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Gassy drummer, smells bad.

#105
Okay, I maybe solved this problem? Or at the very least built some shared awareness of the trouble he's causing.

Yesterday morning I ate a looooooooot of granola for breakfast. I know that granola hits me hard. The evening after a good granola breakfast I'll get all swoled up like a well fed tick, and if I don't release I end up in SOOO much pain. But I'm a self disciplined sort of guy, so I overdid it with the granola for breakfast and accepted the punishment of pressure, holding it in all day long until band practice. By the time I got to our rehearsal space at 7PM I was dying inside. I had to penguin walk, bass in one hand, the other one clasped over my stomach to try and comfort myself. Oh my gosh it hurt.

We set up to play. I couldn't even bend over to plug my pedal board in, so I said screw it, no effects tonight. Oh, there would be EFFECTS all right! Just not my pedals. Drummer shows up and sits his bad smellin' self on his throne, while I took my usual position right next to his crash symbol. After the usual unpleasantries we launch into our first song. Please, please, I needed to release this crippling pressure. But I suddenly started to panic. I was afraid that if I began to vent I would eject solids or liquids. What a bad feeling... I was perfectly positioned, my backside facing the drummist, but I was too scared to launch. We finished the first song. I was in a bad state. It was either vent to relieve the pressure before I passed out from the pain, or run to the bathroom out of fear of soiling my armor. Before I could make a decision the band launched into Zeppelin's Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid. Arrrrgh, the agony. I made it through verse one, still clenching. I was sweating profusely- a cold sweat born of agony. Heading into verse 2... I couldn't take it any more. As carefully as I could, I let a little slip out. It felt very hot and... Heavy, somehow. Uh oh. I did a deft left hand swipe/check, missing only a single note in the chorus of Heartbreaker, and found I was safe and clean. But the stench was rising up around me. I smiled inside. Fear was replaced with relief, manic glee. I let another one out. We hit the part of the song where the guitar is playing alone, freeing my hands. I squeezed another silent treat out, reached back, cupped it in my hand, and threw it in the drummer's face. I meant to be discreet but he saw me. He looked at me in horror and started to shake his head "no..." Another. Then another. I leaned ever so slightly forward to fire my shot closer to his face. Cupped another and threw it at him. "CUPPA CHEESE!" The guitar solo was ending- the final sustained note before the moment of near silence. My SBDs chose that moment to become dirtbike loud and (I hate to admit this) a little damp. As the last guitar note faded away, a sound like an angry Husqvarna wailed from my cargo shorts and the singer and guitarists turned to look at me. I returned nothing but a blank stare, frozen. The drummer looked like he was starting to cry.

Thank God the downbeat came.

I wish I could say there was a total happy ending- I'll leave the final details out. At any rate, I'm hoping he learned his lesson. I'm hoping that he doesn't take this as a declaration of war.
 
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#106
InDaDoghouse said:
At any rate, I'm hoping he learned his lesson. I'm hoping that he doesn't take this as a declaration of war.
Click to expand...
If he's even vaguely aware of his condition, I'd wager he's somewhere right now loading up on salsa, refried beans, fiber supplements, and carbonated soft drinks purely for retaliation. :nailbiting:

Good story though! Looking forward to the next episode. :laugh:
 
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#107
IamGroot said:
If probiotics did that, check your diet, esp milk products.

Dont blame the bugs, check the nutrients.
Click to expand...
Nah Ive tried a number of different brands and watched for food triggers for quite a while. it’s apparently just a normal side effect people get from probiotics, most often people get over it eventually when the stomach gets used to the probiotic but I didn’t seem to - constant bloat. Talked to the docs about it and everything. I’m certain I’m the minority since they’re so popular now but it does happen.
 
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#108
InDaDoghouse said:
Okay, I maybe solved this problem? Or at the very least built some shared awareness of the trouble he's causing.

Yesterday morning I ate a looooooooot of granola for breakfast. I know that granola hits me hard. The evening after a good granola breakfast I'll get all swoled up like a well fed tick, and if I don't release I end up in SOOO much pain. But I'm a self disciplined sort of guy, so I overdid it with the granola for breakfast and accepted the punishment of pressure, holding it in all day long until band practice. By the time I got to our rehearsal space at 7PM I was dying inside. I had to penguin walk, bass in one hand, the other one clasped over my stomach to try and comfort myself. Oh my gosh it hurt.

We set up to play. I couldn't even bend over to plug my pedal board in, so I said screw it, no effects tonight. Oh, there would be EFFECTS all right! Just not my pedals. Drummer shows up and sits his bad smellin' self on his throne, while I took my usual position right next to his crash symbol. After the usual unpleasantries we launch into our first song. Please, please, I needed to release this crippling pressure. But I suddenly started to panic. I was afraid that if I began to vent I would eject solids or liquids. What a bad feeling... I was perfectly positioned, my backside facing the drummist, but I was too scared to launch. We finished the first song. I was in a bad state. It was either vent to relieve the pressure before I passed out from the pain, or run to the bathroom out of fear of soiling my armor. Before I could make a decision the band launched into Zeppelin's Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid. Arrrrgh, the agony. I made it through verse one, still clenching. I was sweating profusely- a cold sweat born of agony. Heading into verse 2... I couldn't take it any more. As carefully as I could, I let a little slip out. It felt very hot and... Heavy, somehow. Uh oh. I did a deft left hand swipe/check, missing only a single note in the chorus of Heartbreaker, and found I was safe and clean. But the stench was rising up around me. I smiled inside. Fear was replaced with relief, manic glee. I let another one out. We hit the part of the song where the guitar is playing alone, freeing my hands. I squeezed another silent treat out, reached back, cupped it in my hand, and threw it in the drummer's face. I meant to be discreet but he saw me. He looked at me in horror and started to shake his head "no..." Another. Then another. I leaned ever so slightly forward to fire my shot closer to his face. Cupped another and threw it at him. "CUPPA CHEESE!" The guitar solo was ending- the final sustained note before the moment of near silence. My SBDs chose that moment to become dirtbike loud and (I hate to admit this) a little damp. As the last guitar note faded away, a sound like an angry Husqvarna wailed from my cargo shorts and the singer and guitarists turned to look at me. I returned nothing but a blank stare, frozen. The drummer looked like he was starting to cry.

Thank God the downbeat came.

I wish I could say there was a total happy ending- I'll leave the final details out. At any rate, I'm hoping he learned his lesson. I'm hoping that he doesn't take this as a declaration of war.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I really needed to read this today.
 
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