Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

[MrBKerth]

PEAVEY T 20 BASS GUITAR -
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Knobs have been replaced. All original.

Must be psychic if he'll call you back at your leisure

 

[Gaolee]

The CL love just continues: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Cover bands... (Universal)

are for old washed up people (who usually have no talent) or fags. Have a nice holiday season playing for beer and peanuts losers!!! I'm taking my DJ and karaoke shows to where the real money (and cool/hip/young people) is/are!!!!

You just can't make this stuff up.

 

[2cooltoolz]

Pro guitarist looking for PRO musicians (Houston)


PLEASE READ:

I play electric guitar and need musicians that can back my game. I WANT pro musicians (bass, drums, keyboards), NO amateurs, or posers!!! I don't want to waste my time in Houston with start up bands... YOU MUST have your OWN GEAR!!! I don't have time to teach amateurs either... I play Ala Brian May and Steve Vai. People say I can even solo just as good!!! So PRO musicians is all I need. I also need YOUR practice space (Hopefully we do not need to pay for the space). No smoking or drinking while we practice though. Band members will listen to my instructions and will do everything I say. I call the shots! PERIOD! No wannabe musicians!!! I have studio credits and have worked with major labels! They call me "Wonder Fingers" and when people hear me play they wonder where I came from! PLEASE email me ASAP at:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Oh, I think we know where you're coming from, "WonderFingers" (Slowhand was already taken!!)

 

[Gaolee]

Who is going to call WonderFingers for an audition? What an opportunity! Gosh, with a guy like that, I'm sure it would be an enjoyable as well as profitable gig.

 

[BassGuyFL]

Who is going to call WonderFingers for an audition? What an opportunity! Gosh, with a guy like that, I'm sure it would be an enjoyable as well as profitable gig.

Someone put him on blast:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

RE: Pro guitarist looking for PRO musicians (Houston)

Wow, Ego much?

I too am a pro guitarist. Toured for years, performed guitar clinics for numerous endorsements, studio sessions and even nicknamed "one take wonder" for years for having the ability to walk in a studio, take one listen, and nail it in one take most of the time so as to not waste artists money by taking 25 shots to get it right. Most important thing I learned was "how to be humble". I played/jammed with Vai, Satch, Wylde and many more and they were the nicest guys on earth. It was the local jerks who were the biggest ********.

I enjoyed your post. Great laugh. My 2 favorite lines were:

1. I also need YOUR practice space (Hopefully we do not need to pay for the space)

You're so pro you don't have 25 a week for rehearsal space?

2. Band members will listen to my instructions and will do everything I say. I call the shots! PERIOD!

If you are truly seeking other "Pros" then they would have say in what they do. Not work under an egotistical dictator.

Maybe when you are done ****ing off in front of a mirror, you can troll the Guitar Centers for kids who are naive enough to follow you to your superstardom.

 

[kcole4001]

"They call me "Wonder Fingers" and when people hear me play they wonder where I came from!"

No need to wonder, he probably came straight from the 'dweedly' aisle at your local GC or reasonable facsimile.

 

[BassGuyFL]

Looks like Wonder Fingers has a relative in South Florida:

Looking for bassist (brow-westpalm)

Must be able to take orders and not try to make a power play and hi jack this band. Remember you are joining our band and so you have to learn our song list then we can do yours. Why is that so hard for you to understand? You join we give the orders and that is the way it works until you become part of the inner circle. We are about making the (DOE rae me) now you understand why you must take orders for now. Send us a video of your playing so we can see if you can play and if you have the look that belongs on stage. We cannot and will not reply unless you supply the info.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Don't know why I am trying this, but it is my last effort to interface with you lesser musicians. My guitar playing has never been rivaled. I am an international treasure. My music is so advanced that I need lesser musicians to act as translators to the average and ignorant masses. I am looking for a drummer, bassist, second guitarist, and keyboardist. The drummer will play with a metronome and only what I have transcribed. The bassist will be only a prop as I have a double neck guitar/bass combo and a loop pedal. The other guitarist will play rhythm. You try lead and I will embarrass you. The keyboardist will only play the complicated and unearthly compositions I have transcribed for them. If anyone does something on stage that is not in the music I will fire you on the spot. INFRONT OF THE AUDIENCE! My music is too far advanced to allow for your pathetic attempts at being a musician. Once you hear me you will understand and fall in to place. I am so accomplished in guitar playing I have considered starting a religion as me as the Godhead. You will be required to act like my servants during shows, and compose yourselves in a manner that reflects membership in this cult. Please have expensive gear. Combo amps and Stratocasters are not sufficient. Auditions will be held February 12th. If you are selected for an audition I ask that you fast for a week as my music is as close to audible purity and holiness as you will ever experience.
Thank you ,
Lord Austeptious the Great

Wow, I don't think I could handle this. Imagine the horror and embarrasment of being fired INFRONT OF THE AUDIENCE!

 

[Ajapses]

Sounds like the Klingons have finally made it to earth. And that's the more nurturing female side of their species.

 

[Gaolee]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Don't know why I am trying this, but it is my last effort to interface with you lesser musicians. My guitar playing has never been rivaled. I am an international treasure. My music is so advanced that I need lesser musicians to act as translators to the average and ignorant masses. I am looking for a drummer, bassist, second guitarist, and keyboardist. The drummer will play with a metronome and only what I have transcribed. The bassist will be only a prop as I have a double neck guitar/bass combo and a loop pedal. The other guitarist will play rhythm. You try lead and I will embarrass you. The keyboardist will only play the complicated and unearthly compositions I have transcribed for them. If anyone does something on stage that is not in the music I will fire you on the spot. INFRONT OF THE AUDIENCE! My music is too far advanced to allow for your pathetic attempts at being a musician. Once you hear me you will understand and fall in to place. I am so accomplished in guitar playing I have considered starting a religion as me as the Godhead. You will be required to act like my servants during shows, and compose yourselves in a manner that reflects membership in this cult. Please have expensive gear. Combo amps and Stratocasters are not sufficient. Auditions will be held February 12th. If you are selected for an audition I ask that you fast for a week as my music is as close to audible purity and holiness as you will ever experience.
Thank you ,
Lord Austeptious the Great

Wow, I don't think I could handle this. Imagine the horror and embarrasment of being fired INFRONT OF THE AUDIENCE!

I would reply to that ad. Either that guy has a huge and really weird sense of humor or he's a total jerk. If he's a total jerk, you can yank his chain pretty fast and get out of there before the world ends. If he has a huge and really weird sense of humor, I would probably like him a lot. Oh, yeah, I would show up with the ratty looking P-bass and a combo amp. Just because.

 

[Holdsg]

better yet, show up with no amp and try to plug into his guitar rig, wait for the meltdown to occur

 

[cfsporn]

better yet, show up with no amp and try to plug into his guitar rig, wait for the meltdown to occur

Or suggest that he adjust his amp's tone controls.

Actually, just change them yourself and watch him go all Chuck Berry on you!

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

I would reply to that ad. Either that guy has a huge and really weird sense of humor or he's a total jerk. If he's a total jerk, you can yank his chain pretty fast and get out of there before the world ends. If he has a huge and really weird sense of humor, I would probably like him a lot. Oh, yeah, I would show up with the ratty looking P-bass and a combo amp. Just because.

I had that same thought and I sent a reply saying "You are either a really funny guy or a total idiot."
Great idea. Maybe I will. It would be worht a couple of hundred to go to a pawn shop and buy the most beat up old Squier I can find and a dogged out old 20 watt amp to show up with.

 

[Gaolee]

I had that same thought and I sent a reply saying "You are either a really funny guy or a total idiot."
Great idea. Maybe I will. It would be worht a couple of hundred to go to a pawn shop and buy the most beat up old Squier I can find and a dogged out old 20 watt amp to show up with.

Paint 'em both with some ugly color of house paint!

If you spend more than $50 for the nastiest, most unplayable bass and fartiest combo amp, you overpaid. Unless he's a joker. Then he would probably think it was funny.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

I would reply to that ad. Either that guy has a huge and really weird sense of humor or he's a total jerk. If he's a total jerk, you can yank his chain pretty fast and get out of there before the world ends. If he has a huge and really weird sense of humor, I would probably like him a lot. Oh, yeah, I would show up with the ratty looking P-bass and a combo amp. Just because.

Okay, then, Here is what I sent him:

I would be willing to consider allowing you to have me in your band under the following conditions (we world class tour musicians call them “riders”):
1. I will be allowed to bring my groupies and roadies to rehearsal
2. The rehearsal hall must be kept at exactly 67.6 degrees.
3. Prior to each rehearsal, the hall must be sprayed with White Shoulders perfume
4. The rehearsal hall must be at least 30’ by 30’ so I don’t get claustrophobic
5. There must be freshly brewed Columbian coffee available at all times
6. I will not play any music in the key of Eb
7. I will only play with guitar players who use Stratocasters or Les Pauls and they must be American made
8. Guitar players should use only Fender Twin amps at a volume I approve.
If you can live with my conditions, I will provide you bass that will cause you to have to change underwear after every set. Our fans will walk 20 miles uphill through snow to hear how bass should be done. I will be happy to allow you to play tasteful and artistic fills around my astounding bass performance. If you violate my sonic space during a performance I will do a rage quit that will be on the 6 o’clock news.
I look forward to hearing back from your. I know this is the next big thing, like The Archies.
Your friend,
Gravedigger Dave, Bassist to the stars and royalty.

 

[INTP]

Okay, then, Here is what I sent him:

I would be willing to consider allowing you to have me in your band under the following conditions (we world class tour musicians call them “riders”):
1. I will be allowed to bring my groupies and roadies to rehearsal
2. The rehearsal hall must be kept at exactly 67.6 degrees.
3. Prior to each rehearsal, the hall must be sprayed with White Shoulders perfume
4. The rehearsal hall must be at least 30’ by 30’ so I don’t get claustrophobic
5. There must be freshly brewed Columbian coffee available at all times
6. I will not play any music in the key of Eb
7. I will only play with guitar players who use Stratocasters or Les Pauls and they must be American made
8. Guitar players should use only Fender Twin amps at a volume I approve.
If you can live with my conditions, I will provide you bass that will cause you to have to change underwear after every set. Our fans will walk 20 miles uphill through snow to hear how bass should be done. I will be happy to allow you to play tasteful and artistic fills around my astounding bass performance. If you violate my sonic space during a performance I will do a rage quit that will be on the 6 o’clock news.
I look forward to hearing back from your. I know this is the next big thing, like The Archies.
Your friend,
Gravedigger Dave, Bassist to the stars and royalty.

I really hope you get a reply.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

I would reply to that ad. Either that guy has a huge and really weird sense of humor or he's a total jerk. If he's a total jerk, you can yank his chain pretty fast and get out of there before the world ends. If he has a huge and really weird sense of humor, I would probably like him a lot. Oh, yeah, I would show up with the ratty looking P-bass and a combo amp. Just because.

Here is is response:
Can you audition on the the 12th of february?

 

[Gaolee]

Let us know how it goes! If he doesn't have green M&Ms available and separated out from all those other, lesser colors, I suggest an immediate rage quit, smashing the ugly colored house paint bearing el-cheapo bass over anything convenient. Oh, make sure it's all on video, too. This is going to be too good to miss! I would love to be there to see this. My guess is that his tongue is planted firmly in his cheek. February 12 is probably the first day his wife is out of the house long enough to sneak a band into his practice room.

I'll be eagerly awaiting your world tour so I can see you in the largest local venue around here in a few months. I'm saving up the bucks already!

 

[INTP]

Here is is response:
Can you audition on the the 12th of february?

Congrats. You were selected for audition.

 

[Gravedigger Dav]

Let us know how it goes! If he doesn't have green M&Ms available and separated out from all those other, lesser colors, I suggest an immediate rage quit, smashing the ugly colored house paint bearing el-cheapo bass over anything convenient. Oh, make sure it's all on video, too. This is going to be too good to miss! I would love to be there to see this. My guess is that his tongue is planted firmly in his cheek. February 12 is probably the first day his wife is out of the house long enough to sneak a band into his practice room.

I'll be eagerly awaiting your world tour so I can see you in the largest local venue around here in a few months. I'm saving up the bucks already!

I asked for an address and time. midnight at a gps location that turns out to be the great pyramid of giza.
Still don't know if this is a crazy person or a really fun guy. Or maybe not even a musician at all, but just having fun on the internet. Okay by me. So far it is fun.