Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest

[Double E]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Looking for Musicians (Cleveland)

Date: 2012-08-23, 11:24AM EDT

Hi I'm looking for musicians

I am starting to put a together a Showcase thats going to be taking place in January and it would be great to actually have a band
I need individuals who can play it all pop/rock/r&b/soul etc. I want it to be like a real concert
I am looking for the following:
Guitarist acoustic/bass
Drummer
Keyboardist
And maybe backing vocalists idk yet

So if intrested please email me. Also I'm looking for hard working people
Thanks.

Location: Cleveland
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3224239969

 

[fishdreams]

ummmm NO!

anyone want to jam with a didgeridoo?!? (Durango, CO)

Howdy, I am an intermediate didgeridoo player and I am looking for a band/ person to jam with . I work for a wilderness therapy program, so I am gone every other week. But on my off weeks, I have tons of free time! Please call at (719) 209-XXXX if you wanna jam!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]



A didgeridoo - Really???????

It does exist...as chance has it, i play in one (albeit dormant at the moment)
drums / didgeridoo / bass guitar /

http://soundcloud.com/buddhasonscooters/1-1

 

[BassGuyFL]

No ego at all he says. Also love the spelling errors.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

New band needs players (Pompano)
Date: 2012-08-23, 11:49AM EDT

Hey I play gtr and I need bas, vox, drums and possible keyboards. This band is going to be top notch and I am going to be the leader of the band ( no if ands or buts). Not ego at all , it is just I have paid my dues and know how to do this. This is a real buisness sono drinking while at rehersal or drunk at a gig you get fined. I find this works best and I deserve to play with the very best. I have the sets all put together and i have all my stage outfits. You will be expected to invest in a stage out fit. Ok lets do this, please send your bio. Auditions will be held in a rehersal studio so you must help pitch in thanks

Location: Pompano
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 3210682411

 

[TNCreature]

No ego at all he says. Also love the spelling errors.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

New band needs players (Pompano)
Date: 2012-08-23, 11:49AM EDT

Hey I play gtr and I need bas, vox, drums and possible keyboards. This band is going to be top notch and I am going to be the leader of the band ( no if ands or buts). Not ego at all , it is just I have paid my dues and know how to do this. This is a real buisness sono drinking while at rehersal or drunk at a gig you get fined. I find this works best and I deserve to play with the very best. I have the sets all put together and i have all my stage outfits. You will be expected to invest in a stage out fit. Ok lets do this, please send your bio. Auditions will be held in a rehersal studio so you must help pitch in thanks

Location: Pompano
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 3210682411

Best part? They have to pay to audition!
Why have I never thought of that?

 

[stambroker]

I am so sorry for releasing the following from the awful bowels of the Baltimore craigslist. I don't understand why people do this, do they really get any responses?

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

NEED HELP GETTING EXPOSURE CONTACT ME NOW (EVERYWHERE)
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HELLO

MY NAME IS NICOLLE AND I AM A RELIABLE BOOKING AGENT THAT GOES IN AND HELP ARTISTS WHO ARE NEEDING HELP WITH GETTING EXPOSURE. NOT ONLY DO I WORK ON EXPOSURE I PROMOTE, MANAGE, MARKET, NETWORK AND MORE. I HELP ARTISTS BUILD A FAN BASE AND BUILD A STRONG PORTFOLIO. THE AMOUNT OF CONNECTIONS I HAVE ARE VERY BENEFICIAL TO YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS. I WORK WITH ALL STYLES, HIP HOP, ROCK, R&B, POP, COUNTRY AND MANY MORE.

I WORK OFF A MONTHLY PAY BASE. NOT EVERY SHOW I BOOK IS PAID. I WILL BOOK YOU SHOWCASES, HELP YOU HOST YOUR OWN VENUE, BOOK CHARITY EVENTS, MAGAZINE INTERVIEWS, SOMETIMES YOU MAY HAVE TO PAY TO PERFORM, RADIO EXPOSURE AND MUCH MORE. I WORK WITH AND AROUND YOU. I DO WHAT IS NEEDED TO MAKE SURE YOUR NAME IS GETTING HEARD AND YOUR FACE IS KNOWN. MY GOAL IS TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY AS AN ARTIST AND FOCUS AS AN ARTIST. LET ME HANDLE THE TOUGH WORK, ALL THE BUSINESS WORK. I ALSO BUILD PRESS KITS AND WEB FAN PAGES FOR THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE ONE ALREADY. I AM VERY PROFESSIONAL AND I MAKE SURE I KEEP ALL CLIENTS AND ARTISTS ON THE SAME PAGE. SO IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOME ONE WHO IS SERIOUS ABOUT THEIR WORK BUT HAS AN AMAZING PERSONALITY AND RELIABLE CONNECTIONS CONTACT ME TODAY. SUMMER IS COMING TO THE END.

I HAVE A FEW FESTIVALS AND SHOWCASES COMING UP RIGHT NOW SO IF YOU ARE LOOKING TO START ASAP CALL OR TEXT AND WE CAN GET THINGS STARTED

PLEASE VISIT MY WEBSITE AT WWW.ATLTALENT.COM CHECK OUT THE THE UPCOMING SHOWS, ARTISTS THAT I MANAGE AND MORE.

CALL NOW TO DISCUSS FURTHER INFORMATION

THANK YOU
NICOLLE
ATL TALENT BOOKING
404.513.9917 FEEL FREE TO CALL OR TEXT

 

[TNCreature]

"Call Now. Summer is coming to the end".
Which means what Exactly?

 

[My name is Mudd]

Summer festival season, maybe?

 

[TNCreature]

Just the good part:

"So, I love many types of music, [from Electric Wizard to Frank Sentara]"

 

[TNCreature]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

I'm an average guitar player and I'm on here a few times a week to see if I can pick up work. I am pretty good with using pro tools and recording also a decent keyboard player. What's funny is all the people who say they have gigs lined up and need a guitarist. One band tells me they're booked all summer at a private event. Come to find out that its a gig playing for mentally ******** kids which they didnt tell me until I got to the audition. Thise guys were in a band called Evil Steve. Then there's this dude on here and that keeps puttin an ad for a guns and roses tribute. I told him I can play anything guns and roses can do and i have proof by mt videos on youtube but this guy was a real a**hole and is still tryin to put the band together after a year of tryin. Alot of people here have pipe dreams and no talent or some talent and no business skills. And they are the small percent that can actually play. Please people be honest and admit that you suck and dont waste the time of a pro. No one wants to be in your little band except maybe your ******** friends so just pay me and I'll play whatever you want F***** 40 yr old no talent a hole still in a garage band

 

[KUNGfuSHERIFF]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


famous bassist xJake Lillx's volkswagon golf's headrests - $40 (marlboROUGH)

Date: 2012-08-27, 8:37AM EDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

ex-bassist for Bloodletter and current bassist for Villain, Jake Lill is a local superstar. Now for one time only you can buy his Volkswagon Golf's headrests, like new condition(smells like cheddar cheese). will trade for wu tang, star wars, or mortal kombat memorabilia.

-mike paul

 

[Mike11121]

Then there's this dude on here and that keeps puttin an ad for a guns and roses tribute . . . . but this guy was a real a**hole and is still tryin to put the band together after a year of trying

So he's a wanna be GnR vocalist who's an a**hole (check) and has been trying to get his sh*t together for years (check)?

Sounds right in character to me. Is there a surprise somewhere in there?

 

[ACalbass]

I have been following a CL fight between a guy (King Pris Buckingham),that call himself ACE guitarrist,and a guy that keeps flagging his messages (King call this guys "angry racists)
But the guy is right in flagging,since is annoying how many posts this guy makes a day,and been happening for months.
For those that want a taste :

--------------------------------------------
"ACE" of CLASSICAL GUITAR TRACKS,HITS,JINGLES,RINGTONES ECT (4:studio,tv,movies,solos,VEDIO GAMES ect)
Date: 2012-08-28, 2:11AM EDT



SEE MY PLAYING ON YOUTUBE ViDeO email or call steve at tel:347-569-3577 THANKS

==============================================
http://www.youtube.com/user/KingParisBuckingham "ACE" of CLASSICAL GUITAR TRACKS,HITS,JINGLES,RINGTONES EC

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jazz-up your hits with caribbean guitar "ace" solos(pop,rock,jazz,all (4:studio,docum,tv act,trax,ringtones)
Date: 2012-08-28, 2:14AM EDT

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CASH REWARD FOR INFO ABOUT "ANGRY RACIST"
Date: 2012-08-28, 5:15AM EDT

A CASH REWARD FOR ANYONE WITH REAL NAME OR ADDRESS OF THIS PERSON CALLED "ANGRY RACIST" . OR WHERE HE HANGS ABOUT?
$500 ON ARREST!
EMAIL ( LAW ENFORCEMENT)

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THE NEXT:george benson,john mc laughlin,paco,earl klugh,norman brown ((gtr master/HIT-SONGWRIT seeks big break)
Date: 2012-08-28, 4:34AM EDT


(available for :studio tv,movie soundtracks,hits ,ringtones,jingles ect)

SEE ALL INFO ON UTUBE VEDIO,THANKS


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Then the angry racists,see how much spam thie guy KIng post at CS

FLAG THE DOUCHE BAG HERE! (TUESDAY EDITION!)
Date: 2012-08-28, 3:29AM EDT
Reply to: see below

FLAG THIS PUKE FOR REMOVAL:
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C'mon, next Earl Klugh playing ringtones??

 

[wishbasssix]

This one's a gem:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

bassist wanted (material plane)

seeking awesome bass soloist playing 7 string fretless exclusively frets 15-18. Call now!

 

[TNCreature]

Here is a typical CL waste of time interchange between me and a drummer who placed an ad on CL looking for musicians.

First the ad:
drummer looking for quality musicians to start project!!

"I have been playing for.well o er 20 years. I have developed, my own style mixing several styles together. I am seeking 2 guitarists, bass player, keys, sax and vocals to for a new project,t. covers and original material. please be real and serious. thanks for reading. have a great day!"

Sounds good right? I mean, he developed his own style!!! I want to check that out. So I e-mailed him:

"Hi, Can you tell me generally what kind of stuff you want to play? I am mainly interested in original music, but am ok with playing some interesting covers too.
I am an experienced bass player.

Thank you,

Mark"

His Response:
"I am looking to do several different kinds. covers and original. rock/hard rock."

So I e-mail again:

"Hi again,

That could mean anything, what bands could you list as examples? Types of sounds, influences, etc? I need something to go on!
Your ad said that you developed your own style; what is it? can you tell me more?

Thanks,
Mark"

His Response:

"really not worth going into it, u said u are looking for an original band and I am.seeking musicians for a cover/ original project. thx for the reply tho. good luck in ur search buddy."


I would call him a name, except that this is so typical of CL that I was not at all suprised.
Apparently I wasn't "real" or "serious". Not serious like him anyway!

NEXT!

 

[Rip Topaz]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Serious players ONLY for Tour Band (Lancaster County )

Date: 2012-08-17, 3:27PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]

I am looking for a versatile bassist and drummer. Below is a list of things I am looking for in band mates. This is an instrumental group, if sing your more then welcome to apply (some singing in a show breaks it up for the crowd a bit). I am looking for a Stanley Clarke/Victor Wooten style bassist and a Dylan Elise style drummer.

1. Must have reliable transportation
2. Must have tour-able gear
3. Passport is a plus but not required at the moment
4. You HAVE to be able to go on the road for a few months at a time
5. Looking to practice 3-4 times a week and 3-4hrs per rehearsal
6. Must be drug free. No alcoholics! There is NO smoking or drinking at the rehearsal area; if you smoke you can do it in your car, its property rules.
7. Clean background is a must; a background check will be done on people that are considered for the band.
8. Live stage and or studio time is preferred but not required. (experienced players are a plus, but I go by ability level when picking players)
9. Being able to improvise on the fly is a MUST
10. YOU MUST want this as a career and be serious about it to be considered. This is not a hobby/weekend band.

The reason to these requirements is that this group is a professional group. Once completed there will be extensive rehearsing then booking. I do not play the bar circuit like most bands do. I only book high paying gigs, with a minimum of 3-4 a week, plus festivals. I run everything, management, booking, promoting, producing, writing, legal ends, and scheduling. If you have original songs that you want to play we can do them, it just adds to the material. For scheduling, rehearsals will be set around the schedules of the players with at least 3 a week. Once a full tour is set up we will work on new material on the off days.

Prior to the first gig booked there will be a minimum of 2.5hrs worth of material. I currently have roughly 100 to 120 originals myself recorded and copyrighted plus some that haven't been recorded yet. With what ever the other band mates bring to the table and a couple covers this should not be a problem achieving in a short amount of time.

I am looking for serious and versatile players ONLY. If you want your career to be music then I want to talk to you. I am looking for players that are out of school have no commitments and no need to stay local and support anyone (you can't do that and go on the road). Players must be 18 or older. NO MINORS.

If you are still interested after reading this ad please respond with links to any audio or video of you playing that you have online. Also send your resume or history about your music career so far. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

I saw this one, too. I think he's for real.

 

[Mike11121]

7. Clean background is a must; a background check will be done on people that are considered for the band.

Wow - that would seriously limit the number of drummers that I know . .

 

[My name is Mudd]

I think he's for real.

I think that he thinks he's for real, but (using that ad as an example) I read ads like that and can't help but wonder why a "professional group" needs to advertise band openings on CL.

 

[Mike11121]

I am so sorry for releasing the following from the awful bowels of the Baltimore craigslist. I don't understand why people do this, do they really get any responses?

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

NEED HELP GETTING EXPOSURE CONTACT ME NOW (EVERYWHERE)

From her website:

Booking, Promoting, Manageing- Rates start as low as $300 a month ( Bi Weekly Is Accepted ) CONTACT FOR FURTHER DETAIL​

Really????

 

[sadasar]

Done, you're hired! I guess it doesn't matter if he can sing or not. Naked chicks are a sure crowd pleaser

Singer for a band (i'll travel anywhere)
I'm a singer looking to join a band, I have a drummer that will come with me. We want to start a classic metal cover band, i sing DIO and Ozzy, can try other classic metal stuff, Tigers of Pan tang.... we also want to do some original songs too. Hit me up if you need a singer. ( FYI, i paint on naked chicks for concerts, so i can bring naked chicks with body paint to shows we perform at. )
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Is it just me or does something seem to missing from her chest area. Maybe it's just the picture but........

 

[sadasar]

Yeah, I'm sure Jay Z's financial planners, legal team, and head's of his corporations use that jibberish.

"In the news today, Jay Z's legal team of Carroll, Guido & Groffman, LLP responded to allegations of misconduct by their client with, "Yo, bawse, that sh&t is whack. These haters be trippin'. Jay Z is straight up, dope.""

Maybe I'm wrong...

Now that I've laughed so hard I started crying in gon lay in my bed like a bawse.
But honestly thanks for that.