-violent solution and a pipe-bashing, I don't see how you can get around that.

p.s. Mike, I do respect your opinions and as a father I think yours are more valid than mine. I'm just calling it how I see it and we, being in different situations see it differently obviously. However I will say that neither of us, or anyone else in this thread knows enough about the families situations, the nature of the father, daughter or boyfriend to base any sort of final assessment on the matter. I hope that my views have not offended you as a father, as I am sure you do a great job :smug:
 
yeh, i'd definitely hide my..uh, significant other from some of you daddies.

chances are, this young lady knew exactly what would happen if she brought a dude home, either thru the door or thru a window.
even with the bestest of intentions, honor system still rules.


p.s.: so...did i miss something? where's the mom?
 
p.s. Mike, I do respect your opinions and as a father I think yours are more valid than mine.
I wouldn't say they are more valid, but my entire view on a lot of things changed when I began having little people who relied on my for everything. Yours probably will too, I don't know.

Before kids, I'd have never bought an SUV, for instance. Once I had 10lbs of helpless flesh to watch over every second of the day, my first instinct was to wrap them in as much heavy steel as possible when travelling. You jolt when you seen them trip and are usually there before they finish hitting the ground. When you hear a thud in the other room and a short silence, you start running because you know the crying is just winding up and that someone is hurt. The instinct to ensure their safety pretty much overrides eveything else.

So, when I say I wouldn't think twice about beating a strange naked guy in one of my daughter's rooms, it's not an "internet tough guy" act; it's the gods-honest truth.

Would I take the time to locate a pipe? No. I'm surprised no one has gone down that road as it would have been better support for their argument than namecalling, but I guess it required more thought.

Mike
 
The moment he picked up the pipe, it was no longer protecting a daughter, but giving in to a lust for punishment and vengeance.

As I dad, I have an obligation to keep overheated monkeys off my daughter and an obligation to keep my sons from turning into overheated monkeys. That's called protecting my neighbors' daughter. (Remember neighbors?) I don't have the right to pound people into the hospital with a lead pipe after they've stopped being a threat. As far as the respect-kids-choice thing: It's not about distrusting the children's integrity, it's about distrusting their judgement, and the only reason for that is that their judgement isn't fully formed yet.
 
Wow. I'm a little surprised by some of this.

I'd be Infuriated. I'd be screaming. I'd try to scare the crap out the guy. I might wave a bat. But, no way I'd actually hit the guy.

It might feel good to talk about taking someone out with
a pipe or a bat, but regardless of right and wrong here,
that's a really fast way to go to jail.
 
The moment he picked up the pipe, it was no longer protecting a daughter, but giving in to a lust for punishment and vengeance.

As I dad, I have an obligation to keep overheated monkeys off my daughter and an obligation to keep my sons from turning into overheated monkeys. That's called protecting my neighbors' daughter. (Remember neighbors?) I don't have the right to pound people into the hospital with a lead pipe after they've stopped being a threat. As far as the respect-kids-choice thing: It's not about distrusting the children's integrity, it's about distrusting their judgement, and the only reason for that is that their judgement isn't fully formed yet.
Another good post. Well put.
 
This is a great answer. As the father of a daughter I must concur. With the following exception:

When she's 18 and not living under my roof she can do as she wishes. At that point, I must trust that I've done my job and she's capable of making adult decisions.

But yeah, great post.

Key phrase:
> When she's 18 and not living under my roof she
> can do as she wishes.

Something I'm struggling with Right Now with my 19
year old daughter. A daughter who now thinks that since
she lived out of the house for the past year on a dance tour,
she can do as she pleases now that she's home.
 
Key phrase:
> When she's 18 and not living under my roof she
> can do as she wishes.

Something I'm struggling with Right Now with my 19
year old daughter. A daughter who now thinks that since
she lived out of the house for the past year on a dance tour,
she can do as she pleases now that she's home.


You have my sympathies, my friend.