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Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest
- Thread starter Thor
- Start date
- Status
Found this ad and it actually made me laugh out loud!
"Guitarist is seeking regular solo gigs in high end restrooms in the Savannah area. I can play a wide range of styles from old timey to classical and olfactory to nasal retentive. I would prefer to play in multi-stall facilities in commercial buildings, looking for steady work and need money for my toaster collecting habit but my chops are like a chocolate laxative so I can be a little choosy. I have a high security clearance and my TWIC card so Ports Authority, Federal and Military latrine gigs are clear. For a small fee I will also learn disco hits of the 70s and keep my mouth shut about booger sugar usage and other stuff but draw the line at child abuse and dog helmeting. For furry parties I require a well air conditioned facility and have bunny, piggy and Hello Kitty costumes at the ready, any dry cleaning charges will be billed as an expense. If electric guitar is your preference a tested GFI outlet is required. So don't wait, soon you can have the best rest room entertainment in the Coastal Empire."
The sad thing is that there are people in this area that will think this ostensibly legit. :faceplam.
"Guitarist is seeking regular solo gigs in high end restrooms in the Savannah area. I can play a wide range of styles from old timey to classical and olfactory to nasal retentive. I would prefer to play in multi-stall facilities in commercial buildings, looking for steady work and need money for my toaster collecting habit but my chops are like a chocolate laxative so I can be a little choosy. I have a high security clearance and my TWIC card so Ports Authority, Federal and Military latrine gigs are clear. For a small fee I will also learn disco hits of the 70s and keep my mouth shut about booger sugar usage and other stuff but draw the line at child abuse and dog helmeting. For furry parties I require a well air conditioned facility and have bunny, piggy and Hello Kitty costumes at the ready, any dry cleaning charges will be billed as an expense. If electric guitar is your preference a tested GFI outlet is required. So don't wait, soon you can have the best rest room entertainment in the Coastal Empire."
The sad thing is that there are people in this area that will think this ostensibly legit. :faceplam.
This literally made me spit-take and laugh for about 10 straight minutes. My wife almost called 911 for my seeming-asphyxiation... Bravo!
great amp for sale ad
Attention bassists:
You need this amp.
Your search for the perfect combination of tone, clarity, punch, tightness, and loudness is over. The Yorkville XS400H has it all. First off, it's a solid state amp with a tube preamp. That means it doesn't weigh a ton and still has the creamy goodness of a tube amp. Wow.
And did I mention it's loud? 400 watts stupid loud. Loud enough to be heard over your buddy guitarist who insists on playing through two 412 stacks because "it completes his tone" even though he's not that good but you don't want to say anything because hey, he's your buddy and buddies don't say that crap to each other but now you have a Yorkville XS400H bass amp that will easily bring your immaculate bass playing to the forefront. Problem solved.
But hey, you want your tone to be your own. And with a 5 band equalizer with parametric mid control, that tone is yours my friend. You want to scoop out the mids so your textbook slappin' and poppin' cut through the mix like a knife? Scoop away amigo, scoop away.
You're a bassist. An awesome bassist. So when I say compression, you nod your head sagely. Because compression is a bassist's best friend. Guess what? Compression comes free with this amp, as much or as little as you want. And when you're done compressing, you can start limiting with the adjustable limiter on the Yorkville XS400H.
When you're playing to your legions of fans, you need the support of a professional sound system. But how do you get your incredible sound from the amp to the PA? With the built-in DI of course, with pre/post selectable tube output. Man, those engineers at Yorkville thought of everything.
And speaking of Yorkville, you can stand proud knowing that your amp is 100% made in Canada, built to withstand the rigors of strong, sexy, rugged Canadian bassists such as yourself.
This amp will complete you. It will make you even more irresistible to women.
Don't pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity to own the greatest amp in the history of ever. It will be the best $300 you ever spend. Rock on.
Attention bassists:
You need this amp.
Your search for the perfect combination of tone, clarity, punch, tightness, and loudness is over. The Yorkville XS400H has it all. First off, it's a solid state amp with a tube preamp. That means it doesn't weigh a ton and still has the creamy goodness of a tube amp. Wow.
And did I mention it's loud? 400 watts stupid loud. Loud enough to be heard over your buddy guitarist who insists on playing through two 412 stacks because "it completes his tone" even though he's not that good but you don't want to say anything because hey, he's your buddy and buddies don't say that crap to each other but now you have a Yorkville XS400H bass amp that will easily bring your immaculate bass playing to the forefront. Problem solved.
But hey, you want your tone to be your own. And with a 5 band equalizer with parametric mid control, that tone is yours my friend. You want to scoop out the mids so your textbook slappin' and poppin' cut through the mix like a knife? Scoop away amigo, scoop away.
You're a bassist. An awesome bassist. So when I say compression, you nod your head sagely. Because compression is a bassist's best friend. Guess what? Compression comes free with this amp, as much or as little as you want. And when you're done compressing, you can start limiting with the adjustable limiter on the Yorkville XS400H.
When you're playing to your legions of fans, you need the support of a professional sound system. But how do you get your incredible sound from the amp to the PA? With the built-in DI of course, with pre/post selectable tube output. Man, those engineers at Yorkville thought of everything.
And speaking of Yorkville, you can stand proud knowing that your amp is 100% made in Canada, built to withstand the rigors of strong, sexy, rugged Canadian bassists such as yourself.
This amp will complete you. It will make you even more irresistible to women.
Don't pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity to own the greatest amp in the history of ever. It will be the best $300 you ever spend. Rock on.
"Sometimes " I Don't Play Covers " means " I Don't Play Covers "
Date: 2012-08-07, 12:59AM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
I love the way everyone on this site is an expert about something or another. I personally Hate playing covers and do not see what that has to do with being a musician. Practice ,Practice, Practice, somebody elses music, I would rather suck the business end of a shotgun! If you have the patience you can teach any Non musician and possibly even some intelligent animals to play something somebody else composed. Here is one for you and you can bank on this, if you are a musician and you know your instrument , you Should be able to play just about any song you have ever heard. Play it a few times and you should have it down as good as it is gonna get. So practice your instrument to hone your skills, play it in a way that is your own, entertain yourself first, have fun and for the love of everything sacred CREATE something and never let trash talking nay sayers discourage you."
I find the one above hilarious
Date: 2012-08-07, 12:59AM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
I love the way everyone on this site is an expert about something or another. I personally Hate playing covers and do not see what that has to do with being a musician. Practice ,Practice, Practice, somebody elses music, I would rather suck the business end of a shotgun! If you have the patience you can teach any Non musician and possibly even some intelligent animals to play something somebody else composed. Here is one for you and you can bank on this, if you are a musician and you know your instrument , you Should be able to play just about any song you have ever heard. Play it a few times and you should have it down as good as it is gonna get. So practice your instrument to hone your skills, play it in a way that is your own, entertain yourself first, have fun and for the love of everything sacred CREATE something and never let trash talking nay sayers discourage you."
I find the one above hilarious
tired old rock singer wants tired old guys (waukesha)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am tired. The 60, 70, 80, & 90's wore me out. I am too tired to want to learn new stuff. I like Stones, Beatles, The Who, The Kinks, Searchers, Zombies, David Bowie, Mott the Hoople, 70's rockers, one or 2 hit wonders, stuff like that. I have a complete song list of several hundred songs with lots of chord notes to make it easy.
And, quite frankly I am too tired haul all my crap up and downstairs. Whatever happened to house or garage parties?
My gear is top notch. It is light and quality. Looking for old tired guys.
I can't play in the heat, I sweat and it ruins my hair. I like air conditioning. I do not smoke or drink but could be persuaded to do so if the "smokes" were groovy.
And honestly, my voice is probably no longer great. It is like my hair, I want it to go one way by it decides to go another way.
I am pretty much retired. Still have friends who would die to see us (probably to see who dies first).
I would be glad to share a list of songs and would be willing to learn yours, maybe.
Talk to you later, I feel an impending duece from my morning coffee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am tired. The 60, 70, 80, & 90's wore me out. I am too tired to want to learn new stuff. I like Stones, Beatles, The Who, The Kinks, Searchers, Zombies, David Bowie, Mott the Hoople, 70's rockers, one or 2 hit wonders, stuff like that. I have a complete song list of several hundred songs with lots of chord notes to make it easy.
And, quite frankly I am too tired haul all my crap up and downstairs. Whatever happened to house or garage parties?
My gear is top notch. It is light and quality. Looking for old tired guys.
I can't play in the heat, I sweat and it ruins my hair. I like air conditioning. I do not smoke or drink but could be persuaded to do so if the "smokes" were groovy.
And honestly, my voice is probably no longer great. It is like my hair, I want it to go one way by it decides to go another way.
I am pretty much retired. Still have friends who would die to see us (probably to see who dies first).
I would be glad to share a list of songs and would be willing to learn yours, maybe.
Talk to you later, I feel an impending duece from my morning coffee.
I finally found one worth sharing. A bit creepy . . . complete with a picture of his lady.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
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How would you like live in female vocals and a full studio at home ? (santa rosa)
Date: 2012-08-07, 11:57AM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
How would you like live in female vocals and a full studio at home ?
Hello me and my lady a vocalist are seeking a room that we could set up as a full on studio ..
I have all pro gear to record and mix and master your music ..
Do you have songs that need vocals .. let us help you finish !! I produce and she sings . ..
We are not looking for free rent just a deal with like minded people ..
this is for real do you want to learn music for yourself .. or do you play but no pro gear and have an extra room to RENT out .. ..
We are fun loving and easy to get along with .. I do many styles of music and I am happy to teach you what you would need to
know about making music yourself ...
any style all pro ... all yours !!! lets talk ..
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
------------------------------------------------------------------
How would you like live in female vocals and a full studio at home ? (santa rosa)
Date: 2012-08-07, 11:57AM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
How would you like live in female vocals and a full studio at home ?
Hello me and my lady a vocalist are seeking a room that we could set up as a full on studio ..
I have all pro gear to record and mix and master your music ..
Do you have songs that need vocals .. let us help you finish !! I produce and she sings . ..
We are not looking for free rent just a deal with like minded people ..
this is for real do you want to learn music for yourself .. or do you play but no pro gear and have an extra room to RENT out .. ..
We are fun loving and easy to get along with .. I do many styles of music and I am happy to teach you what you would need to
know about making music yourself ...
any style all pro ... all yours !!! lets talk ..
I just saw this one - it made me laugh:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
DUMMER NEEDED!!!!!!! (Carbonedale)
We are looking for a drummer to be part of our band please call 970989XXXX
Location: Carbonedale
at first I thought it was a Freudian slip, but then noticed that the poster also spelled the name
of the town that he lives in wrong too!
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
DUMMER NEEDED!!!!!!! (Carbonedale)
We are looking for a drummer to be part of our band please call 970989XXXX
Location: Carbonedale
at first I thought it was a Freudian slip, but then noticed that the poster also spelled the name
of the town that he lives in wrong too!
Seems legit.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Guitar...or base - $5000 (Rexburg)
I have a guitar for sale. But it might be a base guitar, I don't know. At any rate, I picked it up and couldn't do anything with it. I wasn't immediately good at it so I got discouraged. If you've got that can-do spirit then this is the instrument for you! I've had it for a few years but it's like it's brand new. Seriously. I can see myself in the finish. And it has strings on it. Fo' shizzle. Don't ask me for a model number or anything specific beyond color because I can't be bothered with that kind of information. This guitar is white in case you were wondering. Or it might be a base. Either way it's still white.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
Guitar...or base - $5000 (Rexburg)
I have a guitar for sale. But it might be a base guitar, I don't know. At any rate, I picked it up and couldn't do anything with it. I wasn't immediately good at it so I got discouraged. If you've got that can-do spirit then this is the instrument for you! I've had it for a few years but it's like it's brand new. Seriously. I can see myself in the finish. And it has strings on it. Fo' shizzle. Don't ask me for a model number or anything specific beyond color because I can't be bothered with that kind of information. This guitar is white in case you were wondering. Or it might be a base. Either way it's still white.
ummmm NO!
anyone want to jam with a didgeridoo?!? (Durango, CO)
Howdy, I am an intermediate didgeridoo player and I am looking for a band/ person to jam with . I work for a wilderness therapy program, so I am gone every other week. But on my off weeks, I have tons of free time! Please call at (719) 209-XXXX if you wanna jam!
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
A didgeridoo - Really???????
anyone want to jam with a didgeridoo?!? (Durango, CO)
Howdy, I am an intermediate didgeridoo player and I am looking for a band/ person to jam with . I work for a wilderness therapy program, so I am gone every other week. But on my off weeks, I have tons of free time! Please call at (719) 209-XXXX if you wanna jam!
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
A didgeridoo - Really???????
Betrayer_Bass
Profanity Fish.
- Sep 24, 2011
- 1,381
- 854
- Disclosures
- Endorsing: Spector basses, Winspear Picks, Spector Formula 603 strings
I dunno, you could have bass, didgeridoo and some sweet jungle breaks, it'd be something new after all 
It's Dr Didge!
- Status
