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Dumb CL Ad's pt 5, Dumbester and Dumberest

#1,261
Here is one for a bassist posted today on the Los Angeles CL. I don't if its been posted before, so here goes.

16 Year Old Bass Player Looks 8 (L.A.)

16 year old bass player who looks 8, seeking avant garde independent original band or cover band that plays 2013 to 2014 songs. Would consider old school as far back as 2012.

33 years experience, including time in the womb and portions of my past life playing Iron Butterfly music.

Looking for musicians who are so great that they suck, or who suck so bad their great unless their ego is expanded by 420 friendly Reggae riffs and delusions of grandeur.

Attended Bass Institute in Hollywood and learned the mechanics and technical aspects of bass playing, as would be expected from a background Midi-Bass Track or robot.

No groups requiring bass intuition and feeling need apply for this post. I'm strictly academic and technical, and I sight read like a mother, although I can't play by ear. Basically I'm tone deaf.

I have the best and most expensive equipment available and am endorsed by the latest manufacturer of state of the art basses and amps, because my dad owns a car lot. I play wireless and have internet access to compression parameters for bass, and have my own blog on a website for bass players because I pay them money.

Paying gigs are irrelevant since I make my living on computer graphics and designing recording studios for garage bands, financed through investments in Google and Microsoft.

Mainly the dues I've paid as a musician is talking to that 16 year old sales person at Guitar Center who jams with me in the bass room, and making the credit payments on my equipment with the funds I get from my graphics website business and recording studio in my bedroom. Music is just a tool for social change and an aspect of life and art to be given away freely on Spotify and has nothing to do with work.

Copyright is antique.

Live performance is a Joke, especially when money is involved. It's all about having a Strat and looking cool like you are a musician.

Let's Jam

By the way, anyone know who James Jamerson is? People keep asking me. Is he geek or something?
 
#1,264
Another gem from South Florida. They want a top level pro to make 100% commitment for a hobby band of old guys to play classic rock and blues once or twice a month with what sounds like a dictatorial BL.

Also slightly OT down here the same people run the same ads day after day after day. Do they just not get the hint or are they hoping to trip across the one person that doesn't realize why no one else wants to hire you. :unsure:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

SEMI PROS need Bass with vocals for Classic Rock / Blues (Broward)

First of all if you answered this ad previously and did not fit the caliber of musician we asked for before, please do not waste your precious time trying, you must fit this bands requests. Sorry if we could not use you but I have always had this level of quality, band before, and my fans expect the same again.
We are (Semi) Professionals Musicians and you are too. We will be out playing 2-3 times a month and this is not our full time job, the same as you. We have a lead guitarist already but need a truly talented bass player with vocals. You must be able to sing leads in about 1/4 of the songs. IF YOU are unable to sing leads then please do NOT answer this ad. We all sing lead and backup and as such, you will too. We do Classic Rock and Rock Blues like it should be done. You feel the same way. We like to have the music and the band tight and not go off and wander around jamming for ten minutes and having the fans wish it was over already. We do NOT sound or look like a Garage band, and you feel the same way. We believe in using practice time to actually get the songs right and NOT use that time as a drinking party or drug fest.
We practice the song till it is right and not accept crap or do it half fast, and you feel the same way. We want a band that people want to actually stay the night to hear, and would want to hear and see us again and again, that is how you feel too.
Now this is where it all counts. You like being part of a winning team. You desire to play and stay in one band for the long term. You do not like drama and you leave your ego at home, except for your musical talents. You want to be a REAL part of the band, be able to voice your thoughts, and not be just any old bass player the band latched on to.We do not drink during practice or at a gig until it is over for the night, the same as you. Our stage appearance and look is always professional and does not look like we are at a beach party. Most important of all is that you realize you are being paid for your talent and professionalism and understand the customers and especially the owners deserve the best.
You have the desire to be known for your true talent and your exceptional ability as a musician and vocals too. You have the right musical equipment, bass guitar, amp. When you perform on stage you enjoy the music and are truly alive and actually move instead of looking like a stuffed scarecrow mounted on a post.
I am in charge of the business end, and the type of music we play, you are in charge of all the musical aspects of every song so it is done right no if's and or buts. Of course you can bring in songs to do as long as it fits the Classic Rock and Rock Blues Genre we do. In other words, no wimpy sh*t. Sorry we do not and will not do any other styles of music be it country or Reggae.
Our old fans loved the, Cream, Allman, Brothers, Black Sabbath, Trower, Humble Pie, Buddy Guy, James Gang, BTO, Heavier Rolling Stones, Bad Co, Led Zeppelin and Rush and Grand Funk when they made great music in the earlier part of their career.
If you can do Rush then you really belong in this band but if not and you are into the other bands mentioned respond to me. We have our practice location in the Pompano area. Our age is older but not old farts. If this ad speaks to you, then you want and need to be part of this endeavor, so send me your specific info, experience, songs you really really like to do, where you are located, and age and phone number and any videos showing us your talent including especially your vocals if able to.
We intend to play at least 2 - 3 times per month and not in any of the sh*t holes either. This is not a garage band and we will not go out playing like one either. We are (semi) professional so you expect the best because we do too and so does our fans. Sorry to sound so strict but we have been around for a long time and had enough of the Wannabe's, because they just come and go and are never remembered..
Thanks for reading this and sorry to be so strict but this is how my bands succeeded in the past and it will again with you in it.
 
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#1,265
BassGuyFL said:
Another gem from South Florida. They want a top level pro to make 100% commitment for a hobby band of old guys to play classic rock and blues once or twice a month with what sounds like a dictatorial BL.

Also slightly OT down here the same people run the same ads day after day after day. Do they just not get the hint or are they hoping to trip across the one person that doesn't realize why no one else wants to hire you. :unsure:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

SEMI PROS need Bass with vocals for Classic Rock / Blues (Broward)

First of all if you answered this ad previously and did not fit the caliber of musician we asked for before, please do not waste your precious time trying, you must fit this bands requests. Sorry if we could not use you but I have always had this level of quality, band before, and my fans expect the same again.
We are (Semi) Professionals Musicians and you are too. We will be out playing 2-3 times a month and this is not our full time job, the same as you. We have a lead guitarist already but need a truly talented bass player with vocals. You must be able to sing leads in about 1/4 of the songs. IF YOU are unable to sing leads then please do NOT answer this ad. We all sing lead and backup and as such, you will too. We do Classic Rock and Rock Blues like it should be done. You feel the same way. We like to have the music and the band tight and not go off and wander around jamming for ten minutes and having the fans wish it was over already. We do NOT sound or look like a Garage band, and you feel the same way. We believe in using practice time to actually get the songs right and NOT use that time as a drinking party or drug fest.
We practice the song till it is right and not accept crap or do it half fast, and you feel the same way. We want a band that people want to actually stay the night to hear, and would want to hear and see us again and again, that is how you feel too.
Now this is where it all counts. You like being part of a winning team. You desire to play and stay in one band for the long term. You do not like drama and you leave your ego at home, except for your musical talents. You want to be a REAL part of the band, be able to voice your thoughts, and not be just any old bass player the band latched on to.We do not drink during practice or at a gig until it is over for the night, the same as you. Our stage appearance and look is always professional and does not look like we are at a beach party. Most important of all is that you realize you are being paid for your talent and professionalism and understand the customers and especially the owners deserve the best.
You have the desire to be known for your true talent and your exceptional ability as a musician and vocals too. You have the right musical equipment, bass guitar, amp. When you perform on stage you enjoy the music and are truly alive and actually move instead of looking like a stuffed scarecrow mounted on a post.
I am in charge of the business end, and the type of music we play, you are in charge of all the musical aspects of every song so it is done right no if's and or buts. Of course you can bring in songs to do as long as it fits the Classic Rock and Rock Blues Genre we do. In other words, no wimpy sh*t. Sorry we do not and will not do any other styles of music be it country or Reggae.
Our old fans loved the, Cream, Allman, Brothers, Black Sabbath, Trower, Humble Pie, Buddy Guy, James Gang, BTO, Heavier Rolling Stones, Bad Co, Led Zeppelin and Rush and Grand Funk when they made great music in the earlier part of their career.
If you can do Rush then you really belong in this band but if not and you are into the other bands mentioned respond to me. We have our practice location in the Pompano area. Our age is older but not old farts. If this ad speaks to you, then you want and need to be part of this endeavor, so send me your specific info, experience, songs you really really like to do, where you are located, and age and phone number and any videos showing us your talent including especially your vocals if able to.
We intend to play at least 2 - 3 times per month and not in any of the sh*t holes either. This is not a garage band and we will not go out playing like one either. We are (semi) professional so you expect the best because we do too and so does our fans. Sorry to sound so strict but we have been around for a long time and had enough of the Wannabe's, because they just come and go and are never remembered..
Thanks for reading this and sorry to be so strict but this is how my bands succeeded in the past and it will again with you in it.
Click to expand...
Seems a little overly verbal. Might want to check if that band has a random drug screening program.
 
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#1,266
We get the same thing here. This one has been running one way or the other for a long time.
Monticello is more than 40 miles outside of Minneapolis. I wonder why they can't find someone...

John Entwistle Bass Player for Classic Rock Hobby Band (Monticello)



Hobby Band looking for Bass guitar with Backup singing Can you play Bass like John Entwistle? Tommy Overture Link

This is a fun hobby project so you don't need to be perfect. We are in the growing/start-up stage. Here is the check list to see if you are a good fit:

You have a passion for classic rock especially Zeppelin/Who/Beatles/Floyd.
You live near Monticello.
You have a nice rig.
You can help sing backup parts while playing (you don't need to be a professional).
Bonus if you want to take lead singing on a song or two :)
You come prepared (learn your part on your own time)
You can commit to 2 or 3 times a month.
You know how to communicate (i.e. you reply to email ... even if you only need to say "ok").

The goal is to eventually perform in public meaning we need to learn 40-45 songs in order to play 3 sets.
Focusing on summer concert in park type performances.
This way we can play non-dance songs too and don't have to stay out too late.

One of the sets will be a tribute to a classic "album" by one of the great 4 classic rock bands of all time:
The Beatles, The Who, Led Zeppelin & Pink Floyd

Currently we are learning a shortened 45min version of :
  • The Who's Tommy Album (Studio version)
Possible future set 2 tribute album covers maybe:
  • Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon or truncated Wall)
  • The Beatles (Abby Road or Let It Be)
  • Led Zeppelin (IV Zoso)

Other variety songs we are playing:

Beatles
  • Day Tripper,
  • Here Comes the Sun
  • While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Eagles
  • Lyin Eys
  • Take It Easy
Led Zeppelin
  • Babe Im Gonna Leave You
  • Stairway To Heaven
  • Thank You
Pink Floyd
  • Wish You Were Here
Tom Petty
  • I Won't Back Down
  • Learning to Fly
The Who
  • Behind Blue Eyes
We are in our 40-50's

Thanks for looking
 
#1,267
This has been going on for a while, but I'm amused, so here it is: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Re: PAY TO PLAY?????????? (Everywhere) (R U Surprised??!!)
Click to expand...
That's because of all the geezer bands that play for enough money to buy their Depends!! I've been saying it for some time now: Nobody cares about the geezers clogging up the venues with their old-ass crappy classic rock. They are all boring and suck. If they'd go away and younger, fresh groups took over the crowds would be bigger. The younger generation goes where their music is. Period. I know all the geezers will send me hate mail again (I guess that really only confirms what I am saying as the truth hurts!!), but the truth is the truth. The over 50 "I have no life so I'm gonna play in a crappy boring band of geezers to justify my existence" have to step aside. That is what is killing the music scene!!!
Click to expand...

I guess maybe he's upset because he plays lousy music and can't get a gig. Being aware of the local scene means I don't have any idea what he's talking about. There are a whole lot of half baked originals bands playing dull music, and those are usually populated by people who are 30 or younger. So, I'm just amused. He's really upset, though.
 
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#1,268
Gaolee said:
This has been going on for a while, but I'm amused, so here it is: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]



I guess maybe he's upset because he plays lousy music and can't get a gig. Being aware of the local scene means I don't have any idea what he's talking about. There are a whole lot of half baked originals bands playing dull music, and those are usually populated by people who are 30 or younger. So, I'm just amused. He's really upset, though.
Click to expand...
WOW
I feel really bad now. ;)
 
#1,269
You should, especially if you are one of those awful geezers he's been urging to retire for the last week or so. It has been an entertaining time on CL around here, what with him getting all wound up and other people getting kind of wound right back. Gotta love flame wars between people who aren't very thoughtful.
 
#1,277
Hi,

busmandan said:
In yesterday's Dallas/Ft Worth CL:

"working rock band needs bass player for non cover songs...all of us are are around 40"

Sounds innocent enough, right?

Wrong. They provided a link:
Click to expand...


Woah! I must now step away from my computer and put on a Captain and Tennille album.

It looks like they enjoy what they do. I wish them luck and hope they find just the right bass player. :D


Thank you for your indulgence,

BassCliff
 
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