Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

[caeman]

These ads just ooze humility, ya know? A creepy kinda ooze, the kind we throw concentrated bleach on to kill it off.

 

[My name is Mudd]

Must be a...

...mindless follower of Our Approved Vision Of The Future who won't mind at all that the band breaks up 10 minutes after your new Band-Approved tat (which you think sucks, but hey...it's for the band) finishes healing. Or gets infected. One or the other.

 

[Flipper43]

I thought this post was funny to begin with ...

Looking for a metal Drummer for metal band!! We will be holding auditions for the next couple of months.

The band was originally a studio band, but because of the success with this project, it is time to go live!
The band has somewhat of a world wide fan base and following, it has been written about in several books and publications,
and it has it's own record label which covers many of the recording, distribution, and album replication costs. The only thing is it needs a new drummer!

The theme of the band is dark and heavy with various influences, going in a traditional death/black metal direction, no metalcore please!
This is a female fronted band, with a female who screams, who also has somewhat of a following. Kind of going in the direction of Arch Enemy.

The upcoming goals are to switch record labels to a better one, play shows, and tour. Practice would be 1x a week sometimes 2x.
The members are very self motivated and do a lot of writing on their own as well.

If this ad speaks to you, than contact us and we’ll send you the link and websites of the band!

But when i saw this reply, i almost **** my pants laughing. I need to find and make friends with whoever typed this! x]

"Record label" = the guy in the band with money to blow and the studio.

"Worldwide fan base and following" = has a Myspace page and every month pays Capacity Productions to load 5000 views/plays and add friends like those stripper/fluff chicks who sell viagra.

"Written about in several books and publications" = Listed in the 2010 Indie Bands Handbook, and took out an ad in Motif magazine once when they played @ JR's in 2006 that one time.

"Female singer who also has a following" = ornament who runs an open mike in johnston on mondays.

"Switch labels to a better one" ???????? -
You have your own already, does that mean you run a ****** label too?

"practice 1x, maybe 2x a week" = washed-up & married weekend warrior basement rockstars

Posers!!!

Here's a link to the response. Look at the pictures, they're hilarious!

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[Basstovsky]

Aw its deleted already. Ah well, its the Providence craigslist something new and funny will pop up soon enough!

 

[derridiandrift]

What an idiot.

 

[Flipper43]

Aw its deleted already. Ah well, its the Providence craigslist something new and funny will pop up soon enough!

Damn straight! I'll try to find more That reply was just so great though.

 

[Lunchbox4u_6]

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

I put together 2 fine additions to this new project.

Everyone is rather talented and still wanting to learn more......

We are looking for a beginer if anything! Then we can mold in group form :-D Hell, if your are the "bee's knees" thats just fine also.

We have a full brand new PA, a great music room with lighting, drums...full marshall stack, ....we even have a bass amp so you dont have to haul all ur stuff for ur first jam.

You MUST have.

Your own car.
Your own gear.


And be a female...looks dont matter. We are far from shady on that dpt. But if your a cutie-muffin...that works also! heh.

We jam fridays and a sometiems a 2-3 man practice on sundays ( Depending how hungover we are )

Email back the with subject ( I wanna jam! ) That way...I can delete spam a lot faster.

A pic of you..... what you like to play....and a little about you.

We play folk rock / rock / progressive. with a hint of metal

Cant wait to hear from ya!!

There are pictures too!

 

[goldenglory18]

I GOT ONE!!! (Ghostbusters reference)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wantin To Jam (Northwest, Tucson, Az)

Im a guitar player at soul ive been playin for 8 years now, tryin to find people that wanna jam, and mabey put a band together. I was in a few bands before and playd a coupple live gigs, but i had to give up the music for a while. but now i got my **** together and im wantin to get the **** back in the music and jam with people that love Sweet sound of Rock N Roll as much as i do. I like DeathMetal, Alt. Rock, Classic Rock, Blues, any thing thats gotta lot of guitar and drums. Hit me up if you wanna get together and jam, throw back a coupple cold brews and ****.

[email protected]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow. gotta love the tucson redneck scene.....

 

[pklima]

Any guitarist who likes "any thing thats gotta lot of guitar and drums" is already ahead of most guitarists, haha.

 

[EastCoastThump]

I almost admire the deeply confused purpose and quaint trampling of standard English of the CL post below.

Executive summary: hey I want someone to record my band except I don't have a band yet to record but if I did it would play every friday and saturday maybe you could be in my band and also buy my junk

*********
looking for some one to record band demo (from [Invalid or Expired Link Removed]):

looking for a good heavy driving country new modern country southern rock classic rock drummer and bass player good attitude and no drugs low drinker on transpertation must be able to pratice some saturdays and sundays to get the ball rolling must be able to play every friday and saturday nights so if your looking for a good band give us a call so we can set up a try out my number is 1-434-465-xxxx call me for an audition ask for gary 1-434-465-xxxx i have a akai 4-tracj reel to reel redcrder with lot of tapes and speakers im asking $200.00 for it works great also have a 4-track 8-channel tascam cassette recorder everything works greatasking price $200.00 and i have a confederate flag full size trinty river guitar made buy fender its a accousit asking price $350.00 call my phone number above at 1-434-465-xxxx

 

[kcamsdog1387]

Proof that all the college education cant get you common sense:
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

looking for black metal guitarist
Date: 2010-03-11, 6:07PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I am starting a black metal project, however. It is done entirely online, I have drums, bass and one guitar covered. Would love another guitarist to bounce ideas back and forth. Reply, OR contact me directly: [email protected]

So that was the OP and apparently this guy is about 12 short of a dozen

re: looking for black metal guitarist (racistville)
Date: 2010-03-12, 8:48PM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

First of all, good luck finding a black guitarist who is even into metal, I mean, I'm sure there are some, but rare. Second, since you're doing this project online, how will you even know for sure the guy is black? Do you have to send a pic before you'll work with him? The whole thing just seems crazy man.

 

[kcole4001]

Now that was funny!

 

[rosanne]

Now that was funny!

+! I burst out laughing! LMAO

 

[Instagator]

[This invalid link has been removed]

Cheers

 

[Steveaux]

[This invalid link has been removed]

Cheers

Copy/paste ...

washington, DC craigslist > northern virginia > community > musicians
please flag with care:

miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Band Forming.....CRS (This Area)
Date: 2010-03-11, 10:33AM EST
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I'm forming a new band. It will be called: CRS......Can't Remember **** ! ! ! This will be Classic Rock. Looking for members that can handle their instrument (hey ! ! watch those dirty thoughts). I will be the only male in the band, so I need talented females with a tiny waist and large hooters... Being talented on a instrument wouldn't hurt. And, should worship the ground I walk on.

Me...Old...overweight..... Great guitar player...God told me so...
I'm not a good team player...I piss and moan over every little issue
My equipment is broke most of the time.
I will not kiss your ass, but you must kiss mine all the time.
If I can't get my car started, I'll call one of my married girl friends...Maybe I can get a ride from them.

Need samples of my talent? I may have an old video of me and the ole lady (wink) laying around...she'z not toooo UGLY.....oh !! ! you mean of me playing the guitar...No...you'll have to trust me.

So, if this ad is speaking to you in some way, "hit me up"...Hit me up???What does that even mean??? I'm white so how'z this---contact me..
If this ad upsets you.....Please learn to Smile

* Location: This Area
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1638950275

 

[Ozzey]

Wow... Seriously?

 

[Instagator]

Thanks for fixing that Steve..much better..

Cheers.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Jus came across a gem in nyc craigslist:

Heading: Bassist are annoying...but we still need one.

Body: We want Deon Rexroat. look him up. if u sound like him i.e., loud and thumpy. please reply.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[cyrusstark]

I'm glad I have never met someone like this (poster or applicant):

"Looking for a bass player. Must be able to drink. Bass gear optional, we got some you can use. Hopefully you're unemployed, because quite frankly, I don't want Mc f'n Donald's to get in the way of our dream of world domination. Hopefully you got a DUI or something that's keeping you from driving too because I like to be the one to drive the van & trailer. It gives me the self-worth I need to continue this ridiculous lifestyle. I'll pick ya up for practice too homie! HOPEFULLY you got a few kids with a chick that's PHYCO because if not, I don't think you're gonna be a very good fit. We need someone that's motivated to be out of the house all weekend for little pay. Last but not least, Must have poor bathing habbits...... I don't want anybody steallin' up on these cougars I'm preyin' on!! Sorry dude... Just sayin.

PS.. If you have a late 70's trans am or camaro... this will help your chances in the audition process. Mullet Optional but recommended. You will be required to "Pee" in a cup...... If we can't get a buzz from just lookin' at it... you're probably better off just going back to your crossword puzzle now.

We play everything from mudvayne, lamb of god, all the way to bill monroe, old crow medicine show. A lot of "show tunes"..... TV Theme songs..... A sophisticated little person carnival with a twist of gypsy jazz. We would appreciate it if you would ware the proper attire when responding. Offer not sold in all stores... Void where prohibited."

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]

 

[Basstovsky]

W...T...F?

I think that may be one of the weirdest ads I've seen, mainly because the ones MORE weird sounding seem like jokes and probably aren't real, but that guy really seems to be serious about it....