Dumb Craig's List Ads pt.4: Dumber and Dumbest

[tmdazed]

Drummer and Bass Needed


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Date Listed 05-Oct-12
Address Calgary, AB T2T 3P5, Canada
View map


Thanks for having a look!

We're looking to form a band. We need drums and a bass player.

2 very good guitarists and a solid singer are waiting for you.

Looking to gig around downtown, have fun, drink beer - and write some tracks that make people want to dance.

very different musical tastes, but wanting to find a sound that everyone enjoys; prefference to that Southern Rock feel - lead singer can sincerely belt those harmonies.

We're all mid-20's and down to earth. Leave the attitudes at the door, but we're looking for a drummer and a bass player, so we'll probably just have quiet/odd guys apply anyways! If you're a lady, you're very much welcome to apply.

We'll hopefully host auditions mid-october, if you have a jam space that's a HUGE bonus.

Let's rock, let's rock, let's rock.


so I guess all bass players and drummers are odd quiet guys , hmm whowouldaknown, guess I didn't get that memo

 

[kcole4001]

Pretty much 95 % of the time:
bass player = quiet
drummer = odd

 

[NWB]

Oh boy, I just found this real gem!



"Are you a rockstar? Of course you're not, otherwise you'd be spending your time pounding groupies instead of hanging out on cragslist!

No, you probably suck. But you don't have to! Fear not, there is hope!

You, yes you, have just stumbled across an oppourtunity to purchase the most amazing bass ever created.

Of course its a Dean, what else would it be? Nothing, not even selling your soul to Satan himself can secure rock star status as well as this amazing bass!

Its like new, because its immortal. Its actually older than time itself. And I know what you're thinking, what am gonna do with am immortal bass when I'm gonna die in like 3 years anyway? Well, believe it or not, one of the amazing side effects of this bass is in fact immortality.

You may ask why I would sell such an amazing device. Well don't. Its none of your business and I don't appriciate you prying into my personal life. Oh fine I'll tell you. I need money for beer and stuff, happy?

So buy this bass, live forever, and become the rockstar you were destined to be!

Or don't, and continue searching craigslist. Good luck become a rockstar with that strategy... "

 

[waynobass]

BASS PLAYER WANTED TO FORM BAND WHEELCHAIR DRUMMER

IM A DRUMMER IN A F***ING WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*** YOU WHO DONT CALL BACK BECAUSE SO. IM EXPERIENCED AND PLAYED BEFORE MY INJURY. I DONT F*** AROUND.I GOT A GUITARIST .512-xxx-xxxx
-TYLER

 

[60bass]

BASS PLAYER WANTED TO FORM BAND WHEELCHAIR DRUMMER

IM A DRUMMER IN A F***ING WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*** YOU WHO DONT CALL BACK BECAUSE SO. IM EXPERIENCED AND PLAYED BEFORE MY INJURY. I DONT F*** AROUND.I GOT A GUITARIST .512-xxx-xxxx
-TYLER

Maybe this Guy can hook up with the dude from the earlier post who's trying to form the Def Leppard tribute band?

 

[jonas_24112]

From Roanoke, VA Craigslist:

"alienhead band read

Not to be rude or call you out, but.... Truth hurts sometimes.

You having been looking for someone for a long time. And I know why.
Your singer cant sing. Its not even close to being good. Find someone who can sing and your sure to find more members.
No idea how your group got to #3 on reverbnation local charts with such lack of talent.
good luck and sorry to your singer but someone had to say it.
please dont reply."

 

[Mackluth]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

EMU Morpheus Synth in original box - $100 (Grand Rapids)
Date: 2012-10-18, 1:33AM EDT
Reply to this post Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I have an EMU Morpheus synthesizer module with the manual cords/cables and in the original box. This is an amazing almost unique synthesizer with 198 different filter types more than almost any other synth ever made. 32 voices at once easy interface and amazing sounds with endless possibilities. Mint condition. $100

 

[No Neck Shrek]

Harp Lessons . . . Do you want to play KILLER harp? (Zanesville)


Short and sweet . . .

If you'd like to learn how to play KILLER Blues/Rock harmonica . . .

Call me!

I teach in 1 1/2hr sessions, 90 minutes, not 30 minutes! So the drive is WELL worth it.

And, you don't come every week! Come to the 1st session. I'll give you a TON
to work on. Along with practice jam tracks to take home!

You'll record the entire session. Don't waste your time writng notes so you
remember what I show you. Just go home and listen to the recording, and
make a notebook, without costing any more $$$$$. Do it on your own time!

PLUS you'll hear the examples whenever you need to just re-playing your
recording! Listen again to what I explained in our session.

Like having the lesson repeated over and over, when ever you want to hear it!

When you're ready for the next session, you'll know! When you can do the things
I tell you to have down in the 1st session, THEN call me for your next session!

It might be 3 or 4 weeks. It might be 5 or 6 weeks. It might be 2 months!
When YOU'RE ready, CALL ME to set up the next session.

BTW: I've worked with players who've been playing a while. Some in bands. But
not all that good. They knew their way around the harp somewhat, and could "get by"
playing what they knew.

They knew how to use ONE harp for the key they were in, so they never could figure
out how to play some of the notes they heard other harp players use in their solos.

Have you ever said . . . "I can't find that note on my harp!" ?

And many who really had no idea what harp(s) went with what key(s) or song unless
someone told them.

Like . . . Play some Blues in G. OK, you know you can use a C harp. That's the most
common. Playing in 2nd position to straight Blues will always work. But do you know
WHY you use a C harp in G?

And a C isn't the only harp you can use!

What if the Blues tune is in Bm? Oh, you say . . . If you're in Bm, you must use an E harp.

Well, you can also use an A harp. Or a B. Or a Bm. And other work as well!

What if it isn't Blues? What if you're playing a great "Bluesy" tune like "Still Got The
Blues For You" by Gary Moore? Or what if the band decides to play "Europa" by Santana?

So you ask the guys in the band . . . What key is "Still Got The Blues" in? They think . . .

Hmm . . . Dm7 G7 Cmaj7 Fmaj7 Bm7b5 E7 Am . . .

And they tell you . . .

Um, the first chord is Dm, so it's in Dm, dude. So you base your harp choice on what they told you,
instead of KNOWING what key the song is in. (BTW . . . Yeah, the first chord is Dm, but the key
is Am! And a G works GREAT in Am. 3rd position.)

Europa resolves to Cm. Try using a Bb harp! Works great.

That's why a lot of times, you're NOT going to find the notes you want on the cross harp you're playing!
Or . . . using the "kind" of harp you're using. Try some special tuned harps!

Some of these players, after just ONE SESSION . . . some of these players were good to go!
They just needed one session, and they were remarkably better!

You'll be playing thru a real PA, with real harp gear! In a "playing"
environment. To pro backing tracks. Just like jamming with a
live band! And you'll learn what harpS you can use for each tune! Not harp.

Harpsssss!

And I'll show you a TON of dynamic techniques that'll improve your playing
a TON! And almost INSTANTLY!

Plus I'll give you a Theory crash course that'll take you to a level you never
dreamed of! You'll finally KNOW what you're doing. And . . . WHY!

I have to be honest here. I've lived in Central Ohio now for 5 yrs. I've
heard many bands play. And heard many harp pla . . . . um, make that . . .

. . . and rarely heard any real harp players.

I've heard a lot of guys blowing into a harmonica. Making noise.
Many doing some stuff like Neil Young or Bob Dylan. But not very well.

I've heard harp players who start playing their harp as soon as the song begins,
and don't stop playing until the song ends!!!! They're called "Wall To Wall" players.

And I've heard harp players who only know how to start at one end of the harp,
and play notes coming down, then start at the bottom and play notes back up high.
Just running up and down the harp, blowing in and out, and they think they're playing harp.

But are they "playing harp", or playing a string of notes!?! And what they're playing is NOT music!

Anyone can buy a guitar, and stand up with a band, press down the 1st fret on the low E string
with their thumb, and run their thumb up and down the neck, playing a string of notes.

Is that playing lead guitar?

I've heard harp players who people thought were "pretty good". And all they were doing
was blowing in and drawing out of the harp. Again, making noise, not music.

If you want to stand out in the crowd . . . want to be recognized as a "real" harp player,
want to have some fun really playing harp, not going thru the motions . . .

CALL ME!. I PROMISE you . . . if you work with me for just 2 or 3 sessions . . .

. . . maybe even ONE session . . . YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT YOUR IMPROVEMENT!

Wayne R XXX-XXX-XXXX or reply here.

PS: I'm only taking on one new student right now. If you want to be that student, CALL ME NOW!

 

[MJ_Sotti]

"Spare, bleak, dynamic, idiosyncratic, acclaimed, established band with three acclaimed albums (and as many variations on our line-ups), of raw/primitive roots, abstract guitar/art noise texture, shaped into noir, song-based style; with unusual instruments and/or
approach to them.... Have begun serious reincarnation of a new, fourth line up (after uncertain future). Vocalist, Piano, Organ player, and textural guitarist: seek kindred spirits in drummer and bassist....to help flesh out and record our album of new songs, play worthwhile live performances, etc. (or even join the group). We will coincide an overdue full internet launch of a site, networking access etc.directly to our audience as soon as the new line up has at least a drummer confirmed, though we'd very much like a bass layer too (and/or cello player as well). We do have our albums for sale on iTunes and Amazon, but we fully intend to coincide the confirmation of our new line-up and reincarnation - with the obligatory use of cyber music networks, not merely for promotion and sales but as a direct and essential way to interact with new generations of music fans. When we released our last two albums the old way had fallen apart; and there was no notion yet, of how it would work out. In this regard, it was a s good a time as possible to be inactive.
Inspired by too much music to mention, we decided to mention some artists (some who we were favorably compared ) who in recent past and/or currently have maintained quality work despite revolving line-ups: Rowland S. Howard, Tom Waits, Angels of Light/ Swans, Leonard Cohen, Tindersticks, Spiritualized, Crime & the City Solution, Laughing Hyenas, (Nick Cave &) The Bad Seeds, The Black Heart Procession, Scott Walker, Firewater, etc.If you are not fans - or even familiar - with many or all of these artists. We do not seek fans of specific music - so please don't be put off by that misleading possibility. We are making music as self expression - and are entirely inspired to hone the best incarnation of what we try our best to make original and challenging. We try to make the sort of music we would like to think is needed to invent as it does not exist. Once again we like a wide array of music from many styles, genres, but we like to work outside any specific genre. and even sub-genre. Knowing full well the critics are able to publish their every view on the internet now - it is more important than ever to be happy with our own work. As it is thankfully not possible to please everyone - we are
therefore pleased to get strong reactions (this has been the case anyway) in which we are either strongly disliked or vice versa."

 

[othefool]

Thought someone on TB would love to snatch this up!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

For sale or trade (preferably a drum project) is a SWEET bass project. The package includes two amps, both made in the 1980's, A Roland DAC-15B and a Peavey MicroBASS. They both kinda crackle, but remember...It's a project. Also included is a disassembled Fender Squire P-Bass (made in Korea) and a Yamaha vinyl soft shell gig bag. Half of the finish has been removed saving you lots of time when you want to strip it and refinish it. The neck is a little twisted, but maybe if you lean it up against the wall "the other way" it will twist back straight. All of the electronics have been removed, giving you the opportunity to practice your soldering skills. I will also include a tamberine project and a bicycle water bottle holder to attach to the back (great for holding a cold one). A foam knee pad for all the ladies that will be bowing before you as you lay down some killer bass licks on your custom project is also included. Nothing gets the ladies going more than a bassist, and one with a custom bass WITH A DRINK HODER is sure to please.
If interested, email me. My name is Mike.

****

This was a follow-up to a hilarious drum post, with a bunch of old broken drum shells (plus a bonus roll of duct tape) being sold as a "vintage" project...unfortunately the original post just fell off of craigslist. But there is still a follow-up:

****

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

Hey, you idiots posting big piles of **** and calling them "vintage drums." For the love of Buddy, knock it off! Ludwig, Slingerland, Leedy, Tama, Corder, Premier, Sonor etc, from 30-60 years ago are vintage and valuable. A set of beat to hell exports with basswood/poplar shells, metal kick hoops, beat/mismatched/taped up heads and taiwan hardware...is not. Crackhead...

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

To which the OP replied:

Dude, it's a joke.

 

[othefool]

Oh snap! I just realized that I quote Nietzche in my signature! What now?

 

[My name is Mudd]

"Spare, bleak, dynamic, idiosyncratic, acclaimed, established band with three acclaimed albums..."

Nominated for best 'TLDR' ad.

 

[Marley's Ghost]

This is a little OT here..but I thought some pure win would help to dispel some of the crap we find in CL bass wanted ads.

John Entwistle or Flea needed! We need a really good bassist... (Hazlet)


My band needs a bassist. We don't need a good bassist. We don't need an awesome bassist. We need the best bassist. We want a 'lead bassist'. Someone who hates the saying, "less is more". Because in reality - more is more. We need you to know all of the scales, modes, etc. We will NOT hold you back - We want you to shine! We literally want you to compete w/ our lead guitarist. We have plenty of original music and have played out everywhere. We recently lost our bassist and guitarist. We are currently a singer (me) and a drummer (the best) and a rythmn guitarist, Guitarists are somewhat easy to find and I'm sure we'll have one by the time you reply. Text or call me, Jay @ (908) 472-1204

 

[sadasar]

This is a little OT here..but I thought some pure win would help to dispel some of the crap we find in CL bass wanted ads.

John Entwistle or Flea needed! We need a really good bassist... (Hazlet)


My band needs a bassist. We don't need a good bassist. We don't need an awesome bassist. We need the best bassist. We want a 'lead bassist'. Someone who hates the saying, "less is more". Because in reality - more is more. We need you to know all of the scales, modes, etc. We will NOT hold you back - We want you to shine! We literally want you to compete w/ our lead guitarist. We have plenty of original music and have played out everywhere. We recently lost our bassist and guitarist. We are currently a singer (me) and a drummer (the best) and a rythmn guitarist, Guitarists are somewhat easy to find and I'm sure we'll have one by the time you reply. Text or call me, Jay @ (908) 472-1204

Well I'm out.

 

[My name is Mudd]

Least dumb ad I've seen on our local CL in awhile...I may contact this guy (slightly edited for language);

- [Invalid or Expired Link Removed] -

Jam Buds or Space for Rent (Visalia & surrounding communities)
Date: 2012-10-24, 7:06PM PDT
[email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Guitarist/Bassist 47. Ex-Stagehand/Roadie. Been Playin since 9 years old,
brief friendships & tutelage with John Lee Hooker, Russ Freeman, Dave Meneketti, Ronnie Montrose.
Looking for Social Jam Buds, a place to Live & Rock would be a Miracle.
Willing to even take a garage, barn, or loft.
Very normal person dont wanna meet no creeps, thieves, perverts, ass****s, or wannabe's.

Not into any pressure of starting a damn Band...Posing, Posturing, writin silly songs & not gettin PAID...all that crap !
...BEEN THERE DONE THAT....worked for Bill Graham 15 years, & opened for Ted Nugent & Y&T back in the day.
I have 2 jobs that are WAY more important at this stage in my Life.

ROCKSTAR izza Nice Dream when you're young and dumb,
but I'm now a Crusty F*** with a very irregular work schedule and tired & grumpy a lot too !
GETTIN OLD BITES ASS !
Have at it Youngsters & Good Fu@%in Luck !
I miss just jamming 4 fun with Friends, and sharing music.
Playing 4 the Cats & houseplants just feels like Masturbation, so its no fun anymore ! LOL COL : (
Really looking for an inspiring Drummer & other AxeMasters to just CRANK IT UP and just FEEL THE ELECTRICITY FLOW !
Put a smile on my Face, I aint askin fer much ! Maybe get it LIVE and do some Open Mic nights or Gigs see how that develops.

I have a TEAC Analog 8 Track, a Roland Digital 24 Track,
12-string, 6-string, and classical acoustics, 2 Gibson SG's, Steinberger Bass,
Fender & Marshall Amps.

......WHAT's on MY IPod ?!

: OLD INSPIRATIONS :
Genesis & Co, Yes, UFO/Scorpions, RUSH, King Crimson, Camel, Beatles, Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush, Mountain, Montrose/Hagar/GAMMA, ELO, ELP,
Sweet, KISS, Angel, Queen, Led Zeppelin, Janis Joplin, Hendrix, Doors, Who, Blind Faith/CREAM/Clapton, Purple, Maiden, Bad Co, Floyd, Gamalon,
Aerosmith, Focus, Boston, Elvis, Thin Lizzy, CSNY, Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, ZZ Top, Heart, BOC, AC-DC, Brand X, Marillion, Grateful Dead, Jeffersons,
Zappa, Steely Dan, Jeff Beck, Black Sabbath, Blackfoot, Foghat, Skynyrd, Elton, Journey, Kansas, The Nuge, Ramones, Stones, Ten Years After, Kinks, Priest
---Megadeth over Metallica !

...strong FUNK/SOUL/JAZZ/LATIN background : Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, EWF, Michael Jackson, James Brown,
The Rippingtons, Jean-Luc Ponty, Al DiMeola, Chicago, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Santana, Billy Cobham


NEW INSPIRATIONS :
Varttina (from Finland), Cocteau Twins, Indigo Girls, Buckethead, Stereolab, Sia, Tangerine Dream, Anathema, Porcupine Tree, The Flower Kings,
King's X, Liquid Tension Experiment, Pink, Ivy, Jem, No Doubt, Doves, Anathema, Fanny Lu, Ximena Sarinana, Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Reply to C-Mail sorry Im not givin my Cell # or E-Mail out Frickn CraigsCREEPS !

 

[rosanne]

Least dumb ad I've seen on our local CL in awhile...I may contact this guy (slightly edited for language);

- [Invalid or Expired Link Removed] -

Jam Buds or Space for Rent (Visalia & surrounding communities)
Date: 2012-10-24, 7:06PM PDT
[email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Guitarist/Bassist 47. Ex-Stagehand/Roadie. Been Playin since 9 years old,
brief friendships & tutelage with John Lee Hooker, Russ Freeman, Dave Meneketti, Ronnie Montrose.
Looking for Social Jam Buds, a place to Live & Rock would be a Miracle.
Willing to even take a garage, barn, or loft.
Very normal person dont wanna meet no creeps, thieves, perverts, ass****s, or wannabe's.

Not into any pressure of starting a damn Band...Posing, Posturing, writin silly songs & not gettin PAID...all that crap !
...BEEN THERE DONE THAT....worked for Bill Graham 15 years, & opened for Ted Nugent & Y&T back in the day.
I have 2 jobs that are WAY more important at this stage in my Life.

ROCKSTAR izza Nice Dream when you're young and dumb,
but I'm now a Crusty F*** with a very irregular work schedule and tired & grumpy a lot too !
GETTIN OLD BITES ASS !
Have at it Youngsters & Good Fu@%in Luck !
I miss just jamming 4 fun with Friends, and sharing music.
Playing 4 the Cats & houseplants just feels like Masturbation, so its no fun anymore ! LOL COL : (
Really looking for an inspiring Drummer & other AxeMasters to just CRANK IT UP and just FEEL THE ELECTRICITY FLOW !
Put a smile on my Face, I aint askin fer much ! Maybe get it LIVE and do some Open Mic nights or Gigs see how that develops.

I have a TEAC Analog 8 Track, a Roland Digital 24 Track,
12-string, 6-string, and classical acoustics, 2 Gibson SG's, Steinberger Bass,
Fender & Marshall Amps.

......WHAT's on MY IPod ?!

: OLD INSPIRATIONS :
Genesis & Co, Yes, UFO/Scorpions, RUSH, King Crimson, Camel, Beatles, Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush, Mountain, Montrose/Hagar/GAMMA, ELO, ELP,
Sweet, KISS, Angel, Queen, Led Zeppelin, Janis Joplin, Hendrix, Doors, Who, Blind Faith/CREAM/Clapton, Purple, Maiden, Bad Co, Floyd, Gamalon,
Aerosmith, Focus, Boston, Elvis, Thin Lizzy, CSNY, Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, ZZ Top, Heart, BOC, AC-DC, Brand X, Marillion, Grateful Dead, Jeffersons,
Zappa, Steely Dan, Jeff Beck, Black Sabbath, Blackfoot, Foghat, Skynyrd, Elton, Journey, Kansas, The Nuge, Ramones, Stones, Ten Years After, Kinks, Priest
---Megadeth over Metallica !

...strong FUNK/SOUL/JAZZ/LATIN background : Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, EWF, Michael Jackson, James Brown,
The Rippingtons, Jean-Luc Ponty, Al DiMeola, Chicago, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Santana, Billy Cobham


NEW INSPIRATIONS :
Varttina (from Finland), Cocteau Twins, Indigo Girls, Buckethead, Stereolab, Sia, Tangerine Dream, Anathema, Porcupine Tree, The Flower Kings,
King's X, Liquid Tension Experiment, Pink, Ivy, Jem, No Doubt, Doves, Anathema, Fanny Lu, Ximena Sarinana, Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Reply to C-Mail sorry Im not givin my Cell # or E-Mail out Frickn CraigsCREEPS !

Looks interesting.

 

[JohnMCA72]

I'm not sure if this is a sports bar or something "else". Hopefully, that's just a typo in the title! I think I'll let somebody else find out for sure, before I try to book there!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[1dstoner]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Used Guitar at Inflated Price - $350 (Lancaster)

I bought a guitar a few years ago. The dog peed on it. The knobs are broken. The neck is bent. Oh yeah, I carved my name in it with a dull knife. I paid $350 for it, and it's only worth $50, so I'm selling it for $350. Yeah, it's used, and I'm selling it at new price. This might take awhile.

---

I know this is a rough economy at the moment but I really think he should be asking a little more for this gem... No pictures though sadly.

 

[cvsurg]

looking for the illusive
(Perdido Key. Pcola . OB,GS area)
Date: 2012-09-17, 2:16PM EDT
[email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?


Still lookin for a key beast.. to complete the sound in a three piece band.. you will be responsiable for the bass line and lil gingle gingle with the right hand... I espect a professional that knows how to make full use of themself and thier instrument your gonna get paid so whatever homework you have to be perpared for practice is your responsibility yes practice is what ya do before you play a show of music youve never heard if that sounds forien to you and you think that you can fallow anything im sure your gonna do just fine at open mics.. K so I sing and wanna get back behind the drums because I hate playing the guitar.. I do a basic variety show for the dnner crowds and chill laid back bars... however i wanna play a hell of a lot more bad ass ballsy music... a funk blues soul billy with a hint of big jam... i have a set list to work off of if your intrested contact me through the above email.. trust me im a real ******* you can talk to in person if I like you and we have simalar musical taste we will have a grand time get lots of booty... i dont care if your a girl black gay just as long as you can get down and make people feel what your playin you be alright in my book


Yes, I think you can trust him to be an a--hole.......

 

[TNCreature]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

One of a kind custom electric Banjitar....6 strings with beautifully intricate hand-carved and painted composite body containing two active pickups, an EMG-60 and an EMG-61with independent volume and tone controls complete with 3 way switch. It has a beautiful jungle landscape with a swarm of hammerhead sharks carved around the little man killswitch button. Hand carved custom bridge done like a tribal mask over a volcano on the head shooting up the Koa neck. The reverse side has a waterfall running thru a flowered jungle with totems on the horns. This thing looks and sounds absolutely amazing! All top-quality parts..You will be the life of the party for sure with this in your hands and you can be sure noone will ever see anything like it again. This company produced all one of a kind creations and was a huge hit at The Great American Guitar Show a few years ago.....Don't let this slip away! It is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Good luck!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]