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Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

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#521
Here's a good one! Who would turn down a chance to be in "possibly the greatest band in history"?!!!

I'm looking for talented individuals to start an awesome rock band with. Influences include, but aren't limited to, Twisted Sister, Steve Vai, Black Label Society, John Sykes, Disturbed, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Drowning Pool, Everclear Joe Satriani, Nickleback, and Ozzy.

I'm talking to another guitarist. He seems like a good guy. The main instruments I'm looking for are a drummer and a bassist. I love jamming, and even to meet up and jam, no obligation would be fantastic.

I don't want to make any music that sounds like Tool. Or any screamo/thrash stuff. Or rap. I mainly want to play groovy rock. Encompassing all emotions, from just having a good time to bein' pissed to bein' sad to being in love. Whatever we feel like writing about. I don't want any limits.

If you want the opportunity to be a part of possibly the greatest band in history give me a reply. Hobbyists and people who look at music as a novelty, not wiling to tour and devote a lot of time to rehearsals and writing music need not apply.

That about says it, huh? :p
 
#523
My name is Mudd said:
Times really are tough if the Stones have to advertise on C/L...
Click to expand...

I lol'd.

Edit: Adding my own story.

One time I was surfing craigslist, probably about a year ago, and I saw an ad that ran basically like this:

"We're a deathmetal/blackmetal band that's looking for a serious bass player for our album we've got almost finished. We weren't planning on picking up a bass player since you can never hear the bass anyways, but we decided it'd look good to have 5 people onstage instead of 4. We've got 6 songs and it's going to be the most brutal thing to hit the Tampa Bay area. If you can deal with that, then here's what we're looking for:
Pro Gear
Pro Attitude
Pro Transportation
Pro Writing
Pro etc.

He then rattled off like 15 different "pro" things that the bassist needed to have before finishing with this little gem.
"And by the way, don't come and expect to have a say in the writing process. I'm the lead writer for everything, lyrics, guitar parts, guitar solos, bass parts, everything, so know what you're getting into."

I was kind of flabbergasted to see it, but then I thought, at least the guy is honest.
 
#524
Somehow, I don't think this guy does Kiss covers...
___________________________________

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

art withdrawing into the tenuous relationship??
Date: 2009-10-16, 3:02PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

A work of art withdrawing into the tenuous relationship between the lyrical phrase and its musical counterpart. Confronted with a disquieting self-familiarity, the songs portray modern dilemmas with hints of foreboding and finality; yet, a reassurance of life as being not such a disengaged and distinct experience.

Link Removed
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 1424715171
 
#525
sloasdaylight said:
I lol'd.

Edit: Adding my own story.

One time I was surfing craigslist, probably about a year ago, and I saw an ad that ran basically like this:

"We're a deathmetal/blackmetal band that's looking for a serious bass player for our album we've got almost finished. We weren't planning on picking up a bass player since you can never hear the bass anyways, but we decided it'd look good to have 5 people onstage instead of 4. We've got 6 songs and it's going to be the most brutal thing to hit the Tampa Bay area. If you can deal with that, then here's what we're looking for:
Pro Gear
Pro Attitude
Pro Transportation
Pro Writing
Pro etc.

He then rattled off like 15 different "pro" things that the bassist needed to have before finishing with this little gem.
"And by the way, don't come and expect to have a say in the writing process. I'm the lead writer for everything, lyrics, guitar parts, guitar solos, bass parts, everything, so know what you're getting into."

I was kind of flabbergasted to see it, but then I thought, at least the guy is honest.
Click to expand...


Like the one I posted above, and this one that you are quoting, it's pretty easy to tell the age group the writer belongs to . . . or in! lol
 
#527
scsm said:
I think you dodged a bullet. Their Myspace page makes them look like total tools.

The best part is the bass player in the pictures, there's a look on his face that's like "What am I doing here..."
Click to expand...

I stopped playing completely after the 3rd repeat of the same song, when the drummer said I was making it too complicated and all they needed was 8 x root note. Complicated in his definition were my fills (which were basically a 5th going down).

I was told I was not "good enough" for them. To which I internally LOLed and left (again, picked up my gear on my own, while they were having beer #5).

Oh yeah, they have a new ad, and they are nicer now, not insulting towards bassists:

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

Rock solid bass player needed for original rock band (South Scottsdale)

We are looking for the right bass player. We are a singer, drummer, and guitar player and in need a a bass player. We play pretty much radio format original rock. We are looking for someone who will commit to a project and work as hard as we do to make this work. We have been at it for a little over a year now and we are making progress everyday. It's not all not all fun and games though it would be cool if we found someone who will be a part of the work process as well as the performance side of it. Ability to travel and obtain a passport also a plus. We need a machine that can promote, record, write, tour, and create with us. We have a great rehearsal place and a decent place to record. Which brings me to here. We do have a recorded demo of an old practice with a former bass player. We will not be releasing any of that music. We would like to talk to you on the phone and feel it out, then if you want to come in for an audition.......Great! We'll jam a little. See how well we can gel from a simple improv session. As far as our sound goes a good reference would be like Buck Cherry, Crue, Jet, or maybe even a little bit Nickleback. Ya know......Rock!

We need a high energy, hard working, kick ya in the F**kin' teeth bass player. Image isn't everything but it helps. Must sing back ups. Please if you are bi-polar, split personality, or manic depressive take your meds before you come down. Oh yeah no drugs. 420 o.k. just share.
Click to expand...

"No drugs. But if you smoke weed, that's ok, and please share because we're cheap, can't pay for our own".

"We will not be releasing any of that music." I had a friend like that, people were sure they were going to steal his originals if he released them to the world.

They have an ad every week or so.
 
#532
All this "we need someone who will work hard", "we need someone comitted" talk translates into "being in our band is not rewarding enough to warrant commitment and hard work from any rational musician and need someone foolish enough to put a lot of effort into something that's not worth the trouble". I never contact any bands who say anything like that in their ads.
 
#533
theatrical-agency-of-rufinus-and-rufinus.png


I might do a musicians-wanted ad based on it just to see who replies. I am currently looking for more people for my crunkcore band where being easy to hate would be a definite plus.
 
#534
Well im a guitar player looking to start a deathmetal/goregrind band im looking for a bassist and a drummer mostly drummer i can growl and play at the same time mainly i want to do fast grindy/almost thrash type of aggressive music fast short and full of piss i want bones to hurt on every single musician after every song. I am looking for ppl that are devoted to play serious! and no ****** flakes if you are not familiar with deathmetal or any grind bands please dont waste my time. slipknot and machine head do not count as death! neither does job for a cowboy that is deathcore. Im looking more for a morbid angel/deicide/malovelant creation/origin/necrophagist/ghoul/impaled/general surgery/ haemorrhage/carcass type of sound so if this is what tickles your pickle hit me up.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

"tickles your pickle"
Spoken like a true badass.
 
#536
Gotta love demanding 16 year olds ... That don't drive!


Progressive math metal band looking for guitarist and/or vocalist (Beebe)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-25, 9:18PM CDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hey,
I'm seeking a guitarist and/or vocalist for my band "...And Watch It Fall".

I'm the bassist, and I write pretty much 100% of the music.
Neither me, nor the drummer, can drive at the time being (grade issues, neither of us apply ourselves in school, and we're both 16), so it's preferred if you can drive, or at least live close enough to Beebe to where it's not an issue for you to get a ride every Sunday (exclusions of some Sundays, occasionally we're busy).
The drummer is straightedge and christian, and I just can't stand pot-heads, druggies, alcoholics, and religiously intolerant people, so, it's preferred if you don't do drugs, drink, and at least don't care about religion.
I have 6 songs written, one of which is made to be instrumental, which I know isn't a lot, but there's no point in writing more music than you can fit on an EP before you have an EP if you ask me.
I'm working toward having a fully functioning home studio, at the time being it's only decent.

GUITARIST SPECIFIC:
-I don't like the sound of a big band, so you'll be the only guitarist, and if you can do vocals while playing that'd be great!
-I'm open to suggestion for the music, but in the end, I am the one writing the music, and I know a lot of guitarist have issues with that, so you need to be okay with not having a huge creative voice in the music.
-It'd be fantastic if you can sweep, but it'd also be great if you can do other solo stuff, just to keep things lively.

-There are a lot of open notes on the E, but I tune to D# standard, and if I tune down any lower, the music is off of the scale I wrote it on, and it sounds stupid if you ask me. In retrospect, I wish I had written it in Drop D, but, can't really go back. You'd have to play in a weird tuning if you refuse to play in standard, so, I don't know. Granted, I imagine it'd be really difficult to play this music without bar chords. I'm willing to figure it out I guess.

-REALLY need your own gear.
-REALLY need to be able to memorize complex rhythms and such. The music changes time signature at the beginning of most measures.

VOCALIST SPECIFIC:
-Needs to be rather experienced, the song structures consist of rather short riffs and an unconventional, non-"verse/chorus", assembling. So, lyrics will be hard to write and remember.

-Looking for more of a "yell" per-say, similar to that of the band "Vessels", rather than the typical scream vocal style.
-Needs to write good lyrics, none of those stupid, Taking Back Sunday, sad lyrics.

-It'd be nice if you have monitors and a pre-amp or head for practicing.

INFLUENCES:
-Protest The Hero
-Converge
-The Human Abstract
-Meshugga

Yet, the music sounds quite different than them. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's just really progressive. I honestly don't know any bands that sound like it. I guess you could call it Avant-Garde, sort of


Honestly I don't see how you would need more information than what I gave, haha, but contact me at the email above if you'd like to discuss playing. I'd love to work something out :D.


Location: Beebe
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1437662803


Felixframedthumb.jpg
...
 
#537
The modifier said:
Original Page: [Invalid or Expired Link Removed] :rollno:

Black/Death Blood Core Speed Metal Christian Band Needs Members (Bako)
Date: 2009-10-11, 12:17AM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Black Metal Lord Jesus Worshiping Band looking to Spill the blood of christ in holy communion with you!! JOIN us an Hail Jesus by Growling his name and spitting the blood of christ onto our followers. Lets bring forth the 4 hourse men in a HOLY Onslaught of Axe Grinding Distorted Head Explosions! Looking for true followers of the White Jesus Lord All Mighty (Not the darker skin middle eastern historically correct jesus, he's a terrorist). Amen Brothers!

* Location: Bako
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1416159551


What has this world come to :scowl:
Click to expand...

LOL! I haven't laughed that hard in a while, haha terrorist jesus
 
#538
pklima said:
theatrical-agency-of-rufinus-and-rufinus.png


I might do a musicians-wanted ad based on it just to see who replies. I am currently looking for more people for my crunkcore band where being easy to hate would be a definite plus.
Click to expand...
I did put up an ad like this a couple of days ago, got no replies, but the lead singer from one of my bands did spot it and figure out it was me.
 
#539
Here's the third ad in two weeks from these guys...JUST DON'T EVEN ASK THEM ANY QUESTIONS!!!! lol


Your Dream Job

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Signed band seeking bass player...

Serious inquires only. Only professionals need apply.

If you want to be a rockstar then set up an audition with me.

Do NOT ask me any questions. I'm not going to waste either my time, or your time, or energy explaining things to you if your not what we are looking for, and if your not serious.

If we feel like letting you in the band then we will answer your questions, and explain the business before signing you.

-include demo or link
-include photo
 
#540
LedBelli Bass said:
Here's a good one! Who would turn down a chance to be in "possibly the greatest band in history"?!!!

I'm looking for talented individuals to start an awesome rock band with. Influences include, but aren't limited to, Twisted Sister, Steve Vai, Black Label Society, John Sykes, Disturbed, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Drowning Pool, Everclear Joe Satriani, Nickleback, and Ozzy.

I'm talking to another guitarist. He seems like a good guy. The main instruments I'm looking for are a drummer and a bassist. I love jamming, and even to meet up and jam, no obligation would be fantastic.

I don't want to make any music that sounds like Tool. Or any screamo/thrash stuff. Or rap. I mainly want to play groovy rock. Encompassing all emotions, from just having a good time to bein' pissed to bein' sad to being in love. Whatever we feel like writing about. I don't want any limits.

If you want the opportunity to be a part of possibly the greatest band in history give me a reply. Hobbyists and people who look at music as a novelty, not wiling to tour and devote a lot of time to rehearsals and writing music need not apply.

That about says it, huh? :p
Click to expand...

The sad part is, I know the person that might be responsible for that XD. We had a senior graduate from my high school a couple years back, and he was friends with a lot of the high honor roll guys. Well, he became a druggie, and when they all went to college, he drug all these great students/kids down that road. They all ended up dropping out of a very good college, and buying a house in a podunk town near Seattle so they could make "The greatest band since RHCP". It's pretty sad really. That kid and several of the other kids and I used to be pretty good friends. Just shows what drugs can do to some people.
 
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