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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

#261
an open letter to regular readers of CL ads:

what is post hardcore? and when did hardcore become old, so it had to be post hardcore?

it's a mystery to me.

I'm post 50, so does that mean I'm just waiting around to be ex-hardcore?
 
#262
No one likes her singing, even her mom, but if you pick her up and pay her she'll sing for your kids.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Hi i am Kim and ever since i was little, i always wanted to be a singer.And now I'm 14. I sing in the car,home,restaurant, mostly anywhere. Most people say rude things to me when i sing. they mostly cover there ears or tell me to shut up. My mom keeps telling me that i need lessons in order to become a good singer. She likes my singing but she says I'm not good enough. I sing alot of songs. Mostly pop,hip hop,rap,country, and rock. Every time i go to six flags, they have karaoke there, and i always go up there and sing. I'm not scared. I'll sing for anything. Sometimes i get nervous, but not all the time. If anyone wants me to learn a song and sing it, ill do it. So what i was planning to do is either sing at a kids party or a club or a karaoke club. Doesn't matter. I know alot of nursery rhymes. And if you ever need me for a kids party just email me your name,number,when you need it,and how much you will pay me, and what songs you want me to sing. Maybe ill even dance. I don't have transportation so that might be a problem. But if you want you could pick me up and take me over there. Or if there is anyone out there that will train me to sing better for free, that would be great. And if you guys had a karaoke machine i can sing by myself with music. So anyway if you need me you can contact me at #################.
 
#264
Holdsg said:
an open letter to regular readers of CL ads:

what is post hardcore? and when did hardcore become old, so it had to be post hardcore?

it's a mystery to me.

I'm post 50, so does that mean I'm just waiting around to be ex-hardcore?
Click to expand...

Generally, post-anything means moving beyond the original while retaining the basics. According to Wiki, it sounds like it's a bit more dynamic than straight-up hardcore, while retaining the DIY ethos.
 
#265
Holdsg said:
an open letter to regular readers of CL ads:

what is post hardcore? and when did hardcore become old, so it had to be post hardcore?

it's a mystery to me.

I'm post 50, so does that mean I'm just waiting around to be ex-hardcore?
Click to expand...

Kinda reminds me of some of the posts here on TB talking about the upper low mids and the lower mid mids and the mid upper lows.
 
#266
TNCreature said:
DOPEST FEMALE RAPPER IN PHILLY/BETTER THAN EMINEM (ALL PHILA.)

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"Hello! My name is Gia Medley and I believe there is no female lyricist on the planet on my level. I need exposure and radio play NOW. Im ready to take over hip hop. Listen to these 2 freestyles and download my mixtape 100 Bars for free. You can find all my other videos on Youtube. Subscribe and like me on facebook!!"

Here is a small sample of her lyrics:
"Flows got em swimming
Choked in one sitting
Hoes got em knitting
Track suits when I'm sprinting
On the track like a villain
On a crack epidemic
Smack fools when I'm spitting
Like a roach full of venom
They approach me I'm hitting
People poke me I'm pooping
On their facebook
If they probe me I'm killing
I'm staged crook
In a robe like I'm chillin
I'm a stay shook
Feed I'm whole penicillin"
Click to expand...

That sh!t Cray!
 
#267
jazzbill said:
No one likes her singing, even her mom, but if you pick her up and pay her she'll sing for your kids.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Hi i am Kim and ever since i was little, i always wanted to be a singer.And now I'm 14. I sing in the car,home,restaurant, mostly anywhere. Most people say rude things to me when i sing. they mostly cover there ears or tell me to shut up. My mom keeps telling me that i need lessons in order to become a good singer. She likes my singing but she says I'm not good enough. I sing alot of songs. Mostly pop,hip hop,rap,country, and rock. Every time i go to six flags, they have karaoke there, and i always go up there and sing. I'm not scared. I'll sing for anything. Sometimes i get nervous, but not all the time. If anyone wants me to learn a song and sing it, ill do it. So what i was planning to do is either sing at a kids party or a club or a karaoke club. Doesn't matter. I know alot of nursery rhymes. And if you ever need me for a kids party just email me your name,number,when you need it,and how much you will pay me, and what songs you want me to sing. Maybe ill even dance. I don't have transportation so that might be a problem. But if you want you could pick me up and take me over there. Or if there is anyone out there that will train me to sing better for free, that would be great. And if you guys had a karaoke machine i can sing by myself with music. So anyway if you need me you can contact me at #################.
Click to expand...

Ouch. Nobady else got a "sad" vibe from that one?
 
#268
Not a CL ad, but I found this SLO Special ad on eBay which I found humorous (not in an "over the top stupid" way, but still)...

Music Man Stingray SLO Special. Perfect, MINT condition. Not a single scratch, ding or smudge. The protective film has not been removed from the pick guard, the plastic bag containing all of the case candy is still sealed, it has not been opened. You could order a new one from Music Man, and pay twice the price, but it would take four months and it wouldn't be any newer.
Click to expand...

1) Why order a bass if you're never going to play it? Just a personal pet peeve of mine.

The Music Man Stingray is probably the greatest production bass in the history of production basses. It's iconic and responsible for the bass line on 98% of your favorite records. I don't care what guitar the bass player is paid to endorse and play live, in the studio he's most likely playing a Stingray. It has the big clear, grand piano-like tone that every bass player wants.
Click to expand...

2) :confused:

Some players prefer the slim neck of a Jazz Bass over the bigger, more traditional Precision Bass sized neck. For these players Music Man makes the Sterling. Sterlings have the most comfortable neck I have ever played. Nothing else comes close! The SLO Special is absolutely the best of both basses. The Stingray body and the amazing tones it produces with the extreme playability of the Sterling. Thank you, Music Man! Our prayers have been answered.
Click to expand...

3) No comment, since I actually agree with this particular paragraph.

Anyway, you probably know all that stuff. What you may not know is that I pack well, I ship quickly, I do not mess around. What you may not have noticed is that this bass has a matching headstock, which is a very cool UPGRADE. Look at the others on eBay. The vast majority do not have a matching headstock. Matching headstocks are waaaay cooler than not-matching headstocks.
Click to expand...

4) Well that's it, I'm sold.

And while the rest of the ad had some quirks, this final line was the kicker...

Buy this bass. You deserve it, and it will help you get chicks. Seriously.
Click to expand...
 
#269
Holdsg said:
an open letter to regular readers of CL ads:

what is post hardcore? and when did hardcore become old, so it had to be post hardcore?

it's a mystery to me.

I'm post 50, so does that mean I'm just waiting around to be ex-hardcore?
Click to expand...

The term was already coined in the 80ies to describe bands as Big Black amonst others. Back then it meant Hardcore with influences from other genres (a bit like Postpunk). Don't know what it means now though...
 
#270
Holdsg said:
an open letter to regular readers of CL ads:

what is post hardcore? and when did hardcore become old, so it had to be post hardcore?

it's a mystery to me.

I'm post 50, so does that mean I'm just waiting around to be ex-hardcore?
Click to expand...

To me, post hardcore is the unholy abomination that you get when you cross late period Black Flag with really emo lyrics sung by a man trying to impersonate a eunuch.

If I seem overly vitriolic, it is because every CL add asking for a bassist for a hardcore band is actually asking for a post hardcore bassist. :rollno:
 
#273
Not a CL, but I got a call from a 'drummer' one time,
said "Hey man, I play drums real good.
I don't have a set, but if you have one I can play the sh*t out of it.
Don't drive, so you'll have to pick me up in your baad chariot....."

My reply: "Have your people get in contact with my people"

If ya think CL ads are bad, check out their forums.
 
#274
Here you go:

Would anyone like to help me make a hit record?615)977-xxxx (Nashville)

HELLO MY NAME IS DOUGLAS AND I AM A SONGWRITER,AND A DREAMER. I'M LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT ARTIST AND A HARD WORKING CREW TO MAKE A HIT RECORD/W VIDEO.I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY; THE MONEY COME AFTER DEDICATION, AND DETERMINATION.I WRITE POP, BLUES R&B, HIP HOP, AND ROCK SONG. I WOULD LIKE TO MEET WITH SOME PHOTOGRAPHERS,MUSICIANS,AND DANCERS. LET'S HELP ONE ANOTHER TO BE SUCESSFULL IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. I'M LOOKING FOR A HIGH QUALITY STUDIO WHERE THE SONG CAN BE CREATED, MIX, AND MASTERED. A SINGER WHO IS VIRSATILE AND OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS. MUSICIANS THE SAME...THANK GOD FOR THE INTERNET NOW WE CAN UPLOAD OUR CREATIONS. IF THERE ARE ANY GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH EXTRA TIME AND WANT TO HELP ME WITH THIS PROJECT. PLEASE CALL 615)977-xxxx OR TEXT. MUSIC IS ALL I WANT TO DO I DON'T DO IT FOR THE MONEY. CALL IF YOU FEEL THE SAME. WE CAN MAKE IT BIG IF WE GET BACK TO THE MUSIC.
 
#275
He says ' let's help each other out,' but what Mr. Caps-Lock really means is 'i am a black hole from whence all your time, talent, and effort will never escape.' Can't hate him from tryin'. Actually I think I can pull that off.

nojj said:
Not a CL, but I got a call from a 'drummer' one time,
said "Hey man, I play drums real good.
I don't have a set, but if you have one I can play the sh*t out of it.
Don't drive, so you'll have to pick me up in your baad chariot....."

My reply: "Have your people get in contact with my people"

If ya think CL ads are bad, check out their forums.
Click to expand...

Yeah... we have one of those here. The dude has been posting for weeks. At one point his posts indicated that he had a kit. Then not. He at least had a car though. And I had no idea there were CL forums. I fear that is a place I should not go.
 
#278
Probably the most honest guy on craigslist:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Out of practice, untalented bassist seeking loud, ****** band with punk, rock, blues or psychedelic influences or all combined. Looking to drink excessively, practice often and play a lot of shows.

Friends with a band manager who will kiss venue owners' asses until they're white as a soda cracker to get gigs.
I'm actually a pretty good singer too. I burn for the Brian Jonestown Massacre if that helps.
 
#279
OH GOD OF BASS PLAYERS:

Dear God of Bass Players, I, a humble singer and guitar player, and my drummer compatriot, humbly beseech thee to send us a bass player, strong of wrist, fleet of finger, and wisened in the ways of rock and roll, particularly punk, post punk, and garage.

Would that this bass player be over the age of 21, so that we may drink ale together and perform at local taverns. May he or she be in possession of a vehicle with which to travel, and professional quality gear with which to produce tones most pleasing to the ear.

We ask that you grant us a battle-hardened bass player, possessing knowledge of scales, so that when I say "this song is in E-minor," he or she shall comprehend.

May he or she be a punctual bass player, and not a lay-about, a rogue, a ruffian or a villain. In John Entwhistle's name we pray.
Amen.
 
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