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Experiment: Let's write a (TB) story!
- Thread starter Jay2U
- Start date
And how bizarre the bazaar was.
Rose was hungry, and thought she'd like some humus; after all, she was at a middle eastern bazaar. She went to the food stall and asked for some humus. No one seemed to know what she wanted.
She said, "Humus, HUMUS; it's mashed chickpeas!"
All she received back was a vacuous stare from everyone in the food stall.
Again she said, "Chickpeas."
They pointed her towards the ladies room.
She then thought she would buy something exotic for Earl.
She saw a middle eastern water pipe, and thought Earl might like that.
She walked over to the stall that sells these, and said, "Hookah!"
She was told that if she didn't leave immediately, the police would be called, and she would be arrested on suspicion of being a lady of the evening.
She left the bazaar, and sat on a hill overlooking the bazaar.
She was dazzled by the beauty of the night sky, and the countless number of stars she could see. But one in particular had caught her eye; it was Jupiter! Already high in the sky, surely he would be a morning star and she could rely on his westering path to guide her towards...
Rose was hungry, and thought she'd like some humus; after all, she was at a middle eastern bazaar. She went to the food stall and asked for some humus. No one seemed to know what she wanted.
She said, "Humus, HUMUS; it's mashed chickpeas!"
All she received back was a vacuous stare from everyone in the food stall.
Again she said, "Chickpeas."
They pointed her towards the ladies room.
She then thought she would buy something exotic for Earl.
She saw a middle eastern water pipe, and thought Earl might like that.
She walked over to the stall that sells these, and said, "Hookah!"
She was told that if she didn't leave immediately, the police would be called, and she would be arrested on suspicion of being a lady of the evening.
She left the bazaar, and sat on a hill overlooking the bazaar.
She was dazzled by the beauty of the night sky, and the countless number of stars she could see. But one in particular had caught her eye; it was Jupiter! Already high in the sky, surely he would be a morning star and she could rely on his westering path to guide her towards...
Lee Marvin.
Figuring that he was born under a Wandering Star and all, the chances that they would meet seemed strong indeed. Hell, maybe she could get her wagon painted while she was at it!
With that happy thought she bade farewell to the humusless bazaarian Hooka haters and struck a merry gait towards the horizon.
Figuring that he was born under a Wandering Star and all, the chances that they would meet seemed strong indeed. Hell, maybe she could get her wagon painted while she was at it!
With that happy thought she bade farewell to the humusless bazaarian Hooka haters and struck a merry gait towards the horizon.
^ That's priceless.
Rose had followed Jupiter all night, but now star-dials pointed to morn.
Morning, and Rose still hadn't eaten anything.
She approached a sleepy little town, as are most towns just before dawn, and spotted the Maghreb cafe and home improvement center.
That's right; at this place you could get something to eat, and roofing tar. Just imagine the potential mix-ups: Two eggs over easy with finishing nails on the side, served with drywall toast.
Rose would take her chances.
She walked in, and sat in a cozy booth that was not near a window.
Surprisingly, a horse came over to take her order, with a small, baby horse at its side.
"What can I get you, babe? The oatmeal is rather good this morning, as is the French toast. You know, many people are amazed to have a talking horse take their breakfast order, but it's much ado about nothing here. We've been in business for 20 years now, and nothing, not hurricanes, tornadoes, meteor strikes, early frosts, ugly rumors, morning dew, postal rate increases, rhesus monkeys, Reese's pieces, new Ibanez models, race cars at full throttle, malice aforethought, pies that are store-bought, bad intentions thereof or the Sea of Azov have stopped us from being the best place in town to eat."
"My, that's some speech!, said Rose. "But tell me: you talk so much, but your companion next to you says nothing, why is that?"
"Oh, he can't speak today, because he's a little hoarse."
Rose closed her eyes for a moment and then ordered breakfast.
She ordered two eggs over easy, home fries, a toasted onion bagel with cream cheese on the side, and black coffee.
Rose could see the first rays of dawn painting the walls and ceiling red at the other side of the diner.
"Red sky at morning, sailor take warning."
Who said that?
Rose turned around, and could hardly believe who was standing next to her, it was...
Kwesi, who looked very angry and was playing "the sailors sky-colour warning reference song" on a ukulele with a kazoo duck-taped to it.
The door opened again and Genie appeared. "When do I get those clothes back?",he asked. "Shut up!", Kwesi said, "You'll have to wait for your turn. I happened to be first." Genie replied: "Are you trying to formulate a wish, or...
"...are you just happy to see me?"
The angry Sailor-song singing kwesi replied "are you trying to seduce me, mr. genie?"
The angry Sailor-song singing kwesi replied "are you trying to seduce me, mr. genie?"
"No, no, not at all. I Just wanna know when Rose is going to return those clothes to me.", Genie said. "By the way, can I fulfil a wish for you, Mr. ukelele player?" Rose intervened...
Rose would have intervened, if she could have.
But it was now impossible; Mercury had assumed a retrograde motion, and all her thoughts were consumed with nursery rhymes, and how ineffectual and scary they had been throughout the years.
She, and only she would rewrite them.
She began with Little Miss Muffet.
The original:
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
By all the reduced prices at Walmart; what The Sam Hill does this mean? No wonder little kids couldn't sleep at night after their parents told them this rhyme! - It was stupid, and made no sense! What is a whey anyway?
Yet only Rose had the courage to challenge this in the court of public opinion. (emoticon of bravery should be here)
Rose's version:
Petite Ms. Muffet,
Sat on a low stool,
and using some of her gruel,
Yes, she did, yes, she did,
To bait her dreaded foe, the arachnid.
When with eight eyes he showed,
Anticipating food for the road,
Arachnid jam filled the jar from the dregs to the lid.
Ms. Muffet no longer had any fear.
She refused to eat curds and whey and would not even acknowledge the existence of tuffets.
And most importantly, she killed spiders on sight, and with blatant disregard for the law.
Let them come after her!
HA!
She then cast her eyes about for the next rhyme to be...let us say,
polished with a modern cloth.
HUMPTY DUMPTY! THY SOUL IS REQUIRED OF THEE!
A loud noise brought Rose back to her senses.
She no longer thought about Humpty Dumpty, that egg-shaped fool!
She now turned her thoughts to more pleasant ones such as...
But it was now impossible; Mercury had assumed a retrograde motion, and all her thoughts were consumed with nursery rhymes, and how ineffectual and scary they had been throughout the years.
She, and only she would rewrite them.
She began with Little Miss Muffet.
The original:
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
By all the reduced prices at Walmart; what The Sam Hill does this mean? No wonder little kids couldn't sleep at night after their parents told them this rhyme! - It was stupid, and made no sense! What is a whey anyway?
Yet only Rose had the courage to challenge this in the court of public opinion. (emoticon of bravery should be here)
Rose's version:
Petite Ms. Muffet,
Sat on a low stool,
and using some of her gruel,
Yes, she did, yes, she did,
To bait her dreaded foe, the arachnid.
When with eight eyes he showed,
Anticipating food for the road,
Arachnid jam filled the jar from the dregs to the lid.
Ms. Muffet no longer had any fear.
She refused to eat curds and whey and would not even acknowledge the existence of tuffets.
And most importantly, she killed spiders on sight, and with blatant disregard for the law.
Let them come after her!
HA!
She then cast her eyes about for the next rhyme to be...let us say,
polished with a modern cloth.
HUMPTY DUMPTY! THY SOUL IS REQUIRED OF THEE!
A loud noise brought Rose back to her senses.
She no longer thought about Humpty Dumpty, that egg-shaped fool!
She now turned her thoughts to more pleasant ones such as...
Why some people thought life was so tough that taking two bottles into the shower apparently required the planning skills of Patton, the organizational support of at least an entire civil service department and the logistical backup of the whole of NASA. Furthermore....
... her food arrrived. To the giant Rose, there was nothing better than a breakfast feast.
Kwesi saw the food and licked his chops. He tried to snatch a piece of toast from the plate, but the hoarse horse slapped his hand away.
"Musicians eat in the back. Keep playing!", he rasped.
Dejected, Kwesi resumed playing, but this time a mournful dirge on kazoo and ukelele. There were strains of "Star Wars Imperial March" mixed with "The wheels on the bus".
Kwesi remained at the table, eyeing the toast. When he finished his dirge, be began playing
Kwesi saw the food and licked his chops. He tried to snatch a piece of toast from the plate, but the hoarse horse slapped his hand away.
"Musicians eat in the back. Keep playing!", he rasped.
Dejected, Kwesi resumed playing, but this time a mournful dirge on kazoo and ukelele. There were strains of "Star Wars Imperial March" mixed with "The wheels on the bus".
Kwesi remained at the table, eyeing the toast. When he finished his dirge, be began playing
Porcupine Pie in the hopes that the odd foods described would cause Rose to leave some table scraps.
It failed miserably.
It failed miserably.
As she continued to eat her breakfast feast, Rose noticed that the diner was owned by a fellow named Morse. Buttering her toast, she wondered if that was any relation to the guy who had his own code.
As she finished her first course, the Morse' hoarse horse approached her table. "Would you like a second course?", he hoarsed. "That, I highly endorse!" shouted Rose with force.
"I wish for the chicken and fish dish", Rose said, reading the menu.
"Oh, you mean the 'chick with bass'?" the Morse hoarse horse asked.
As she finished her first course, the Morse' hoarse horse approached her table. "Would you like a second course?", he hoarsed. "That, I highly endorse!" shouted Rose with force.
"I wish for the chicken and fish dish", Rose said, reading the menu.
"Oh, you mean the 'chick with bass'?" the Morse hoarse horse asked.
"Chick with bass? You mean like I've seen in one of the threads on TB? No, I guess you mean a young chicken with a fish", Rose tried. "I'vn't got all day", the caballus sneered. "Just tell me what it's gonna be." At that very instance...
the Maître d' approached a humongous man seated next to Rose and said cheerfully
"Ah, good afternoon, sir; and how are we today?"
The Humongous Man slurred "Better."
The Maître d' inquired "Better?"
To which the Humongous Man retorted "Better get a bucket, I'm gonna throw up."
"Ah, good afternoon, sir; and how are we today?"
The Humongous Man slurred "Better."
The Maître d' inquired "Better?"
To which the Humongous Man retorted "Better get a bucket, I'm gonna throw up."
After having cleaned the floor, the walls and tables, the man oredered the entire menu, served in buckets. "Do we want a chocolate, sir?", the horse asked with a hoarse voice. The man...
Said "hang on matey I've seen this one this is where you try to get me to eat a wafer thin mint and I explode" the maitre'd shrugged and said "it's a fair cop but society is to blame ... So would you like a wafer thin mint then?" just then an ominous rumbling sound was heard coming from..
under the table. The 700 lb man made a horrible cloud of gas escape from his pants. The upholstery burned off his chair and all creatures under one inch dropped dead on the floor. The rumbling swelled and panic expanded around the epic centre. The manager yelled: "No fire! Smother the candles! Smokers outside now!" But...
Outside, it was almost THE RED HOUR! 
Star Trek - The Red Hour - YouTube
Tulla was more than willing to put up the visitors "From the Valley," because Rose was also from the valley, and she and Tulla had once been room mates.
Rose, however, never participated in any of this shameful Red Hour nonsense. Rose didn't want her clothes wrinkled.
Rose came from a good family, and simply made bathtub gin every once in a while for a little extra spending money.
Was it bathtub gin, or rot-gut? She always mixed the two up.
I don't mean she mixed them up as in a drink, I mean she always confused the two. But you knew that.
"It's late September and I really should be back at school."
Those old, comforting lyrics that Rose knew by rote came over the radio, but Rose also mixed up the expressions of being "In School" and "At School."
For a moment, Rose had thought of calling Rod Stewart to find out, but instead, realized that in three months it would be late in December, and the sky would turn to snow, and then she could contemplate calling Al Stewart, and then not do that.
"When I get old, and have my grandchildren on my knees, I can tell them I called neither Rod nor Al Stewart!" Rose thought to herself. She had a smile on her face.
As pretty as Rose was, she could be kind of simple at times, but then simple brains never overheat, do they?
Now, if we want to talk about someone with an overheated brain, we could talk about...
Star Trek - The Red Hour - YouTube
Tulla was more than willing to put up the visitors "From the Valley," because Rose was also from the valley, and she and Tulla had once been room mates.
Rose, however, never participated in any of this shameful Red Hour nonsense. Rose didn't want her clothes wrinkled.
Rose came from a good family, and simply made bathtub gin every once in a while for a little extra spending money.
Was it bathtub gin, or rot-gut? She always mixed the two up.
I don't mean she mixed them up as in a drink, I mean she always confused the two. But you knew that.
"It's late September and I really should be back at school."
Those old, comforting lyrics that Rose knew by rote came over the radio, but Rose also mixed up the expressions of being "In School" and "At School."
For a moment, Rose had thought of calling Rod Stewart to find out, but instead, realized that in three months it would be late in December, and the sky would turn to snow, and then she could contemplate calling Al Stewart, and then not do that.
"When I get old, and have my grandchildren on my knees, I can tell them I called neither Rod nor Al Stewart!" Rose thought to herself. She had a smile on her face.
As pretty as Rose was, she could be kind of simple at times, but then simple brains never overheat, do they?
Now, if we want to talk about someone with an overheated brain, we could talk about...
Hymie the Hyperactive Hominid Herbivore.
He's in the 4 H club don't cha know.
His penchant for steamed veggies was well documented and to that end Hymie moved to Arkansas where he could use natural hot springs to steam them to natural perfection. Living in the Ouachita mountains afforded Hymie unique opportunities to
He's in the 4 H club don't cha know.
His penchant for steamed veggies was well documented and to that end Hymie moved to Arkansas where he could use natural hot springs to steam them to natural perfection. Living in the Ouachita mountains afforded Hymie unique opportunities to
