Found out front guy is a registered sex offender.......need advice

[BawanaRik]

I recently meet someone and googled them. Interesting and busy were words that I used during the convo on that subject.



I ask some of you this.

How would you feel being judged on the worst 5 minutes of your life? Is it fair or even rational to judge another on this basis?

Before you do anything Check out Cornelius Dupree. People were more than willing to judge him.

 

[Jazz Ad]

OP this is the price to pay when you get into info that are none of your business.

Attaching stigma to a person who was punished and paid his dues for things about which you have no idea, in conditions you don't know and you can't dare asking about.
In the end, you become the creep, not him.

 

[KevInDaBassment]

So many are quick to assume that he's some sort of predator.

I knew a guy in high school who sent a pic of a certain body part to his girlfriend. Somehow one of the other kids in our grade got ahold of it, and sent it around. You could clearly see his face in the picture, so he was charged with distributing underage pornography and now has a black mark on his record for the rest of his life.

This is the kind of thing that could be a result of a deep-seated perversion, or just a dumb kid's mistake. If you committed the latter and people treated you like some sort of sicko everywhere you went, how would you feel?

I would try to broach the subject as tactfully as I could, but if you get creepy vibes then I think it would be acceptable to bow out.

+ 1

Not enough details in the charges to assume that the guy is some little child predator. I'd assume if you know that his wife probably knows, do you think she wouldn't be on top of this as it is? Especially with young daughters in the house? Not to mention, I'm sure he had to attend some kind of psych evaluation or treatment/sessions as part of his parole, perhaps the guy had some stuff in his childhood screwing with his mind that he needed to get figured out?

If you like playing in the guy's group and working with him then great, stick with it. If you don't trust him around your kids then don't bring them around or put them in that situation, or just don't play with him at all. I'd keep trucking and just not put him in a situation where he's around my kids. I would ask before leaving though, at least give him a chance to explain the situation.

 

[Munjibunga]

I recently meet someone and googled them. Interesting and busy were words that I used during the convo on that subject.



I ask some of you this.

How would you feel being judged on the worst 5 minutes of your life? Is it fair or even rational to judge another on this basis?

Before you do anything Check out Cornelius Dupree. People were more than willing to judge him.

If the worst five minutes of the subject's life involved committing a crime, sure, whether it's "fair" or not there's no reason for me to assume any risk associated with having any kind of a connection with that person. We all judge each other constantly, and there's nothing wrong with it - it's a part of the instinctive self-preservation process. I don't owe it to you or anyone else to associate with you under any circumstances. If I don't like the way you comb your hair, if I don't like your tats, if I don't like the way you smell there's no inherent reason I should ignore these reservations just to be nice.

I don't get all of this "who am I to judge" business. I judge you just the same way you judge me. It's part of being human and it's okay with me. As an example, if I were in the dating market and the most beautiful, intelligent woman I had ever seen showed an interest in me, then lit up a cigarette, I would judge her not to be a suitable mate for me. It's just silly not to judge people and a bit disingenuous to say you don't.

 

[Munjibunga]

Not only that .. not all registered sex offenders are true sex offenders ...

... so go ahead and take a chance.

 

[Humbled]

Regardless of how they got there and whether it's fair or not, RSO is a modern Mark of Cain, and being associated with one is not a target I would put on my back voluntarily.

 

[zachoff]

Wow.. Using both the law of man and the law of your god bring the hammer down. How proud you must feel.

Adam and Eve must have been, what? 14 or 15 when all that Old Testament stuff went down? Pretty sure that's about right. Child pornography, right there...

 

[Humbled]

Wow.. Using both the law of man and the law of your god bring the hammer down. How proud you must feel.

Adam and Eve must have been, what? 14 or 15 when all that Old Testament stuff went down? Pretty sure that's about right. Child pornography, right there...

Nope. Just selfishly covering my ass. Of the two RSOs I grew up with, one is in prison, one committed suicide. I'm a realist, and maybe a callous jerk.

Someday I hope I'll be as merciful as you.

 

[zachoff]

Sadly (or happily?), I don't know anyone that is a RSO.

I do think the US legal system is screwed and I think there are an awful lot of people locked up and/or branded for victimless crimes.

RSO is one of those things I feel an awful lot of people are branded with that don't necessarily deserve it. That's all. The dude in the OP? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Just saying that in general, I think there are a lot of people in the US legal system that shouldn't be there.

 

[Humbled]

Sadly (or happily?), I don't know anyone that is a RSO.

I do think the US legal system is screwed and I think there are an awful lot of people locked up and/or branded for victimless crimes.

RSO is one of those things I feel an awful lot of people are branded with that don't necessarily deserve it. That's all. The dude in the OP? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Just saying that in general, I think there are a lot of people in the US legal system that shouldn't be there.

It seems you and I agree that the law is something we can't rely on for actual justice.

 

[Munjibunga]

Regardless of how they got there and whether it's fair or not, RSO is a modern Mark of Cain, and being associated with one is not a target I would put on my back voluntarily.

Succinctly well-stated.

Wow.. Using both the law of man and the law of your god bring the hammer down. How proud you must feel.

Adam and Eve must have been, what? 14 or 15 when all that Old Testament stuff went down? Pretty sure that's about right. Child pornography, right there...

I have a hunch the "Mark of Cain" comment is metaphorical.

 

[Munjibunga]

Sadly (or happily?), I don't know anyone that is a RSO.

I do think the US legal system is screwed and I think there are an awful lot of people locked up and/or branded for victimless crimes.

RSO is one of those things I feel an awful lot of people are branded with that don't necessarily deserve it. That's all. The dude in the OP? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Just saying that in general, I think there are a lot of people in the US legal system that shouldn't be there.

I wouldn't associate with a known RSO whether he (or she) was rightly accused or not. I really don't want to have to explain to people why I'm hanging with someone with that on his record. It's just not worth the hassle, and I don't want a share of his problem. I don't want to hear any "you won't even give him a chance" or "he might turn out to be someone you like" arguments. There are plenty of non-RSOs out there for me to associate with if I want to (unless I don't like the way they part their hair).

 

[squidtastic]

You're asking a bunch of bass players what to do about a RSO?

OK, seriously, it is, as you say, a conundrum. No way to know the details/facts, but you've got a couple of young kids. As the father of two girls, I'm very sensitive to this kind of thing, but I also believe in treating people fairly and with respect unless you know they don't deserve it. And here you're speculating about an unknown situation, but speculate is all you can really do.

So, bottom line... in the absence of actual evidence, just trust your gut.

 

[Humbled]

I have a hunch the "Mark of Cain" comment is metaphorical.

Yep. If I referenced Gilgamesh I suppose it would invoke less kneejerk indignation.

 

[Korladis]

How eager everyone is to defend a pedophile.

But fine, OP, if you want to play with a dude who was jacking it to videos/photos of children being raped, go ahead.

 

[Matthew_84]

I just want to point something out to those that are shocked that people's first reaction is that he was a pedophile... We won't be the only ones... Wait until they get real local interest and a local media outlet does the same Google search... I just wouldn't want to have to deal with or be associated with it.

 

[Korladis]

But we're all 100% sure Sartori doesn't have the slightest clue what happened, and that he hasn't bothered to consider the posts in this very thread he's polluting with his baseless accusations.

There's a bright side to that sad display. More wisdom left for the rest of us.

You don't get how getting charged with child porn works, do you?

There's really not nearly as much wiggle room as everyone here seems to think there is.

It's funny, everyone always says they hate pedophiles when they're talking about what basically amounts to an abstract concept... but when it's an actual individual who someone knows, amazing how good people are at coming up with excuses.

You all disgust me.

 

[Korladis]

I just want to point something out to those that are shocked that people's first reaction is that he was a pedophile... We won't be the only ones... Wait until they get real local interest and a local media outlet does the same Google search... I just wouldn't want to have to deal with or be associated with it.

+1

I'm a pretty typical dude.

You can expect a lot of this, OP.

 

[Hobobob]

You don't get how getting charged with child porn works, do you?

There's really not nearly as much wiggle room as everyone here seems to think there is.

It's funny, everyone always says they hate pedophiles when they're talking about what basically amounts to an abstract concept... but when it's an actual individual who someone knows, amazing how good people are at coming up with excuses.

You all disgust me.

This thread is full of valid examples of cases which are exactly NOT what you keep describing. You have failed to directly address any of them, but instead have resorted to simply doubling down and then insulting those who don't share your viewpoint. This isn't rational discussion - it's fear mongering.
You keep insisting that things are black-and-white, even in the face of proof that it is not. There is no reason to continue conversating with you.

 

[squidtastic]

You don't get how getting charged with child porn works, do you?

There's really not nearly as much wiggle room as everyone here seems to think there is.

It's funny, everyone always says they hate pedophiles when they're talking about what basically amounts to an abstract concept... but when it's an actual individual who someone knows, amazing how good people are at coming up with excuses.

You all disgust me.

Fer crissakes, I'm gonna get a ladder so you can climb down from your high horse. "You all disgust me"? Melodrama much?

And you're right -- I and likely most others here don't get how getting charged with child porn works. Are you an expert on the subject? If so, how? OP said the guy got 10 years probation , not jail time -- I'd guess it's because there's a huge difference between looking at something and doing something.

I have two girls, 7 and 4. I have looked online to see how close registered sex offenders are and what their transgressions were. Just because I'm not an ill-informed, judgmental a-hole doesn't mean I think pedophiles should get a white stamp. So, seriously dude, spare us all your judgment of our judgment.

But I'll give ya one thing, you've got balls .