I suppose asking her to sing louder and the drummer to play softer is out of the question.
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Have you tried a plexi shield in front of the drummer to muffle from the mic a bit?
The only thing that will help is for your singer to sing louder. A bigger stage would also help somewhat.
And no, EQing the drums out will definitely not help anything. Vocal frequencies are the same as the worst offender, which is the snare.
This is not your soundman's fault.
Only one reply even mentioned this: in small locations, why are the instruments in the PA?
We had an almost identical problem to OP...not only vocals too quiet vs. Instruments, but stage volume (thru monitors) was often excessive. Everything was competing with everything else. People in audience kept saying vocals too quiet. Even though I had 2 vocalists with Gain at 1 or 2 o'clock...yikes. (fader at Unity). Always on the edge of feedback.
We're a rock band playing in various size places but none super large. After years of putting everything in the PA I tried going vocals-only plus kick. It totally solved our issue. We all have good amps and we've learned that in almost all cases that's enough to carry the day. We play loud but not stadium loud. Our drummer is not a basher but plays loud...the right volume depending on the song. So we're often loud.
In the largest room we ever played, thru technical issues, the drum mics couldn't be used. Everything else was in the PA. I record every gig. That gig was recorded from almost 150 feet away. The drums were still on top of everything. We still mic the kick; it makes it sound better but isn't crucial IMO. I've played drums on many gigs...I never was micced and I'm certain everything was else.
Part of our problem was those 2 vocalists using inadequate mics. We're all on Beta 58s now and no problemo. That along with doing vocals only in PA totally solved our problem.
I am not a purist on vox only PA. There are def occasions where everything needs to be in the PA. IMO for our band the vocals MUST be on top. It's what people expect and it's also our strong suit.
Hope this helps...one band's experience
Convoluted, yes, but this is essentially how they mic up traffic reporters in helicopters.A desperate and convoluted method that probably won't work that great and takes a lot of setup: Set up a single drum overhead. It should be as far away from the drums as the vocal mic is. Instead of sending the vocals to the mains, send the vocals to a bus. Send the single drum overhead to the same bus and not out the mains. The only place this overhead should go is to the vocal bus. Invert the phase of the drum overhead to cancel itself out of the vocal track. Send the bus to the mains.
Convoluted, yes, but this is essentially how they mic up traffic reporters in helicopters.
The two mics are picking up mostly the same sound but mixed out of phase - so the sound that is common to both mics (the drums or helicopter) will cancel out and the sound that is only in one of the mics (singer or reporter) will go through.