Thor said:
Excellent. We needed more chemistry in this thread.
I'll have to test that out with my sons.
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Farting during a show
- Thread starter jive1
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Excellent. We needed more chemistry in this thread.
I'll have to test that out with my sons.
1. Do any of you rip them in the house when your wife is around?
2. Have any kids that duel with you?
3. Does your wife ever catch you ripping and laughing, only to comment about "why is it that men find this so funny."
I told my wife that Farting is proof that God has a sense of humor. She's not buying it.
2. Have any kids that duel with you?
3. Does your wife ever catch you ripping and laughing, only to comment about "why is it that men find this so funny."
I told my wife that Farting is proof that God has a sense of humor. She's not buying it.
1 - Yes
2 - No
3 - Yes, but the comment is 'Can't you go in the bathroom
and do that?'.
Everyone knows women don't fart. They use up too much gas
talking ...
2 - No
3 - Yes, but the comment is 'Can't you go in the bathroom
and do that?'.
Everyone knows women don't fart. They use up too much gas
talking ...
It is, indeed, a well known fact that women don't fart because they talk so much that they can't build up enough backpressure...
That said, the other night my GF calls me to bed, sounding very agitated..."Get in this bed RIGHT NOW!"
"Yes, dear" I replied, finishing up my business in the bathroom and putting my cigar magazine down. I proceeded to flip the covers down on my half of the bed, hopped in, and flung the covers back over me. It was in this instant that I realized I had made a very grave error. The covers coming down on me acted as a sort of diaphragm pump, blasting a snootful of rancid girl-fart right up my nose! The cat took a sniff and bolted out the cat door to the back yard...I, however, was trapped!
"What's wrong, honey? How come you aren't cuddling up to me?" she asked sweetly.
"You know why!" I coldly and flatly replied.
"Come on, snuggle up to me! I'm cold!"
"Oh, trust me, your heater is running.."
"Now you know how I feel when you do that on the couch!"
"Mine don't always smell like a sewage treatment facility like that one! You're learning, I'll give you that much. I must be a good teacher!"
"Can you scratch my foot?" she asked.
"Can you go get my laptop bag out of my trunk?" I countered, with much acid dripping from my tongue...
She then proceeded to fart again- a long, high-pitched squeal, not unlike an automotive drive belt in need of tightening. The room started spinning around me, as the burning wiring smell enveloped my senses and I lost consciousness...glad I was in bed, I'd have hurt myself falling!
That said, the other night my GF calls me to bed, sounding very agitated..."Get in this bed RIGHT NOW!"
"Yes, dear" I replied, finishing up my business in the bathroom and putting my cigar magazine down. I proceeded to flip the covers down on my half of the bed, hopped in, and flung the covers back over me. It was in this instant that I realized I had made a very grave error. The covers coming down on me acted as a sort of diaphragm pump, blasting a snootful of rancid girl-fart right up my nose! The cat took a sniff and bolted out the cat door to the back yard...I, however, was trapped!
"What's wrong, honey? How come you aren't cuddling up to me?" she asked sweetly.
"You know why!" I coldly and flatly replied.
"Come on, snuggle up to me! I'm cold!"
"Oh, trust me, your heater is running.."
"Now you know how I feel when you do that on the couch!"
"Mine don't always smell like a sewage treatment facility like that one! You're learning, I'll give you that much. I must be a good teacher!"
"Can you scratch my foot?" she asked.
"Can you go get my laptop bag out of my trunk?" I countered, with much acid dripping from my tongue...
She then proceeded to fart again- a long, high-pitched squeal, not unlike an automotive drive belt in need of tightening. The room started spinning around me, as the burning wiring smell enveloped my senses and I lost consciousness...glad I was in bed, I'd have hurt myself falling!
Bassic83 said:It is, indeed, a well known fact that women don't fart because they talk so much that they can't build up enough backpressure...
That said, the other night my GF calls me to bed, sounding very agitated..."Get in this bed RIGHT NOW!"
"Yes, dear" I replied, finishing up my business in the bathroom and putting my cigar magazine down. I proceeded to flip the covers down on my half of the bed, hopped in, and flung the covers back over me. It was in this instant that I realized I had made a very grave error. The covers coming down on me acted as a sort of diaphragm pump, blasting a snootful of rancid girl-fart right up my nose! The cat took a sniff and bolted out the cat door to the back yard...I, however, was trapped!
"What's wrong, honey? How come you aren't cuddling up to me?" she asked sweetly.
"You know why!" I coldly and flatly replied.
"Come on, snuggle up to me! I'm cold!"
"Oh, trust me, your heater is running.."
"Now you know how I feel when you do that on the couch!"
"Mine don't always smell like a sewage treatment facility like that one! You're learning, I'll give you that much. I must be a good teacher!"
"Can you scratch my foot?" she asked.
"Can you go get my laptop bag out of my trunk?" I countered, with much acid dripping from my tongue...
She then proceeded to fart again- a long, high-pitched squeal, not unlike an automotive drive belt in need of tightening. The room started spinning around me, as the burning wiring smell enveloped my senses and I lost consciousness...glad I was in bed, I'd have hurt myself falling!
Great writing. And this quote is downright sig worthy:
Bassic83 said:It is, indeed, a well known fact that women don't fart because they talk so much that they can't build up enough backpressure...
Heh... my wife is a vegan - she farts with the power of soy, and they're at least as toxic as the ones your wife apparently drops.
Anyway, last night I'm helping out with a community chorus in the tenor section (though I'm a baritone) and directing a couple of songs for the holiday concert. As I'm running through "O Holy Night", on the final chorus, "Fall.... on your knees... o hear... the angel voices..." ****RIP**** I blasted one on the conductor's podium that was as close to being a shart as possible without expelling non-gaseous matter, and it was actually in tune with the chord afaik it blended with the pedals from the pipe organ.
I felt bad for the alto section, since there was a fan behind me blowing towards them. I cut off the last chord and said "Thank you" and passed it off to the guy who was directing the next song hoping the full fallout wouldn't hit them until he was up there. Lucky for me it worked.
Anyway, last night I'm helping out with a community chorus in the tenor section (though I'm a baritone) and directing a couple of songs for the holiday concert. As I'm running through "O Holy Night", on the final chorus, "Fall.... on your knees... o hear... the angel voices..." ****RIP**** I blasted one on the conductor's podium that was as close to being a shart as possible without expelling non-gaseous matter, and it was actually in tune with the chord afaik it blended with the pedals from the pipe organ.
I felt bad for the alto section, since there was a fan behind me blowing towards them. I cut off the last chord and said "Thank you" and passed it off to the guy who was directing the next song hoping the full fallout wouldn't hit them until he was up there. Lucky for me it worked.
1. Oh, yes!
2. Not yet.
3. She's too busy laughing to make such a comment.
And awesome story from Bassic83! Good for her to get you back, I'm sure you earned it!
2. Not yet.
3. She's too busy laughing to make such a comment.
And awesome story from Bassic83! Good for her to get you back, I'm sure you earned it!
Priceless.TheXym said:
and they're at least as toxic as the ones your wife apparently drops.
Anyway, last night I'm helping out with a community chorus in the tenor section (though I'm a baritone) and directing a couple of songs for the holiday concert. As I'm running through "O Holy Night", on the final chorus, "Fall.... on your knees... o hear... the angel voices..." ****RIP**** I blasted one on the conductor's podium that was as close to being a shart as possible without expelling non-gaseous matter, and it was actually in tune with the chord afaik it blended with the pedals from the pipe organ.
I felt bad for the alto section, since there was a fan behind me blowing towards them. I cut off the last chord and said "Thank you" and passed it off to the guy who was directing the next song hoping the full fallout wouldn't hit them until he was up there. Lucky for me it worked.
Truly well done. Props!!!
One of the joys of marriage. You don't have to hold em in anymore.SBassman said:
No kids, but I'm sure my wife would ever discourage that if we did.
Yes, she does. She has accused me of farting for recreation.
Now when she rips one she says, "Farting is Fun!".
There was a time when my wife would never fart in front of me. But over the years, her candor has increased. She reminds me of the time when she was sweet and demure, and how I've ruined it. Then she'll say that we can go back to the old days, yeah right........
Re: 2. Have any kids that duel with you?
There can be lots of fun with this. I have a large family,
and there are occasional really big laughs that come from someone's surprise. The boys in particular take great pride in the length and volume of their horn blasts, and we rate each others on a scale of 1 to 10. There are also bonus points for any toot that sounds like it may not be 100% gaseous in nature.
And, of course there's always the time tested game of Pull My Finger with the little ones. Good for a laugh every time.
There can be lots of fun with this. I have a large family,
and there are occasional really big laughs that come from someone's surprise. The boys in particular take great pride in the length and volume of their horn blasts, and we rate each others on a scale of 1 to 10. There are also bonus points for any toot that sounds like it may not be 100% gaseous in nature.
And, of course there's always the time tested game of Pull My Finger with the little ones. Good for a laugh every time.
I'm sure that spans cultures, countries, and continents...jive1 said:
Defintely one of the simple "pleasures" of marriage.
teedub said:I'm sure that spans cultures, countries, and continents...
Defintely one of the simple "pleasures" of marriage.
Honestly, that would be a marriage deal breaker for me.
Seriously, the worst part of *being out* - at work, on a plane, out of the house somewhere in public for a long period of time - is the discomfort of not being able to toot when necessary. Sometimes after work, I get into my car and it's a couple of minutes of long explosions.
If I couldn't do that in the comfort of my house, I'd have to find another spousal unit.
I can't say she's wild about it, but she's ok, and I can occasionally get a laugh out of it.
But, I'm well behaved under the covers. I don't like tooting even when I'm alone under the covers.
SBassman said:1. Do any of you rip them in the house when your wife is around?
2. Have any kids that duel with you?
3. Does your wife ever catch you ripping and laughing, only to comment about "why is it that men find this so funny."
I told my wife that Farting is proof that God has a sense of humor. She's not buying it.
1. No wife
2. Yes my two neices 12 and 14 have no problem fartin and stinkin it up around me...but they always warn me...with the "Uncle Rob I just farted" Yhea Like I cant figure that out.
For the love of God.. this thread is priceless! I'm laughing so hard!
Our drummer is one of the worst, I've never heard farts being SO long!! And so .. smelly!
One day he moved up to our leadsinger and prepared to let one go (he didn't even attempt to hide it) and our singer pushed him away, which made him fart for every single step he took back to his drumset. We were crying in laughter for 20 minutes after
Our drummer is one of the worst, I've never heard farts being SO long!! And so .. smelly!
One day he moved up to our leadsinger and prepared to let one go (he didn't even attempt to hide it) and our singer pushed him away, which made him fart for every single step he took back to his drumset. We were crying in laughter for 20 minutes after
I've got one non-gig realted!
I eat alot of Burger King, it tends to give me GAS(The terrible kind, not the bad kind that makes you want to buy basses.) for about an hour. So I was in ShopKo, seeing this employee stocking shelves I wait until he walks into the aisle I'm leaving, dropping a big paint-peeler I've been holding for a good 5 minutes.
I walk out of there and just about pass out, and normally I like the smell of my own farts. I stand there pretending to look at DVDs to see the stock-boy run out of the aisle, his stuff still there. I start laughing and he shoots me a dirty look and I start laughing even more.
I seriously thought I was gunna get my @$$ kicked tonight, he was PISSED.
I eat alot of Burger King, it tends to give me GAS(The terrible kind, not the bad kind that makes you want to buy basses.) for about an hour. So I was in ShopKo, seeing this employee stocking shelves I wait until he walks into the aisle I'm leaving, dropping a big paint-peeler I've been holding for a good 5 minutes.
I walk out of there and just about pass out, and normally I like the smell of my own farts. I stand there pretending to look at DVDs to see the stock-boy run out of the aisle, his stuff still there. I start laughing and he shoots me a dirty look and I start laughing even more.
I seriously thought I was gunna get my @$$ kicked tonight, he was PISSED.
There are also bonus points for any toot that sounds like it may not be 100% gaseous in nature.
That is now officially the funniest thing that I've ever read
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