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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

Found this gem while browsing CL..

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

THIS IS NOT A BEGGINERS STACK BECAUSE IT REALLY DOESNT PLAY AT LOW LEVELS IT IS JUST LOUD. I HAVE SEEN IT WOBBLE GLASS SLIDING DOORS LIKE THERE IS AN EARTHQUAKE. THE PICTURES ON YOUR WALL'S WILL BE CROOKED FROM NOW ON, MY OL LADY WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEM UP AFTHER I PRACTICED FOR A LONG TIME , NOW SHE JUST ACCEPTS THAT THEY ARE CROOKED FROM THE VIBRATION. OH YEAH AND FOR THE FIRST WEEK YOU SHOULD TRY TO PLAY IT SOBER CAUSE THE POLICE WILL PROBABLY BE STOPPIN BY.
THIS BASS AMP HAS, A 700 WATT HEAD AND TWO CABINETS WITH FOUR, TEN INCH" SPEAKERS. EACH CABINET IS 700 WATTS AT 4 OHM. SO IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN JUST TAKE ONE CABINET AND STILL PLAY THE HEAD ALL THE WAY. I ONLY TURNED IT ALL THE WAY UP, A COUPLE OF TIMES, FOR A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, USUALLY NO LOUNDER THAN SEVEN, THERE IS VOLUME DIAL ON THE CABINETS THAT ARE SET AT SEVEN. SO THIS CABINET HAS NOT BEEN BLOWN OUT. I WILL TELL YOU THIS, IT IS VERY LOUD. IT HAS A BUTTON ON THE HEAD THAT WILL CUT IT IN HALF AND PUT OUT ONLY THREE HUNDRED FIFTY WATTS, THATS USUALLY ENOUGH IF YOU GOT THE GAIN UP. BUT IF YOU GOT A HOT SHOT GUITAR PLAYER WHO LIKE'S TO GET LOUD AND YOU HAVE BEEN DROWNED OUT IN THE PAST , THIS WILL FIX YOUR PROBLEM.

THE MATERIAL ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE CABINET IS PEELING UP A LITTLE BIT ON THE BACK OF THE CABINETS (YOU NEVER SEE IT EXCEPT WHEN YOUR MOVING IT). SPEAKING OF MOVING IT HAS A BAD WHEEL ON ONE OF THE CASTORS, SO ITS HARD ROLL AROUND. I BOUGHT A NEW SET THAT STILL NEEDS TO BE INSTALLED, I WILL THROW THEM IN ON THE DEAL, I WILL ALSO THROW IN ONE LONG GUITAR CORD SO YOU CAN PLAY THE AMP IF YOU BUY IT, IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD ONE, I SUGGEST YOU GO BUY TWO GOOD ONE'S BECAUSE THIS CABINET PUTS OUT ALOT, AND CHEAP ONES WILL JUST WIGGLE LOOSE AT A BAD TIME. I HAVE TWO GOOD SPEAKER CORDS THAT YOU CAN USE TO HEAR THE AMP. I WOULD SELL THE CORDS ALSO, BUT THEY COST ME EIGHTY BUCKS.
ALTHOUGH I CANT REALLY PLAY AT MY APARTMENT, JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SHOW YOU THAT IT WORKS.
I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. ONE MORE THING I DO NOT HAVE TO SELL THIS AMP, SO IF YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO COME OVER AND TALK ME DOWN, I WILL SEND YOU HOME DISAPPOINTED. BUT I WILL CONSIDER OBO PRIOR. IN A TEXT AT
 
In yesterday's Dallas/Ft Worth CL:

"working rock band needs bass player for non cover songs...all of us are are around 40"

Sounds innocent enough, right?
Wrong.
LOL - I saw that out there (before finding it here) and my first thought was that any self-respecting bass player wouldn't be seen on the same stage... ewwww!
 
Found this gem while browsing CL..

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

THIS IS NOT A BEGGINERS STACK BECAUSE IT REALLY DOESNT PLAY AT LOW LEVELS IT IS JUST LOUD. I HAVE SEEN IT WOBBLE GLASS SLIDING DOORS LIKE THERE IS AN EARTHQUAKE. THE PICTURES ON YOUR WALL'S WILL BE CROOKED FROM NOW ON, MY OL LADY WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEM UP AFTHER I PRACTICED FOR A LONG TIME , NOW SHE JUST ACCEPTS THAT THEY ARE CROOKED FROM THE VIBRATION. OH YEAH AND FOR THE FIRST WEEK YOU SHOULD TRY TO PLAY IT SOBER CAUSE THE POLICE WILL PROBABLY BE STOPPIN BY.
THIS BASS AMP HAS, A 700 WATT HEAD AND TWO CABINETS WITH FOUR, TEN INCH" SPEAKERS. EACH CABINET IS 700 WATTS AT 4 OHM. SO IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN JUST TAKE ONE CABINET AND STILL PLAY THE HEAD ALL THE WAY. I ONLY TURNED IT ALL THE WAY UP, A COUPLE OF TIMES, FOR A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, USUALLY NO LOUNDER THAN SEVEN, THERE IS VOLUME DIAL ON THE CABINETS THAT ARE SET AT SEVEN. SO THIS CABINET HAS NOT BEEN BLOWN OUT. I WILL TELL YOU THIS, IT IS VERY LOUD. IT HAS A BUTTON ON THE HEAD THAT WILL CUT IT IN HALF AND PUT OUT ONLY THREE HUNDRED FIFTY WATTS, THATS USUALLY ENOUGH IF YOU GOT THE GAIN UP. BUT IF YOU GOT A HOT SHOT GUITAR PLAYER WHO LIKE'S TO GET LOUD AND YOU HAVE BEEN DROWNED OUT IN THE PAST , THIS WILL FIX YOUR PROBLEM.

THE MATERIAL ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE CABINET IS PEELING UP A LITTLE BIT ON THE BACK OF THE CABINETS (YOU NEVER SEE IT EXCEPT WHEN YOUR MOVING IT). SPEAKING OF MOVING IT HAS A BAD WHEEL ON ONE OF THE CASTORS, SO ITS HARD ROLL AROUND. I BOUGHT A NEW SET THAT STILL NEEDS TO BE INSTALLED, I WILL THROW THEM IN ON THE DEAL, I WILL ALSO THROW IN ONE LONG GUITAR CORD SO YOU CAN PLAY THE AMP IF YOU BUY IT, IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD ONE, I SUGGEST YOU GO BUY TWO GOOD ONE'S BECAUSE THIS CABINET PUTS OUT ALOT, AND CHEAP ONES WILL JUST WIGGLE LOOSE AT A BAD TIME. I HAVE TWO GOOD SPEAKER CORDS THAT YOU CAN USE TO HEAR THE AMP. I WOULD SELL THE CORDS ALSO, BUT THEY COST ME EIGHTY BUCKS.
ALTHOUGH I CANT REALLY PLAY AT MY APARTMENT, JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SHOW YOU THAT IT WORKS.
I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. ONE MORE THING I DO NOT HAVE TO SELL THIS AMP, SO IF YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO COME OVER AND TALK ME DOWN, I WILL SEND YOU HOME DISAPPOINTED. BUT I WILL CONSIDER OBO PRIOR. IN A TEXT AT

I wonder what this stack is. Is it a real stack, or is it a Sears stack?
 
Here's one that came up locally:

Looking for Bass and drums for a Trio.

I am a American singer/guitarist from Friday Harbor. Since hearing about the new permit laws in canada making the process easier to play in your country I am taking steps to pursue gigging in Victoria since your city is Awesome. I do mostly covers from Paul Simon, Cat stevens, Eagles, Tom Petty, Beatles, Rolling stones, Marvin Gay, Temptations, Jonny Cash and so on. I am looking for exp. pocket players for gigs only. I need to see you live so if you have something on the net that would work. Mostly gigging, one rehearsal then on to make money. As a trio i can provide a dance band with a full sound in smaller clubs to medium sized venues.
Thanks


It's wrong on sooo many levels. Victoria BC is close to Friday Harbor, true enough, but I can hardly articulate how insulted this ad makes me feel...
"one rehearsal then on to make money" ?????????? Really? Really?
 
Here's one that came up locally:

Looking for Bass and drums for a Trio.

I am a American singer/guitarist from Friday Harbor. Since hearing about the new permit laws in canada making the process easier to play in your country I am taking steps to pursue gigging in Victoria since your city is Awesome. I do mostly covers from Paul Simon, Cat stevens, Eagles, Tom Petty, Beatles, Rolling stones, Marvin Gay, Temptations, Jonny Cash and so on. I am looking for exp. pocket players for gigs only. I need to see you live so if you have something on the net that would work. Mostly gigging, one rehearsal then on to make money. As a trio i can provide a dance band with a full sound in smaller clubs to medium sized venues.
Thanks


It's wrong on sooo many levels. Victoria BC is close to Friday Harbor, true enough, but I can hardly articulate how insulted this ad makes me feel...
"one rehearsal then on to make money" ?????????? Really? Really?

What's wrong with his approach?

Experienced players who've been around the block a bit could probably just ignore even that one rehearsal, although I would do it if only to meet the rest and confirm it's going to work.
Rehearsals cost money, gigs make money... ;-)
 
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Just a little frustration showing through here:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Does this really exist? (Greenville)

Looking for Drummer and Guitar Player. Maybe a keyboard player as well. Would like to start playing again and here is what I want in a perfect world.

Not into endless rehearsals. I don't think practicing every week is fun. If you just want to get together and and jam this is not for you. Would we have to get together to run stuff, sure. Maybe a couple of times. Learn poopie on your own! Rehearsals should only be to work out who sings what on harmonies, nail endings or transitions into other song and stuff. Really, you should be able to show up at a gig and play the song. If we say like the album, play it just like the damn album. No reason to have to rehearse if you learn your stuff. Did I mention, learn your stuff.

You can sing lead. Yea, I'm a puss in this area. My band right, I'll try to cary 10%.

Looking for sell outs. This is a cover band. I like money. If you don't like money and are more worried about being an "artist" this isn't for you. I'm all about music, I have a degree in it. I'll play mine own poopie that I'm really into in my bedroom. No one would pay money to hear it anyway. You know, just like all those original bands posting adds here.

I have a day job. You need one to. Not trying trying to do 200 shows a year right now. Not trying to play every bar either. I have a few I would like to put back in my rotation. The money is in the private stuff. That's what I used to do and want to get back into. Maybe two, three gigs a month. I have a family and I like them. Hey, summertime though I'm open for as many as you want.

Would love for this to be a scaleable band. We would be the core. Higher paying private type gig, festival, I can bring in a horn section or what ever we need. Any style of music. Well maybe not country. I hate country. I would do a couple of current popular country tunes a night. Why, because I like money. Ok, I would do country. See previous sentence. Don't want to hear the "I don't want to do all the cover tunes everyone else is doing, lets do other cover tunes." Translation: Obscure tunes that nobody really knows. Yes, I effing hate Brown Eyed Girl. But if some bride wants to invite her hot model bridesmaids on stage to shake their booties to it, I'm down.

Don't be a dick. But I'm not expecting to be besties either. Come in, hey how ya doing, small talk, play, drink a beer on break, play, pack up go home.

Money. Yea we are in a band. It's still a business. Every band I have been in I was a hired employee. I will let you know what you get paid. And I'm going to send you a 1099 in every January. Not going to cheat you, but if I have to cover the expenses we are not going to be paid the same. Not into the romanticized notion of a band of brothers playing music trying to make it.

This sound like something that you have been looking for, hit me up. If you've never practiced with a metronome please don't.​
 
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What's wrong with his approach?

Experienced players who've been around the block a bit could probably just ignore even that one rehearsal, although I would do it if only to meet the rest and confirm it's going to work.
Rehearsals cost money, gigs make money... ;-)

I guess what I'm getting at is that this guy is a total unknown. He's not local, so it's hard to check his creds.
He could be a total flake, and until you arrive at the gig you really wouldn't know. Or sing like a nightmare. Or play crappy out-of-tune guitar. Or... He could be all smoke and have absolutely no talent/skill at all.

And, what, all the local bars and venues are just salivating to hire some total unknown that they've never heard/heard of??? Not gonna happen. There's lots and lots of local talent vying for gigs. The good bands with solid credibility get the decent paying jobs. Everyone else gets to do the 'pay-to-play' or 'play-for-your-dinner' or 'play-for-exposure' gigs...

At the end of the day I guess I'm just skeptical. It just seems too easy... I can't articulate why the ad bothers me, I guess.

Just my .02. Keep the ads coming!
 
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Here's one that showed up recently, and I saved it off, but forgot about it. Obviously a spoof, or a drunken post, but definitely worth a chuckle...


$1,000 · Amazing Air Guitar

This. Is an amazing guitar. Lighter than a feather and completely in mint condition. I can throw in a pack of strings. Seriously, the only reason I am selling this is because I have way too many and the old lady is tripping over them, getting mad and stealing all of my smokes. Wayy more than she should be. I mean, its getting out of hand. Maybe I will put this money into like, starting my own farm or something. As long as it is not one of those communist farms where the pigs start walking on their hind legs. Seriously, just buy my air guitar.
 
I've had a CL ad out for the last couple of weeks, and this is my favorite response so far:

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A BAND STARTING WE WILL BE OLAYING HANK WILLIAMS JR STEVIE RAY VAUGHN LEONARD SKINERD BB KING ETC IM LOOKING FOR PLAYERS HOPE YOU WILL JOIN STAND UP BASE AND ELECT BASE WILL GO GOOD FOR HONKY TONK AND ROCK A BILLY MY # IS xxxxxxxx

Might just go out for this. It seems like the quickest road to a Jaco-inspired self-destructive spiral.