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Dumb Craig's List Ads pt 3, now with brighter whiter dumb!

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#621
This is pretty hilarious. It's a big ad So I've highlighted the funny parts.


So, you're not good looking. It happens. Cheer up, though -- we can turn that frown upside down through retail SPENDING and save the economy as well. Think about your country. We need you to buy this amazingly awesome Danelectro DC Bass in black metalflake because it is the coolest bass you will ever own. And then you can feel good about yourself and people will say nice things about you. See? It's all coming together

I special ordered this in 2001, the very last year of the reissue. I also got the matching Danelectro Nifty Seventy retro practice amp, just because. And just because I am extra ********, I hunted down a premium retro G & G vintage tweed case to go with it.


Bass - Danelectro DC Bass 2001 reissue
Invalid Link Removed
(scroll down to DC Bass, there's a sample there, and specs)

Amp - Danelectro Nifty Seventy amp
Model: Nifty Seventy (N70)
"Wimpy bass amps: take a hike! Meet the new King of small bass amps: The Danelectro Nifty Seventy. Four cubic feet of solid bass muscle. Incredible tone; great punch and drive - a BLAST to play!"
15-watt RMS/8" Dano woofer/18 lbs
You cannot even find these - one recently sold on eBay for $168

Case vendor - G&G - check it out. You'll have to browse around to find it because their web site is ******** and you can't link to stuff properly. The case was actually built for a Fender guitar, that nameplate under the handle (see photos) actually has a Fender logo on it. The G&G nameplate is on the lid to the accessory compartment inside. This case is not only built right, it's top shelf retro cool. Old school butter and brown tweed cloth on the outside, crazy lipstick red velvet fur inside. Super sweet.
 [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Anyhow, I haven't played this for years and I gotta put some money together so I will let this bad boy go for $350.00, including the awesome case and the matching amp

Here's a review from Invalid Link Removed
I've been playing almost 20 years. I've owned a LOT of basses over the years. Currently I have a Fender Jazz (fretless 80s MIJ), an Ibanez SR3000E Presitge, a Breedlove Atlas ABG, an Azola BugBass, a late 19th century carved 3/4 upright, and I just got a Fender P (Mike Dirnt model, MIM...my first MIM Fender but this model looks like they're trying to prove a point in terms of quality...which I'll gladly capitalize on.) I love the sound of this Dano. I largely written this bass off as a toy. I first played one in my friend's indie punk band because she put one in my hands in the studio and said, "Play this." I got an identical bass (in a different color) so that I could have it to finish up an album at a later date using the same gear, and then maybe for some touring. Now I find myself gravitating to it more and more. I have much "nicer" basses. Yet I want to play this one. It's punch and tight. I actually first thought that maybe it wasn't a toy when I saw a photo of the Mingus Big Band and the band leader/bassist had one. In the Mingus Big Band! So I re-visited the bass with a more open mind and have been playing it more and more ever since. Ultimately I like playing mellow jazz. This bass is fantastic for that and a hell of a lot easier than taking a 3/4 size upright on the subway with a wheel. A lot of a bass is in the preference and in the player's hands (literally.) I find that I can be expressive in the way I want to on this bass. I've searched and searched and played basses priced in the thousands of dollars, and have even owned a few. Yet here is this tiny miracle that I paid less than three hundred bucks for. Imagine that.

======================
SPECS BABY UNF UNF UNF
======================
Tonally, a completely different bass! Sounds like nothing else. Long scale. Semi-hollow body for great resonance.

Dual Lipstick pickups and dual tone and volume controls. Lightweight and well balanced. Very round and rich tone.

Specifications:

Body: Hardboard top and bottom with plywood frame.

Neck: Hard maple with rosewood fingerboard.

Scale: 34"

Frets: 21

Body Width: 42mm

Headstock: Width 15.5mm

Nut Width: 40mm

Action: 1.8mm 'G' - 2.0mm 'E'

Pickups: Original style brass tube with chrome plating

Magnet: Original formula 50's style Alnico magnet.

String gauge: 45-100



================
 
#622
Coming from Seattle area (tons of CL post a day) to Amarillo (maybe 5 a day) is rather depressing as it is. In over a year I have only had one good hit on a CL post/ad and that opprotunity vanished without a trace. Anyway, my first post in this thread, but I couldn't pass this up and had to share this with you guys....

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Title reads- "Professional level players needed for awesome band"

I knew I wouldn't find what I was looking for in the add based off the title, but for the chance of amusement I opened it up. I was definitely amused.

Add- "Hey, what's up?

I don't need any of my time wasted, so I'll get right to the point to not waste any of your time either.

I'm looking for competent individuals to start an amazing band with. I've mastered pretty much every instrument needed for a band, (Guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, etc...) but obviously I can't play them all at once. I've been performing music for a long time, and am pretty much the perfect guy to start a band with, because I'm so amazing. I won't post links to music samples or videos or anything, so you're just going to have to take my word for it regarding how perfectly amazing I am.

If you are a loser, don't contact me. That means, if you drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, take drugs, or are ugly to look at, I am not interested.

I'm such an amazing person, that I want to find people as close to my level of perfection as possible. If you are a flake or a loser, and you pretend to be a competent person just to gain the awesome experience of playing with me, even just once, I will be able to see right through you, because I can also read minds, so don't even try.

If you are interested, email me a full resume in pdf format including links to pictures of you, and samples of your work, as well as a short documentary of your day to day life, so that I can get to know you without actually having to get to know you.

Thanks for reading,
-Mr. Awesome"


I'm about 85% sure this was sarcasim directed to insult a post from a few days ago, but either way it was funny to me.
 
#628
Problem? Aside from the fact that he's showing two different basses; that the p-bass looks like it may be an SX and not a Fender; that he's "firmish" on the price; and that he's willing to swap a $300 bass for a $900/1200 TV...no. I don't see a problem.

And you can't directly post pics from ads...that's one reason why we want links to the ad itself. You did good in pointing out the pics are important, btw.
 
#631
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

EDITOR'S NOTE: The Studio for the "meet greet play listen auditions" is booked and ready to go.

DETAILS: Thursday June 16th, Music Lab on St. Elmo, Room 130, 6pm to 11pm.

Bring your own instrument(s), amp etc (and a folding chair too if you want to). :) They have the P.A.

Get in touch with me ahead of time if you will so I have a heads up you're coming, what instrument(s) you play, vocals, etc.

====== Please read the ENTIRE ad so you know at least *a little* of what to expect and what we are looking for =======

This will be a very relaxed comfortable "audition" "session". No stress. No pressure. No sweat. No (as some have asked) you do not have to have anything prepared ahead of time. Just you and your instrument. I'll fill in all the blanks when we get there. That's what they pay me the big bucks for. :)

If you're the kind of musician who must have something prepared ahead of time in order to "loosely interact" musically with other musicians or else you can not function properly, then this is probably not what you're looking for.

This is not going to be "just a jam band", far from it, but the talent to "jam" shows me you have an extra angle to you a little beyond those without the capacity of such an additional dimension of "approach". Nothing against them, some of the best players I've met on earth never miss a note, sing like angels, record perfectly in one take no overdubs, and are impeccable live performers, but couldn't get up on stage and "jam" with other people to save their lives. Love 'em anyway. :)

But by all means, if you have the ability to actually successfully "jam" with other people, I will respectfully look at you a little more interested than at someone who can only perform with charts etc.

Love people who can read charts etc, highly valued, some of the most talented people I've ever played with, some are showing up at the session, but the talent to simply "jam" with others and "make it happen" instantaneously is a real plus, and remains where some of the most "popular" music ever created found its origins.

Simplicity itself. Translation: Don't worry about anything, just show up, bring your instrument and have some fun.

Seeking multiple instruments and female and/or male vocalists.

*****************************************************

HOT BAND Forming - Apply Within.

Putting the band together.

Influences range from A to Z over the entirety of music on earth. From all eras to the present. From pop to rock to reggae to metal to folk to blues to country to jazz to techno to you name it.

I have 300 copyrighted originals. You might have some also. Completely open to co-songwriting although I have plenty if desired.

This is an open-minded venture being put together by me an open-minded person.

That means you get to have input into the band although on major decisions I retain 51% of the say, so there will be no "errors" in any aspects of the band, music or its business. This approach comes from years of experience and watching a zillion bands form and fold. We'll always discuss and "vote". If at the end the votes are going to take us to hell, I'll put my foot down to save the band as an entity. Surely no one who gets into this band is going to be that naive, inexperienced or ignorant to make decisions that would affect the band's life adversely. So merely a precautionary measure. :)

Translation: For the most part it will be "all of our" band, in all ways, not looking for "robots" to perform on cue.

Common sense humans playing with other common sense humans.

You'll need to have a job or life that when needed you can get off any day or night to gig or record with the band.

You'll need enough scratch to pay your small share and pitch in on expenses here and there to get this done. Sorry, at the current moment I'm unable to personally subsidize your rise to "fame and fortune". If I win the lottery then we'll talk.

And I'm pretty sure the rest of the band isn't going to want to "float" you when they themselves are investing.

Not interested too much in those who are playing for multiple bands, I wish them good fortune, but that's a conflict already and usually winds up being inconvenient down the line when multiple bands' bookings mysteriously collide and they have to choose.

No *major* drug, drinking, attitude, strange earthly "constructs" etc probs. Been there done that. Not going back.

We'll be putting together enough originals for an album and put it up on CD Baby or somewhere, and traipse it around the world.

After you see the successful results of that we'll start working on the 2nd album.

Not interested in major touring at this point. We can do (paying) gigs if you want, of originals and copies, in and near Austin, unless of course they're paying us a fortune to do otherwise.

After all the members are in I'll list us with a booking agent, if that's how the entire band feels and wants to go. (Already in ongoing talks with potential future members about that and other matters.)

So that's it, pretty firm plan, recording and playing out. Simple.

I have experience with recording, gigs etc, both acoustic and electric, loud and soft, driving and nuanced.

You can hear a little over-reverbed clip of me playing here so you at least know I can play guitar some. It's not indicative of the entirety of the style of music I do or will be doing, as we'll be doing all kinds of genres of music. Nor indicative of my "precision" on an instrument.

Not much here for you if you're not interested in being in a band that is versatile and eclectic with its styles of music and choices of songs.

You have to be able to tune and play your own instrument on at least some level of competency. I'm not going to do it for you. Complete amateurs won't hack it. I have seasoned professionals showing up for the first session already.

Here's the clip. Ignore the sloppiness and missed notes, it's merely a mild example.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

I'm slightly older than a kid, but will consider both young and old applicants to fill the membership of this band.

I'll be booking a rehearsal studio toward the middle of June for about 4 or 5 hours for a 'meet greet play listen" session, so I can check everyone out and you can check me and each other out.

(Studio booked. See above for info.)

Still open to hearing/auditioning lady singers, bassists, drummers, guitarists, keyboardists and various other instruments etc as well in this upcoming studio session.

=== Please reply with A TELEPHONE NUMBER in your email OR I WON'T GET BACK TO YOU ===

Good luck and enjoy your day and life.

Hopefully, for you, for all of us, this band will be a better part of it.

I'm sure it will. All I need is you, to easily prove it.

To infinity and beyond.

It's going to be a very cool band.

:)
Click to expand...

Yeah, you have three-hundred originals, and you throw up some sloppy playing (which isn't indicative of your "precision") to entice people to come audition. Why not put up a "precise" recording of one of your 300 songs.

You want to "traipse" the album around the world, but you don't want to tour. You really should know the definition of traipse before you use it in an ad. I play music for fun, not to wearily move from one show to another hoping that someone, just one person, will care. On second thought, from the recording you put up, maybe traipse is the right word.



"For the most part it will be "all of our" band in all ways" is a contradiction. Either it is in all ways, or it is for the most part. It can't be both. Any you've already said it isn't, since you retain 51% say in all decisions.

Everyone has a say, but ultimately, it is your band and you'll have the final say. Why even pretend? As soon as you're outvoted on something, you'll invoke the 51% rule. Probably to pretend that it is their band, so that they'll pony up $75/month for room rent, a few hundred for recording and I bet you'll have awesome stickers in every club bathroom.

Good luck.
 
#632
Plays_For_Dog said:
Coming from Seattle area (tons of CL post a day) to Amarillo (maybe 5 a day) is rather depressing as it is. In over a year I have only had one good hit on a CL post/ad and that opprotunity vanished without a trace. Anyway, my first post in this thread, but I couldn't pass this up and had to share this with you guys....

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Title reads- "Professional level players needed for awesome band"

I knew I wouldn't find what I was looking for in the add based off the title, but for the chance of amusement I opened it up. I was definitely amused.

Add- "Hey, what's up?

I don't need any of my time wasted, so I'll get right to the point to not waste any of your time either.

I'm looking for competent individuals to start an amazing band with. I've mastered pretty much every instrument needed for a band, (Guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, etc...) but obviously I can't play them all at once. I've been performing music for a long time, and am pretty much the perfect guy to start a band with, because I'm so amazing. I won't post links to music samples or videos or anything, so you're just going to have to take my word for it regarding how perfectly amazing I am.

If you are a loser, don't contact me. That means, if you drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, take drugs, or are ugly to look at, I am not interested.

I'm such an amazing person, that I want to find people as close to my level of perfection as possible. If you are a flake or a loser, and you pretend to be a competent person just to gain the awesome experience of playing with me, even just once, I will be able to see right through you, because I can also read minds, so don't even try.

If you are interested, email me a full resume in pdf format including links to pictures of you, and samples of your work, as well as a short documentary of your day to day life, so that I can get to know you without actually having to get to know you.

Thanks for reading,
-Mr. Awesome"


I'm about 85% sure this was sarcasim directed to insult a post from a few days ago, but either way it was funny to me.
Click to expand...


I would totally respond to that ad. In a way that would blow his freaking mind at how awesome I am.. Like how I can play 32nds in such perfect time he would swear it sounded like a hummingbirds wings flapping against his bollocks.
 
#633
I have 300 copyrighted originals. You might have some also. Completely open to co-songwriting although I have plenty if desired.
Click to expand...

The real question is whether Skippy wrote any GOOD songs.
Hell's Belles and Cockle Shells, almost any doofus can write 300 'songs'. But are ANY of those 300 worth listening to? Or are they just the same old progressions rehashed ad nauseum?

 
#635
I am a female vocalist looking to collaborate with fellow musicians who want to help me make minimal/electronic/experimental/triphop/folky/jazzy/r&b/soul music. If you DJ, great! If not, I am just looking for passionate musicians wanting to start something creative and new. I need help cutting and slowing my voice and instrumentals and records. help me?it will be fun
 
#636
startting aband band post hardcore metal core eletro

Date: 2011-06-09, 6:21PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
looking to start ab band the heavy in to post hardcore sound with electro sound would be nice to also find a dj as well so for its my self as a guitartist lokeing for one to two more a bass keyborad dj and singer and screammers
 
#637
Frank Tuesday said:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]



Yeah, you have three-hundred originals, and you throw up some sloppy playing (which isn't indicative of your "precision") to entice people to come audition. Why not put up a "precise" recording of one of your 300 songs.

You want to "traipse" the album around the world, but you don't want to tour. You really should know the definition of traipse before you use it in an ad. I play music for fun, not to wearily move from one show to another hoping that someone, just one person, will care. On second thought, from the recording you put up, maybe traipse is the right word.



"For the most part it will be "all of our" band in all ways" is a contradiction. Either it is in all ways, or it is for the most part. It can't be both. Any you've already said it isn't, since you retain 51% say in all decisions.

Everyone has a say, but ultimately, it is your band and you'll have the final say. Why even pretend? As soon as you're outvoted on something, you'll invoke the 51% rule. Probably to pretend that it is their band, so that they'll pony up $75/month for room rent, a few hundred for recording and I bet you'll have awesome stickers in every club bathroom.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

you heard his playing... does it sound like someone who can play much, and/or someone who can compose interesting songs?
probably a deluded 19 year old whose friends say he "rawks" and is getting a bit ahead of himself... :o
 
#638
This wasn't exactly posted on Craigslist, but it's related. Remember Luey Luvaex? The delightfully white trash guy that I posted on here for his ad looking for band members and he went off in his videos? Well he's got a bass that he's had for a while and still has yet to learn anything other than ways to abuse it.

Like playing it with a Rambo knife. 6 minutes and 40 seconds of white trash, comin at ya courtesy of Youtube.
YouTube - ‪Luey Luvaex Play's Bass with a Rambo Knife.‬‏
 
#639
AciDBatH666 said:
This wasn't exactly posted on Craigslist, but it's related. Remember Luey Luvaex? The delightfully white trash guy that I posted on here for his ad looking for band members and he went off in his videos? Well he's got a bass that he's had for a while and still has yet to learn anything other than ways to abuse it.

Like playing it with a Rambo knife. 6 minutes and 40 seconds of white trash, comin at ya courtesy of Youtube.
YouTube - ‪Luey Luvaex Play's Bass with a Rambo Knife.‬‏
Click to expand...

:rollno::scowl:
 
#640
AciDBatH666 said:
This wasn't exactly posted on Craigslist, but it's related. Remember Luey Luvaex? The delightfully white trash guy that I posted on here for his ad looking for band members and he went off in his videos? Well he's got a bass that he's had for a while and still has yet to learn anything other than ways to abuse it.

Like playing it with a Rambo knife. 6 minutes and 40 seconds of white trash, comin at ya courtesy of Youtube.
YouTube - ‪Luey Luvaex Play's Bass with a Rambo Knife.‬‏
Click to expand...

Issues, too many to count.
 
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