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Found out front guy is a registered sex offender.......need advice

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#102
To all the people who suggest 'talking' to the offender - what makes you think he will tell the truth about what happened? As far as the offense being minor because he got probation, so did the DuPont child molester. Some of the judges just don't get it.

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't go near the guy. There is too much opportunity for negative fallout.
 
#103
Lichtaffen said:
Personally, I would back out for one simple fact: you don't want your good name tarnished by his very easy to Google past. If it was something no one could ever find out about, that's one thing, but it took your buddy seconds to look up the guys name and find out that fact about him.
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+1

I honestly believe the social stigma of being a RSO is worse than being a murderer today.

No matter the situation that led to that designation for that individual, it's a headache by association I would be looking to avoid.
 
#104
The singer I played with until recently had an ex, and the father of her daughter with the local nick name R*n*y the Rapist. Not sure how he got the name but she's one of the sweetest people you'll meet.

Mark of Cain or not.
 
#106
Thank life I have enough personality to hang out with anyone disregarding of what people think about me for hanging out. And I'm still a rightgeous man with no record whatsoever. Not even a parking ticket.

It is amazing how we are so prone to quickly criticize others and/or fear being criticized. How can you guys jump onstage and play gigs in the first place??

The guy did his time in the penalty box, he deserves to continue skating.

If your mate sends you a dirty pic of a hot girl and turns out the bird was 17, then are you a pedo? Would you hang yourself from the same rope you want to hang that bro? Even after sin bin?

That thinking altogether makes more damage to society than the damage pedos do. Because you outnumber any other freak club.

Just sayin'

Peace, live and let live.
 
#109
I would have a conversation with him and put it all out there on the table - tell him what you saw, what you read online and what your concerns are. Let him talk - it may not change your decision - you may still leave - but at least you got the information from the horse's mouth. Sure it'll be a difficult conversation but he should be used to being asked these questions. You have nothing to lose by having that conversation you owe it to yourself to ask the difficult questions. He may even respect you more simply because you told him how it is.
 
#110
I would be curious as to the exact nature of the offense, bearing in mind that people make some pretty stupid mistakes when they're young. That said, there are two personal reasons that would have me extract myself from the situation of playing with him. The first being that as a father and as someone who is friend to people whose lives have been shattered by sexual abuse, I just wouldn't feel right being in a band with him if the nature of his crimes was intentional at the time or he knowingly possessed or sought said material. The other reason being I don't really want to be involved with someone dumb enough to ever accidentally find themselves in such a situation because it speaks to their judgment, or lack of it. So shame on me but that's how I feel wether his ways have changed or not.

Another thing to consider is even if you are willing to forgive and forget, others are not. Chances are there are many more people who are aware of this incident and have him labeled regardless of the nature of the circumstances. I wouldn't want to be the bass player in a band where people whispered "there's the pervert" under their breath every time we took the stage. It's also a business decision.
 
#111
When I was a child I can recall Batman speaking about an ex-con " H'es paid his debt to society. Let him live his life."

I guess there are practical considerations also.

But the fact is if we have millions who have no chance of ever normalizing their lives we have millions who aren't vested in normal society.

May I suggest a moment of thought on this matter.
 
#112
Should people be allowed to outlive their mistakes?

Should people be branded with the scarlet letter for life?

You have to ask him about it. The problem is that this is fresh to you. Even though it happened 17 years ago, because you just learned of it, it may as well have been yesterday. How old was he 17 years ago? What kind of dumb **** were you doing at that age? Recently, a dude was charged with possession of child porn for having pictures of his 2 kids taking a bath together. Could be nearly anything. But, you'll never know until you ask.

Anthony Kiedis hooked up with a chick after a show in my area, about 24 years ago. He asked her age, she said 18. He said she looked kind of young and asked again. She said 18 again. Girl didn't go home that night. Turned out she was 15, and daddy was a lawyer. He was prosecuted for statutory rape. The judge ruled that relationships, no matter how brief, are based on trust. He repeatedly asked her age and and each time she said 18. He trusted her. In his mind she was 18. Therefore in the judge's mind she was 18. Not guilty. Pops was pissed. Think about how differently that case could have ended.
 
#113
My stepdad's father is in prison because he got falsely accused of a crime of this nature and the local police told him if he signed a confession, they'd get him a trial... he was naive, fell for the ruse and signed... now his life is effectively over. I know other kids who sexted their 17-year-old girlfriend while they were 18 and bam, child pornography charges for life.

Far be it for me to justify ANY valid sexual crime but with this type of thing, it's not always black and white. I'd jam with him... Just keep your family and your music separate to ensure that there will be no problems.
 
#114
OP, grab the pitchforks, light the torches, get a crowed, and lynch him. Oh My God, a sex offender - kill, kill, kill. Who would want to be in a band with you. Really,? 1997, no jail, probation. So, what's the problem? The problem is with you
 
#115
People will offer their well intentioned opinions and give you personal stories about someone that they know and everyone has an exception based on something that happened to their cousin or friend etc. I suggest that you not pay attention to this and simply work with facts.

Contact the superior court for the county that you live in and find out if they provide web access to minute entries, case histories, plea agreements and grand jury indictments. By looking at that you can find out exactly what the offense was and if there is any history of prior offense. This would also let you know if there were other offenses that were eliminated as part of a plea agreement.

If he is on probation you may also want to contact the probation department for the county that you live in and see if they can provide with you information on his offense and history.

Work with the facts and make a decision once you know the facts.
 
#118
deeptubes said:
Should people be allowed to outlive their mistakes?

Should people be branded with the scarlet letter for life?

You have to ask him about it. The problem is that this is fresh to you. Even though it happened 17 years ago, because you just learned of it, it may as well have been yesterday. How old was he 17 years ago? What kind of dumb **** were you doing at that age? Recently, a dude was charged with possession of child porn for having pictures of his 2 kids taking a bath together. Could be nearly anything. But, you'll never know until you ask.

Anthony Kiedis hooked up with a chick after a show in my area, about 24 years ago. He asked her age, she said 18. He said she looked kind of young and asked again. She said 18 again. Girl didn't go home that night. Turned out she was 15, and daddy was a lawyer. He was prosecuted for statutory rape. The judge ruled that relationships, no matter how brief, are based on trust. He repeatedly asked her age and and each time she said 18. He trusted her. In his mind she was 18. Therefore in the judge's mind she was 18. Not guilty. Pops was pissed. Think about how differently that case could have ended.
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Pops was pissed? I would think he would be shamed for raising a child that would be dishonest. After all he is a member of a group that relies upon honesty.
 
#119
Crazy_Jake said:
I would have a conversation with him and put it all out there on the table - tell him what you saw, what you read online and what your concerns are. Let him talk - it may not change your decision - you may still leave - but at least you got the information from the horse's mouth.
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This.
If the guy is talented and you'd definitely want to work with him if it weren't for this, have the talk. People change. For all we know he got busted with nude pictures he took of his girlfriend when they were both 14. Who knows.
If you really want to know without asking him I would think there are official channels but I don't know what they are.
 
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