Doctor's appointment at 4...can't practice at 6!

[buldog5151bass]

 

[bassdude51]

1-24-23..........I had a 10:30 am retina eye doctor's appointment. I sat in the waiting room for one hour and 45 minutes before he saw me. He spent 3 minutes examining me!!!!!!!!!!

I left the house at 9:50 am and got back home around 12:10 pm.

So, maybe your band mate has a legitimate excuse. Or a convenient excuse.

 

[ToneMonkey]

I think OP buried the lede: unreliable band member excuses himself AGAIN from rehearsal. This particular excuse is pretty reasonable though. OP, your frustration is clearly with this being YET AGAIN another missed rehearsal.

The choices seem straight-forward: suck it up and accept it, or cut ties. Possibly have a come-to-Jesus meeting with the band member (if the rest of the band agrees). Ultimately, excuses don't feed the bulldog. I guess there is a third choice: move on yourself if you can't deal with it.

 

[dkelley]

what if the doctor's appointment is to deal with possible cancer or severe health issues or trauma or involves topical treatment that requires rest or temporarily affects breathing, sight, hearing, walking, strength, causes pain, or headaches?

People go to the doctor for a reason. Maybe the first instinct should be to respect another adult for having the ability to decide rationally for themselves what is best, and also to not have to tell you private details about their lives if they choose not to, while you are mature enough to trust another human.

I only read the OP, so if there are updates that change the information or how the OP post came across, then I apologize in advance.

 

[dkelley]

Pet bug.
An appointment is a designated time.
Overruns occur but 45mins..? but anyway, it is what it is.

The bigger question here, dr appointment aside, is how committed the guy is.
Rehearsals are not common so if we need it, we need it and no one pulls out unless very important and then no one questions it.
I'd call him up and ask how the appointment was and then getting talking about his feelings on the band

recently, appointments for my family have been between 30 minutes and an hour and a quarter late to start. It happens quite often.

 

[dkelley]

In the context of the OP, it isn't theoretical. The bandmate has canceled several practices and this is the latest excuse. With the weeks long and sometimes months long lead times for medical appointments, I don't think this one popped up unexpectedly. He either didn't deconflict his calendar or was looking for an excuse to cancel practice. I get it, no one is getting paid for practices but, my time is valuable to me. They are 7 months into a project with 2 practices (if I understood correctly) because this one guy keeps canceling for various reasons. If his health is that bad, he should be upfront. At this point, a band meeting is a bit late and might just be a formality before they decide to replace him.

I get in to see my doctor within 2 or 3 days, normally, although there are often long waits. Specialists? yes, months in advance. Family doctor? same week. So again, based on the OP post, one cannot assume there is anything invalid in the person's excuse.

If the person is lying, there is no way to tell from the excuse. However, it would be good for the two adults to talk about it, politely but firmly, so the band member realizes there is thin ice involved and it is starting to seem unlikely.

 

[swarfrat]

Everywhere is short handed but the medical field is way worse than most. We spent the evening in the ER recently. From what I pieced together there was exactly ONE doctor on hand that evening.

 

[HardNHeavy]

My girlfriend called me and said: "Come on over. No one's home."

I went there. No one was home!



rotfl classic!

(Apologies to Rodney)

 

[Gustopher]

Simple fact is some people just don't take things as seriously as others. If this is a hobby band, then you probably just care more than they do. If it were a professional thing, then they would get replaced.

 

[FenderB]

I looked at your profile. It says your 73? Not be insensitive but these threads and questions seem rather "youngish".

That's putting it nicely.

 

[FenderB]

If this band mate is in his 70s, I would say ANY doctor appointment is a "big deal".

I'm 73, and your right.

 

[zenrad]

Health, family and job first.

 

[H K]

Maybe so. He's been missing rehearsals a LOT. I mean a LOT. I know he has health issues but sometimes it seems he's looking for reasons to miss. Anyway, nevermind.

Maybe it's because he's really tired of one of his bandmembers CONSTANTLY complaining and bitching at him..

 

[51PRI]

So Anyway, I recommend that you book a gig. Then you'll have to get ready. Good Luck to you.

Thanks. I've done that in the past but I don't think it would work with this group of guys. We need rehearsal and learning songs at this point.

Just because he told you a purpose for a doctor's appointment doesn't mean he told you the whole purpose....he could be going in to have a hemorrhoid banded.....

No, its nothing that serious.

... he could say "hey, could we start at 6:30 to play it safe" or "can we move it to 7?". Something like that.....

Yes, on other weeks he's suggested moving to another night, or that the rest of us could practice without him. This time he didn't do either of those.

For perspective. I live in Los Angeles and here it is quite possible for that 2 hour window to be a significant factor.

Say I have a doctor on the west side of town and band practice on the east side and I live/work in the middle. I’m not loading gear in my car before rehearsal, so that means I gotta stop by the house if that’s where the gear is.
Let’s say
4pm scheduled doc appointment.
Doc runs late, and I’m now at 4:15-4:30 start. Appointment takes about 30-45 minutes.
5pm leaving the doc. Now I’m in rush hour traffic. It’s easily going to be 30-45 minutes to get home. Another chunk of time to load the gear. Another 30-45 minutes to drive to the rehearsal space, still in rush hour traffic.
6:30 would be the arrival time at the rehearsal space, plus the time to set things up.

In this case I’d ask for a later rehearsal or call it a cancelation. I know this is a L.A. traffic problem that doesn’t apply to other parts of the world, but it shows how things could be.

EDIT - @Ronky mentions food a few posts after this one. Absolutely. The timeline above has no time for a meal, which could mean not eating since maybe 3pm before the 4pm appointment and waiting until after rehearsal or grabbing food and eating at some point (possibly a sandwich while driving).

I get what you're saying but that isn't the case here. We live in a small town and everything is close and quick to get to.

It could be no food since before bedtime the night before...

No, it isn't that type of thing.

I have a feeling this is a recurring problem or else there wouldn't be a thread.

Right. Out of a possible 26 rehearsals we have had 7.

In this case WHY aren't you looking for replacement when you seem to know the answer?

Cause he's a bud. Anybody else with this many cancellations and I would have probably quit myself, or started looking for a replacement for him.

honestly have you considered a recording project approach instead of a band approach? May fit your schedule better, and you can definitely work around rehearsal times and stuff like that.

Yeah, kinda, but I like actually playing in a band setting, feeding off other musicians.

Move the rehearsal to 7:00?

In the past he has suggested switching to another night, which we had to do once or twice, but he didn't this time and nobody else in the band suggested it, either. At this point I think we're all expecting cancellations.

Seven rehearsals in six months, none in the past two months and no gig on the books or on the books? Psssst.... You don't have a band, you have a hang, realize what it is and either enjoy it as is or find something else.

Yeah, I think we enjoy it, but I think bookings is the ultimate goal, too.

I love this thread…I’m 74 and am in a similar situation & we are having a band meeting on Friday to resolve whether to stay a very loose group who get together a couple of times a month for fun or get serious & play for audiences. We’re a mix of musicians who made their living playing music and weekend warriors. I’ve played some very large venues with some big acts & studio work, but spent my career in a non-musical career, and am now content to do this for fun & as justification for having so many basses & amps. If the rest of the group wants to step it up to the level of gigging for dollars, I’m open to it, but reserve the right to pull out if I find it too overwhelming. I’m the oldest one in the group, but not by much—everyone of us has medical issues. My message to the OP is to have the whole band get together & discuss where things are and where you each want to be. As a member of your demographic, I recommend a lot of empathy for your band mate.

Thanks.

In the context of the OP, it isn't theoretical. The bandmate has canceled several practices and this is the latest excuse. With the weeks long and sometimes months long lead times for medical appointments, I don't think this one popped up unexpectedly. He either didn't deconflict his calendar or was looking for an excuse to cancel practice. I get it, no one is getting paid for practices but, my time is valuable to me. They are 7 months into a project with 2 practices (if I understood correctly) because this one guy keeps canceling for various reasons. If his health is that bad, he should be upfront. At this point, a band meeting is a bit late and might just be a formality before they decide to replace him.

We have actually had 7 practices since August 3rd.

what if the doctor's appointment is to deal with possible cancer or severe health issues or trauma or involves topical treatment that requires rest or temporarily affects breathing, sight, hearing, walking, strength, causes pain, or headaches?....

No, the doctor's appointment was for nothing that serious.

 

[gln1955]

Have you considered the possibility that these guys have started another band without you?

If anyone I played with was so sure in their judgement of my medical care, I'd do just that.

 

[Cave Puppy]

Shoot - I play in a band with two septuagenarians. I’m 60. They both have health issues but try their damndest to make practice. They’ve had to miss practice for heath reasons as well. Give the guy a break. It’s only music and it should be for fun at this point in our lives. At least he’s letting you know in advance instead of just not showing up. That would be rude. He notified you in advance. Take advantage of the night off.

 

[Anthony Buckeridge]

One of the wisest and most experienced individuals who teaching I have enjoyed was Archibald T Davison the celebrated former conductor of the Harvard Glee Club, a Choral Society.

He taught that a conductor should insist on the discipline of regular rehearsals that are invariably full, or at the very least with virtually everyone involved present, for a variety of reasons.

Not simply for developing musicianship, but also boosting corporate moral, building growing mutual respect for one another, a sense of comradeship and fellowship, seeking shared aims and goals.

Inducing that unity and passion which is capable of expressing a profoundly moving, deeply emotive music. Happy music. Music that is truly memorable.

Either by taking part in creating it, or to be member of the audience listening.


He believed that when all the various constituent parts and differing ingredients necessary to deliver an absolutely perfect rendering of music were present, that an additional factor supplemented such a performance.

There are no musical terms for such an element, and he could find no words in the dictionary capable of expressing the point he was making. So, he termed this additional factor “Impressiveness”.

The sensibility present after such a performance, when a conductor says absolutely nothing, but looking in the eyes of the performers, and the audience alike.

Everyone involved instinctively recognises they have witnessed a deeply significant, powerfully moving moment.

Such is the satisfyingly uplifting dynamism of the experience.

Gravitation is no more.


He also insisted that no member should ever be expected to attend a rehearsal at the expense of a family duty, attending a funeral, a hospital appointment or the need to visit a doctor.

For sure your band need to proactively discuss the lack of regularity of attendance this band member has and its wholly negative impact on the ensemble.

But the need to attend a doctor should not be the singular issue, the actuates such discussion.

 

[51PRI]

One of the wisest and most experienced individuals who teaching I have enjoyed was Archibald T Davison the celebrated former conductor of the Harvard Glee Club, a Choral Society.

He taught that a conductor should insist on the discipline of regular rehearsals that are invariably full, or at the very least with virtually everyone involved present, for a variety of reasons.

Not simply for developing musicianship, but also boosting corporate moral, building growing mutual respect for one another, a sense of comradeship and fellowship, seeking shared aims and goals.

Inducing that unity and passion which is capable of expressing a profoundly moving, deeply emotive music. Happy music. Music that is truly memorable.

Either by taking part in creating it, or to be member of the audience listening.


He believed that when all the various constituent parts and differing ingredients necessary to deliver an absolutely perfect rendering of music were present, that an additional factor supplemented such a performance.

There are no musical terms for such an element, and he could find no words in the dictionary capable of expressing the point he was making. So, he termed this additional factor “Impressiveness”.

The sensibility present after such a performance, when a conductor says absolutely nothing, but looking in the eyes of the performers, and the audience alike.

Everyone involved instinctively recognises they have witnessed a deeply significant, powerfully moving moment.

Such is the satisfyingly uplifting dynamism of the experience.

Gravitation is no more.


He also insisted that no member should ever be expected to attend a rehearsal at the expense of a family duty, attending a funeral, a hospital appointment or the need to visit a doctor.

For sure your band need to proactively discuss the lack of regularity of attendance this band member has and its wholly negative impact on the ensemble.

But the need to attend a doctor should not be the singular issue, the actuates such discussion.

You're right. This was just one more event in this band's short history but it was the straw.

 

[turf3]

One of the wisest and most experienced individuals who teaching I have enjoyed was Archibald T Davison the celebrated former conductor of the Harvard Glee Club, a Choral Society.

He taught that a conductor should insist on the discipline of regular rehearsals that are invariably full, or at the very least with virtually everyone involved present, for a variety of reasons.

Not simply for developing musicianship, but also boosting corporate moral, building growing mutual respect for one another, a sense of comradeship and fellowship, seeking shared aims and goals.

Inducing that unity and passion which is capable of expressing a profoundly moving, deeply emotive music. Happy music. Music that is truly memorable.

Either by taking part in creating it, or to be member of the audience listening.


He believed that when all the various constituent parts and differing ingredients necessary to deliver an absolutely perfect rendering of music were present, that an additional factor supplemented such a performance.

There are no musical terms for such an element, and he could find no words in the dictionary capable of expressing the point he was making. So, he termed this additional factor “Impressiveness”.

The sensibility present after such a performance, when a conductor says absolutely nothing, but looking in the eyes of the performers, and the audience alike.

Everyone involved instinctively recognises they have witnessed a deeply significant, powerfully moving moment.

Such is the satisfyingly uplifting dynamism of the experience.

Gravitation is no more.


He also insisted that no member should ever be expected to attend a rehearsal at the expense of a family duty, attending a funeral, a hospital appointment or the need to visit a doctor.

For sure your band need to proactively discuss the lack of regularity of attendance this band member has and its wholly negative impact on the ensemble.

But the need to attend a doctor should not be the singular issue, the actuates such discussion.

He was also dealing with 18-25 year old students, very few of whom have full time jobs, families, or health issues. Not realistic to expect 70 year olds to commit in the same way.

 

[DJ Bebop]

He was also dealing with 18-25 year old students, very few of whom have full time jobs, families, or health issues. Not realistic to expect 70 year olds to commit in the same way.

Still, a commitment is a commitment.
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time .