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Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

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Ok, this one isn't for a bass player, but why would anyone respond to this?

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We need a Moron to play keys LOL (kc area)
Date: 2009-09-08, 8:13AM CDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Well, if you see this ad and you are a female keyboard player we need you. The most important thing is that you play keys and sing maybe? Thanks for the look

* Location: kc area
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1363676967
 
OK maybe not DUMB as much a Bazz Ackwards
Let me think a STING trib band but without a Sting???


STING Tribute Band needs BASS PLAYER (SOUTH BAY/VALLEY)________________________________________

Date: 2009-09-08, 12:02AM PDT
Reply to [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
________________________________________

Have put together a fantastic Sting Tribute band but we're missing the last piece, an accomplished bass player. Seriously, we're about launch a great, GREAT project playing everything from Police hits to Stings' most sophisticated. Must have your chops in great order, be a team player and have good stage presence. This is an eclectic band in every possible way. NO ego trips, NO drugs, NO alcohol, please. Email or call John with any questions...Invalid Link Removed (310) 555-5504
• Location: SOUTH BAY/VALLEY


:confused: ...
 
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ZZ Top Tribute Band (West Coast)

Drummer/producer forming ultimate ZZ Top multimedia tribute band. Need bassist and guitarist - "Billy and Dusty." Must have looks, chops, equipment to be the part in showrooms. Travel involved. Auditions in Reno Oct/Nov. Respond with your email address and questions. Thanks.

That guy picks the easy part: he does not have to grow a beard and dye it white.

How about you find a bassist and a guitarist who know the material first and then work the look later? It's not as if they don't know anything about fakeness in Nevada.
 
Yeah, ok, I just came across this dumb @ss CL listing.

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Wanted: Awesome Drummer and Bass for Tour (Anywhere but Your town)

Serious Gtr/LVox with great originals looking for Team Mates to play in every venue in every town in every State 4-5 nights a week every week after week to make MONEY and Build Loyal Paying FAN Base to Provide a proof to the Majors to work with..Without FanBase, CASH FLOW/Income and Lawyer NOBody Stands a Chance even for a Phone call let alone a Record Deal..So all dreamers should be eliminated with that Being Said..If you got the Smarts, Character, GOODS and the GUTS to take your Talent for a ROAD Test, get in touch..NO-DRUGS, NO-Drama. .No-DayJobbers, No-Married or Girl friends or Kids....Single, Road Travelers for CASH, CAREER and FUN...Phone number is a Must to be Considered for the Positions... You have to invest time and Money for yourself with this FULL-TIME Project, No Hired Hands or Dreamers wasting their lives away in basements or Local Dives..It all means Nothing..This is all about Business and CASH..Must hit the Stage ASAP.. Remember FULL-TIME RXR and Travel......


:rollno:
 
Holly Leather, Batman, we have a winner!

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hello, I'm Jenny Cash. (az-costa rica)


and i aint dead yet.
sure fire hits out the yinyang, all day long.. crossdrestern biker chic and leather fetishist.
wicked harmonica,
most definitely real and hard core. florida doc#059789.
i draw from that and 20 years working with the seriously mentally ill.- i'm a good listener..
-been around the phx underground for years. people know me.
I am good to go, pretty far gone already.
you just play your hearts out and i'll do my damnedest.

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I am starting a band. I have people interested but nothing is 100% yet. If you are a better fit than the people I'm talking with then you'll get first shot.

I need everyone to be of similar age, so it's looking like 21-27 but I will consider anyone 18-30.

This band will have long-term organized goals and planning and will require a commitment. This band will be the main priority in your life if you are in it. For the tough things in life that take your focus away from the band, we help each other out on those fronts. For example if you go homeless, you can sleep on my couch (but you better be looking for a new place). If you don't have a license we will find you rides (but you better get your license back and keep it this time). If your equipment breaks and you have no money, we'll all split the cost of repair (but you better start saving up for next time it happens).

We can all incorporate our own influences into the music. Regardless of what your influences are, we can somehow fold it into the music. You just have to be willing to fold ours in as well. This band will succeed because we will all love our own music and believe in each other's commitment. We will have no reason to believe we cannot reach our goal or reaching the masses, and therefore we will all stay motivated and focused.

Our only monetary goal at first will be to make enough money that we can quit our day jobs. This may take a few years to accomplish, but one very smart thing to do is for 1-2 years everyone splits the rent on a 4 BR house or something. I don't know if this will be the case, but it would be the smartest thing to do. It may not be an option but it will be discussed.

The first 6-12 months will be practice and no gigs. Once we start gig'ing, we will be ready and certain that every show will be amazing. This will also motivate us all to promote the S**T out of it. I've been in bands where I couldn't motivate myself to promote because I didn't believe the show would be very good. When I know the show will kick a$$ then not only do I promote the hell out of it, but my promoting is much more convincing and I really bring a crowd, not to mention I put on a much better show. If we can all do the same, then our first shows will be packed and the shows will be good enough that a good % of attendees will become fans. Conversion rate is what building a fan base is all about. What % of people who see you want to see you again? That is the question. This is why the first 6-12 months will be practice and no gigs. Great bands have roughly a 50% conversion rate, meaning half the people who seem them eventually go see them again (on purpose). Most local bands around here average about 5%. Let's say the average show has 50 people (they don't, because they don't promote very well, but we will, but for comparison reasons let's say they promoted as well as us). They could play a show every weekend all year and have 130 fans. We can play on once a month and in a year have 300. While that is already a huge difference, also consider that 2470 people saw them and didn't come back, whereas only 300 saw us and didn't come back. So not only will we have more than double the fans, we'll still be far from exhausting our local market. That is the problem with local bands is they exhaust their market before they ever get really good. Bands that get really good FIRST are the ones that succeed.

The example of one show a month is just an example. Once we play our first few shows the buzz will get out about us very quickly, and it won't take long for us to start booking out-of-town shows where we make enough money to pay for the trip. That's when we start playing Chicago, Kansas City, Omaha, the Twin Cities, and either making money or at least breaking even. The point to play those towns is that's where we are more likely to be seen by A&R reps, or people who know them and love us. We should start getting offers of all kinds and we will accept the first offer we get that A. gives us enough money to quit our day jobs, and B. promises a national or even international tour, and C. promises to have us open for big-name bands.

If you want to join just hit me up. I hope I don't sound very stubborn or uncompromising; on the small details I am very open minded, and on the big picture if you have a convincing reason why something should be done differently I love to be proven wrong. Being proven wrong and admitting it only means I just got smarter, so I don't have a problem admitting it. The music is the main thing. I have a lot of musical ideas of all kinds I want to combine with yours.

I can play several instruments, write lyrics, sing, record, produce, perform, promote, network, book, and anything else needed.

Sometimes when I have writer's block or feel unmotivated I smoke pot, so that can't be a problem for you. I'm not what you might call a 'stoner' because I work very hard and am very motivated. Yes, it's ironic that I smoke pot for motivation, but I'm unique and it works for me. If you have a pot connection that is a plus because I can't find any lately. Please do not BE the pot connection though, I don't need the potential drama of a drug-dealer in the band.

If you are a drummer I would LOVE it if you have a convenient practice space, so you don't have to haul your drums for every practice.

I will tell you more in my reply to your email :)
 
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i can play eight instruments, speak three languages, write brilliantly, book gigs, run a band efficiently, ya-da-ya-da-yah. but i can't do all that AND produce the thing, y'know? so here i am. i need someone brilliant. someone unorthodox. someone with vision, and an extreme sensitivity. someone who is part brian eno, part george martin, part tony visconti. (and who is preferably female, beautiful and likes good red wine … but i suppose you cannot have everything, now, can you?) you must have the chops! i don't, actually, care if you've much experience, or about your 'contacts in the industry' or any of that tripe. i have enough of all that shite on my own; i care about your head and your heart and your spirit and your platinum ears, okay? if you can actually play an instrument, that is a double bonus; if you have a studio, that is the bloody trifecta. but those things are optional, really. i just need the brilliance and the objectivity.
 
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